Raven made up her mind to leave the US for Kenya a mere month after she learned that Pastor Philip Davies was not her father. A memory of him came to her mind as she watched the plane glide to a stop outside the Nairobi International Airport in Kenya. She had been about nine or ten at the time and the girls in her class were all so into their looks and boys it was sickening to watch. Best friends would fight over the cutest boy in the class and would miss class just so they could go and kiss in the bathroom. At least that’s what they said. At that time, some of the girls just decided to pick on her, calling her names because of her dark skin. She had been so distraught and cried to her father. The next day Pastor Philip took all his children to a center for orphaned children.
What they saw when they entered the building broke their hearts. There were children playing in one of the rooms, and though it was clean and warm it wasn’t like home. Some of them looked sad and one little girl was crying.
Her father had taken her to that orphanage to save her from her self pity even at such a young age. Now, almost twenty years later, Raven was doing the same thing to get out of the pit of despair that was threatening to engulf her. It was an easy decision for her. She needed to get away, as far away from Amari and Lexie as possible. From comments made on television shows about them. Far away from her lying parents so she could work through some things on her own.
Though she felt empowered by the speech she had given to the church, she still had work to do in her heart, to forgive, to gain strength, to build her self-worth.
As she walked off the plane she recalled her last trip and noticed how the atmosphere seemed different. Maybe it all seemed different because six years before she had come alone, and then two years ago Amari had been with her as they went on their honeymoon to Mombasa. It seemed in the two years since she had visited Nairobi the airport had been renovated. She walked off the plane with many people from all over the world and some returning Kenyan residents. After waiting for her bag she walked out of customs. Her weariness faded when she saw Josh standing among all the waiting family and business partners outside the arrival lounge. She smiled widely as he walked towards her.
“Raven!”
She walked towards him and they embraced. She felt relieved to find him waiting after so many hours on the plane.
“Dr. Hardin! Here I am, finally!”
“Here. Let me get your bags,” Josh said, taking her cart from her. “And please call me Josh.”
“Even at the clinic?” Raven asked, looking at his handsome, clean-shaven face. He was dressed very smartly for a man who worked in the middle of nowhere outside Nairobi.
“Even at the clinic. It’s very relaxed there. You’ll see.”
“I’m excited,” Raven said.
“Good. We can certainly use some enthusiasm.”
As they drove out of the airport towards the city and then on to Mombi Village in Josh Hardin’s white pickup truck she asked questions about the clinic.
“As you are aware most of our cases nowadays are HIV cases and advanced AIDS. On top of that, we do everything there from delivering babies to removing warts and treating burns. People walk for hours to come for treatment.”
“Wow. There are still no new clinics where they live?” Raven asked, watching the scenery.
“Not yet. Just us.”
After driving for two and a half hours in the January heat they took off on a crude road where the car was jostled from side to side. Raven watched the scenery like she was watching an absorbing movie. It wasn’t humid, but just a dry heat that made her thirsty. When Josh slowed down the car she realized they had arrived. Naturally there were no signs to show when they actually arrived in Mombi, but it felt good to read the sign that said “Calvary Clinic.”
The clinic was bigger than the last time she saw it, and with its white-painted brick walls and metal roof it blended in with the rugged environment. Three ladies came to greet Raven.
“This is Rose, Aziza and Zahara,” Josh introduced her to some of the nurses who worked at the clinic.
“Jambo,” Raven said in Swahili, remembering the greeting from the last time she had visited.
“Jambo,” they responded, smiling. They looked so young and excited to meet her. Josh spoke to them in Swahili and they nodded.
“You’ll learn it very quickly.” Josh turned to her. “I told them I’m going to show you to your house because you are very tired.”
“That’s true,” Raven said. The fourteen-hour flight was taking its toll. There were three other buildings that had doors leading to separate rooms, and Joshua led Raven into one of the them and told her it would be hers. There was a single narrow bed made up ready for her. The shiny cement floor gleamed and she could see that somebody had tried to make the place as comfortable as possible. She turned to look at him gratefully as if he had just shown her into a penthouse suite of a five-star hotel. It was as far away from home as possible, and that was all Raven needed.
* * *
The sun would shine and then the rain would fall, hitting the soil until it turned dark. Joshua employed three other nurses, and a few weeks after Raven arrived in Mombi Village two medical students from Canada arrived to help with the treatment and running of the clinic. It was hard work, dealing with the sick children, the people on their death beds and their need for more and more supplies.
With the rain, the surrounding area was filled with tall green grass and bushes. The land around the clinic was used for growing corn and ground nuts by the villagers. Behind the biggest building Josh had worked with everybody at the clinic to plant a garden with local vegetables, herbs and spices. They had tomatoes, cabbage, green beans, peas and carrots.
Joshua worked tirelessly and Raven was amazed that such an intelligent, educated black man would give up life in America with all the money he would have been earning to come and help people in Africa. She had always admired him, but now as she saw his dedication firsthand and his great relationship with people, she was in awe of him. There was very little time to have discussions as he had patients lined up from sunup to sundown, but one weekend they drove to the bank together.
“How are you finding it, Raven?” he asked.
“It’s tough but I can handle it,” she said.
“I know you had some problems with your husband. I’m sorry about that,” Joshua said awkwardly. Raven felt her heart constrict, and Josh must have felt the force of her emotions.
“I didn’t mean to pry. I just sensed that you had something weighing heavily on you.”
“No, Josh, it’s okay.” Raven turned to him as he drove. “I’m fine. My divorce became final in December, just before I left. It’s over.”
“That must be tough. If you need to talk you know I’m there. Well, sometimes I’m there,” Joshua said trying to make light of the situation.
“Thanks. I’m really grateful. You know being here makes all my problems seem like nothing. That is what my…father taught me. To look to those in need when my life is unfair. He always taught us to focus on other people other than our own problems, you know.”
“That’s why you came here?”
“Yes. To focus on more than me. What about you? Why are you really here?”
“I came here when I was in med school, just like those Canadian young men. I really felt God speak to me about going to Africa. I ignored that voice for many years, and eventually I came when your dad decided to open a clinic. I don’t know if anything else I do will ever give me as much satisfaction. God provides all our needs here, and sometimes when we least expect it we get a delivery of medical supplies and donations of even a million dollars at one point. The next thing we are thinking of is building a church and a school.”
“That’s amazing,” Raven said. “You are amazing.” Joshua had stopped at the yield sign and turned to look at her. The look in his eyes made her come alive just a little. She turned away and looked at the cows grazing on the farm outside her window.
* * *
She imagined the man who had fathered her and thought about the father who had raised her. If anything, because of the way Clare treated her she expected to find out that Clare wasn’t her mother, not that Philip wasn’t her blood. She didn’t tell her sisters or her brother, and Clare was happy to leave it that way, too. Not telling them meant that she had no one to talk to.
She turned over again and punched the hard pillow. She had to admit, running away had been as vital as breathing when she left but whatever she had wanted to leave behind was right there when she arrived on Kenyan soil.
As she lay in her bed, Amari wasn’t far from her mind. The pain was still too fresh. She wondered if there would come a time when thoughts of him wouldn’t send shards of unbearable misery through her heart. Would that day ever come?
Early the next morning, her day off, there was a knock on her door.
“Who is it?” Raven asked groggily.
“You have a call from the U.S. It’s your sister,” Josh said through the crack. Raven scrambled out of bed and grabbed her robe from the crude closet on one side of the tiny room. She opened the door to see a beautiful sunrise over the mountains and breathed in the fresh morning air. A tiny breeze like a whisper brushed against her cheeks as she made her way over the damp grass towards Josh’s two room home. The door was slightly opened, and she walked into the living room and kitchen towards the phone.
“Thanks,” Raven said, looking at his kind face. Josh nodded and then left the room to give her privacy.
“Raven here,” she said, sitting on the chair.
“Hi! It’s Esther. How are you? How’s Africa?”
“Kenya is fine,” Raven replied, not wanting to lecture her sister about how Africa was a continent, not a country. “It’s been raining a lot.”
“Wow. We are now just experiencing some sort of spring, but it’s been so cold,” Esther said. “We miss you.” Raven put her free arm around herself, sadness washing over her. She missed them, too.
“Me, too. How’s Angelo?”
“Fine. Fine. He says he wants to plan a mission trip to your clinic, and I told him he needs to focus on his music and giving me a baby instead of going to some African country,” Esther said, and Raven could hear the teasing tone in her voice. Even though Esther could laugh about it, they had been having problems conceiving.
“It will happen,” Raven said.
“I know. Sometimes I wonder how it can be so easy for people like Lexie. I know she’s not your favorite person or mine, but she sleeps with Amari once as he claims and boom, she’s had his son.”
“What?”
“Oh, Ray. I thought you knew. I always forget that you don’t get this kind of news over there,” Esther apologized. Raven was quiet, catching her breath. She didn’t know that she could feel any more pain, but now it was there. She could feel herself sinking, sinking into a dark bottomless pool of desolation.
“Ray,” Esther called.
“I’m here,” she said in a voice she could barely recognize. “When?”
“Two days ago. It’s all over the news like a prince is born or something. I think the baby was early. Called him Hart Lamar Thomas. I think she wanted to keep her name in his, too.”
“That’s nice. How’s Tahlia?” Raven asked, looking at the ceiling, similar in structure to hers. It kept the water in her eyes instead of sliding down her cheeks.
“Getting ready to graduate. Are you going to try and come? It’s next month, you know,” Esther said. Clare had been asking her the same thing the last time she called. She’d only been in Kenya for three months and already they wanted her back home.
“I can’t promise. They need me here. In fact, I have to go to work. Thanks for calling,” Raven lied. She had to get off the phone and tend to her throat that now felt like she had swallowed a sharp, frog-sized object.
“Ray. I’ll call again soon. I’ve found a good phone plan to keep in touch with you since you don’t even have email,” Esther said.
“I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Esther.”
“I love you,” Esther said.
“Me too. Bye,” Raven croaked and put the phone back on its cradle as a sob escaped her hurting throat. She got up and ran from Josh’s room as if it was on fire then ran across the small field and threw herself on the floor of her room, crying like she had never cried before in her life. She heard a knock on the door but ignored it.
“Raven,” Josh called and knocked again.
“I’m fine,” Raven wailed, and looked up from the floor where she crouched holding her stomach. The door opened and Josh looked in, concern on his face. His forehead was creased with worry as he approached her.
“Is everybody okay at home? What is it?”
His gentle voice and the need for comfort brought fresh tears to Raven’s eyes. Josh saw a box of Kleenex on the side of the bed and he strode over there and grabbed a few. He held them out for her and Raven took them, wiping her eyes and nose. She turned bloodshot eyes on him.
“Thanks,” she croaked and winced again as her heart constricted with pain, sending tears rolling down her face. Josh crouched by her.
“Tell me. What is it?” he coaxed. Josh watched Raven take deep, shuddering breaths and let them out. He waited patiently.
“Everybody’s fine. Ma, everybody. It’s silly. I—I thought I was over it. I thought I could handle it—but…” She paused, and this time Josh leaned over and brought the whole box of Kleenex to her. She grabbed a wad of them, holding on tight. Josh regarded her, still puzzled.
“My husb—ex-husband has a son now. Esther just told me,” Raven spluttered. “We wanted a baby. We were getting ready to try when—when. Well, it’s ridiculous. I don’t care.”
“It’s normal to be upset,” Josh disagreed. Raven turned to him.
“Thank you,” she said, and then impulsively reached to hug him. It seemed to take him by surprise, but he recovered and put his arms around her.
“It’s gonna be fine, Raven. You’ll get through this,” he said over the top of her head, rubbing his strong, capable hands on her back. Raven felt a little of the agony recede as she held on to him. If she let go she felt like she might drown, so she held on tight.
Chapter 33
“Amari. You have to make up your mind. The shoot is next week and if you want to be a part of your son’s life then you get here and show that you are his father!” Lexie yelled. The phone was on speaker as she lay on her bed. The new nanny for her son was about to bring the baby in, but when she heard the yell she walked back out with the boy bundled up in a pure white blanket. Lexie watched her leave as she listened to Amari.
“Don’t threaten me, Lexie. I don’t have to be in some ridiculous tabloids to show that I care about my son. I’m not going to do it.”
“Then don’t bother coming to see him again! He’ll grow up just like you did, fatherless!” she yelled and slammed the phone down. She got up from her bed angrily. Her hair was wild around her face and her eyes were red from crying. This had never happened to her before. Men didn’t leave her. She left them! Amari was the father of her son! Lexie Hart’s son and she had to beg him to come and be with her on the day he made his public debut as a celebrity child. People magazine was actually willing to pay for those pictures and also put her on the cover. They wanted a six-page spread of her and Amari. How could she do it without Amari? America would think he didn’t want to be seen with her.
* * *
Amari listened to the dead phone after Lexie’s words cut through him. He attributed her recent ravin
gs to the hormones. No woman could be that crazy. And not the mother of his child. Lexie had screamed at him when he insisted that they have a paternity test. It didn’t take long to get the results. Hart Lamar was his.
Amari was instantly filled with love for his son and the need to be there for him. It meant spending a lot of time on planes flying from Detroit or wherever he was at the time to go and see Lexie when she claimed she was sick, and of course when Hart was born he had to miss a playoff game. Headlines had run that story, from the sports pages and the tabloids, speculating on their relationship and impending marriage. He had never talked to Lexie about marriage. The only person who had talked about marriage was his mother, Gloria.
“Give my grandson a family, Amari. You and Lexie can do that for him. You can give him stability, teach him about God and show him how to be a man. I always wanted that for you, and felt you missed something growing up without your father. I hated how other kids teased you about not having a father. Don’t let your son go through that.”
“I don’t want to, Ma,” Amari replied. “I love Hart and will always be there for him. I’m not sure marrying Lexie is the best answer.”
“What’s the alternative, son? Seeing him every couple of weeks? That’s not what I wanted for you.”
“That’s not what I wanted for my life, either. Raven and I were planning on raising three kids together. Boys or girls, it didn’t matter. I messed it up.”
“No, baby,” Gloria disagreed vehemently. “Raven messed it up. She just couldn’t take one mistake. She had to run so fast you couldn’t even catch her. She has a hard heart.”
“I did it. I’ll never blame her for any of it.”
“She’s gone now. All the way to Africa. She made you sign divorce papers you didn’t want. She abandoned you. I say you move on. Make a family for your son. He’s innocent and deserves a home with a mother and father.”
Amari felt the pressure building in him. The loss of his wife, his new son, Lexie’s demands, Gloria’s appeals and his career. All of them were pulling him in different directions. One thing he knew he had to do was to appease Lexie, if only temporarily. He would do the shoot with her, not for her but for his beautiful, innocent son that he loved beyond words.
Show Me the Sun Page 21