Dark Hearts

by Micalea Smeltzer

  We place our orders and conversation buzzes around us.

  “How’s the bar?” Cade asks me after a few minutes.

  I lift my eyes and look across the table at him with a shrug. “Same old, same old. I like it there.”

  “What about your music?” he asks. “How’s that going?”

  Again, I shrug. “Just writing and playing when I can.”

  All I’ve wanted since I was a junior in high school was to make a go of my music. My father was steadfastly against it, wanting me to follow in his footsteps. I haven’t talked to him in years except for the rare occasions where he calls and forces me to attend some function because it makes him look good in the media and around other politicians if he appears to be a loving family man. But he’s as far from a loving family man as it’s possible to get. I wouldn’t even attend those functions if I didn’t know the consequences weren’t worth the defiance.

  But my defiance by not following in his footsteps was worth every hate-filled word he lobbed my way.

  No fucking way was I going to wear a suit and tie every day and deal with other politicians. That life isn’t for me.

  “Are you okay?” Cade asks, and I realize I’ve grown morose with my thoughts about my dad.

  “Yeah, fine.”

  I feel the weight of Nova’s eyes on me, and when I glance over, I see the worry in them before she looks away hastily.

  “I hear you finally settled on a major,” I speak to Thea, hoping to steer the conversation away from myself.

  Thea’s smiling at Xander, and she glances down the table at me. “Yeah, I’m going to do something in social work. I want to help kids and women who have been affected by abuse.”

  I wrap my fingers around my beer bottle. “I think you’ll be great at that.”

  I honestly do too. Thea has the kind of personality that you can’t help but instantly like her. She’s bubbly and excitable, but she’s also warm and caring.

  “Thanks.” She flips her light-brown hair over her shoulder. “It feels good to finally know what I want to do and be sure of it. I’ve been in limbo too long.” She smiles up Xander. “It’s like everything has finally fallen into place.”

  I look at Nova again—at the vibrant blue hair, her pale skin and freckles, her upturned nose and full lips, and I think about how everyone else’s life is falling into place and mine is all over the place. It’s like there are a million puzzle pieces in front of me, and I can just make out the picture—it’s fuzzy, but it’s there, but there are also pieces missing and those gaps are where the problems lie.

  The waiter comes back to take our orders, and with so many of us, I swear it takes an entire year before we’re done.

  Nova strikes up conversation with Sullivan again, and I groan. I don’t mean to do it, but that doesn’t stop it. Her eyes dart to mine along with Rae and Cade’s.

  “Stubbed my toe,” I mutter to cover myself.

  None of them are buying it, though, and I don’t blame them.

  I look across the table, over Cade’s shoulder, at the water in the canal. I hope the slow, hypnotic, lap of the water will calm me.

  It doesn’t.

  I’ve never felt so miserable in my life and the fact that it’s over a girl because I’m jealous makes it even worse.

  Jealousy is a ridiculous emotion. It robs you of common sense.

  I rub my sweaty palms on the knees of my pants.

  I hate that I’m this torn up. I want to be unaffected and aloof, but I’m anything but.

  This dinner can’t end soon enough.

  After a few more minutes, I stand with a mumbled excuse that I’m going to the bathroom.

  Once there I stare at my reflection the mirror.

  I look like I’m calm, cool, and collected, but my eyes betray the battle raging inside.

  I’m a mess.

  I wash my hands and splash my face. I place my hand on either side of the sink on the marble top and lean forward, breathing out.

  Get it together, Jace. You’ve never acted like this before. Now doesn’t have to be any different. She’s just a girl.

  The problem is she not just a girl. She’s Nova.

  I shake my head and dry my hands. I leave the bathroom, strolling slowly through the restaurant and back onto the deck.

  I drop into my seat, bumping Nova in the process and she glares at me. I revel in her anger, though, because at least it’s mine. I like knowing I make her feel something, because it means I’m not alone.

  “So, you’re in college with Thea?” Sullivan asks her, and I bristle.

  This dude has no fucking right to try and get to know her. Why the fuck did Xander even bring him?

  “Yes,” Nova says, leaning into him like she’s so interested. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

  “That’s cool,” he says lifting his wine glass to his mouth. What kind of pansy ass drinks wine? “What are you studying?”

  “Photography and graphic design,” she supplies. “How’d you get into football?”

  This time I do roll my eyes. I know Nova has no desire to know about this guy’s reasoning for liking a fucking sport.

  He rests his elbows on the table, angling his body toward her. He’s putting out all the signs that he’s attracted to her, and I’m not having it.

  “I started playing when I was really young, only eight, and I stuck with it. I love it. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.”

  “But shouldn’t you?” I pipe in. “It’s not like you can play football for your whole life.”

  He chuckles. “Of course. That’s why I have my realtor’s license. Maybe I can sell you a place if you ever need it.”

  “Mhmm, sure,” I grumble, finishing off my beer. I lift the empty glass when I spot the waiter across the deck and he nods in acknowledgement.

  When the waiter comes back with my beer he also carries a tray filled with food. Another waitress is behind him carrying another tray.

  He gives me my beer and sets about unloading the food.

  It smells great and looks even better, but still, I have no appetite.

  It doesn’t help that Nova won’t stop jabbering with jock boy—that’s what I’ve dubbed him.

  I cut into my steak with a force that rattles the table.

  “Dude,” Cade says, his tone a warning one.

  “Sorry,” I mumble, glaring at my plate like it’s what I’m mad at.

  The anger at myself is building. I shouldn’t care if Nova flirts with some guy, even if she is doing it to bother me. It shouldn’t matter to me. I’ve always been able to shut off my emotions when it comes to this kind of thing and to have it suddenly bother me so much is jarring.

  Dinner ends and we thankfully say goodbye to Sullivan and Xander, but not before I see Sullivan ask Nova for her number.

  She gives it to him gladly, smiling at him the whole time.

  But her eyes? Those are on me.

  Taxis take us back to the hotel and we split off. Nova tries to stick with the others and get away from me, but I’m not having it and slip into the elevator with all of them.

  They get off first, leaving me alone with her.

  Thank God.

  “I still don’t want to talk to you,” she says when she sees my mouth open in the reflection of the elevator doors.

  Before I can respond, they slide open to the next floor and she steps off.

  I follow.

  “Jace,” she hisses when she notices I’ve followed her off the elevator. “Leave it be.”

  This time I do pin her to the wall. I brush my nose against hers, fisting one hand in her hair and forcefully yanking her hair back. It’s not enough to hurt, but enough to show her I won’t be ignored. Her hands are on my stomach and she digs her long nails in so that I can feel them even through the fabric of my shirt.

  I don’t even know what I intend to do, I just know I can’t let her go.

  “What do you want?” she asks through clenched teeth. Her words convey disintere
st, but her body says otherwise.

  The uneven rise and fall of her chest says I’m getting to her.

  The flutter of her lashes against her cheeks says she’s struggling to remain composed.

  The slight dig of her teeth into her bottom lip tells me she’s turned on.

  I press one of my legs in-between hers and when she moans I fucking own that sound.

  I lower my head to her neck and dig my teeth into the sensitive skin there. She jumps as I bear down. It doesn’t hurt her, but it will leave a mark, and that’s what I want.

  “I like games.” I graze the shell of her ear with my lips, then nibble on the lobe. “So, keep running—because I’m going to win. I always win.”

  I release her, reveling in her small gasp, and I walk back to the elevator.

  When I step inside and turn around I find that she’s watching.

  I smirk and salute her with two fingers.

  This isn’t over.

  Not by a long shot.

  Nova

  “Run the ball! I said run the ball, dammit!” Thea yells, pointing her finger angrily at one of the guys on the field.

  I’m surprised she still has a voice at this point.

  Our seats are near the field and fairly close to where the guys sit.

  “Xander!” Thea screams at her husband where he sits on the bench. “They’re idiots!”

  Xander either ignores her or doesn’t hear her, but Thea is not deterred.

  When our team loses the ball, she screams shrilly, “Are you fucking kidding me? Idiots! You’re all idiots!”

  “Excuse me,” someone in front of us says. “But there are children around, so could you keep the vulgar language to yourself?”

  Thea fumes. “Bite me.”

  Rae sighs and smiles politely at the woman. “I’m sorry. We’ll try to keep her down.”

  “Keep me down,” Thea repeats and snorts. “Good luck.”

  I adjust my baseball cap—with the team colors and logo on it—and wiggle in my seat. I even bought a jersey to wear—are football shirts called jerseys? They are, aren’t they?

  I turn, my mouth open, poised to ask Jace—who sits beside me, yippee—and then realize I’m not talking to him.

  I hastily turn back in my seat to face the field, but not before I miss the flash of his smile.

  “Something you wanna say?” he prompts.

  I shake my head.

  Ignoring him might be childish, but it’s all I have. Every time I open my mouth my words go over his head.

  The game continues below and Thea sits on the edge of her seat, jumping up every once in a while, before someone gripes and she sits back down.

  Thea’s standing with her hands on her hips, shaking her head back and forth. “Xander might be new to the team but he can play better than this. They need to put him in.”

  “Thea,” Cade warns.

  “Shut it,” she snaps. “You know it too.”

  “What position does Xander play?” Rae asks. “I don’t think you ever told me.”

  “Wide receiver,” Thea answers, not taking her eyes off the field. Glancing sheepishly at Rae, she adds, “I probably didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think I liked him.”

  Rae rolls her eyes. “Yeah, because that so wasn’t obvious already.”

  “Hey,” Thea defends, tugging at her own jersey with KINCAID printed on the back and 26. “It totally wasn’t.”

  “Keep telling yourself that.”

  Thea sits back down on the edge of her seat, and I swear she’s biting at her perfectly-manicured nails.

  “You know,” Jace drawls beside me, “I have never been able to wrap my head around the joy so many people find in football. This is boring.”

  I press my lips together to keep any possible words from leaving me.

  He leans closer to me, brushing his arm against mine where I have it on the armrest. I jolt away and he chuckles. “I know you find it boring too.”

  I’m sure all the color has been leached from my lips with as tightly as I have them clasped.

  “At least it’s a nice day,” he continues, unbothered by my silence. “A few clouds, blue sky, hot.” He pauses and his lips quirk. “Although, it’s a fair bit chilly in this particular spot.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “Are you never going to speak to me again? Is that how we’re going to play this? You do realize we live together, right?” he whispers so the others can’t hear. He continues on, “You’re going to have to see me every day and you’re seriously not going to say a word?”

  “This is your fault,” I finally snap. “If I don’t want to talk to you, that’s my prerogative. You made your bed now lie in it.”

  He leans impossibly closer. I’m convinced he likes getting in my personal space because he likes seeing what it does to me.

  “Maybe I want to lie in it with you.”

  “Ugh, you’re gross,” I mutter under my breath and lean away from him and closer to Rae.

  Jace moves with me, though. There’s no escaping him.

  “You weren’t saying that when I was going down on you.”

  I gasp loudly, but the sound is thankfully drowned out by the crowd as they cry, “Ooh!” Then erupt into cheers with a touchdown.

  “Did we score?” I ask stupidly.

  “Yes, dummie!” Thea snaps, clapping her hands and whistling.

  I clap, because it feels like the right thing to do.

  Beside me, Jace has leaned back in his seat, and I hope this means he’s done pestering me.

  I hate how my whole body is so aware of him.

  It’s entirely unfair that one person can affect me so much.

  The game continues and toward the end, Xander gets put in.

  When Thea sees him jogging onto the field, she screams so shrilly that several people slap their hands over their ears.

  She stands again, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “That’s my husband! That’s my husband! Xander, I love you!”

  When Thea sits back down, Rae remarks, “You said husband without flinching. I’m proud of you.”

  Thea grins back. “I know. I’ve come so far.”

  Now that Xander is on the field, I pay a little more attention to what’s happening. I still don’t understand any of it, but that hardly matters. The time ticks down and we’re tied. I find myself at the edge of my seat, hoping for a miracle. I might not like football, but I do have a team to root for now.

  The ball is passed and a player is running, running, running.

  “Touchdown!” Thea yells.

  As a group, we jump up and down in excitement. Well, all of us except for Jace. He simply stands. He’s not one for jumping.

  The game comes to an end and we’re all riding high from the win.

  Thea and Xander’s family separate from us and head off somewhere so they can see him.

  The rest of us head out of the stadium and grab a taxi back to the hotel.

  I end up next to Jace, but he’s surprisingly well behaved.

  The four of us end up in the elevator together. Rae and Cade chat excitedly, still on a high from the win, while Jace and I stand on the opposite side saying nothing.

  Cade and Rae get off on their floor and I’m left alone with Jace. I sigh heavily, expecting him to start in on me again, but he’s surprisingly quiet.

  The doors slide open onto my floor and I step out.

  Behind me, he says, “Confession, I never give up.”

  Before I can respond, the heavy metal doors have closed and he’s gone.

  I shake my head and head down the hall to my room.

  My very quiet, very boring room.

  I collapse dramatically on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

  I wish I could change the way I feel about Jace as easily as I change the color of my hair.

  But life isn’t that simple. We can’t snap our fingers and make something happen. The fact is, no matter how hurt and mad I am, it doesn’t change my underlying
feelings for him.

  My heart still aches for his touch while my mind warns me away.

  It’s a complicated thing, being split into two by what you want and what you think is necessary.

  Jace

  Our flight home is a quiet one—mostly because everyone’s exhausted. We had to be up at the crack of dawn to get to the airport in time, and it’s a good thing we got there early because the place was packed.

  Nova sleeps with her head on my shoulder. I know when she wakes up and discovers this fact she’s going to be pissed, but for now I revel in the small amount of contact.

  At least in her sleep she can’t pretend to hate me.

  Because that’s all it is—her pretending. She can’t hate me any more than I could ever hate her.

  It’s just not possible.

  I rest my head against hers and close my eyes.

  I haven’t slept in days.

  The first night here I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about the kiss.

  The next two nights I couldn’t sleep because Nova wasn’t there.

  It was better dwelling on that than my mom, though. That’s a sure way to put me in a foul mood.

  Eventually, I drift off to sleep, and when I wake up, we’re touching down.

  Nova jerks away and lets out a scream, her sleep-rattled mind not realizing what’s happening.

  I wrap my arms around her and draw her close. “Nova,” I plead. “Nova,” I say again sternly when I worry she’s about to burst into tears. Wild and frantic brown eyes meet mine. “We’re landing,” I tell her. “Everything is okay.”

  Her breaths are uneven but I can see her processing my words. After a moment, she nods and wiggles out of my hold.

  I miss her already.

  The plane taxis in and once it’s docked we grab our bags and head out.

  We say goodbye to our friends before splitting off from the group, where they head to the garage and we head out to the parking lot.

  Nova is quiet and withdrawn. There’s so much more I want to say. I want to push her and see how far I can bend her before she really snaps, because her anger is better than her silence.

  But for now, I opt not to say anything.

  I’m biding my time.