Looking for Julie

by Jackie Calhoun

  “This is what you want. Right?”

  Edie said nothing for a moment, because Claire was right. This is what she wanted, just not this way. She stared at the beautiful body and briefly imagined it entwined with Janine’s. She shook her head and when she found her voice, she said, “It’s Janine you want, not me.”

  Claire gave her a knowing smile and took hold of the hem of Edie’s mock turtleneck. “You’re wrong. Take this off or I will.”

  It was as if she was rooted to the floor, unable to run or resist as Claire helped her pull off the shirt and unzip her jeans. Where Claire’s body was finely boned, hers was the opposite with broad shoulders, large breasts, thighs that were muscular from years of skiing and hiking.

  When Edie stood stripped of everything, red from head to toe, Claire threw back her head and laughed.

  Edie looked at her long, pale neck and was overcome by lust. She buried her face in Claire’s throat, her inhibitions gone. She backed Claire to the edge of the unmade queen-size bed and laid her down. As she hovered over her, she paused to look at Claire’s face and what she saw she took to be desire. She held her weight off Claire with her strong arms and legs and asked, “Are you sure?”

  Claire nodded and Edie kissed her eyes, nibbled on her brows, brushed her soft mouth with her lips, explored it with her tongue. She worked her way down Claire’s body, caressing the silken skin with her mouth and tongue, leaving behind a trail of goose bumps, until she reached the joining of Claire’s legs. Sliding onto her knees off the edge of the bed, she plunged into Claire’s depths.

  She would never have thought that this one-sided lovemaking could be so exciting. Attuned to the increasingly loud moans, she held the slender legs in a gentle grip. When Claire twisted out of her grasp and lay panting on the bed, Edie lay down next to her and kissed her on the mouth.

  Claire responded with a rough and hurried touch that provoked more annoyance than desire. Edie was amazed that this woman knew so little about making love. She faked a climax in order to end Claire’s half-hearted efforts.

  “How was it?” Claire asked.

  “Good,” she lied and smiled into the clear eyes.

  “Want that coffee now?” Claire asked as she put on a large shirt that barely covered her nakedness.

  Edie dressed quickly. “Sure, I’ll have a cup. Let me use the bathroom first.”

  “Be my guest.” She nodded toward the open door in the bedroom.

  Edie turned on the faucet before she peed. After, she washed her face and hands and left the room to find Claire coming out of a bathroom down the hall.

  She drank her coffee quickly, wanting to be on her way. “I’ll never get out of Madison from here without directions,” she said with a smile, and Claire scribbled on a piece of paper.

  As they said goodbye at the door, Claire shoved her fingers through her hair agitatedly before asking, “Are you coming back to town any time soon?”

  “Not unless my nephew gets into trouble again.”

  Claire handed her a business card. “Call me if you do. What is your phone number anyway?” Her arms were crossed, hugging the shirt.

  Edie reached into her pocket for a business card with her cell number on it. She was wondering if she should kiss Claire when Claire stood on her toes and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Thanks.”

  She raised her eyebrows in question. “For what?”

  “You really are good in bed.”

  She smiled. “Well, thanks. I try to please.”

  Claire laughed and Edie stared at her throat, realizing that she could start all over again.

  The drive home was a blur. She fought to stay awake and to keep her mind on the road rather than on bedding Claire. Although she was sure making love to Claire would be a one-time experience, she played and replayed the scene in her head—reliving Claire’s warm, lovely body twisting under her large hands.

  Chapter Five

  Sam woke up in the dark room, disoriented. A siren wailed nearby and someone pounded on the door. She sat up, her heart banging loudly. She could barely make out Jamie till he switched on the gooseneck lamp on the desk. He looked ghoulish.

  “Who is it?” he yelled in a high-pitched voice.

  “Fire drill!” somebody hollered.

  “You’re shitting me. It’s probably ten degrees outside,” he screeched, but nobody answered. There was only the thrumming of feet in the hall and on the nearby stairs.

  She wriggled out of her sleeping bag, wearing the sweatpants and an old T-shirt that were her pajamas. She grabbed her winter jacket and pulled on her boots. “Come on, Jamie.”

  “I’m not going,” he said. “Do you smell any smoke? There’s no fire. Some asshole pulled the alarm again.”

  She hesitated. “I’ll go check.” She shut the door behind her. The hall was empty. She went to the common room and saw Karen and another girl both in pajamas standing at the top of the stairs. She took a few steps toward them. “Are we going up in flames?”

  Karen’s hair stood pretty much on end. Sam ran her fingers through her own, sure it was flattened with sleep. The other girl frowned. “What the hell! They got us out of bed in the middle of the night for another phony fire drill.”

  Karen smiled her crooked grin. “You going outside?”

  “Not until I smell smoke.” Why would anyone pull the fire alarm? “That happened before?”

  “A couple times,” Karen said. “Right Lisa?”

  “Yeah. I’m going back to bed. Wake me up if you see any flames.” Lisa trudged past Sam, head down.

  “Are you going to the meeting Wednesday?” Karen asked, walking toward Sam.

  She thought she was going to walk on by too, but she stopped a couple feet away. “Meeting?”

  “LGBT. It’s at the Union.” Karen looked Sam up and down and Sam fought a blush that was creeping up from her toes.

  “If I don’t have to work.” She checked for sleep in her eyes and then dropped her hand.

  Kids were coming up the stairs, surging past them, grousing about having to go out in the cold. Jamie ventured as far as the stairs. “I told you so,” he said before retreating toward his room.

  “Why are you staying with Jamie?” Karen asked.

  How did she explain?

  “You two must be really close.”

  “He’s my friend. Nita…” she started and then couldn’t finish.

  “Nita what?” Karen wore pink flannel bottoms with cats on them.

  She focused on the pajamas. “Those are cute.”

  “Yeah?” Karen smiled her sexy smile. “My grandma gave them to me for Christmas. Now what about Nita?”

  “It’s nothing.” She made a move toward Jamie’s room.

  Karen took hold of her arm. “Hey, you can stay with Lisa and me anytime.” She peered into Sam’s face.

  Sam looked away. Her vision blurred. “Thanks but I’m okay. I’m going to bed now. See you.” She stumbled into Jamie’s room, literally, falling over her sleeping bag and hitting the floor.

  “Jesus, Sam.” Jamie turned the light on. “Are you all right?”

  “Goddamn it. Why’d you turn the light off?”

  “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” He jumped to his feet. “Do you want to sleep in the bed?”

  “No,” she snapped and, holding her elbow, slid into the bag.

  “Want some ibuprofen?”

  “Yeah, if you got some.”

  He scrounged around in his backpack and came up with a couple. After she swallowed them, he turned off the light. “What did Karen have to say?”

  “She wanted to know why I was here. I didn’t want to tell her. She asked if I was going to the LGBT meeting next Wednesday.”

  “We’ll go,” he said.

  She remembered Nita warning her that she’d never find anyone if she always hung around Jamie.

  On Saturday she and Nita came to an agreement about the apartment. Carmen would no longer stay overnight when Sam was there.

  Carmen had
heavy black hair and black eyes with eyebrows that met between them. She also had a little mustache, but Sam guessed her great figure was the attraction. Nita and Carmen chatted together in bastardized Spanish that was difficult—impossible, if Sam was honest—for her to follow.

  “Where did you learn to speak Spanish?” Sam asked Nita.

  “My mother.”

  “You should take Spanish. You’d get an A.”

  “What would be the point of that?”

  Already they were on the edge of a fight. “Is she going to be your roommate next year?”

  “We’re talking about it,” Nita said, meeting Sam’s gaze with unnecessary defiance.

  It actually hurt to breathe. Being around Nita caused her physical pain. She thought she would be glad if Carmen took her place. She could move in with Jamie and maybe spend some nights with Karen, although her hips hurt and her back ached from sleeping on Jamie’s dirty clothes. She lashed out, “Then why don’t I move out? She can take over my lease.”

  A small frown appeared between Nita’s brows. “I’ll ask her.”

  She turned away to hide the hurt. “You do that.” After slamming the door of her room behind her, she threw herself on the bed. The terrible part of all this was that she saw Nita at work, and they’d both be working tonight. There was no getting away from her. She picked up the text she was reading on learning disabilities. It would have put her to sleep had she not been so upset.

  Her phone rang and she answered without looking at the display. “Hey,” she said, expecting to hear Jamie’s voice.

  “Hey, you moved out.”

  “Who?”

  “Karen. I asked Jamie for your number. That okay?”

  “Sure.” She stopped hurting for a moment.

  “Want to hang out or study together or something?”

  “That would be great, except I have to work tonight.”

  “What time?”

  “Not till six.”

  “Lots of time. I’ll walk you to work and maybe eat there and walk you home. Where do you live?”

  She felt a sort of sick excitement—stunned by Karen’s boldness, worried that Nita might give her a hard time. Wasn’t that what she wanted, though, to make Nita jealous? She gave Karen directions.

  “Cool. I’ll come now.”

  She sat on her bed, trying again to study with no success. After reading one paragraph about five times, she put the book down and waited. When the doorbell rang, she ran her fingers through her hair and shook it out before going to the door.

  Nita had let Karen in and was talking to her. She saw the grin on Karen’s face and thought who wouldn’t smile like that at Nita. She was disgustingly attractive.

  “Is Sam around?” Karen asked as Sam stood quietly watching.

  “Yeah. Why?” Nita stammered.

  Karen noticed her then, standing just outside her bedroom door, and said, “I was beginning to think I had the wrong place.”

  Sam smiled. “Let’s study in my room.”

  Karen looked from Sam to Nita. “Sure.” She went with Sam into the bedroom and Sam closed the door.

  “So, what are you studying?” Karen asked, looking around the room as she set her backpack on the floor. The computer chair and the bed were the only places to sit. Karen chose the bed, pulled her Uggs off and crossed her legs under her.

  Sam leaned back against the pillows mashed against the headboard. “I’m reading the most boring textbook in the world.”

  “Yeah? What’s your major?” Karen asked.

  “Education. What’s yours?”

  Karen grinned. “Mine too. I want to be a phys. ed. teacher and a coach and maybe a personal trainer.”

  “Cool! Do you ski?”

  “Water ski? Love it. You?”

  “I meant downhill.”

  “I was at Alta over Christmas vacation.”

  “Lucky you. I was at the U.P. and Granite Peak. I’ve been to Colorado but never to Utah.”

  “This was our first trip there.” Karen’s grin stretched. She grabbed her ankles and leaned forward.

  Sam told her about skiing with Edie. “She’s awesome. She got Jamie another room when his roommate’s girlfriend moved in with them.”

  “You must be really good friends for you to stay overnight,” Karen said.

  “We are.” She didn’t want to tell her the real story.

  Nita tapped on the door and opened it. “Hey, are you working tonight?” She hadn’t shown any interest in what Sam was doing since she’d brought Carmen home.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Just wondering. I’m working too.”

  “I know. So?” Sam said rudely.

  “Can I talk to you a minute?” Nita asked.

  Sam sighed loudly as if this was an imposition, when in fact she was thrilled by the attention. “Excuse me,” she said to Karen.

  “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “What is it?” she asked after closing the door behind her.

  “Is she going to be here all afternoon?”

  “Carmen spends the afternoon here all the time,” she pointed out.

  “She leaves before I go to work. I want to talk to you about house rules.”

  “House rules. What house rules?”

  “No one stays overnight. That’s what we agreed on. Remember?”

  Sam’s face felt like it was on fire. For a moment her brain froze at the implications of this. “Oh, for chrissake, Nita, we’re studying. Why do you care anyway?”

  “I don’t.”

  Karen opened the door. “Whoa, I don’t want to cause problems.”

  “You’re not.” Her heart thumped.

  “Maybe I should go,” Karen said.

  “No, no, don’t go.” Sam backed Karen into the bedroom and closed the door, hardly aware of what she was doing.

  “I never saw Nita at any LGBT meetings.”

  “That’s because she’s always studying or working.”

  Karen looked at her. “You’re not a couple, are you?”

  She shook her head, staring back nervously. “No. She’s got a girlfriend.”

  “Carmen?”

  “Yes, Carmen with the single eyebrow.” It was a mean thing to say and she was immediately sorry, even though it was true. She was better looking than Carmen, except for the figure.

  Karen took a step toward her, close enough now for Sam to feel her soft breath on her face. She would have stepped away, but her back was to the door. Her heart hammered in her ears as Karen touched her cheek with the back of her hand, so gently she hardly felt it. She grabbed the hand awkwardly. “Let’s sit down.” She was panicking.

  “Okay,” Karen said.

  Her cell phone rang, startling them both. It was Jamie, but she turned it off and dropped it on the bed.

  “You don’t want to answer it?” Karen asked with that crooked smile.

  She shook her head. “Not now.”

  “Hey, it’s Saturday. We can study tomorrow. Let’s just get to know each other today. What else do you like to do besides skiing?”

  “Bike, drive, kayak,” she said after a moment of thought. “What about you?” She didn’t mention the thing she liked to do best, which was read a good novel.

  “Play softball and basketball and water ski. Stuff like that. I was on the girls’ teams in high school.”

  Later, when they were getting ready to go to Chili Verde, Nita had already left. “Let’s do this again,” Karen said as they put their jackets on, “like tomorrow. We can really study then.”

  Sam smiled at her, wondering what Karen saw in her. She’d hardly come up with interesting answers when Karen had asked her what she liked to do. She’d said, “Drive.” How dumb was that? But she loved to drive. She’d never played softball or basketball in high school except during P.E.

  Karen leaned toward her. “I wonder what it’s like to kiss you?”

  Hardly able to breathe, Sam wished she’d forget the asking part and just do it. “I don�
��t know,” she managed to say.

  “Would you like that?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, hoping her breath was okay.

  Karen took her face between her hands and looked right into her eyes before kissing her.

  It wasn’t a first for Sam. She’d kissed Nicole a few times. Each time she’d been too worried about the process to enjoy the moment. When Karen said, “Mmm. You taste delicious,” she laughed with relief.

  When they were standing on the rickety porch outside Sam’s apartment at eleven that night, Karen kissed her again, longer this time, and they sort of melted against each other. The door opened and they moved apart, but Karen kept her arm around Sam.

  Nita’s eyes flashed with what Sam thought was anger. “If you’re going to kiss, do it inside. Haven’t you heard of gay bashing?”

  Karen smiled. “Don’t you know we’re in Madison, lesbian heaven? I’m going now. See you tomorrow, Sammy.”

  The heat of the apartment leaped out and embraced her as she stepped inside. She took her jacket off in sort of a trance. She could hardly believe what was going on.

  “What happened to Jamie?” Nita asked with a hint of sarcasm.

  “I’ve got to call him,” she said and went into her bedroom.

  “Hey, you called?” she said to Jamie.

  “Yeah. Where you been all day? I almost came over to show you the new me.”

  “Karen was here.” She told him what had transpired.

  “No way. I’m jealous.”

  “I think maybe Nita is.” She was whispering. The walls were thin. “And you know what? I don’t care. Karen’s coming over tomorrow.”

  “No shit?”

  “None. What new you are you talking about?”

  “I dyed my hair.”

  It was her turn to say, “No shit?” and then, “How do you look?”

  “I’d come over but it’s too late and too cold.”

  Carmen had arrived early Sunday afternoon and she and Nita were holed up in Nita’s bedroom. Sam was sprawled on the lumpy sofa with the same old boring text in her lap when Karen showed up.

  Sam opened the door. “Come on in.”

  Karen stamped her feet on the raggedy rug. Her backpack bulged as she set it on the floor. “It’s goddamn cold out there.”