Looking for Julie

by Jackie Calhoun

  She skated to the top of the big hill where snowmobiles were lined up, their riders holding up signs with scores, yelling out the best (meaning the worst) fall on the harrowing downhill side. She had fallen once and thought her fall should have rated a higher score.

  So far, she had been following Jennifer, sure that Jennifer would avoid anyone who took a spill and just as sure she would not fall. They had passed Burma Shave signs, telling them to keep going. They were closing in on a little over three hours when they came out of the woods, went over a little bridge and skied into a field, which led to a barren, windy lake.

  Edie was running out of steam, but she kicked it into high gear and managed to pull alongside Jennifer. Jennifer grinned at her and surged ahead. The last few hundred yards they raced against each other along the “Mashed Potato Street” and onto Main in Hayward. The adrenaline was pumping when she crossed the finish line with Jennifer next to her. The announcer called out their names and the number of Birkies they’d participated in, and she and Jennifer raised their arms in the air while the crowd roared. They were standing now, coasting to a stop.

  Volunteers pinned their Birkie year pins on—thirteen for Edie, fourteen for Jennifer—and took off their timing chips. Chip and Mike and Tom were cheering with the other spectators, some of whom rang cowbells, most of whom held beers up in salute. The men, who had already finished the race, walked with them to the tent where they retrieved their bags and changed their outer clothing and boots. There they consumed a bowl of much appreciated chicken noodle soup and drank a beer.

  The exhilaration that had carried Edie the fifty kilometers was still with her, along with a sense of power. She was on a high and wouldn’t come down until exhaustion caught up with her.

  Jennifer grinned at her. “You were on my tail all the way.”

  “The only safe place to be,” Edie said. “I knew you’d keep us out of trouble.”

  “Yeah, but then you caught up with me in the end.”

  Edie raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Of course. That was the plan.”

  “You are a fox, you know.”

  Edie smiled and tuned in to the sights and sounds around her. Chip was talking as was Mike and Tom. They were rattling on about the race. She wasn’t sure anyone was listening. Outside the tent it was one huge party, and they joined in for a while, cheering as skier after skier crossed the finish line.

  Later, at the cabin, Mike fired up the gas grill on the deck overlooking the frozen lake. The guys cooked brats and burgers. Edie brought out the pasta salad she had made at home and put the dressing on it. Jennifer whipped together a huge fruit bowl. They feasted, cleaned up and sat around the fire for a while. When they were talked out, they went to bed.

  Edie said just before she went to sleep. “Now I’m ready for spring.”

  “Maybe we can hike or bike together when we can’t ski anymore,” Jennifer said.

  “Sure.” Edie fell into a deep sleep. She awoke only once in the night, when Jennifer rolled against her. Her body was warm, her breath soft against Edie’s cheek.

  The next morning they ate breakfast, cleaned up the cabin, made sure the fire was out and left in separate cars. Chip was talking about next year’s Birkebeiner. He wanted to bring his kids to do the Barnebirkie, which would mean coming a day earlier.

  “Think you could do that, Edie?” Jennifer asked.

  Pleased to be included, she said, “You bet.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  A week and a half passed. A week and a half when Karen didn’t answer Sam’s calls. A week and a half when Karen looked away if she saw her. Sam had sought advice from Jamie.

  “Ms. Snotty seduced you?” He had sounded astounded.

  “Yeah. I think she did it because she knew Karen was coming back and might catch us.”

  “Didn’t you know that?”

  “She came back sooner than I thought she would,” she’d said glumly.

  “I can hardly fucking believe this. Did you do it again?”

  “Once or twice. It wasn’t my idea, though.”

  “I don’t think Karen would know the difference.”

  “Okay, Jamie. Whose fucking friend are you anyway.” But she knew he was right.

  “Listen. You better walk with me and Thad.”

  “Thanks,” she’d said dispiritedly, and that’s what she’d been doing ever since.

  Now she and Jamie were on their way to work. Thad trailed along behind them. He and Jamie were getting it on. Jamie said he was hot, despite the fact that he hardly ever said anything.

  Saturday she had an appointment with Julie, and she would have to walk alone. Jamie was working. Nita was hostessing, and Karen was out of her life. DeWitt didn’t like her talking to a counselor. He had said so. She’d reported his calls to the police, but she knew Dana couldn’t protect her. After he grabbed her off the porch, she realized no one could.

  “I miss Karen. Will you tell her?”

  “I did. She won’t talk about you, but I’ll say something to her again—like you’re desolate without her.”

  “Thanks.” She kicked a pile of snow by the sidewalk. It was rock hard and filthy. Most of the snow was gone, but this chunk was on the side of the street where the sun rarely shone.

  “Talk to Julie about it,” he said.

  “DeWitt doesn’t want me to see her.”

  “You gonna let that fucking nut rule your life?”

  “You gonna protect me from him?”

  “I am. You’re walking with me and Thad, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, but you can’t walk with me Saturday.”

  “Maybe Thad can at least go over with you, and if Julie can’t take you home, give him a call.”

  DeWitt would know where she was. She’d told him she couldn’t identify him. If he kept following her around, though, sooner or later she’d see his face.

  On Saturday, she was sitting in the waiting room alone. Thad had walked her to the door of the clinic. He’d said to call him if she needed him. Totally dispirited, she felt trapped, unable to safely go anywhere alone. She didn’t know what to do about Nita crawling into her bed at night. If Karen did come back, she’d be gone as soon as she found out, but she was pretty sure Karen wasn’t going to give her another chance.

  She and Nita had silent sex.

  “Did you never talk to Carmen when you were doing it?” she had asked one time.

  Nita said, “I told you, Carmen was just a friend.”

  “You think if we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t happen or what?”

  Nita’s mouth had been inches from hers, yet she made no move to kiss her. She let Nita take the lead.

  “Don’t talk.” Nita’s hand slipped under the T-shirt Sam had worn to bed.

  Sam had rolled on top of her. There was only so much foreplay she could resist.

  When Julie came to get her, she still didn’t know how she was going to tell her about the sex. She was already blushing, just thinking about it.

  “So, what’s happening?” Julie had given her a number to call if she needed to talk to her, but she hadn’t used it.

  Sam slid down in the chair and looked at her shoes. “Karen broke up with me.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It was my fault.” She was mumbling.

  “Was it?” Julie asked.

  Sam straightened up and looked at Julie and then away. The thing was she wanted Julie to like her. “I did something awful.”

  “Did you?” Julie said mildly.

  “It was stupid.” She told her how Karen had caught her and Nita in the act. “I knew she was coming back. I just couldn’t say no.”

  “You know the old saying. “‘The flesh is weak.’”

  Surprised, Sam said, “That’s me. I want Karen back and she won’t even talk to me.”

  “Have you thought about sending her a letter?”

  “I sent her a dozen e-mails. She won’t answer.” She slumped in the chair again. “And DeWitt, the
guy who grabbed me and beat Jamie up, doesn’t want me talking to you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “He called me. He’s probably out there waiting. I can’t go anywhere alone.” She fought back tears. “I don’t even know what he looks like, so I can’t identify him.”

  Julie was frowning. “Did you tell the police he called?”

  Sam nodded. She was crying now and snatched a tissue from the box Julie pushed toward her. She wiped her eyes and nose angrily. “They can’t protect me. No one can.”

  “Have you told your parents any of this?”

  “No. Mom would make me come home.” Everything that had bothered her when she first started looking for Julie seemed silly now. What mattered was losing Karen and her fear of DeWitt. “I may end up having to go home anyway. My grades suck. My life sucks. I’m sharing Jamie’s bodyguard with him.”

  “Well, since you’re pretty much stuck inside and you want to stay in school, maybe you should use this time constructively.”

  She looked at Julie. “I read the same stuff over and over but it doesn’t sink in. I bet you never screwed up.”

  After a moment of obvious surprise, Julie burst into laughter. “Oh yes, I did. It’s what you do after the screwup that counts.”

  When they went out to Julie’s car, there were no vehicles parked on the street, only the two in the parking lot belonging to the phone workers. The angst that seemed to follow Sam around like a black cloud eased.

  On the way to the apartment Julie said, “Do you mind if I talk to Dana Talmadge?”

  “No,” Sam replied. The police officer hadn’t been able to protect her. Maybe Julie could do something no one had done, but she doubted it.

  Julie called the number Sam had given her and introduced herself and her concern for Sam. “What Sam told me in counseling I can’t pass on as you know, but I’m worried about her and her friend Jamie’s safety.”

  “I am too. I’ve done some digging on Charles DeWitt. He’s a loose cannon. He lives on unemployment. The police were called to his residence many times regarding spousal abuse before his wife took the kids and left. I told Sam to call me if he contacted her. My worry is that he’ll scare her into silence.”

  “What can be done to protect them?”

  “She wouldn’t ask for a restraining order against him.”

  “Is there no way to revoke bail?”

  “An attorney might be able to get bail revoked. Jamie is probably in a better position to ask for revocation.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  She’d made the call from her cell phone, sitting outside Joe’s apartment building, waiting for him to return with Peggy.

  When she got home, she carried a sleeping Peggy from her car seat to the house. Peg followed her to Peggy’s bedroom, and helped her remove the girl’s shoes and jacket. As they covered her, Peggy turned on her side, her thumb in her mouth.

  Julie sighed as she and Peg tiptoed out of the room and shut the door. She took her coat off and hung it by the door.

  “Hungry?” Peg asked.

  Julie looked at Peg and smiled. “Are you for dinner?”

  “Aren’t you just a little bit tired?”

  Julie nodded. “And discouraged.”

  “C’mon and eat and tell me what you can about your day.” Peg put her arm around her and led her to the kitchen.

  Julie said, “Why don’t I smell spaghetti?”

  “Very funny. What you smell is pork roast and garlic mashed potatoes. I made the salad. Mom made the rest.”

  “Wonderful,” she said with a little too much enthusiasm. She appreciated Peg taking the time to cook, but she was a little tired of spaghetti and macaroni and cheese—the kids’ favorites.

  Between bites, she talked about Jamie and Sam. How Sam, at least, lived in fear of being assaulted. Peg looked appalled. “How come this guy is running around loose?”

  “A screw-up, I guess. Sam can’t identify him, but the police arrested him for hammering Jamie’s car with a tire iron and turning it on Jamie when he tried to stop him. I’m going to call Jamie’s aunt. Maybe a lawyer can convince a judge to revoke bail.” She put her fork down and leaned back. “I’ll call your mom tomorrow and thank her for the good meal.”

  “I have to go out to the barn and do a few things,” Peg said.

  “Go ahead. I’ll clean up here.”

  There were no dirty pans. She shoved the plates and utensils in the dishwasher.

  She walked slowly toward the stairs as she called Edie. When the call went to voice mail, she told Edie she wanted to talk to her about Jamie and Sam. Exhausted, she climbed the stairs, got undressed and into bed. She was reading over one of her lectures on her laptop, inserting thoughts into the content when she dozed off. She awoke when Peg lifted the computer off her belly.

  “Why don’t you ask Joe to get the bail revoked? He’s a lawyer. Hey, he could probably get something done right away.”

  “Damn, why didn’t I think of that? Worse yet, why didn’t I do something last time I saw Sam?”

  “You’re doing something now, sweetie. Don’t go back and beat yourself up. I’ll be in bed in a minute.”

  “Can’t wait,” she said, pushing in Joe’s number on her cell.

  He sounded alarmed. “Did something happen?”

  “Not to us. Will you do me a favor?”

  “If I can. What?” She’d known Joe as long as she’d known Peg. They’d been friends at UW-Madison. Along with Charlie Schmidt, Joe’s best friend, they’d made a foursome. She and Joe had eventually married and then divorced. Charlie was the father of Peg’s daughter. He had died while embedded in Iraq. It all seemed a lot longer ago than it was.

  She told him the story as she knew it, leaving out the part about DeWitt snatching Sam from the porch, and he listened without comment. After, there was so long a pause that she asked, “Well, can you get bail revoked?”

  “I could go out and break his slimy neck,” Joe said. “Why hasn’t anyone else done this?”

  “They’re kids and we’re not lawyers.”

  “I’ll take care of it on Monday.”

  “Thanks.” She was smiling. “It pays to know people in high places. Let me know the outcome. Okay?”

  “Well?” Peg demanded when she slipped into bed.

  “That was a brilliant idea. He says he’ll take care of it on Monday.”

  “If anyone can do it, Joe can. Do you miss him much?”

  “Sometimes. Don’t you ever miss the four of us?” She meant Joe and Charlie and Peg and her.

  “I miss Charlie more than Joe. I still can’t believe I ended up with the prize, though. You.” She picked up her book and gave Julie a smacking kiss. “Go back to sleep, Doctor. I’m going to read now.”

  Julie threw an arm over Peg and snuggled into her. Even the light in her eyes couldn’t keep her awake.

  Edie called Julie on Sunday when she got home and looked at her messages. She had turned off her phone when she left for Wausau. She hadn’t wanted or needed the distractions that Jamie or Claire would present. There were messages on her voice mail from Jamie too, asking her to call.

  After talking to Julie, she felt a terrible guilt. Why hadn’t she thought of getting an attorney for Jamie? Why hadn’t his father thought of it, instead of paying for a bodyguard? Why had it taken Sam’s therapist to think of revoking bail?

  Jamie answered his phone on the first ring. “Where were you? Thad broke up with me. Now I have no bodyguard. Do you know what that means?”

  “Stick tight through Monday and your troubles may be over.”

  “What do you mean? I’m trapped in my room. Do you know how depressing that is? And Sam is stuck in that apartment.” His voice dropped. “Karen broke up with Sam too. She caught her in bed with Nita. Do you have any ideas for her on how to get Karen back?”

  “Too much information, Jamie. I’m sure Sam wouldn’t want you telling her secrets.”

  “Yeah. Well, don’t
tell her I told you. I thought maybe you could help her or me.”

  “I can’t help with Thad or Karen, but I can tell you good news about DeWitt. I think his bail will be revoked tomorrow.”

  “Huh? What? Who’s going to do that?”

  “An attorney is going ask that it be revoked, and this attorney has a lot of clout.”

  “No shit?”

  “No, none. My only regret is that I didn’t think of it myself. The news came from Sam’s therapist.”

  “Dr. Julie Decker? The one we were looking for?”

  “The same.” She was smiling. “I skied the Birkie on Saturday.”

  “Did you win?”

  “Come on, Jamie. There were thousands of participants. I was in the third wave and I finished in three hours, twenty-four minutes.” She was thrilled with her time, with ending in a virtual tie with Jennifer.

  “Kudos upon kudos.”

  “Are you going to be okay now?”

  “I was pretty bummed when Thad walked out. It was too much for him. His grades tanked, like mine. We may get kicked out, Auntie.” He sounded more cheerful for some reason.

  “Well, now maybe you can concentrate on your studies and raise your grades.”

  “That’s number one on my list of things to do. Are you coming to Madison soon?”

  “No.” She meant it. Of course, she always meant it.

  Lynn came over when dark fell, bringing a pan of lasagna with her. “I’ve been missing you,” she said.

  “Me too.” She poured them each a glass of merlot.

  “How was the Birkie?” Lynn’s dark eyes settled on her.

  She had once been in love with Lynn, and she briefly wondered where that feeling had gone. Was it a temporary thing that ended when people grew apart or met others who filled their needs better?

  “Exciting.” She told her about the race and the events leading up to it and after.

  Lynn ate while she talked. When Edie fell silent, Lynn said, “Did you ever think that Jennifer might be a better match for you than Claire?”

  She paused with a forkful of food halfway to her mouth. It was hot from the microwave and she blew lightly on it. “Aren’t you making an assumption? How do you know she’s gay?”