Loving Rowan

by Ariadne Wayne

  I love you, Rowan.

  Just thinking the words made me smile. She already had my heart, now I wanted to give her the rest. I wanted to bury myself so deep inside her that she would forget Andrew Carmichael ever existed.

  There was nothing I wanted more than to touch her, taste her, show her how much I wanted her. Not just sexually, but in everything.

  My quiet girl, who started off so shy with me, once we got to know each other better showed that her confidence had bloomed, and now she shared more and more.

  If I got this right, maybe we could share for the rest of our lives. But I had to get tonight out of the way first. I’d always considered myself very self-confident. Now, I had butterflies as I thought of saying the words I was thinking.

  This was crazy. No woman had ever affected me this way. Rowan was so sweet and gentle, so kind and sexy. She was simply perfect.

  I shook my head at my thoughts, laughing out loud as some soppy song came on the radio. It had been a long time since I’d felt anything resembling love, and my thoughts didn’t even sound like my own.

  Pulling up outside the building, I gathered the roses to carry into the building. It was corny, but Rowan liked corny. We’d spent hours watching awful B-grade movies, searching the internet for the ones with the lowest ratings. Some of them had been horrendous, but we’d laughed until our sides ached.

  I knocked on the door, still trying to work out how to hold the flowers to present to her. A sharp pain in my thumb told me I’d found a thorn, and she opened the door to me sucking on my thumb to stop the bleeding. How romantic.

  Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and she flew into my arms as the door opened, not even noticing the roses.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” I asked her pushing her back to look at her face. A crimson spot slowly spread on her shoulder where my thumb landed. “Shit, sorry. I caught my thumb on a thorn.”

  She frowned, her eyes dazed as she took me in. “You bought me flowers?”

  “Yeah. Uh, can we go inside, and not stand in the doorway?”

  “Sure,” she said, taking a step back. There were tissues all over the couch. She must have been crying for hours. I looked around for somewhere to put the roses.

  “Just put them on the coffee table. How did you know I needed cheering up?”

  “I don’t know. Just call it intuition.” What I had in mind could wait. Something was up and I needed to find out what it was to work out how to fix it. “What’s wrong, Rowan?”

  She started picking up tissues, gathering them in her hands to throw in the bin. Every few seconds she’d sniff, holding back whatever it was that caused her to cry in the first place. I sat on the couch, staring at the flowers. So much for my big declaration of love.

  Returning to the room, she sat beside me, her head on my shoulder, her chest rising and falling in sharp, short breaths. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Charlie called me.”

  Oh dear God, not them again.

  “And?”

  “They’re getting married. Soon. Must have been planning it for a while.”

  That explained the tears. Andrew would be completely out of reach. All the better for me. Maybe she would finally open her eyes to the world around her, instead of this relentless tunnel vision she had where he was concerned.

  “Well, I guess it was kind of inevitable. That’s what people do when they’re in love.”

  “I guess. I just always thought it would be me.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper.

  I sighed, slipping my arm around her shoulder. “I know. But it’s time to move on with your life now. There’s a whole world out there.”

  She raised her head, looking at me through tear-filled eyes. “What would I do without you? I’m so glad you’re my friend. I don’t know how I would get through things like this by myself.”

  “You never have to worry about that, sweetheart. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

  Her face was inches from mine, but I resisted the temptation again to kiss her. This could go either way, and I didn’t want to do anything that might cause her to keep her distance.

  “Will you come to the wedding with me?”

  I swallowed down the wave of nausea that swept over me. If her behaviour now was any indication, she’d be inconsolable when they were married.

  “Of course. I will do whatever you want.”

  So much meaning behind the words, more than she realised. She smiled the faintest of smiles, and I kissed her nose affectionately. “I’ll always be here for you, Rowan. No matter what happens.”

  “Until you meet someone and fall in love.”

  I pulled her into my chest, closing my eyes as I kissed the top of her head. “I don’t know about that. I’m happy being right here with you.”

  “That’s because you’re a true friend. I’m sorry if I ever doubted you.”

  “You never have anything to feel sorry about.”

  We sat as I held her until her breathing returned to normal and she finally let go, smiling a tiny smile at me.

  “Thanks, Kyle.”

  “Any time, sweetheart.”

  Shit. Now is not the time to screw with her head.

  Our gazes locked, and I was lost in the warmth I found. Despite her upset, her eyes told the story that I always wanted to see. She did have feelings for me.

  “Rowan,” I whispered.

  She lunged forward, brushing my lips with hers before withdrawing just as quickly.

  “Rowan?”

  She pulled away from me, scooting down to the other end of the couch.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “I told you. You never have anything to feel sorry about.”

  “Can we just watch a movie or something? I want to take my mind off everything.”

  I moved closer. “Don’t you want to talk about what just happened?”

  “I’m tired from crying, and I can’t think straight.”

  She closed her eyes, and I sighed. “Fine. What do you want to watch?”

  “You choose. I don’t care.”

  I plucked one of her favourite movies from the DVD case and put it into the player. Sitting back down, I picked up the remote control, and felt her touch my arm.

  She smiled. “Thank you for understanding.”

  “How about I go and make some hot chocolate? That’ll make you feel better.”

  “I’d like that.”

  I went to the kitchen and stood staring at the wall as I waited for the water to boil. Everything was such a mess, and I had no idea what to do. How could she still be so tied up in their world that she was so affected by this? I had hoped that together we were moving on, even if we weren’t a couple.

  She had been wounded so deeply, more than I’d thought. They were moving on without her, which was to be expected, but the news of Andrew and Charlie’s engagement had hurt her in a way I couldn’t imagine.

  You have to stick it out and be there for her.

  I carried the cups back out to the living room and found her fast asleep, her head resting on the arm of the couch.

  Smiling, I put the cups on the coffee table, and grabbed the blanket that she joked belonged to me, she’d covered me with it enough times when I’d fallen asleep. Gently, I placed it over her. She must have been exhausted from crying. I kissed her on the forehead, and left, closing the door quietly behind me.

  “We’ll get this wedding out of the way, and those two can go to hell,” I muttered.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Kyle

  I was almost looking forward to the wedding. Once it was over and done with, I could be there to take care of Rowan. I was sure that she had moved on anyway, but it didn’t surprise me that she was hurting.

  Charlie had reappeared in her life, making overtures towards her to renew their friendship while she planned the wedding. Rowan was cautious, but soon got lost in the world of bridal magazines. It was good for her to have friends, but I knew s
he’d been hurt by them in the past. I didn’t resent her having another companion; I was annoyed at who it was.

  I’d broached the subject of the kiss several times the past month, but Rowan had been so pre-occupied with this damn wedding that she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

  While they talked weddings, our evenings together all but disappeared, but Rowan was always happy to see me and would hug me hello as if nothing had happened. As far as I was concerned, that wedding couldn’t come soon enough.

  I guess it distracted her from work as well. Ross had gone from trying to undermine her to being downright unpleasant. Everything she touched was scrutinised by him and I knew she felt the pressure of being watched. For someone who was so sure of her skills, and rightfully so, it was a difficult situation. Dad knew how I felt, but he felt confident his man in charge would take care of things.

  It was time to move out and find a place of my own. Without Rowan around, I got to looking for my own apartment, and found a nice one not too far from her. I couldn’t help it; I needed to be near in case she needed me when it all fell apart.

  She turned up in my office a week before the wedding, watching me from the door while I worked, and it took a few minutes for me to realise she was there.

  “Hey,” she said, “long time no see.”

  “That’s not my fault.”

  “I’ve been a bad friend, and I’m sorry. I wondered if you were still up for going away with me this coming weekend?”

  I nodded. “You know I am. Any time you need me, I’ll be there.” She smiled shyly at me, and my stomach flipped as our eyes met. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t spent time together these past few weeks, the magic was still there.

  “Great. The wedding’s on Saturday, so I wondered if you wanted to take Friday off and stay two nights, come back Sunday.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “I thought we could drive down so I can show you the sights along the way. You can stay with me at Mum and Dad’s place.”

  I grinned, knowing how close she was to her parents. Getting on their good side would mean a lot if I wanted to get serious with her. Besides, I wanted to see this famous orchard that she’d described in such a way that I could almost see it. It was clear she loved it, and I was envious, having grown up in the city. We’d had a garden, but nothing like she’d had to play in. I would have given anything to have had a childhood like she described; instead, I’d dealt with Mum’s health declining and Dad barely coping.

  When she’d died, my presence had been the only thing that had kept Dad sane. I hated that I now felt further away from him than ever, thanks to this whole Ross thing.

  “I’ll come and pick you up on Friday morning,” I said, “I’m living not far from you now.”

  “You moved out from your father’s place? When did that happen? I feel awful that I didn’t know.”

  “I couldn’t stay there. We aren’t that close right now.”

  She came in, sitting on the seat opposite. “Is it because of me?”

  “Rowan, don’t.”

  “It is, then. This whole mess has caused trouble between you and your father. That’s the last thing I wanted.”

  I sat back in the chair and looked at the ceiling. “I have faith in you. He needs to understand that, and he needs to admit that he could be wrong.”

  When I looked back at her, she was frowning. “I never wanted to come between you and your father, Kyle.”

  I shrugged. “We can’t agree on everything. He’ll come around. He has to.” I got up and walked around the desk, sitting between it and her. “I don’t plan on not having you in my life any time soon.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad. I kind of like you being around too.”

  “Maybe we can talk about that some more this weekend.”

  “Maybe.”

  This had to be the closest we had gotten to actual flirting in a long time. We gazed at each other.

  “Right,” she said, “I have work to do, and Ross is all over everything, so if I’m going to take Friday off I need to get moving.”

  She stood and turned towards the door.

  “Rowan?”

  “Yes?” She looked back over her shoulder.

  “I’m looking forward to spending some time together. It’s been a while.”

  She smiled and nodded, closing the door quietly behind her as she left.

  ~

  Friday was sunny, with a cool gentle breeze that flowed through the open windows of the car, keeping the temperature comfortable. Perfect driving weather.

  We’d tossed a coin over who was behind the wheel. Rowan was capable, but got nervous on busy roads, and I think the pressure of driving long distance with me was a bit much for her.

  She’d done the trip multiple times by herself, but for some reason, she was convinced I would be one of those really annoying backseat drivers. Besides, we’d decided to take my car; it was bigger, and she could fit all the random things she’d decided to take to her parents’ home with her.

  Losing the coin toss, I climbed into the driver’s seat, grumbling as I did.

  Rowan laughed. “You’ll be fine, you big baby.”

  “I don’t really mind. It’s better than risking you driving my car.”

  She leaned over and pinched my ear lobe. “Ouch,” I said. “Cheeky wench.”

  Cocking an eyebrow, she grinned. “What did you call me?”

  “Nothing.”

  She laughed, reaching into her bag for her sunglasses, and settling back into the seat.

  “Comfortable?” I asked.

  “Very. These seats are so much better than the seats in my car. They’ll be great for sleeping in.”

  I pouted. “So you’ll sleep while I drive all by my lonesome?”

  Rowan nodded. “It’s inevitable. I’m a hopeless passenger. I always fall asleep on long trips.”

  “I hope you don’t fall asleep when you’re driving.” I grinned.

  “Nope. But, now that’s what I have you for. To drive while I sleep.”

  Laughing, I started the car, pulling into the traffic. “Glad I’m good for something.”

  As we pulled up to a red light, I felt a hand on my arm. She’d removed her sunglasses and frowned at me. “I didn’t just ask you to this so you could drive. It means a lot that you’re with me.”

  My sweet Rowan, always taking things so seriously. I smiled. “I know, sweetheart. I’m not really upset. Though I feel like haven’t seen you in weeks.”

  She rolled her eyes, leaning back in her seat. “I’m sorry. Charlie just kept asking for my help, and wanted to mend some fences, so I decided, given that I’ve moved on to help her out. It doesn’t mean we’re best friends again. She spent ages looking at bridesmaid dresses. You should see the wedding dress, though; she’s going to be a beautiful bride. I don’t think I’ll see much of her after the wedding, though.”

  The light went green, and we began to move. Once we got out of the city, the traffic would lessen and we would be able to enjoy the drive.

  “Why not?” I asked, confused. Not that I would complain. The less time she spent with Charlie, the more time she’d have for me.

  “They’ll be newlyweds. They’re not going to want me hanging around.”

  I glanced at her. She chewed on her bottom lip while looking out the window. “Anything else?” I asked, just knowing there had to be something more she didn’t want to say.

  “I missed you,” she said, barely above a whisper. The words didn’t have to be loud for me to love how they felt.

  ~

  She fell asleep at around the halfway mark, just after we’d stopped and had lunch. The road was smooth, without much traffic, and we got a clear ride all the way through to her parents’ place. I didn’t bother waking her; the GPS found the way easily, and I saw her orchard for the first time.

  The house sat in the middle of the property, tall and majestic, rising above the apple trees. It was one of those big old farmhouses you see in th
e movies. A veranda ran all the way around the outside, and from the swing-seat and assorted chairs, it was clearly a family home.

  An older man sat on the steps, standing as I drove into the yard. I guessed it was Rowan’s dad, waiting for her to arrive.

  Pulling up beside the other parked cars, I got out, and walked around the car to open Rowan’s door. Her father got there as I did, extending his hand for me to shake. I grinned, taking his hand in mine. His grip was firm as he looked me up and down.

  “Guess you must be Kyle,” he said, grinning.

  “You must be Rowan’s father,” I replied.

  “That’s me. Let me guess—she fell asleep.”

  I laughed. “You know her too well.”

  “She never could stay awake on a long car trip. Spent half our holidays away sleeping.”

  He opened the door, poking her arm. “Hey, Princess. Wakey, wakey.”

  Rowan mumbled something, and he did it again.

  She looked up, pulling off her glasses as she did so, her eyes wide as she took in her surroundings. Her face lit up with a smile as she realised who was there. “Daddy,” she squealed.

  Unbuckling her seatbelt, she got out the car, and jumped straight into his arms. It was pretty awesome watching them. They clearly adored one another.

  It was almost as if I didn’t exist as I walked behind Rowan and her father. I wandered towards the house behind them, looking around as I went. She was right about how beautiful the orchard was. From what she’d told me, it was even more beautiful in the spring, covered in blossom. I could only imagine that amazing that looked.

  “Kyle,” she exclaimed, letting go of her father, and grabbing my hand to pull me inside.

  Her father smirked and shook his head as he stopped to take off his boots, and I just managed to kick off my shoes before heading inside this gorgeous house.

  The entranceway was just as lovely as the outside, with beautiful polished wooden floors through into the living room to the side and into the kitchen at the back. As I almost slid when my socks made contact with the floor, I pictured Rowan running around this place as a kid. She must have had a ball.