by ChaShiree M
“El. How’s it going?”
“Good and you?”
“We are hanging in there. Can’t wait for your sister to start though. Seems kind of weird we paid for her to go out of town for 90 days for training and all without even meeting her. But if Kitty said she will fit, I believe her.”
“Trust me man. Carrie will appreciate it. She is looking forward to making this work. Where is my woman?”
“She is over in the corner tatting someone. You can head on back.”
I walk my way to the back of the shop and the first thing I notice is the skimpy ass tank top she is wearing, showing too much of my tits, while leaning over some jackass looking down her shirt. Before I can check myself and calm down I lose my shit.
“What the fuck are you wearing? Flaunting my shit around for every douchebag to leer at? That’s it. You are done with this shit until after the baby. Obviously, you haven’t considered your changing body when choosing what to wear and there is no way in hell you’re going to be dressed like that here. Get your shit Kitty.” I don’t know where my head is right now, but my fucking anger is front and center. So much so, I can barely see right now. Instead of grabbing her shit, she excuses herself for a moment and stomps past me out the front door.
“El, I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you cannot and will not tell me what to do, wear, or work.”
“I am your fucking man. The father of your baby. The man who loves you and wants to marry you. Or did you forget?”
“Of course, I didn’t’ forget, but I also told you I couldn’t handle the caveman shit. I thought you were different and I was wrong. After what I told you about my parents, I thought you got it. But as usual, I remember you cannot trust love. It kills you every time. I will get my shit out of your house. I can’t do this El.”
She goes to walk past me, but I will be damned if I let her walk away from me that easily. Fuck that.
“Kitty. Yes, I lost my shit. But seriously, you can’t see why? You know damn well I would never harm you physically. Your dad was sick baby. There was something wrong with him in general. I am not like that and you know it. I will not let you make me out to be like him. Hell no. If you want to run, at least be honest about the fact that this has been what you wanted all along. No mess, no fuss, and no chance of being hurt. I have tried to show you, tell you, and prove to you our love is different. But you what, you want out? You got it. I am done beating my head up against a brick wall. That is still my baby and I want to know everything. Call me if you need me. But I cannot love you enough for the both of us. Obviously. Later Kitty.”
And with that, I walk away from my present and future, hoping she would realize her past was holding her back before it is too late.
Did he just break up with me? Or did I break with him? All I can see is Ross and Rachel and he better not fuck the hot girl at the copy place. I am so fucking confused right now and all I can do is stand in the reception area, staring at his back as he walks away from me. I am frozen.
Once he’s gone and I have had a moment to take a deep breath, I look down at my outfit and realize I am not wearing much. I have on a black spaghetti strap tank top, which is currently about six sizes too small. Before getting pregnant I had B cup tits at best, but now I have at least a DD thing going on. I rarely wore bras before and now I don’t have any that fit.
My big ass baby bump is hanging out of the bottom of the shirt, so it kind of looks like I have a crop top on. My shorts also leave a lot to be desired. They don’t button and are so short, I might as well just be wearing panties. I groan. In my defense, pregnancy brain is a real thing. I barely roll out of bed in the morning, let alone have time to find appropriate clothing. Plus, I know it’s March, but I am hot as fuck. I can’t get comfortable and I stay naked at home.
I know in my heart that he’d never hurt me but getting my head on board is hard as fuck. I must finish this frat boy tat, so I waddle my ass back to Miles’ office. He’s never here anymore, which is rare for my brother. This place is his life. I think he has girlfriend or something.
Seeing a Vikings sweatshirt tossed over the back of his chair, I grab it and put it on. It fits like a dress. Rolling up the sleeves, I go back out to my station and finish the tribal band around his bicep. Since I have no other appointments for the day, I head out. I know I should go make things right with El, but I am still pissed and don’t want to say anything I will regret.
I head over to AvaLynn’s house. I need some girl talk and ice cream. She is always readily available with both. Plus, I haven’t seen my God kids in a week or more and they grow super-fast.
She opens the door, holding a sleeping Abby. I cannot help the smile that spreads over my face looking at the little angel in her arms; realizing soon, I will be walking around holding my own little pink angel. With that thought, I rub my bump and walk into the house.
Ava immediately wraps me in a hug, somehow sensing I need one and then she busts out in a low-laugh “What are you wearing?”
“It’s a long story. Do you have ice cream?” I ask.
“Of course. Head on into the kitchen and I will put her down. Ez is already in his crib.”
I make myself at home by rooting around the freezer. Ava has the basic store brand vanilla right up front, but I keep digging until I get to the Haagen-Dazs. Cookies and Cream.
“Whoa, this must be huge. Bringing out the big guns.” Ava says coming into the kitchen and grabbing one of the spoons I laid out.
“It is. At least to me.”
“Tell me.” I am usually very reserved, but with her I have never been able to hold back. Which is one of the reasons she is the first person I told about El and the baby.
I cannot hold my tears as I tell her what happened at the shop.
“Why do I let them define me?” I ask, between hiccoughs. “El is the greatest, sexiest, most stable guy in the world, but I continue to let them affect me. Help me Ava. I don’t want to ruin this, but I might.”
“Oh, honey. You cannot help who you parents are. You’ve just got to remember that they were good people. Your daddy was a sick man and your mama knew what she was getting herself into when she stayed with him. She loved him, probably just as obsessively as he loved her. It just manifested itself in different ways. You told me she used to show up at the office, leaving you with his nine-hundred-year-old secretary. You know she was marking her territory for those bitches in his office. You struggle with it more because they died. If they were still here, El’s behavior wouldn’t bother you in the slightest. Give yourself over to him Kitty. If you truly love him, then the past doesn’t matter. Let it go. For your sake and for Baby Girl Monte-q’s.
“Oh my god, I do the same thing to El.” Remembering the amount of times I’ve showed up at his office to please him.
“I do it to Ham too and the only lady in the office is Rosy.” She says laughing. “It’s what we do.” We chat a bit more about motherhood and this insane idea she has for a clothing boutique, before both babies wake and I take my leave.
Feeling better but not completely ready to give into my heart, I head over to my brother’s house. It’s Tuesday and they suck at cleaning. If I didn’t do it, it would never get done. However, after letting myself in I see the place is immaculate, including the bathroom.
There are panties hanging on one of those drying racks in Miles bathroom. I am almost stunned into silence. Don’t get me wrong because I am happy for him. Whoever she is and to be here at his place, it must be serious. It does make me wonder, why hasn’t he let us meet her? When I get back out to the living room, the guys have come home from the shop.
“Hi guys, do you want me to make dinner?” I say. I know I am stalling with El, but I still need a little time.
“We won’t turn it down, Kitty-Girl.” Dex says, pulling me into a hug.
“Why have you been crying?” Chip asks. I hate that he notices every damn thing.
“Just a fight with El. I’ll get over it.”
“Do we need to kick his fucking ass?” Miles asks, cracking his knuckles.
“Uh, no. I’ve got this. What do you guys want for dinner? Meatloaf?” I say laughing. They may be assholes, but they would do anything for me.
“Yeah, and mashed potatoes.” Dex says.
“Corn on the cob.” Chip adds.
“Alright. A meal fit for kings.” I say laughing. I like the way they let me take care of them, but I know it’s only a matter of time before they each get a woman who won’t like that.
Just as we sit down to eat, my cell phone rings. I answer it without looking.
“El?”
“No, it’s Ava. Can you watch Abby for me? Rosy has gone into labor and I need to get down to the hospital.”
“Of course, I can be there in twenty minutes.”
“Thanks Kitty. You are a lifesaver. El already picked Ezra up.”
“Ok. I am on my way.”
“I got to go guys, enjoy your dinner. I cannot wait to meet your mystery woman Miles.” I say with a wink and walk out the door.
Ava is ready to walk out the door when I get there. I tell her to tell Max and Rosy congrats for me and I go check on the little darling kicking her legs on the floor. Abby is like the best baby ever, which makes this the easiest job I have ever done. We basically sit on the floor the whole time playing, cooing, and laughing. I am legitly having so much fun I didn’t realize how much time had passed, until she begins to yawn and gets fussy.
I pick her up, feed her, change her, and put her down for bedtime.
I just put Abby to sleep when my phone rings.
It’s Ava. I can tell something has happened because she sounds like she has been crying and her voice is panicked. She begins telling me something terrible happened to Rosy and there was nothing more they could do tonight. My poor friend.
Pacing the house after the phone call, my mind starts going crazy. I am hit by all the memories I have been suppressing of my childhood and most of them are filled with laughter and love. It’s true. My parents loved each other. Maybe even too much, but the important thing is my brothers and I were created in love; and my parents loved us and each other in their own way. To the bitter end. Somehow, I forgot that. With those thoughts fresh in my mind, I am gripped by the sudden realization that life is too short to let things in my past stop me from finding my own happiness.
I must see El. Right now. I pick Abby up from her crib, do a quick diaper change, make sure I have anything she may need including formula, and I head out the door.
I head home.
Home.
That is the first time I’ve referred to his house as home.
I take the back roads and get there in about ten minutes. I quickly text Ava and tell her Abby is with me. They have enough to worry about right now. I pull Abby’s carrier out of the base and head into the house. I don’t bother knocking or ringing the doorbell, because damn it, this is my house too. I just temporarily forgot where my heart lies.
I work on getting Abby out of the carrier. Holding her close, I turn and gasp. El is standing there shirtless, with his back to me. I am immediately drawn to the back piece he has. The thunderclouds connect his graveyard scene. Damn, he is so fucking sexy. I love this man.
“Baby?” He asks. The look on his face makes me think he thought he was never going to see me again.
“Where is Ezra?” I ask.
“In the crib. I put it together this morning.” He says.
“I’ll just put Abby down with him, then we should talk.”
He looks so forlorn, but hopefully I will be able to assure him that this is it for me. I shimmy past him into the nursery.
Fuck. I forgot how much work babies are. I used to help Carrie with DJ all the time and now that I am doing it for Ham tonight, I remember not sleeping part sucks. Thank God, I had just put up the crib for my baby girl this morning. I know Kitty is not here but whether we get back together or not; when I have my little princess, she will need a bed fit for royalty and I was not going to put it off till the last minute.
After putting Ezra down for what I hope is the night…. lord willing, I hop into the shower to decompress from the wreck that has been my day. I have no idea what is going to happen. All I do know is that I cannot make her see that what we have is different and worth fighting for. There is no battling a ghost. Especially one that is so far buried in her head, she cannot find the grave to dig it up. She must want it for herself as much as I want it for us.
Walking down to the kitchen I am shocked to see Kitty holding baby Abby in my foyer.
“Baby?” I know she can hear the incredulity and concern in my voice, but more than that I am struck by how beautiful she looks holding a baby in her arms and carrying one in her belly. It brings my biggest vision to life. Right here in front of my very eyes.
“Where is Ezra?”
“In the crib. I put it together this morning.”
“I’ll just put Abby down with him, then we should talk.”
No matter the situation, my dick sees its mate and springs to life. It doesn’t help that her ass has become quite round carrying my kid and I have had a lot of fun with it as of late. However, she is right we do need to talk. Because I will not go through this back and forth and I won’t put my baby through it either. With that thought, I grab a shirt off the chair, throw it on, and wait for her to come back down.
When she finally descends from upstairs, she doesn’t seem as confident as when she went up; as evident by her hands wringing and the way she has her head down. I want to go to her and make her feel better. Tell her I love her, want this with her, and will always protect her; but this time, she has to come to me.
“So, you said you wanted to talk.” I know I sound a bit edgy, but shit…my future is on the line and I take that shit seriously.
Her eyes get wide when she looks at me, because I am sure by now she has figured out I am not going to try to smooth this out for her. This is her show and she must prove to me that she wants this. I have feelings too.
“I-I’m sorry El. I am sorry I overreacted at the shop and I am sorrier that I have been holding back. I have been overwhelmed my whole life since it happened and inundated with the vision of them lying there, that I forgot about everything that came before. We were a happy family El. I mean really. happy.
My father used to come home from work and he and my brothers would wrestle on the floor every evening, before sitting down and helping us with our homework and or asking about our day. He would play tea party with me and let me dress him up, and he would genuinely have a good time. I remember one night waking up out of my sleep to the sound of music and I snuck downstairs to see my parents standing in the middle of the foyer, slow dancing to one of my dad’s records.”
“Somehow, I forgot, they had real love and it was beautiful. Until it wasn’t. I think they were equally obsessed with one another and that is why it eventually imploded. And as tragic as it ended, I want what it was in the beginning. I want the all-consuming, cannot live without you, you are the reason I breath kind of love. And I want that with you.”
She says all of this and as each sentence falls out of her mouth, her desperation and tears are overwhelmingly heart wrenching; I do the only thing I can, I engulf her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. I take a moment to inhale the scent that is all her, jasmine and peaches. I rock her back and forth telling her it will be ok. Her tears will break me if she doesn’t stop.
“Come on baby. Stop crying. It’s not good for the baby or you. You took the first step to cementing our future. Now just let me prove to you, you didn’t’ make a mistake. I knew from the moment I bumped into you at the baby party, you were going to change my life. And I wasn’t wrong. I searched for you and when I had lost all hope of finding you, fate stepped in and brought us back together to show me we had created life. I have asked you before, but I now know you weren’t ready. So, I will ask you again. Katherine Erin Heart, will do me the incredible
honor of being my wife?” With no hesitation or provocation, she yells.
“YES!” and flings herself into my arms. It’s about damn time. Fuck. Finally, everything I have ever wanted is in my arms. Where she belongs. If it wasn’t for the fact that we are in the middle of a crisis with the Crawford’s, I would strip her right here and fuck the shit out of her on the floor.
But for right now, it is enough to know, she is finally all MINE.
It has been a few weeks since I finally came to my senses and to say it has been bliss is an understatement. El is wonderful and so is the life we are building. His mom and I have gotten incredibly close and it feels good to have a mother figure around again. I have decided to leave all the wedding planning to her because at seven months pregnant, I don’t need the stress and the truth is, I don’t care anything about the wedding. I just want to marry El. That’s it.
Today is the day Carrie coming back from her training and will be the first time everyone else meets her. It is my day off, but I wanted to be here for her. Looking at the clock, I realize she should be walking in at any moment.
“Where is this chick? I have somewhere to be in half an hour and I don’t want to be late.” Miles. As chipper as ever.
“Cool your jets bud. She should be here any minute.” Just as I say that, the chime over the door sounds and in she walks. I am not at all surprised to see DJ with her. She has been away from her baby for a whole month, so I would expect no less.
“Carrie.” I greet her with a hug. “So good to see you.” I lean down to kiss DJ on his head. He and I have become buds over the past few months. He is a delightful little guy full of energy and life.
“Hey Kitty. So good to see you. Sorry I’m running late. Had to stop and get lil man before I came.” She looks a little worried, so of course I reassure her.
“Of course, you did. It’s cool. We are just going to introduce you and show you around. This is my brother Miles. Miles, Carrie.”