* * *
In Kenya, the air around Raven and Josh was beginning to change just as the weather was starting to cool off. It started off the day she got the call. Josh Hardin, who had always been kind and helpful, began to show more of an interest in Raven. When he went to Nairobi for meetings or fundraisers, he took her with him and they would explore the markets, eat at local restaurants and sometimes grab a Big Mac at the MacDonald’s in the city center.
Raven had been in Kenya for almost six months, and she now knew the language. She knew where to shop and had made several friends in the city. Working on the clinic was rewarding though challenging, but she also enjoyed the times they would leave the clinic and go to the city or take vacations at game parks. That’s how life was in Kenya, the poor were extremely poor and the rich got to enjoy the game-viewing and stunning beaches. Raven felt fortunate to be able to see all aspects of Kenyan life.
It was when they were staying at the famous Giraffe Manor that Raven managed to check her email and also read some news from the US. She couldn’t resist typing in Amari’s name. The first page had headlines of Amari and Lexie’s photos with baby Hart. She stared at the gorgeous infant for long minutes, trying to see Amari in him. Amari holding the baby brought the tears to her eyes. She could see the love in his eyes as he looked at his baby. In that moment, she knew that he was lost to her forever and it was time to close that door of her life, like it never happened. There was nothing tying her to him except his name, and she would change that as soon as she got the chance.
Raven Thomas no longer existed.
The sting was there, but she quickly shut it off and took a walk around the grounds, where she spotted a giraffe over the trees. She didn’t want her vacation to be spoilt by what she had seen on the internet. As she walked she focused on the beauty of the land. The rustic mountains and the possibilities of seeing different animals. She stood there remembering the words to a song she hadn’t sung in a long time. That she was not skilled to understand what God had willed or why she was now standing here in Kenya, but she trusted Him. She wanted to trust Him more to heal her heart.
She was about to turn back and go to the hotel when Josh came and put his arm around her shoulders. Raven looked at his arm, surprised, but decided not to say anything.
“Good news,” Josh said, squeezing her shoulder.
“You can expand the clinic now?”
“Oh, yes. And with the extra funding we’ll be able to employ some of the local physicians to come out for a few weeks at a time. Right here in Mombi. And a huge Christian organization wants to come and help build a school. Sort of make that whole area an oasis in the village for education, medical supplies and even nutrition.”
Raven couldn’t help being caught up in his enthusiasm. Josh worked so hard to get poor and sick Kenyans all the help they needed. It was his life’s work. She hugged him impulsively, joyously laughing with him.
“Great, Josh. Your dream is closer to coming true,” Raven said on his shoulder.
“It’s God’s plan,” Josh said simply, his dark eyes sparkling. “Nothing will stand in His way if that’s what God wants for his people.”
“What about the food that those politicians won’t release? Will that affect us?” Raven asked, stepping back from his embrace, suddenly aware of him as a man. A strong, handsome man who sometimes seemed just too angelic to be of this earth.
“That’s another battle. The tribes further north have been warring for years and there are other missionaries out there helping, but it’s not safe. I wouldn’t want you to go there,” Josh said, his expression suddenly serious. “Having you around has made a huge difference in my life.”
“Josh. I’m not even a doctor or nurse. I just help…” Raven said, looking down, embarrassed. She pulled her sweater against her as if she was cold, though it was warm and sunny outside.
“It’s not that,” Josh said, then glanced over at the chairs by the pool. “Can you come and sit with me for a second?” Raven followed his eyes, and then nodded. Josh pulled a chair for her and she sat down on it, sensing a critical discussion about to unfold.
Josh cleared his throat as he sat opposite her. His dark brown eyes seemed to pin her down with their intensity.
“Raven. I’m forty years old, dated a few times before moving here. Nobody I dated wanted to come and live in Africa, especially where the clinic is, with no hair salons, TV, cable and all those things. Besides, I was just too busy with this mission to even care.”
Raven nodded looking at him. She didn’t respond.
“I had come to accept that I would be a bachelor forever and spend my life serving unless God sent someone to me. But having you here…it’s just made all the difference. I know you’ve gone through a horrible divorce and you’ve been hurt and I didn’t want to say anything until maybe a year…until you…”
“Josh…I…” Raven wanted to speak but the words caught in her throat and Josh stopped her.
“I don’t want you to make any decisions now, but I’m falling in love with you. You complete my mission. I see us spending maybe six months here in Kenya before traveling to South Africa and Namibia and get involved in policies in the UN and then I could also work in the States for some time, but it will all mean so much with you by my side.”
“Josh. You are an incredible man,” Raven began, and reached for his hand on the table. “I feel so unworthy.”
“Don’t,” Josh growled out. “Don’t ever think that you are unworthy.”
“If I’m honest, my reasons for being here are not all that noble. I came here to run away from my father, my failed miserable marriage and to seek a new perspective…you came here to give hope…”
“Don’t compare us, Raven. This is not a competition. I want to love you and protect you. But at the same time I know that you can’t answer anything now, anything about a future together. You’re still healing from your past. I won’t even propose marriage to you. Just know that I promise to be there for you, to love you.” He grabbed her hands and held them tightly in hers. She returned his grip tears in her eyes. He leaned towards her and their foreheads touched.
“You are an incredible man. I’m always amazed at your drive, your desire to help people. I sometimes think you are an angel,” Raven said with tears in her eyes. Josh kissed her cheek shaking his head.
“No angel. Just a man. I know everything I just said sounds ridiculous and we do work together but I want you to know that I’m there for you.”
“It’s not ridiculous, Josh,” she whispered. God was giving her another chance at love when she thought that she was always going to be alone.
* * *
Raven went to her hotel room opposite Josh’s, letting the warmth of his words wash over her. He had, in a roundabout way, proposed marriage to her. Josh offered her a life of travel and love with one of the most honorable men she had ever known. Amari was like a piece of burnt trash compared to Josh. She slipped out of her dress and boots and got into her pajamas. The hotel room was cool at night. She was going to need the extra blanket.
She picked up the phone and looked out at the view of beautifully lit gardens, pools and the dark forest beyond remembering the time Josh took her and all the staff from the clinic to a safari. She had been spending a lot of time with Josh, and even though she was hurting it was not difficult to see how attractive Josh was, how kind and how genuine he was. His words had confirmed what she had seen in his eyes when they were on the safari trip. She had seen it, but he hadn’t said a thing.
She dialed her home number. Michigan was about six hours behind Kenya, so her parents were already up and about doing their business.
“Raven,” Philip sounded excited.
“Hi,” Raven said. “I’m sorry I missed Tahlia’s graduation.”
“She understood. We missed you, too. You are my daughter.”
“I know, Dad.” Tears filled Raven’s eyes. “I miss you. I’m really happy here, though.”
“Ho
w is Mombi Village? Is Josh taking good care of you?”
“Yes, he is. Dad, do you think it’s too soon for me and him?” There was silence on the other side. Raven knew her father was surprised.
“What’s going on?” Philip asked. “Josh is one of the most incredible people I’ve ever come across. I know you can trust him.”
“He says he loves me,” Raven said. “I think I love him, too.”
“But you think it’s too soon?”
“He thinks so, too. I think we are engaged but not engaged.”
“That’s excellent news. I wish I could be there to talk to you in person,” Philip said.
“Me, too. You always knew what to do and say,” she said with smile.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, Dad.”
“Are you over Amari? Are you healed enough to start another relationship?”
“Amari was out of my life the moment he did what he did with Lexie. I don’t respect him, I don’t love him, sometimes I hate him…”
“That’s what I mean. If you still feel anything for him, be it hate…” Philip cautioned.
“No! He chose Lexie, Dad, and he hurt me. I never want to have anything to do with him again. I don’t want to see him or hear from him.”
“You made that perfectly clear, my child. I’m glad you and Josh Hardin are taking your time with your relationship. Your mother will be very happy to hear that. She always hoped that Josh would marry one of her daughters.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes. We used to plan, but Esther fell in love with Angelo, you married Amari. Tahlia was always too young.”
“That’s funny. Well, don’t tell Mom anything yet until we send invitations out.”
“I won’t. You be careful out there. Don’t go too far away from the clinic on your own. Be safe.”
“I will, Dad. Thank you.” She yawned. “I better go to bed. Besides, the phone bill might be ridiculous.”
“Good night. So you are sure about Amari? You are over him, right?”
“I’m so over him, Dad, I can’t even spell his name anymore.”
After Philip put the phone down he wondered about Josh and Raven. He would do one more thing for his daughter, and after that it was up to God. He picked up the phone and dialed Amari’s number.
Chapter 34
Amari arrived in L.A three days later after having a serious talk with his mother. Gloria wanted him to forget about Raven and try and make a life for his son with Lexie. Amari had told his mother that he was looking for a home closer to them but didn’t want to share where his heart was leaning with his mother until he was sure. Gloria had heard news about Raven and Josh in Kenya and wanted her son to move on, too.
Lexie didn’t look like someone who had just given birth to an eight-pound baby. Her figure was svelte and she looked beautiful.
“Hi, Amari,” Lexie greeted him after he had been sitting waiting for half an hour. “Hart is sleeping.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine. So now you are concerned about him?”
“I’ve always been concerned about him. I had the playoffs, remember?”
“So what’s the plan now that you finished playing?” she asked with hint of mockery behind her sultry voice. She talked like a woman who held the trump card in her hand. That ace in her hand was Hart, safely upstairs where Amari couldn’t even see him.
“I would like to spend some time with my son,” Amari said.
“Our son,” Lexie interjected, crossing her legs as she leaned back on the white embroidered love seat.
“Yes.”
“You can’t have one without the other, Amari. He’s a part of me.”
“I would like to see him,” Amari said. He watched Lexie’s eyes light up with glee. To her way of thinking she had him cornered. The tabloids had hinted at marriage between them and a start of a beautiful family with Morgan, Madison and their own biological child, Hart. One thing he had learned about Lexie was that she would do anything for publicity. It was the fuel that drove all her actions.
With Gloria’s help he had started tracking all the magazines that had them together. He didn’t realize how many lies they had printed. They basically wrote articles as if Lexie and him were about to get married. Maybe he should have set the record straight, but he didn’t want his son reading later that his father didn’t want him or his mother. During the première of A Lot Like Silence Amari had refused to answer any questions about his relationship with his wife or Lexie, but the reporters had obviously unearthed his divorce papers and published them. Now he was in the house of the woman who had helped mess up his life, but also give him a son that he loved with all his heart. He looked at Lexie, who regarded him with contempt.
“He’s sleeping,” Lexie repeated more firmly.
“I haven’t seen him in a long time, Lexie, and I just want to see that he’s all right.”
“And wake him up?”
“I won’t wake him. Just take me to him, Lexie. What’s the matter with you?”
“You don’t even know anything about him. He cries a lot, and when he gets an opportunity to sleep I don’t want to disturb him. The nanny needs a break, too.”
“I understand all that. Just take me to my son.”
Amari’s tone tolerated no arguments. After glaring at him angrily, Lexie turned and led the way upstairs. Amari followed a few paces behind her, trying to ignore her swaying hips and fragrant hair. He was still a man and Lexie exuded power and sexuality packaged in her confident aura. This was the mother of his child.
The nursery was on the first floor, decorated with painted murals, stuffed animals, and a mobile hanging over his crib. The furniture she bought for him had been talked about on Entertainment News as if she was now the expert on baby products.
Amari approached the crib slowly, carefully, and looked down on his son. He put his hands in his jeans pocket to resist the urge to pick him up. Hart lay on his back, facing sideways, and seemed to smile from dreamland. Amari felt Lexie come and stand next to him, looking down at their child.
“I’m sorry, Amari. I act crazy at times because I want so much for us to be a family,” she whispered, placing her fingers over his arm. “Sometimes I feel so alone without you. At night it’s just me and him, and we need you.”
Amari continued to look down at Hart, seeing his innocence, purity and blamelessness. He felt his heart constrict. What was he thinking? At that moment, Hart opened his eyes and turned to look at them, his hazel eyes focused on them as questioning as they were sleepy. Lexie leaned over the crib and picked him up. Then, gently supporting his head, she placed him in Amari’s arms. When he held Hart in his arms his heart felt at peace, like nothing else mattered except being there for his son. He would do anything to protect him, to make sure his son knew that he was loved. That he had a father who loved him more than anything on earth. When he turned and looked at Lexie he knew what he was going to do. It was time to have a serious talk with his agent. The time had come to take serious steps to move his life out of limbo.
* * *
Clare read over the letter she had written to Raven. It was the most difficult thing she had ever written, but she knew that Raven was old enough to know her mother, warts and all. When she refused to tell Raven the truth about her conception she had done more to protect herself than Raven. Clare knew Philip was disappointed in her, but that hadn’t stopped her from keeping the truth from Raven a little longer.
She reread the letter, wondering if she should add anything else.
Dear Raven,
I’m sorry for the heartache you felt when you found out that Philip was not your biological father. We never meant to hurt you. Everything we did was to protect you. But we were wrong.
When you were conceived I was in my last year of high school. Just sixteen. I was a young naïve girl who made all the bad choices children tend to do at that age. But out of my bad choice you, my miracle, came along. My firstb
orn baby. I can’t say I was that happy when I found out I was pregnant. Naturally it was a shock. I know I always told you to save yourself for marriage, but I didn’t lead by example because nobody had ever told me any different. I was surrounded by people who slept with boys as naturally as going to the movies. A date with a boy usually involved going all the way. That’s what they considered dating. Especially when I was dating the popular guys in the school.
You see, your biological father. Well, he was the popular captain of the basketball team. He was dating me and other girls, too, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with the in crowd. But when I got pregnant it was like waking up from dreamland to reality. Nick, your biological father, didn’t want anything to do with me. He was that cold and callous, but more than that he was just a child himself. He was trying to act cool when all he really wanted was some stability in his life and a family that didn’t let him down time and again.
Philip saw me crying one day after school when he walked up to me. He was brave to do that because I didn’t talk to boys like him. He also told me that he was afraid of girls like me. The pretty girls who always had an entourage following them. We talked that day, and for some reason I felt safe with him and told him my whole story. I told him how I had not told my parents about the baby. He said he would do anything to help me and said he would even marry me. I couldn’t believe it. He walked me home, and each day he would walk me and we would talk. He was already so mature even though he was my age. God sent him to me because he even agreed to be your father before he even met you.
My parents yelled at him, but eventually they accepted him. His parents were not happy with him, either, but they eventually came around and accepted our relationship. They didn’t believe that your father would have slept with any girl. I think Mama Davies always knew that you were not really his biological child. She fought our relationship but Philip was determined to stay with me, no matter what. Eventually Mama Davies had no choice but to accept her only son’s wishes. They blessed our union. They were happy to help us raise you from the beginning. Your grandparents were incredible, helping us with a place to stay, and you had all the things a baby could ever want. I fell in love with Philip very fast. What I had with Nick had been nothing, but I thank him for giving me you. He was killed in a car accident on his way to college. I’m sure he would’ve been a basketball pro like Amari. You inherited his passion for life, his strengths, his beautiful dark chocolate skin and long, lean body. But you also got my stubbornness. And as Philip raised you, you got his gentleness, his caring heart. Nobody can be around Philip for long and not develop a love for God’s work and moving the Kingdom forward.
Show Me the Sun Page 22