Through The Woods

by Myers, Shannon

  Rooster burst out in laughter. “Jesus, Darlin.’ You’re gonna have us all whipped into shape by the time Charm gets back, aren’t ya?”

  Doc grumbled, but began unlacing his boots and I hid a small smile as I began dealing cards.

  ‘What are we playing?’ signed Joker and I grinned wickedly.

  “You boys ever hear of a little game called ‘Go Fish?’ I don’t want to brag, but I’m pretty much the best at it.”

  Five rounds later, the three men sat in their boxer briefs, glaring down at their cards. All three had the Scarred Savages emblem tattooed somewhere on their chests, and I wondered if it was a requirement when they patched in. Minus the hideous skull, their torsos were a colorful blend of ink.

  Meanwhile, I sat comfortably on the bed, still fully dressed.

  Should I have mentioned upfront that I had the memory of an elephant?

  Maybe. I didn’t let the guilt stop me though.

  They were playing Strip Go Fish with the best here.

  Joker held up four fingers and pointed at my deck and I kept my expression somber as I replied, “Go Fish.”

  This was a little too easy.

  He frowned and picked up a card. When he did, I noticed his left arm bowed out near the wrist; a sign of a break that hadn’t healed properly. I’d been correct—Joker and Matt were one and the same. I almost said something before remembering that there was no way for me to have known about things that happened to them when they were kids.

  Rooster eyed me suspiciously over his cards. “Darlin’, I'm thinkin’ that a round of Strip Texas Hold’Em might wipe that smirk off your face. You do realize that if you win this hand, you’re gonna have three naked bikers on your bed, right?”

  My smile faded almost immediately. “I’m getting a little sleepy actually.”

  Joker’s grin stretched almost to his ears and he shook his head.

  I nodded again. “Yes—my side’s hurting. I probably need to rest. Right, Doc?”

  Doc placed his cards face down on the comforter and looked me over. “Nah... you’ve made it this far. You can get through another round.” He tried and failed to hide a smirk.

  They were enjoying this a lot more than they should’ve been.

  Okay, I’d play their game. All I needed to do was lose this hand and then—then, I’d only be dealing with two naked bikers instead of three.

  I suppressed a groan. How did I not see that coming?

  My voice came out much higher than I wanted. “Could we- I mean, could we play for money?”

  Rooster cocked his head to the side. “You got any money, Neve?”

  I chewed on my lip. “Well, I could pay you back.”

  Doc shook his head. “Nope. No IOU’s.”

  “Never mind then.” I rearranged the two cards in my hands and refused to make eye contact with the guys.

  Doc asked Rooster for Aces and laid down his hand with a big grin. “I’m out of cards. What does that mean again, Neve? It’s been so long since I’ve done it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It means I let you win, ya big jerk. I hope you’re happy.”

  His grin widened. “Not as happy as you’re about to be.”

  Rooster stood up and began working his boxers down.

  “I—no, that’s not necessary!” The glint of metal had me lowering my hands and leaning forward. “Is that a—”

  Oh, it was. Rooster had his dick pierced.

  “See somethin’ you like, Darlin’?” It was his turn to smirk at me.

  Joker hooked a thumb in the waistband of his and winked at me.

  “Oh no, everyone keep your clothes on. The game’s over—” I squeaked when he dropped them anyway.

  Doc leaned back in his chair, shaking with laughter. I slapped his legs. “This is your fault.”

  He choked out, “Mine? You’re the card shark here. This is all on you.”

  My cheeks burned and I tried to keep my gaze on the bedspread. “Are we done yet?”

  Rooster answered. “Nope. You didn’t take off anything. Way I see it, me and J will just stay like this until you do. Oh, and we get to pick what you remove.”

  I lifted my head with wide eyes. “Oh…so, I can’t choose to take off a sock?”

  The three of them shook their heads and looked me over. Joker held both of his hands just under his waist before curling them upward. My eyes followed his hands down, earning me yet another eyeful.

  When Rooster and Doc looked to me for interpretation, I sighed, “He votes pants.”

  They nodded and replied at the same time. “Same.”

  I stood up and quickly shimmied out of my sweatpants. The room immediately fell silent and I realized they weren’t all taken aback by my beauty.

  No, they were seeing the burns and scars from the skin grafting for the first time. I’d gotten so caught up in the game that the truth of my past had slipped my mind. For the first time in a year, I forgot that I bore the marks of my sins for all the world to see.

  “Jesus Christ.” Rooster’s hand came up, pushing the long hair back off of his forehead.

  Joker looked away and Doc stood frozen, his eyes laser-focused on my thighs. “Who did this to you, Neve?”

  I blinked rapidly and looked up at the ceiling before answering softly, “Can we be done now?”

  The men were in various stages of dressing when I worked up the courage to look down. Doc handed me my pants and I wordlessly slid them back on.

  “Neve.” Rooster leaned down into my line of vision. “You tell us who did this and he’s dead. Simple as that. You’re under the club’s protection now.”

  Joker took his right index finger and ran it under the palm of his left hand.

  Kill.

  I was speechless.

  The two of them embraced me before leaving and I turned to Doc. “I think I know of a way you could help me.”

  “Anything you need; it’s yours.” Doc leaned in and I told him my plan. He gave me several puzzled looks. “You’re sure? And that’ll help you?”

  I nodded confidently before sending him out. Then I shut off the lights and lay down. The clock illuminated the room, reminding me that I was going to have to be up in just a few short hours.

  My mind was restless though. I tried counting sheep, but they kept turning into bikers jumping over fences. I wanted to shut my brain off, if only for an hour or two, but it was futile.

  I didn’t even know these men and they were willing to risk their lives for me. It was disconcerting. The last time someone had vowed to protect me, I just ended up hurting them.

  I was no good to anyone.

  I rolled over to my good side and tried to relax. Twenty minutes later, I knew that I was up for the day, and rolled out of bed. I put on my sweatshirt and headed downstairs, suddenly in need of some fresh air.

  I grabbed the flashlight sitting on the porch near the back door with a smile. Twitch had left it the day after my run-in with him. Poor guy was trying to avoid a fright-induced heart attack no doubt.

  I clicked the light on and headed down the path toward the ledge. I found that I knew exactly where to go this time and breathed a small sigh of relief when I saw that the spot was empty. I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while.

  Twitch wanted me to confront my past...

  Doc, Rooster, and Joker wanted me to name my abuser...

  This.

  All of it was why I’d avoided sobriety; because, when I was sober, terrible things happened. It was too much for one person to work through. So, I’d remained blissfully numb in a cocoon of coke.

  I knew the men were right; it was time to deal with it—I was well overdue.

  I closed my eyes and willed myself to go back to that night.

  “I thought I’d find you out here.” The male voice startled me out of my reverie and I swung the flashlight up, connecting with a face. He cursed and I realized who I’d just attacked.

  “Charm?” I jumped up and began patting his face awkwardly.

/>   Make friends with him...well, this was certainly not going according to plan. I’d just done the exact opposite by assaulting him.

  He reached up and grabbed my hands, pulling them down. “What the fuck, Neve?”

  I tried to move my hands back up to his cheek, but he held them pinned down near my waist. “I’m sorry—I wasn’t expecting anyone. You weren’t supposed to be back yet.” I winced at the sharp pain in my side. “If it helps, I think I hurt myself just as much as I hurt you.”

  He led me back over the ledge and pushed me into a sitting position. “Let me look.” He released his hold on me and his hands skimmed up my ribs. I bit down on my lip to keep myself quiet.

  He pushed the sweatshirt and my t-shirt up, exposing the stab wound. “Can you manage to hold on to the flashlight or you gonna try to take me out again?”

  “I can manage.” My hands were shaking, but I held the flashlight in a death grip as he looked me over. His face was scruffier than the last time I saw him and, as I moved the flashlight slightly, I could see his cheek was rapidly swelling.

  He reached up and held the end of it steady. “Looks like the wound is still closed. Maybe try and avoid attacking anyone else for a couple of days though.”

  He stood up and I pointed the flashlight at his head. “Hold still. Let me see your cheek.”

  He shrugged it off. “I’m good.”

  I bit back a smart-ass comment.

  Be his friend.

  I stood up on my tiptoes and cupped his chin in my hand, while inspecting the damage. There was a small jolt that I was absolutely going to blame on static electricity. “You’re going to have a bruise. I’m really sorry.”

  I’d made a grave mistake coming out here; even bigger than reading the journal. Touching him made me wish for things that could never be. See, now I that I knew how fiercely he could love someone, I found myself wanting to be on the receiving end of it. I wanted him to look at me and see something other than a junkie.

  Charm took a step back and I belatedly realized how we must’ve looked—with my hands on his face, it sent the wrong message. It was too intimate. This was quickly turning into a most uncomfortable situation.

  I dropped my hands down to my sides, mumbled another apology, and went to sit back down on the ledge. To my surprise, he joined me.

  “Your hands were cold.” He kept his focus anywhere, but on me.

  I pulled the sleeves down over my hands and apologized again.

  “Stop doin’ that.” He grabbed the sleeves of my sweatshirt and pulled my hands free, before wrapping them up in his own. “Stop apologizing for everything.”

  Warmth spread throughout my body, leaving me off kilter. I nodded. “Sor—” He glared at me again and I amended, “So, you’re back early. Did it go well?”

  He nodded. “I think it’ll be a good partnership. How’s it going here?” He continued to rub my hands in between his, even though they hadn’t been cold for the past few minutes. If anything, they were growing sweaty from the contact.

  “Things are excellent here—did you get your shipment that night?” I’d been struggling for a conversation topic, but even in the dim light, I could see his eyes as they turned thunderous.

  “What do you know about that?” If a voice could come out sounding like a growl, then Charm had mastered it.

  I swallowed and squeaked out, “Um, I may have overheard your phone conversation when I was cleaning your room that day.”

  He stiffened at my confession and released my hands, letting them fall back into my lap. “Anyone else you’ve shared that information with?”

  I shook my head quickly. “No, I swear—in fact, I don’t even know why I brought it up. I just wanted to make conversation.”

  I was waiting for him to stand up and throw me off the edge of the ledge, but instead he nodded slowly, as if calming himself back down.

  Charm eyed me thoughtfully. “I got you something when I was out. Stay here.”

  He returned a few minutes later with a small package and thrust it into my hands. “Here. Open it.”

  “Okay.” He held the flashlight as I tore at the cardboard to find Pathophysiology: The Biologic Basis for Disease in Adults and Children and Tales from Both Sides of the Brain: A Life in Neuroscience. My heart suddenly decided that it was participating in the 200m hurdles, leaping around in my chest as it raced toward the finish line.

  “This is amazing, Charm. Really. Michael Gazzaniga. His studies on how separating the right and left brain—”

  He cut in. “Would create two separate minds within the same head? Yeah, I read that. It actually creates a lot of contradictions within one person.”

  My mouth fell open. “How did—you read this?”

  The flashlight bobbed up and down as he shrugged. “I read some of it. I take it you’re familiar with his work though.”

  I began rambling on about my lifelong love of discovering how things worked, specifically the brain, while he lit up a cigar and blew smoke rings in the early morning light.

  “Where are you from originally?”

  I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. “Um, Santa Cruz, California. I’ve lived in Colorado for the past four years though. What about you? You don’t sound like you’re from around here—”

  Charm gave me an exasperated look. “It’s Colorado, Sweetheart. No one sounds like they’re from around here. What was your plan?”

  When I gave him a confused look, he elaborated. “For your life—your goal.”

  I watched the sky turn all the familiar shades that indicated the sun was about to rise, but I didn’t feel joy like I had the other times. “I would’ve been a doctor. Now, I’m just a nobody.”

  “Ain’t no way you’re a nobody. You woke up breathing, I’d say that means you still got purpose. Another day to turn it around.” His voice remained steady, melodic.

  My shoulders relaxed as I listened to him. I wanted to lay my head against his chest and feel the vibrations of his voice against my cheek. “Maybe…”

  “Everybody gets dealt a shitty hand, Neve.”

  I started laughing, and not in an amusing sort of way, but more of a ‘this chick’s off her rocker’ manner. I managed to wheeze out, “You sure about that? Because you seem like someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth; always on the right side of the law.”

  My laughter continued, even as it moved into tears. I was slap happy—I’d moved beyond exhausted and straight into delirium.

  The sun illuminated his face, which was set into a hard line. He began messing with the scruff on his chin. “You know, for someone who’s relying on this club for everything right now, you’ve sure got a smart mouth on you. Sometimes, you get thrust into something you never wanted in the first place.”

  I stopped laughing and wiped at my streaming eyes. “Is that what happened to you? You had to take over?”

  I hadn’t gotten that far into the journal yet. I was still trying to figure out why he’d stayed and patched in instead of running away the minute he turned eighteen. He could’ve taken her and started a life somewhere.

  The mask fell back into place and the real Charm disappeared again. “I’ve got a lot of shit to get done today. You ever been on a motorcycle? I’ll have Gunner take you out today; get you used to it.”

  Make friends with him.

  I touched his arm lightly. “Why don’t you take me?”

  He stood up and moved away from me. “You should go with Gunner. He’s better at this sort of thing.”

  Instead of agreeing and letting it go, I decided to blurt out, “But I want you.”

  You ever say something and instantly wish for a net to reel all the words back in?

  Yeah, that was me in that moment. Charm’s eyes widened and I started backpedaling. “I just meant—if you had time—I can go with Gunn—”

  He cut me off with a loud sigh. “Fine—get some clothes on and meet me out here in ten.”

  I was in a lot of trouble. I wa
nted to blame it on Stockholm Syndrome, but the men had made it clear that I was free to go from day one.

  I wasn’t delusional—I knew that this was an unrequited crush and nothing that I said or did would change that for him.

  His heart was with her…wherever or whoever she was. Jealously reared its ugly head again over a woman with no name. I was falling for the president of a biker gang. One who arguably had just done the nicest thing imaginable for me.

  I’d been warned about drugs my entire life, for all the good it did me, but never once had I been told to look out for one with a beating heart and whiskey colored eyes.

  Chapter Eleven

  I clicked the mouse, enlarging the image on the screen in front of me before taking another bite from the chocolate chip cookie on my lap. I recalled that sugar worked very similarly to blow inside the brain and had decided to work on becoming a Type 2 diabetic by Christmas. On a positive note, it was definitely helping me to put weight on faster. My sweatpants were growing snugger by the day.

  Doc had come through for me with not only a laptop, but a wireless printer too. I realized during the card game that the men didn’t know sign language. The journal had mentioned that she was going to teach them, but maybe she’d never gotten around to it or it hadn’t stuck. Regardless, I wanted to fix that—everyone deserved to be heard. These signs were pretty basic, but it was a start.

  My motorcycle ride with Charm never happened because, just as we were about to leave, Gunner came outside. He told Charm that they had ‘club business’ to discuss and the two disappeared. I thought things would get better between us, but, if anything, they’d gotten worse. While I’d been disappointed that Charm never came back out to take me for a ride, I didn’t think much more of it with all the work I had to complete.

  My crush was just going to have to wait until the chores were completed. Unfortunately, the pull of the journal was too strong and I found myself yet again in Charm’s room; crouched beside his bed, poring over his words.