Loving Rowan

by Ariadne Wayne

  I laughed. “Oh, really? I guess you considered her feelings when you were sneaking around with Charlie, and all but ignoring her when it came to your wedding.”

  “I cared about how she would feel, yes. I’m sorry she found out the way she did, but I knew she had feelings for me. She still does.”

  “I would say that a lot of that is gone after today. Especially tucked halfway down the church, out of the way. Would it have been too much for you and your new wife to include her? You two are supposed to be her best friends.”

  “We are her best friends. Which is why I’m telling you to stay away from her. I know what guys like you do to girls like Rowan.”

  I took a deep breath. That urge to punch him in the face? Well, it was stronger than ever right now.

  “Guys like what? Guys that actually care about her? Guys that aren’t you? You have no idea how much I care about Rowan. Maybe you would, if you weren’t such a shitty friend to her. So you’re allowed to do whatever you like with whoever you like and she gets what? Neglected? Left alone until you feel like dangling a carrot? At least she doesn’t have to worry about me sneaking around behind her back, telling her lies.”

  He rubbed his jaw, and I wondered if I could press him enough to punch me.

  “Rowan and I have been best friends since we were born. You don’t get to come between us.” He poked me with his index finger as if to drive the point home. I was so close to losing it with him.

  “I don’t need to come between you. You’ve driven her away. Just keep on doing what you’re doing, and I can guarantee she’ll want nothing more to do with you. She’s not stupid, Andrew.”

  I turned and walked away from him. What a load of crap. On the day he dedicates his life to Charlie, here he was trying to keep Rowan tied to him too. I’d show him; I would take her away and treat her like the amazing woman she was. No lies, no holding anything back. One day we would have our own wedding, and I had no intention of inviting him or Charlie. Screw them.

  Rowan stood with Charlie when I returned to the room, and I could see Charlie talking while Rowan just stood there. The light that had shone in her eyes as we danced was gone, but I saw a small smile when she spotted me heading towards them.

  I grabbed hold of her, pulling her to me as I looked into those beautiful eyes. They widened in surprise and I kissed her, feeling her soft lips against mine, ignoring Charlie staring at us as I probed Rowan’s mouth with my tongue.

  She stiffened before relaxing in my arms, and I was sure she was kissing me in return. I ran my hand down her back until it rested just above her butt.

  “Hey,” I said softly, breaking away from the kiss. Her eyes were closed and when she opened them, I saw something different, new emotions. Maybe I’d broken through. I kissed her nose, grinning at the thought of more kisses like that.

  “Kyle,” she whispered, reaching up to touch my cheek with the palm of her hand.

  I looked up at Charlie. She was gaping at what had just happened. “Congratulations, Charlie. I hope today was everything you wanted it to be.”

  “I … I … it was perfect,” she stammered.

  I looked back at Rowan. She had this dazed look on her face. “How about we go and get a drink.”

  She nodded. There was a gleam in her eye that I hadn’t seen before. I hoped it was me who had put it there.

  “I’m so glad you had a wonderful day, Charlie. I am so happy for you and Andrew.” Rowan sounded so enthused, I could almost believe the words.

  I led her away, Charlie still watching us. Her mouth hung open at what she’d witnessed, and I caught a glimpse of Andrew approaching her out of the corner of my eye, too. I couldn’t wait for her to tell him what she’d seen.

  We sat for a while, just drinking wine, and I was sure Rowan was acting flirty around me now. It was so hard to tell with her; she was looking at me under her eyelashes, the little smiles, and her cheeks pinking as we spoke. She looked up when the DJ announced a special song from the groom to the bride. As they started playing some old Kiss song, she looked back at the table, suddenly not so happy.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Want to dance again?”

  She looked up, and her eyes were sad, as if she were mourning the loss of something. Chewing on her bottom lip, she looked at me for a moment before smiling. “You know, I think I might like that.”

  I grabbed hold of her hand, pulling her to her feet and onto the dance floor. The bride and groom both stared at us, but I ignored them, twirling Rowan around as she laughed. I pulled her closer, moving us around the room to the sound of the music. It didn’t matter that anyone else was there—all I saw was her. She was happy and smiling, and so very beautiful.

  When the music stopped, she closed her eyes for just a moment before breaking out into a huge smile. Opening them, she looked at me. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Any time you want to dance, you know where to find me.”

  She was so close I could hear her breathing accelerate as we stood looking at each other, and I slid my hand down her back. “Kyle,” she whispered.

  I couldn’t help it. On the dance floor I kissed her again. Her lips were warm and welcoming, and I felt her tongue press against mine in gentle, tentative moves. She had kissed me back before, and she was doing it again. Now to persuade her that I wanted to take the next step.

  “That was Charlie and my favourite song when we were kids,” she whispered when we broke apart, and suddenly it all made sense. The sad look when it played. It wasn’t their song; it was never their song. Andrew had taken something that meant a lot to Rowan and Charlie, and taken it for them. Without realising, I had made it ours.

  As we turned to step off the dance floor, Andrew and Charlie stood watching. He had that angry look on his face again, and I made sure to give him a friendly smile.

  I win.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Rowan

  The evening had been even more amazing than I’d thought it would. When that song had started up, I couldn’t believe that Andrew could do that to me. He didn’t even like it, yet here he was, playing it as something special for him and Charlie. Kyle had turned the room upside down as we danced, and as he spun me around the dance floor, I laughed at the thought that we had claimed it from them.

  And then he’d kissed me. Twice. In front of anyone who might be looking, and especially Andrew and Charlie. His kiss had set my body ablaze, my cheeks burning at the spectacle we must have been, my heart racing at the touch of his lips on mine.

  Afterwards, he led me to the car, laughing all the way.

  “Did you have a good night?” he asked.

  “Better than I’d expected.”

  “Why was that?” We’d got to the car and we stood in the moonlight just looking at each other. Around us people were leaving, and I laughed.

  “Thank you for the dancing,” I said.

  “Is that all?”

  I rolled my eyes as he opened the car door. “I had a very pleasant evening. Thank you, Kyle.”

  He closed the door behind me, and walked around to the driver’s side.

  “You’re very welcome,” he said.

  I didn’t know what to say all the way home. I took a peek at Kyle as we drove onwards. He was whistling along with the radio and smiling at me.

  Mum and Dad’s car sat outside the house when we got there. They had left the wedding reception earlier, and I was keen to see what my mum thought of the whole thing.

  I’d been seated well back for the wedding and reception, nowhere near the bride and groom. After all the wedding books Charlie and I had poured over, I had thought she would have included me just a little. I was so glad that Kyle had been with me. Going alone would have been the pits.

  Now I wondered if the kisses had meant anything, or if he’d just done it because we had an audience. Maybe he was showing Andrew and Charlie that I didn’t need them. It was all so confusing.

&n
bsp; Mum was waiting by the door.

  “I heard the car. Did you have a good night?”

  I smiled. “I did, thanks, Mum.”

  “Goodnight, then,” Kyle said, kissing me on the cheek before turning towards the stairs.

  I watched him until he disappeared from sight. Today had been a good day, despite feeling as though my heart was breaking. Kyle had taken care of me like a true friend would. The kisses he’d given me had been amazing.

  “So, are you going to keep that poor boy dangling?” I turned to see my mother with a big smile on her face.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Anyone can see he’s smitten with you, Rowan. He was attentive, and never looked at any of the other girls all night. And don’t think I missed the way he kissed you.”

  I shrugged. “He’s a good friend, Mum. He knew how hard this weekend was going to be for me.”

  She walked towards me. “Rowan Jean Taylor. That boy is in love with you. It’s written all over his face. Honey, I know you loved Andrew, and I know you’re hurt that he chose Charlie, but you have to move on. You said yourself you have feelings for Kyle. Think about what I’ve said. Please?”

  I nodded. “Okay, Mum. I promise.”

  I could feel the tears welling. She was right. But Kyle? We were friends, and that was all we could ever be. He was this gorgeous, unattainable man, as far as romance goes. There was no way he felt that way about me. Maybe we were such good friends because he wasn’t attracted to me. He couldn’t be. Could he?

  All those feelings that I held down came rising to the surface in that moment. I was the plain Jane in our group. Who would want me, with my freckles and boy body? Kyle was beautiful; there was no other way to describe him. There was no way we were compatible in that way.

  “I know you want me to be happy, Mum. Kyle and I are just friends. I’m sure that’s all we’ll ever be. I don’t think he’s interested in me in that way.”

  How could I tell her no one like him would ever be interested in me in that way?

  “I think you’re crazy. You’ll lose him if you’re not careful, and I know you, Rowan, I know your heart. You wouldn’t let him get so close if you didn’t feel so much for him, and from what I can see the feeling’s mutual. He worships the ground you walk on, love. See what’s right in front of you before it slips away.”

  I stared at her for a moment, her eyes pleading with me to do what she asked. She really believed what she was saying, but she didn’t know Kyle the way I did.

  Turning on my heel, I ran up the stairs, away from that look. The tears flowed as I ran past the spare room door. Kyle was peeking out the doorway, and he watched as I ran past him to my room.

  The calm I had felt leading up to this day ruined, I sobbed, sinking onto the floor behind my door. My dress was a mess as the tears dropped onto the fragile fabric, staining it with big, dark drops. I didn’t even care if I wrecked it; the pain from the loss I’d suffered was so acute, it wiped all other concerns from my mind. Andrew and Charlie were married. I would always be on the outer with them. Even though I’d known for some time now that there was no chance for Andrew and I, the finality of this day hit hard.

  I ignored the gentle tap on the door.

  “Rowan, open up.” Kyle’s voice came from the other side. My stomach turned at the thought of what he had seen when he had walked in without knocking before.

  “Rowan, let me in before your parents see me out here.”

  I pulled myself up on the door handle, opening the door to let him in. He stared at me as I turned my face away from him.

  “What’s going on? Why are you upset?”

  I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Oh hell, Rowan. Is this about Andrew?”

  I closed my eyes and shrugged. This was about Andrew, about Charlie, about me. Even about Kyle. My head was swimming with emotions and what my mother had just thrown at me.

  Kyle gripped my arms, shaking me gently until I looked at him. His eyes were full of emotion, and I knew he wanted to protect me. That’s what friends do for each other.

  “Rowan, if this is about today and Andrew marrying Charlie, that part of your life is over. They don’t deserve to have you as a friend. You are so much better than that, sweetheart. So much better than them. You would never have treated them the way they’ve treated you.”

  All I could do was to stand and look at him, trying not to sob. I couldn’t find the words even to thank him for what he’d said.

  “Baby, you are a beautiful woman. So smart, and sweet, and gentle. Any man would be an idiot not to be crazy in love with you. Charlie is a crap friend for not asking you to be her bridesmaid, and Andrew is just as bad for not doing anything about it. They’re not your friends, Rowan. Please tell me you see that.”

  I let go of the sob, collapsing into his chest as I felt his strong arms around me. I breathed in the smell of the aftershave he always wore. Safe and reassuring. At that moment, I didn’t want to be anywhere else but in his embrace.

  He picked me up, placing me gently on the bed and lying down beside me. There wasn’t much room but I lay on my side, just looking at him while he made himself comfortable. Face to face, he stroked my cheek as the tears rolled down. His eyes seemed to search my face, looking for something. I hated him looking at me with so much pity, but I couldn’t turn away.

  “Don’t cry. It’s not worth it,” he finally said.

  “It just hurts so much,” I whispered.

  “I know it does. But, I’m here to tell you that you don’t need them. Not the way you used to. You’re all grown up, and need to get on with your life. Don’t live in the past, Rowan.”

  I couldn’t say anything more.

  “What they did was hurtful and rude. You should have been right up the front with your friends. If not in the bridal party, then as family.”

  “Charlie wouldn’t have wanted me in her photos,” I sobbed, “I would have just ruined them.”

  He sighed. “Sweetheart. What makes you say that?”

  “I don’t fit in with them, Kyle. I never did. I was always the odd one out; it just took me a long time to see it. Andrew and Charlie are such beautiful people, and I just tagged along the whole time.”

  “Rowan, you are beautiful. Do you really think that little of yourself?”

  I couldn’t answer. If I did, the tears would start again, and I didn’t know if I could stop them.

  “You really have no idea just how spectacular you are. Charlie has such a generic look. You have so much more character. For what it’s worth, I am crazy about your freckles.”

  My heart pounded as we continued to just look at each other. Could my mother be right?

  “There are a lot of men out there who love the way you look. Me included. Rowan. You do these things to me I can’t even begin to describe.”

  All the right words were coming out of his mouth, and I ached for him to kiss me, touch me. Give me what I needed. Because he needed it too.

  “I don’t know about that,” I whispered.

  “You are amazing. Andrew is an idiot for choosing Charlie. I would never make that mistake.”

  He rolled me onto my back, and I looked up at him. His eyes were searching my face, studying it closely, as if he were looking for something.

  “I’m in love with you, Rowan. I’m so crazy about you that it drives me insane to see you so upset about someone else. I think you feel the same way, only you don’t know how to tell me, or how to feel what I do. You’ve been so hurt and encased your heart in this cocoon that’s so hard to break through. I want it; I want it all to myself. I’m no good at sharing, and Andrew made his choice.”

  Without warning he leaned over and kissed me, his lips pressing against mine as his tongue pushed between my teeth. I let go, closing my eyes, tentatively touching his tongue with my own.

  I pushed him away, panting at the excitement of what had just happened. The kisses at the wedding were exciting, but I’
d got it into my head that they were for show. This was real.

  “Rowan? If you don’t want me to kiss you, I’ll stop. I don’t want to upset you, I just want to show you how I feel.”

  “I do want you to kiss me. I feel like such an idiot that I didn’t know how you felt. Even my mother knew.”

  He shook his head. “You’re just you, Rowan. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

  That just made it even more confusing.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re shy and unsure of people. It does mean that you are even more beautiful when you blush, but when you’re confident you shine so bright it’s blinding. I want to make you shine, Rowan. Shine for me.”

  The tears were building as I looked into his eyes. No one had ever said anything like this to me before, let alone meant it. Despite my instinct being to disbelieve him, and think the worst of myself, deep down I knew he meant every word.

  He kissed me again, grazing my lips with his before kissing each eyelid. Kissing away my tears. Stroking my face with his palm, he grinned. “I could do this all night. There’s a lot more that I want to do, too, but I don’t want to fall out with your parents.”

  I laughed, pulling him down for another kiss. His eyes were happy, and now I knew he loved me, I saw that look too. All these years I’d never known how to read people, to know when they were being genuine. Now I could read Kyle’s face, and he was all mine. Now was the time for me to be open and honest with him.

  “I have to tell you something,” I whispered. He frowned, his brows furrowing in concern.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s just that I haven’t been with anyone before.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at that. “I thought you’d had other relationships.”

  “I did. Kind of. I just never got as far as sleeping with someone.” He stroked my forehead with his palm, and it gave me comfort after telling him the biggest secret I had. Who on earth confesses to being a virgin at twenty-two?

  His kisses were gentle, his lips soft as he began to kiss my face again, my lips, my nose, and my cheeks. As he trailed kisses down my neck, I felt his hand stroke my shoulder, moving down to cup my breast.