Devon nodded and looked at me. Sherry looked at me out of the corner of her eye, picking up on whatever was traveling the ether between us.
“So that’s what you have? It’s a start. How do you guys feel?”
The guys shrugged.
Mage spoke up. “It’s ok, ‘Heavy’ is a for sure I think. But we’ve also talked about changing the focus a little, writing more about us and about Maggie. ‘Heavy’ fits in perfect for that. Jaylene has been talking to us and we want to make this a really personal album.” He looked to Marcus to make sure he wasn’t speaking out of turn. Marcus smiled and nodded.
“That would certainly be a departure,” she answered pensively.
We all waited for her to speak. Devon looked really uncomfortable and I wanted to reassure him. Marcus could see that Devon wasn’t able to talk so he spoke up.
“Devon and I spoke to Sherry a little about this at dinner.”
She nodded. “Yes, and while I have some reservations, it’s really up to you guys. Your fans will want to know everything, though, and legally, with Thomas’ case tied up in all this I’m just...”
Devon’s eyes narrowed and he blurted out, “Excuse me, Sherry? But Fuck Thomas! This isn’t about him, it’s about us.”
She raised her eyebrows high, probably not used to being spoken to that way by Devon. I was actually a little surprised to hear him speak that way too, but I agreed with the sentiment.
“I understand how you feel, Devon, but with Thomas being a former employee of the label, not to mention Maggie, and the fact that she died on her way home from a label-sponsored event...I just don’t want there to be any repercussions for you guys...”
Marcus spoke up this time. “Repercussions? Sherry, we lost our best friend and manager! We’ve basically lost the past four months of our lives! We want to move forward and we are taking steps to do that, no thanks to the label. If the label can’t see its way to be supportive of what we want to do then perhaps it’s time we start speaking with some of the other labels who’ve been courting us.”
She looked completely shocked.
“Marcus! I don’t think you need to do anything so rash as that...”
“And furthermore, Sherry, if you can’t stand behind our decisions, then perhaps we need to hire a new manager.”
She looked very upset. She started to speak a couple of times and then closed her mouth, a muscle twitching in her cheek.
“I don’t know where this hostility is coming from. I flew out here to try to help you guys. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. As your MANAGER, it’s my job to look at the bigger picture that can affect your art. I have been a huge advocate between you and the label and if you friggin’ want to do an album of polkas then that’s what I’m friggin’ going to sell to them! So before you decide to fire me, I just want you to know that I completely support what you want to do. Maggie was a friend of mine, too, as some of you seem to forget, and I would love to see her memorialized.” A tear rolled down her cheek and I was struck again by just how much Maggie meant to so many people.
“Sherry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I know Maggie was your friend. I just really don’t want Thomas’s name being mentioned anymore. If you don’t mind.” Devon’s voice trembled as he spoke and Marcus stood closer to him in support.
“I’m sorry Devon, you’re right. Now, I can go back to the label and tell them that you have a plan and need more time. They might not like it, but I will remind them that they are partly responsible for you all being in this position.” She had a sly smile at that statement and I loved that she was willing to fight dirty to get them what they needed.
“That would be great, Sherry. Thank you. We’ve made a lot of progress in the past couple of days and I think that trend will continue.”
Marcus eyed Devon and a look passed between the two of them that spoke volumes about their relationship to each other. When it came down to it, they were in this together. They were committed to the band and their friends and family, and committed to ensuring Maggie's legacy was respected.
Sherry looked around at all of them and the determination showed in their faces. “Well, then. It’s settled. I’ll tell them to back off and you guys do what you need to do.”
They nodded and Marcus gave her a hug. He spoke low to her, letting her know he was just doing what he had to do to keep things together. It was obvious they had a close relationship. She only seemed mostly immune to his charms. I hoped he didn’t try any of his slick lines on her. I liked her too much for that, especially now that it seemed like she was going to fight for them.
The guys went back to working on their songs and I waved Sherry into the kitchen. She looked completely relieved.
“Whoa. I don’t know what the hell has been going on in this building, but that is an entirely different group of guys than I was working with in LA. How much can you tell me?”
I thought about it and figured since she was technically one of my employers, I would give her the basics.
“I won’t give you specifics, but I can tell you a few things...first of all, Evil Dead 2 makes a great icebreaker. Second, they really loosen up after some good Zydeco. Third, and most important, they really suck at paintball.” I tried to keep a straight face, but her look of complete confusion had me cracking up.
“You have completely lost me. What is an Evil Dead?”
I figured I’d better start over from the beginning. I gave her a brief synopsis of what we’d been up to, leaving out the part about me thinking Maggie was Devon’s wife. “But the catalyst, I think, is that for whatever reason, Devon is finally talking and that has given them hope. It was apparent from the beginning that without all of their parts functioning together they weren’t going anywhere.”
She nodded and looked at me quizzically.
“Somehow I don’t think these things just happened without intervention. Marcus told me that Devon really likes you.”
It was my turn to blush.
“I don’t know if it’s that or he just feels like he can talk to me. Maybe it’s because I’m an outsider? I don’t know.”
She gave me a knowing glance. “Yeah, pull this leg and it plays jingle bells. Girl, I don’t care what you say. I’ve known these guys for the past couple of years and I’ve never seen him talking to a woman before, at least not more than polite conversation. He barely speaks to me. So if he wants to talk to you until he’s blue in the face, please let him!”
We both laughed at that. I didn’t want to discuss anything more personal with her, but I just found it so odd that everyone was convinced he was so awkward in the girl department. I told her what I was thinking and she raised an eyebrow.
“Put it to you this way, Tattoo Girl, I’ve known several women who have tried to get intimate with him. He’s always been polite, but never shown more than a gentlemanly interest in them. Between you, me and the fence post, I even knew an executive at the label who went to his hotel room clad in only a trench coat and heels and was turned away, politely of course, and left in a state of complete sexual frustration.”
I must have looked shocked because she laughed at my reaction. “You can’t be serious!”
She nodded, a laughing fit taking over her ability to speak. “God’s honest truth! And this woman wasn’t used to being dismissed. She was formerly a Playmate and had many men chasing after her, so the fact that he wouldn’t hit that surprised those of us she told.” She was looking at me speculatively. “But none of those women have what you have, Jaylene. You have natural beauty and you don’t come across as pretentious.” She shrugged, “Maybe that’s what he wants. There isn’t a lot of that in L.A. for sure.”
I really needed to direct this away from me.
“So what happens now? Will the label really back off of them and let them work? Because I think with a little more time they’ll put it all out there and if what they’ve written so far is any indication, you’re going to get some beautiful music.”
“Then that’s what is going to happen. I know they don’t fully trust me yet, but I’m damn sure not going to lose them as my client because the stupid execs can’t see what they’ve got. These guys are brilliant! They could be the next kings of Metal and Hard Rock. They just need the right album.”
“Let’s just see if we can get them to make it!”
We shook hands and I let her in on a few of my plans. I told her about the pictures and then I was thinking more blowing off steam needed to happen.
“I think one of the saddest things about what has happened is that they forgot how much they care about each other and about the music. They are so goofy and have so much fun when they forget about being pissed off at each other. You should have seen them dancing to Big Time Rush.”
She rolled her eyes and groaned loudly. “Do you know they made me listen to their last album for three hours once while stuck in traffic! I don’t know what it is about them and their dance music fascination! Maybe they should just make a dance album and get it over with...Hey, that’s not a bad idea...”
“NO! Please!”
We were both laughing when the guys came in to get some snacks.
Marcus eyed us suspiciously.
“What are you two laughing about in here?”
Devon came around behind me and put his hand on my back. I looked up at him and smiled and he took out his pack, gesturing for me to come outside with him.
I nodded and said, “We were just hoping you guys aren’t going to end up putting out a dance album.”
Jade perked up. “Ooooh! Maybe we could get Skrillex and do some Dubstep Metal!”
Mage shook his head. “Nah, Korn already did that. We’d have to like add some beat boxing or something. You know, take it back to the old school days.”
They all started rapping to Paul Revere by the Beastie Boys and Sherry covered her ears pleading, "Make it stop! Make it stop," as Devon and I walked out of the kitchen together.
I was giggling as we walked out the back door. “That would really be too much, you guys opening for Justin Bieber on his next tour.”
Devon rolled his eyes. “While I don’t mind dancing to some Zydeco with a pretty lady, I highly doubt they could get me up on stage in some boy band nonsense. I think they are forgetting we’re a little old for that. It would be kind of pedophile territory for us to get into that market.”
“Eww!” I slapped at his arm and he just shrugged, his unlit cigarette pursed between his lips.
“I told you it wouldn’t be pretty.”
I laughed and he took my hand, gently pulling me towards our benches. Funny how I’d claimed them for us, then again we’d done a lot of talking out here.
“I haven’t really been able to talk to you today and I just wanted to make sure you were ok and that you liked the flowers.”
I could feel the color creeping up into my cheeks. I spoke quietly, “The roses were beautiful, Devon. I want to draw them when I go back to my room tonight. They were perfect.”
He blushed this time.
“I’m glad you liked them. It was just…you just...” He rubbed at his soul patch and ran his hands back over his head, obviously agitated.
“Devon, it’s ok. Whatever it is.”
I knew he was trying to get something out and I wished I could make it easier on him. He looked at me for a long time, took a couple of deep breaths.
“I talked to Star and he, uh, he told me what you walked in on last night. I just, I’m sorry, that you had to, ah, see that.”
I took his hand in mine. “You were still processing what we talked about yesterday. I’m sorry you had to go through it. I didn’t do much, just held onto you.”
He took his hand back and stood, needing to pace. I watched him quietly, hating to see him so upset.
“The thing is, when I woke up with you this morning? It wasn’t there, that pressure in my chest. And part of me felt guilty for that, like it wasn’t ok for me to feel that good because Maggie...” He stopped and lit another cigarette with shaky hands.
“Because Maggie’s not here?”
He nodded.
I blew my bangs out of my eyes and I noticed he saw me out of the corner of his eye and he smirked.
“That’s survivor’s guilt, Devon. You’re feeling bad when things are going good for you because the one who passed had that taken away from them. It kind of goes with the territory.”
He started pacing again.
“Right. That’s how it felt. But I didn’t want to let go of you. I don’t want to. Is that wrong?”
We were quickly leaving territory I was knowledgeable about.
“I can’t answer that for you. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to be happy, especially because you know in your heart that Maggie would want that for you.”
He was watching me so intently that I found myself squirming under his scrutiny. I swallowed around the gigantic lump that was forming in my throat and said, “I guess it all depends on why you wanted to hold on to me. Is it because it’s me or is it because you just need someone to hold on to?”
He frowned and it was apparent that this statement made him more agitated.
“Devon, I’m not trying to be difficult. I’m only suggesting that you think about that. You don’t have to answer me. I’m going to be here for you regardless of whether you need me or just need someone.”
He stopped and his hands rested on his hips, his frequently used frustrated pose.
“Of course, it’s because it’s you! Damn, woman! Is this why you told me Mackenzie says you’re a pain?”
It was my turn to frown. My voice was low when I answered him. “I don’t understand.”
He took one last drag on his cigarette and tossed it in the urn. “What I’m trying to say is that I wanted to hold YOU, I want to hold YOU, not someone else! But I want to know if that’s ok with YOU!”
I blew my bangs out of my face again and that only made him more frustrated.
“God, when you do that I just want to carry you up those stairs over my shoulder and kiss you senseless. I feel like a goddamned Neanderthal!”
I felt my face flush and I was now completely out of territory I had any experience with. “I’m sorry, Devon. I’m not trying to be difficult.” I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
His whole demeanor changed at that. He stepped over to me and got down on his knee in front of me, taking my hand. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say what I want to say and I keep fucking it up. I just want you, Jaylene. I just want to be close to you. I’m not trying to sound like a stalker here or anything. I just feel better when I’m with you. Even if you’re just sitting on the other end of the bar talking to someone else. I can’t explain it.”
I blinked at him a couple of times and smiled. “You’re doing a good job.”
He exhaled in a laugh. “No, I’m not. You’re not the only one who has trouble with ‘this.’ I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want you to go. I’m trying to get better...”
I dropped my knees and put my hand on his shoulder. “Devon, I should be the least of your worries right now. I’m not going anywhere, ok? You have me for another couple of weeks here and after that, I’ll still be around.”
“That’s not what I mean, though. I’m not just talking about this gig here. I could give a shit about the contract you’re under. I mean I do because I’m trying to respect your rules. But I just have this fear that when it’s over you’re going to walk away from me and I don’t want that.”
“But how can you know what you’re going to want? You don’t even know me, Devon.”
“Then let me, chère! Let me know you! I know you think you’re only supposed to be here for us, but I want to know you.”
My head was spinning. I didn’t want to upset him, but I was so afraid he just needed a crutch. And I needed to be that for him. I was afraid to want more than that because once I got him to be able to live without t
he crutch he was going to leave. To want him to still need me was selfish on my part.
“Devon, I told you I didn’t want to make things difficult for you. Getting into a relationship or whatever you’re thinking about with me or anyone else is not really a good idea when you are grieving for someone. So whatever I want or think is irrelevant. Let me be here for you, to grieve for your sister and try to save your career. When that’s all said and done, if you still feel like this, then we can talk about what I want.”
He sat back, stunned. Myriad emotions crossed his face; hurt, anger, resignation among them. “So nothing I say right now is going to change your mind?”
I smiled sadly at him. “It can’t. I’m sorry.”
He cursed and stood up. He turned his back to me and took in a shuddering breath.
“I’m going to get through this because I have to. You’ve helped me see that I don’t want to feel like this anymore. But you’ve also showed me that I can want more. And no matter what you say, I do want more and I will want more. So I’m going to consider this conversation to be continued.”
He went back inside and dragged my heart along the concrete behind him, slamming it in the door.
Chapter Ten
When I went back inside some time later Star caught me in the hallway as he was coming out of the dark kitchen.
“Hey, you ok? What happened?”
I sniffled a little and smiled. “I’m fine. I...Oh! Shit! I was supposed to have Mackenzie come by with my books! Shit! What time is it?”
He pulled out a cell phone from his back pocket. “It’s 9:30? What do you need me to do?”
“I need that book. Care to break the rules a little?”
His face crinkled into an adorable sneaky smile. “Let’s do it! Let’s be rebels! We’re supposed to be fucking rock n’ rollers, right?”
We bumped fists. I was so glad I’d run into him.
I had him sneak upstairs and get us some hoodies so we could creep out the back. He brought them downstairs and I slid one on. It was so gigantic on me I was swimming in it! We peeked out the back gate and there were still a few people around the front of the building. We decided we needed a better escape route. Star boosted me up to the top of the back wall, which was interesting in my dress. The ledge was just wide enough for us to walk along. We followed it around to the next property and then cut through their courtyard out to the street. There we just blended in with folks who had spilled over from Bourbon Street. We caught up to a Haunted Tour and followed them down Ursuline, then cut over until we were on Frenchman.
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