No Filter (No Shame Series Book 1)

by Nora Phoenix

  Josh sat up, straddling Noah. “Why are you crying?” he asked.

  Indy let out a shuddering breath. “You were so beautiful together. I’ve never seen anything like it. Didn’t realize sex could be like this.”

  Noah’s heart clenched painfully. He sounded so forlorn, so painfully honest. God, the depths of Indy’s pain took his breath away. He deserved so much better. Maybe one day, Noah would have the opportunity to show Indy how good sex could be. Until then, he’d be happy Indy had gotten at least a taste of it after Josh's blow job and through watching them fuck.

  “Do you want to cuddle with us?” Josh asked in that sweet way that always made Noah shake his head in amazement. How Josh had managed to stay so kind and tender despite the brutal way he’d been treated all his life, he had no idea. Josh and Indy had that in common, that innate sweetness and tenderness.

  “Is it okay? I don’t want to infringe on a private moment between you two.”

  Noah grinned, his heart doing a happy dance. He’d never expected Indy to say yes. “You watched me get fucked for the first time. Pretty sure it doesn’t get more private than that. If you want to get sandwiched between two naked guys covered in cum, you’re more than welcome.”

  Indy got up from his chair. Josh stretched himself out at the back side of the couch, opening his arm for Indy to join him on top of Noah. Indy didn’t even hesitate—and he didn’t put on those boxers, Noah noted—but lowered himself on Noah’s chest. Seconds later, Noah was holding two naked guys, his right arm around Josh and his left arm around Indy. It was a good thing their couch was wide and deep. And even better that it had a washable cover.

  11

  Indy had feared things would get awkward after what Noah had dubbed their covered-in-cum cuddle party, but much to his surprise the opposite was true; it had resulted in an easy familiarity, even more than before.

  He’d been there two weeks now, his ribs less painful every day and his whole body recovering well. He had gained weight, gotten rid of the bags under his eyes, and lost the pale, sunken cheeks. His cast was about to come off, too.

  At his request, Josh had bought some cheap-ass clothes for him, and for the first time in a year and a half he was dressed like a guy. It felt wicked good, even if he had to get used again to walking and behaving like a guy. Funny how deep his cover as a girl had been.

  He hadn’t set foot outside of the house yet, too afraid to run into anyone who’d met him as a woman. It was ridiculous, since he’d only been in the area for four weeks before the robbery, but he didn’t want to take any risks. Staying with Noah and Josh was too good to make dumb mistakes that could ruin it.

  They hadn’t asked. Two weeks in and they had never asked Indy about his past, what he was running from, or anything even remotely personal. Oh, they had talked alright, about books—that would be with Josh who read more than Indy thought humanly possible—and movies, about Noah’s job, and sports; he’d come out as a Patriots fan, much to the guys’ delight. They’d watched their beloved Pats win twice in a row, had celebrated it with virgin cocktails, since none of them drank alcohol. Apparently, Noah had quit after his leg got blown off, too scared he’d become an alcoholic. And Josh, being Josh, had supported him by quitting as well—not that he’d ever been as much of a drinker as Noah, he’d confessed to Indy.

  And, of course, Indy had heard them fuck. Every single day. Loudly. He could’ve used the earplugs, obviously, but he hadn’t. Sick as it may be, there was something strangely comforting about hearing the guys go at it every day.

  They hadn’t asked him if he wanted to join in their activities—and he hadn’t approached them either. Fuck, that whole experience with Josh blowing him and then watching Josh fuck the shit out of Noah; Indy still hadn’t figured out what it meant.

  He’d never known it could be like that. The care Josh had taken in prepping Noah, the way Noah had fought against the pain, how they had risen together to climax—completely in sync—it had almost been too intimate to witness.

  It had also reawakened him sexually, that much was clear. Every time he’d heard them fuck, he’d jacked off till he came. Even with his sore ribs and his uncoordinated left hand, he’d managed.

  He could’ve asked Noah or Josh to help him. They would’ve said yes, but Indy didn’t trust himself with them. He was already way more attached to them than he should’ve ever been. How the fuck would he ever walk away from them? He had to, because it was either that, or watch them get hurt the day Duncan found him. But fuck, it would break his heart to lose them. Both of them.

  Josh was quickly becoming a close friend who was kind and encouraging. His one goal every day seemed to be to make Indy happy. Noah too, but since Noah worked, Josh spent a lot of time with Indy at home, and he loved taking care of Indy. He had taken it upon himself to teach Indy how to cook, a skill Indy had never had a chance to develop. With sheer endless patience, Josh had shown him to make pasta with homemade tomato sauce—Noah’s favorite—as well as a few other dishes. They watched movies together, talked about books, and there was not a better listener on the planet than Josh. Every word out of his mouth was gentle and affirming.

  Then there was Noah. Indy was in such deep, deep shit when it came to Noah. God, he loved his strength, his authoritative attitude, his protective demeanor toward himself and Josh; it was all drawing Indy in like a magnet. And that smile, that megawatt smile. Fuck, every time Noah smiled like that, Indy’s heart stopped for a second. He was more than halfway infatuated with the man. And that was damn stupid, because aside from the fact that he was in no position to start a serious relationship, there was no way he was coming between Josh and Noah.

  As much as both guys had said they were not together-together, Indy wasn’t convinced. They seemed closer than ever after Noah had bottomed for Josh, though Indy wasn’t sure if he had done it again. He never caught them kissing or doing anything else that would indicate a real relationship aside from the fucking, but there was this almost tangible, unbreakable bond between them. How could he compete with that? With Josh? You can’t. He’ll never pick you over Josh.

  The guy was so much better suited for Noah than Indy was. Sure, Josh had baggage, too, but not the criminal, murderous kind. Not the kind that could get you killed. Aside from that, Josh was closer to Noah’s age, much more mature than Indy was, and so fucking cute and kind and perfect.

  Even without the whole Duncan mess, Indy had little to offer. He had a high school diploma, and that was it. No degree, no work experience, no job prospects, no nothing. His mother was dead, he had no idea who his father was, and anything he’d inherited from either of them could only be seriously fucked up. And all that was aside from his sexual trauma, the massive scars on his back, and his general sense of being a hopeless fuck-up. No, he wasn’t coming between Noah and Josh. They were much better off together.

  Dressed in a T-shirt and flannel PJ bottoms, Indy made his way downstairs. Autumn had started, setting the trees in the yard on fire in an explosion of red, orange, and yellow, and bringing cold nights, but downstairs it was comfortably warm. Noah was reading the paper in his usual spot, but Josh was nowhere to be seen.

  “Morning,” Indy said, always a bit shy at first when it was only him and Noah.

  “Hey. How are you feeling?” Noah never failed to ask Indy this, and it wasn’t just a polite question.

  “Good. Haven’t felt my ribs in two days, so I’m officially pain free.”

  Indy grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

  “Perfect. We’ll cut off your cast today. I didn’t think you’d want to do an official hospital visit for that, right?”

  Indy shook his head, carefully cutting a banana on a cutting board with one hand and putting it in the bowl. He took yogurt from the fridge. “Not if I can avoid it.”

  “Well, you’re lucky you have a highly skilled medical professional at your disposal, who’s willing to do a house visit.”

  Indy grinned as he sprinkled crunchy granola on top
of his yogurt. “Don’t know about the highly skilled part, but at least he’s free.”

  “That hurt.” A smile tugged at the corners of Noah’s mouth. “My price just went up.”

  “Double times nothing is still nothing, you do realize that?” Indy took a bite of his breakfast. He loved these verbal matches with Noah almost as much as not having to worry about what to eat for breakfast every day.

  “Who says it was free to begin with? I only offered my skilled services, never said they were free.”

  “So what’s your price?” Indy asked, expecting Noah to launch another joke.

  “I want you for the entire day,” Noah said.

  Indy frowned, quickly chewing to empty his mouth. “What do you mean?”

  Noah reached out and circled Indy’s good wrist with his right hand, gently pulled until Indy was standing between his legs. “It’s my day off, and Josh has some special therapy session, so he’s gone all day. I want to spend the entire day with you, and you have to do exactly what I tell you.”

  Indy’s stomach soured instantly. No way. “I can’t.”

  “Which part?” Noah asked calmly.

  “I won’t let you tell me what to do for an entire day. I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Indy swallowed back bile as he put his spoon down, his appetite completely gone. Fuck, he shouldn’t have to explain this. Noah was observant enough to know why there was no way in hell Indy was relinquishing control of his life. Not even for a day. But how did he clarify without setting Noah off? He didn’t want to arouse his anger.

  “Do you trust me, Indy?” Noah asked, his eyes drilling deep into Indy’s.

  Indy bit his lip, cast his eyes down. “It’s not about trust.”

  “Of course it is. If you trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t tell you to do anything you wouldn’t like, you would have no trouble letting me boss you around for a day.”

  When he put it like that…Indy did trust Noah. Completely. He hadn’t told him anything about his past or what he was running from, but that had more to do with anxiety over how he’d respond and wanting to protect him than with fear of Noah ratting him out. Noah would never do that. The man had already seen so much of him, and he had never crossed Indy’s boundaries, not once. But it was too much to ask. He couldn’t. How could he tell Noah without hurting him, making him angry, or worse, disappointing him? He wanted Noah to like him. Even if Noah would never love him, not like that, he still wanted Noah to like him.

  Noah put his thumb on Indy’s mouth, and Indy jumped in surprise. “Stop chewing that beautiful bottom lip,” Noah said.

  Indy’s teeth let go without hesitation, and Noah brushed his thumb over the tender spot. Indy’s breath caught. Without thinking, he flicked the tip of his tongue out and licked Noah’s thumb. When he lifted his eyes, he found Noah’s gaze completely focused on him, causing his stomach to swirl. The man was strong, powerful, and fucking gorgeous, dwarfing Indy’s slender frame even when sitting.

  Noah gently pushed his thumb against Indy’s lips, and he opened automatically, letting Noah in. Wasn’t that what they had been doing the whole time: Noah gently pushing and Indy opening up without even realizing? Fuck, the man was good.

  His tongue found Noah’s thumb and licked, tasted, sucked. Noah’s green eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. Indy sucked harder, pulling the thick digit all the way into his mouth, and Noah let out a soft moan. It exhilarated Indy, this effect he had on Noah. The fact that he could make this big man react with little things like sucking on his fingers; it was a power that made him feel more alive than he had ever felt before. It also confused the shit out of him. Why the hell would Noah want him?

  “Indy…” Noah said, dark and low, as much a warning as a plea.

  Noah wanted him. Indy couldn’t for the life of him understand why, but he couldn’t deny it. Not when Noah responded this strongly to such a simple gesture as Indy sucking on his thumb. If Indy wanted to rebuild a life, he had to start with trusting people. And who better to trust than this incredible man, who had shown already in so many ways he was worthy of that trust?

  Indy let Noah’s thumb plop out of his mouth, kissed it one last time for good measure. “Okay.”

  “Do you promise to do anything and everything I tell you?”

  Instinctively, Indy’s teeth went for his bottom lip again, but he realized it in time and held back. He swallowed, nodded.

  Noah’s face broke in a smile. “Thank you.”

  “I’m scared,” Indy added. Did Noah realize how much this cost him?

  “I know. I’ll do right by you.”

  Without warning, Noah put his strong hands under Indy’s armpits and lifted him up on his lap, making Indy straddle him.

  “Let’s start with a nice hug,” Noah said, pulling Indy against his broad chest and circling those killer arms around him.

  Indy should have been startled, felt threatened because of the unexpected move and the close proximity to Noah, but a deep contentment warmed his heart. He was exactly where he wanted to be. So he put his head on Noah’s shoulder, wrapped his good arm around the thick neck and leaned in with a deep sigh.

  God, Noah smelled so good, an intoxicating mix of his sweat with faint traces of his body wash and his cologne. All male, all Noah, and so damn addictive. Yup, Indy had gotten to the stage where sweat smelled good. Whatever. He breathed in deeply. How safe he felt in this spot, how protected.

  “I love how strong and big you are,” Indy blurted out. He froze. Fuck, would that be okay to say to Noah? He was flying blind here, had no idea of the rules of this thing with Noah.

  “I love your slender body,” Noah replied, using those strong hands to grab Indy’s ass and scoot it farther forward so their groins were closer together. “Gotta admit it makes me feel like a perv sometimes, because you look so young and innocent, but fuck, you turn me on.”

  Indy wanted to contradict him, point out that he was anything but innocent and hadn’t been for a long time, but he didn’t want to break the mood. Noah’s words made him all warm inside.

  Noah’s hand traveled to his head, wrapping a long curl around his finger. “I love your soft curls…” The hand migrated to Indy’s cheek. “And your round face with that cute button nose and those chocolate-brown eyes that betray everything you’re thinking and feeling.” His index finger brushed Indy’s lips. “I love your big mouth with those soft, plump lips. Josh told me you can kiss like it’s nobody’s business. And after you sucked on my thumb, I can’t wait to feel your wet tongue and mouth on my cock.”

  Indy could picture it, his mouth wrapped around Noah’s fat cock, licking and sucking him. He didn’t mind sucking cock, had liked it before he’d become Duncan’s. In the beginning he’d gagged nonstop, even with Duncan’s small dick. The guy rammed it in deep, had told Indy he’d better learn how to relax his throat. So he had learned, but the joy of sucking dick had been gone. Plus, personal hygiene hadn’t been high on Duncan’s list of priorities, and that included condoms. Indy had suffered more than one STD because Duncan had fucked everything with a hole, male and female. He was clean now—and he was damn well going to stay that way.

  But Noah would be different. Noah would never hurt him like that, physically or mentally. And after having seen Noah’s cock, his mouth watered at the thought of tasting him, pleasuring him. Giving head could be good, with the right man. Josh clearly liked it, had taken such pleasure in sucking Indy off. And damn, it had felt amazing, that warm, wet mouth wrapped around his dick. Fuck, he’d kill to have him do that again. Well, figuratively speaking.

  Noah tapped against Indy’s teeth, bringing him back to the present. “I’m completely in love with the little gap between your front teeth.”

  Indy sighed, melting against Noah as his insides pooled with heat and his cock grew hard. Noah’s hand dropped to his neck, then continued to his arm. “I love your body… It’s small, yet strong at the same time. I love knowing that you could put me on m
y back on the floor anytime I crossed a line you didn’t want me to.”

  Indy chuckled. He froze as Noah’s hand gently brushed his back, even though there was cotton fabric between his hand and the scars. “I love knowing how strong you are on the inside as well. You’re a survivor, like me. Total turn on.”

  Indy let out a breath, shivered ever so slightly. Noah continued his journey of Indy’s body, dropped his right hand to Indy’s ass and squeezed gently. “Your ass… It’s worthy of entire love songs and poetry. Fuck, it’s surprisingly round and full considering the rest of your body, and it makes me want to… Well, not sure if you want to know all the details.”

  A sound rumbled in Indy’s chest. He was purring, going all mellow and squishy inside with Noah’s words. He cleared his throat. “I do. Want to know the details, I mean.”

  Noah’s chuckle reverberated through his body. “You like knowing what you do to me, huh? Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Noah’s other hand joined in as they slipped under Indy’s PJ bottoms and squeezed both cheeks firmly with his strong hands. Indy’s cock jumped up in attention and his breath hitched. Noah waited a beat, but Indy pushed out a shaky breath. It was pleasure flooding his system, not fear.

  “Your ass, fuck, it makes me want to eat you out—which, by the way, is something I’ve never done before, just so you know. I want to worship your bottom, then fuck it long and deep until we’re both too tired to do anything but sleep. And then I want to wake up and do it all over again.” Noah brushed his thumb over Indy’s hole, causing him to tremble. “I know you’re not ready, and I respect that, but I can’t wait for the day that you are. I’ll make it good, Indy, I promise.”

  Noah’s right hand moved to the front, wriggled in between their bodies to find Indy’s hard cock. He wrapped his rough hand around it, gave it a gentle tug that Indy felt all the way to his toes. “Your cock is gorgeous and perfect. I’ve gotten quite good at blow jobs, you know. Josh taught me well. I saw how much pleasure he gave you, and I can’t wait to do the same for you.”