Losing Amalia (Veredian Chronicles Book 1.5)

by Regine Abel

  LOSING AMALIA

  Veredian Chronicles Book 1.5

  Regine Abel

  Copyright © 2017

  COVER DESIGN BY

  Nero Seal

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal and punishable by law. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This book uses mature language and explicit sexual content. It is not intended for anyone under the age of 18.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  THE FASTENING CEREMONY

  Lhor

  Happy couples passed us by as they headed into the Main Hall for their Confirmation Ceremony. It always struck me as rather cruel to summon the Aspirants right before the Confirmation began. One might think they wanted us to see what we dreamt of but would never have.

  This constituted the first of the five shitty moments on any Fastening Selection day.

  We stood huddled by the entrance, waiting for the last couples to enter the hall before we could proceed to the Aspirants’ Antechamber. By my count, there were twenty-one males today, including Khel and me. Twenty-one… What a joke. My last participation at a Fastening Selection dated back six years. However, I couldn’t recall ever seeing this many male participants. This felt so pointless. I hated being here. I hated the thought of the humiliation and disappointment that awaited us. But above all, I hated the despair I could feel Khel drowning in. As always, he proudly kept it hidden. He hadn’t held much hope that a female would choose him, but with so much competition today, the odds looked worse than ever.

  At last, the final couple was in, and Advisor Xhar gestured for us to enter the Antechamber. We filed in quietly. The large room greeted me with the familiarity of an old wound, waking ancient pains best forgotten. The soft click of the door closing bounced off the windowless grey walls enclosing us. I glanced at the two dozen chairs laid out in six rows of four. That too was almost twice as many seats as before. They sprawled in front of a small platform for Advisor Xhar to deliver the Selection’s guidelines.

  As if we need it.

  The majority of us had already gone through this process more times than we cared to remember. Then again, there were two Primes in our midst. This was their first time here, and most probably, their last as well.

  A clerk waved us forward from a small registration desk by the platform. We lined up in front of him, waiting for our turn. The first aspirant was a lesser noble. After registering him, the clerk placed his banner on a hovercart beside the desk. Five more banners would join it by the time everyone checked in. The hushed conversation between the two Primes buzzed in the otherwise silent room. The clerk didn’t bother asking questions or giving instructions. It was unnecessary. When my turn arrived, I waved my ID card in front of the scanner and handed over my banner. The clerk nodded, both in greeting and to confirm I was done.

  Khel stepped up to the clerk after me and repeated the wordless process. Once done, we took a seat, ignoring the table laden with alcohol-free refreshments. The Primes pranced to the head of the table and helped themselves to tall glasses of a fruity punch. They launched into an animated discussion about the kind of female they hoped to get, from physical attributes, to temperament, and worldliness. Face flushed, eyes feverish with excitement, the insensitive bastards seemed oblivious to the somber mood of the room. One of them, Whil Dervhen, was cousins with Councilor Zhul Dervhen, Khel’s nemesis. Whil was a glorified asshole and an underachiever who lived off the wealth and reputation of his family.

  Three of the seven Norms gathered at the opposite side of the table. While sipping on drinks of their own, they chatted in subdued voices. Their presence here was a mere formality. They had already exchanged promises with their respective female, but the law required participation in the Selection. The other four Norms also hovered around the table but remained silent.

  The twelve of us Tainted had drunk too many times that bitterly sweet punch. We ignored it and sat on the chairs instead, waiting for a speech we all knew by heart. Their current thoughts were also no mystery to me. Seven Norms and two Primes… Nine males the females would pick from first before even considering any of the rest of us. With only five female participants on average at each Selection, being here was pointless.

  If despair had a scent, it would permeate the room.

  Though his face remained impassive, waves of guilt, sadness, and dejection oozed out of Khel. He did the math and berated himself for convincing me to come. If our situation wasn’t so dire, I’m pretty sure he would leave. But under the circumstances, even against such impossible odds, he – we – had to give this a try.

  The last Aspirant completed his registration. Before he could sit, the clerk brought us the Selection Breeches – blinding silver for the Primes, dark gray for the rest of us. He then used a discreet back exit into the main area to set up our banners and bloodline tags without disturbing the ongoing Confirmation Ceremony.

  No changing rooms graced the Antechamber. A series of lockers lined the back wall. This was shitty moment number two; stripping in front of everyone. We pretended not to gauge the Taint level of the competition. Above all, we tried not to stare in envy at the flawless skin of the Primes. For most of us Tainted, the Selection was the only time we ever got to see what an untainted body looked like unless you worked at the morgue.

  The toughest part was ignoring the barely hidden repulsed stares the Primes and Norms cast on the most infected among us. The ‘healthy’ population rarely – more like never – saw Tainted skin up close, if at all. However, Tainted males often saw each other naked as most worked hard labor jobs and shared communal showers afterward. With two-thirds of the Xelixian population being bisexual, showers and the Fastening Hall’s Antechamber became common places for Tainted couples to form. It was, after all, the only two locations the males got to see each other’s faces rather than a hooded ghost or veiled nobody.

  With the looks some of the Tainted exchanged between them, should they not be chosen today – translate that as when they were not chosen – they would seek comfort with each other. Too many such stares targeted me. Khel smirked at my discomfort. He knew those embarrassed me. Obviously, their interest was flattering. But like Khel, I’d never been attracted to other males. Knowing we would all be rejected by the females, I hated that I’d be doing the same to anyone who approached me. I hoped my closed off attitude would be deterrent enough.

  As for those damn breeches, they were beyond absurd. Sure, the females needed to see our bodies and general fitness levels. But this? Really? It was worse than a second skin and made sure to hide nothing about the shape and size of our package. Woe onto any male that got aroused wearing these things. The way it outlined and hugged every curve, it wouldn’t just tell on you, it would broadcast it to the whole world. Good thing the Taint was messing with my libido. I didn’t need this extra humiliation.

  Stuffing myself into those breeches, I shuffled back to our seats, feeling vulnerable and exposed under the unwelcomed gazes roaming over me. A good fifteen minutes remained before the Confirmation Ceremony would end. Advisor Xhar stepped up to the platform and proceeded to remind us of the protocols during the Selection. The gist, don’t try to entice the females. How? Don’t try to make eye contact. Don’t initiate a conversation unless they do. Don�
�t try to keep them with you if they want to end the conversation. In other words, stand there like a statue for an hour and pray the Goddess that time flies because none of the females will bother with you.

  My mind wandered away from the droning voice of Advisor Xhar. I was mentally listing the tasks requiring my attention once we got home when I felt a surge of excitement from Khel. I refocused on the present.

  “Yes, you heard correctly,” Advisor Xhar said. “Fourteen females are participating in the Selection today. That’s an all-time record. At least half of them are either human or Avean – which also means a record number of Pearls.”

  The gloom that had weighed down the room since we entered lightened a bit. We still knew most of us would go home alone since the females weren’t obligated to pick a male. However, with so many females present, chances were more males than usual would be chosen. That, in itself, was cause for celebration. Although I knew it was hopeless, I sent a silent prayer to the Goddess that Khel should be among those so blessed.

  Khel and I exchanged a glance, the same improbable dream flickering in his eyes. He squeezed my shoulder in encouragement. I smiled. The clerk returned during Xhar’s instructions. After the speech, he lined us up by the door in the order our pedestals were assigned. The two Primes puffed their chests as they took first and second place. Khel was fifteenth and I stood right behind him.

  That earned me a few frowns.

  Three of the males after me were less Tainted than I was. As such, they should have a position ahead of me in the lineup. However, I belonged to a noble house, even though my title no longer held any power. I was also cousins with Khel, the heir to one of the greatest houses of Xelix Prime, a Councilor and the General of our army. I believed this higher position in the lineup was in deference to him.

  The two most Tainted males I had ever seen held the last places. Dark capillaries covered every inch of their bodies, of their faces. Their naturally grey skin appeared obsidian. I didn’t think anyone could still live with that much toxin coursing through them. Worse still, I couldn’t begin to fathom the kind of pain they must constantly feel from the Taint. One of them winced, his hand flying to his side as if he’d been struck. He shuddered then closed his eyes. Beads of sweat pearled on his forehead as he tried to rein in whatever tormented him.

  One of his capillaries ruptured.

  He was all but dying before my eyes. The Taint would claim him in a matter of days, maybe even within the next few hours. Once again, it struck me how absurd these proceedings were. Finding a mate was a matter of life or imminent death for these two males. And yet, they were relegated to the far back of the room. Even with fourteen females, the probability of these males being seen by a single female was nil to none. The Tainted in terminal phase should be first in line to at least have a chance.

  We waited a few more minutes while the females received their instructions.

  “Sehrs,” Advisor Xhar said, “it is time. Good luck, and may the Goddess favor you.”

  He opened the door, and we filed in front of the females. It was impressive seeing so many of them staring at us – well, at the Primes and Norms. Cold tendrils of fear crawled over my skin as we approached them. This was shitty moment number three. I never forgot my last Fastening Selection. One of the females retched at the sight of Tainted males. The other females began retching as well in response. It had been soul-crushing. To be swiftly ushered back to the Antechamber and excused from the proceeding sealed it for me.

  And now, as we marched forward, the initial enthusiasm of the females waned. Increasingly Tainted males passed before them. I didn’t look at the females, not only because those were the rules but because I feared the disgust that no doubt lurked on their faces. Nevertheless, my stomach lurched when, from the corner of my eye, I saw them shrink away from us. I felt faint, dreading the moment they would retch again. The waves of guilt pouring out of Khel heightened my anxiety. To my eternal relief, the females didn’t become nauseous. Whatever my opinion about the Primes, I silently thanked Whil Dervhen for setting a rather fast pace so this whole parade ended quickly.

  We took positions on our respective pedestals, and Advisor Fihn called the Fastening Selection officially open. Some things never changed. The words no sooner left his lips than half the group of females stampeded towards the Prime alcove. As I fought not to roll my eyes at their disgraceful display, I could feel Khel’s amused disdain – his feelings echoing mine.

  Thus started the endless shitty moment number four. One entire fucking hour with our Tainted bodies on display for the witnesses in the balcony to no doubt make fun of. Yes, the witnesses since the participating females didn’t bother with our section. One whole hour during which you hoped not to get an urge to sneeze or a sudden itch that desperately needed scratching. We weren’t allowed to do either. Such movements from one male among all others who remained completely still would be construed as an attempt to draw the females’ attention. All this because some male, way back in the day, deliberately used such subterfuge to further his cause.

  On the bright side, that gave me an hour to weigh the pros and cons of some of the tech ventures I wanted to invest in. A strong surge of emotions from Khel pulled me out of my musings; shock, hope, and disbelief. Surprised, I fought the urge to turn my head to see what had him so excited. That too was against the rules.

  Then I heard her footsteps. At the edge of my vision, I saw beautiful copper skin with an elegant spotted pattern along a slender arm and sexy leg. My heart thumped in my chest when I realized she had stopped in front of Khel.

  Oh Goddess, please let it be! Please make her choose him.

  Females never came as far as the advanced Tainted section. It would truly be a miracle at the time we needed it the most. She hadn’t initiated conversation yet, but she was still standing before him. So many emotions swarmed within him, it was almost overwhelming. And then, I felt his arousal, followed by a wave of shame.

  Oh, Khel! No!

  Those fucking breeches… This was so awkward. Feeling like I was intruding on his privacy, I almost blocked out his emotion. I couldn’t recall ever being in such a situation before. Every time Khel had been intimate with a female, it was off-world. Perceiving such feelings from him was… strange and rather uncomfortable.

  Then something went wrong. From excited and hopeful, Khel became utterly distraught. What the fuck happened? And then she walked into my line of sight.

  Gharah’s teeth! She’s breathtaking.

  No wonder Khel reacted so strongly to her. I mean, her mere presence in our section was incredible. But that one of such beauty would even lay eyes upon us was impossible. And yet, there she was, looking at us – looking at me. Her species was foreign to me. She looked human, but the beautiful spots on her arms and legs belied that. The only species I heard of bearing similar markings became extinct decades ago. I didn’t give a shit, though.

  She sees me. She truly sees me.

  My skin heated and I felt dizzy under her openly admiring gaze. People didn’t look at me like that – not at Lhor the repulsive. And yet, the warmth in her eyes couldn’t be denied. She didn’t seem to see my Taint, just the male beneath it.

  Our eyes connected and in that instant, the world faded away, sucked into a vacuum. There were no more witnesses, no hopeless Tainted, no Fastening Hall. Just us. Something powerful passed between us – a recognition, a reunion of the two parts of a whole. My soul knew hers, and hers knew mine. In my twenty-eight years of existence, nearly twenty-nine now, only one other soul had touched mine on such a deep level, and that was my Geminate, Khel.

  Khel.

  The thought of him severed the connection between the exotic female and me. Reality came crashing down, almost making my knees buckle. The too bright lights of the hall blinded me while the buzzing chatter from the witnesses roared in my ears. I blinked, trying to steady the room spinning around me, although my feet stood firm on the pedestal.

  A wave of jealousy, shame, an
d sorrow hammered me. Khel wanted her with an irrational fierceness. And I felt the same. It came as no surprise considering our bond. For the first time, and in spite of the guilt that churned in my gut, I wanted to win. My whole life, I put myself second to Khel whenever the opportunity arose. I owed him my life, and he had sacrificed so much for me. But not her. I would not – could not – relinquish her.

  She cast a look at Khel, before looking back at me. It was clear she was torn between the two of us, but she leaned towards me. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. She chewed her lips for a moment then gave me a strange look before starting to walk again down the remaining line of Aspirants. That devastated Khel, but not me. Once more, I knew beyond any doubt that she would return to us – to me. Nothing could explain my reaction, or my bone-deep conviction that we were meant to be. Yet, there it was.

  Under normal circumstances, I would soothe Khel’s pain. With my own emotions completely jumbled, I feared blasting him with far more than he could handle. Soon, the sound of her soft footsteps returned. As expected, she stopped between the two of us, pondering who to choose. I wished it could be both of us, but she couldn’t. Would she even want two mates? Khel was willing her with all his might to come to him. Guilt and desire warred within him. Surely, he was kicking himself for insisting I participate today. Without me here, she would have chosen him already. But the connection between her and me was undeniable. We were kindred spirits, and she seemed to recognize it too.

  I felt it, the moment she decided to initiate conversation with me. My skin tingled with excitement while my stomach flip-flopped. She gave Khel one last look. Her gaze drifted over his banner, then his bloodline.

  And then everything fell apart.

  Something affected her profoundly. She wavered, her body tensing slightly. Tendrils of fear ran down my spine and crawled their way through every nerve ending.

  I can’t lose her. Not now.