“I’m sorry, Dylan. I really am. But I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “Let me guess—it isn’t me, it’s you, and you hope we can still be friends?”
“Dylan...”
“I should have known you couldn’t let go of Ashton.”
“I tried. I swear I tried.”
“I believe you. But that isn’t how things work.”
“I really am sorry. I’d hoped things would be different.”
He shook his head. “I get it, Dani. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt, but I get it.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“How long have you known?”
From the beginning. “Does it matter?”
“No. And I don’t really want to know. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, knowing it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.
“Yeah. No hard feelings or anything, but don’t expect us to be besties after this. That isn’t going to work.”
“I know. I really wish it could have been different.”
“Me, too,” he sighed. “Good luck, Dani. I think you’re going to need it.”
He walked away without a backwards glance, stiff with wounded dignity. It was over. I wrapped my arms around myself and waited until he disappeared down the hallway, then trudged to the cafeteria to face the music. My day wasn’t going to get any better.
I dropped into the empty chair between Allison and Molly and pretended to dig for homework in my backpack.
“No Dylan today?” Allison asked.
“No.”
Molly cocked her head. “No lunch today?”
“No.”
Delaney’s eyes widened with a questioning look. “Would I be right to guess that the two are related?”
“Yes.”
Allison snorted. “Can you produce something besides single syllable answers?”
“We broke up,” I told her.
She jerked upright in her chair. “He dumped you? Before Christmas?”
“I dumped him.”
“Oh.”
Delaney leaned over the table towards me. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
“And we’re back to monosyllables,” Molly said.
“I didn’t want to do it, and I didn’t want to hurt him. But I did and I feel like the biggest jerk in the world for it. He’s a nice guy and he didn’t deserve this.”
Molly’s hand covered mine. “Neither do you, Dani.”
“Maybe I do. I knew it wasn’t right and kept going.”
“You can’t blame yourself. That’s just how dating goes. It doesn’t always work out.”
“I know that. But I should have stopped things weeks ago. I just didn’t because I was being selfish.”
“Oh, hon,” Delaney said.
“It’s true. I was selfish. I knew Dylan really liked me, and now I’ve hurt him.”
“That doesn’t make you a bad person,” she insisted. “It just makes you human.”
“Maybe so, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”
They knew me well enough to let it drop after that, but it was only a temporary reprieve. Later they’d be all over me like a blanket to make sure I was okay. They were my friends—it was what they did. At some point I knew I’d be grateful for that.
The weird thing was that I missed Dylan. I missed his texts, his calls, hanging out with him. It had filled the void Ashton had left in my life, which was the entire reason I’d behaved so selfishly. Now it had blown up in my face so I didn’t have either of them, and I had no one to blame but myself.
All I could do was try to keep busy and get my mind off of things. There were crafts to help Mom with to sell in Dad’s store. There were finals to study for, and a major art project that I’d made very little progress on. I threw myself into all of it and did my best to keep my mind free of any thoughts of boys or dating. It wasn’t easy, especially since my friends wouldn’t stop going on about the Winter Dance and all the things they were going to do with their boyfriends over Christmas break. There was no getting away from the reminders of what I no longer had.
At night I took my sketchbook and went out looking at Christmas decorations in search of inspiration. Despite the astonishing variety I saw which should have sparked a thousand new ideas, my block was back and my muse was gone. All that week I struggled with my art project without making any headway. A few thoughts flitted through my imagination but refused to turn into anything solid. I kept at it, but the continuing failures only made things worse.
On Saturday night I was driving around taking pictures of Christmas displays with my phone when I got I got a text from the last person I would have expected.
Ashton: What are you doing tonight?
I hesitated for several seconds before answering, not sure I should answer at all.
Me: Just driving around looking at Xmas stuff
Ashton: Sounds like fun
Me: It’s for a school art project
Ashton: Oh? So what are you working on?
Me: Nothing definite yet. Just getting ideas together
Ashton: Got time to meet up?
I stared at my phone, not sure how to respond or even how I truly felt about that. Part of me wanted so badly to see him, but at the same time I was scared. Did I really want to open myself back up to everything with Ash right now?
Me: I guess so
Ashton: Such enthusiasm :)
Me: I can change my mind
Ashton: Whataburger downtown? Fifteen minutes?
Me: OK
Ashton: See you there
I squeezed my steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. Why? Why was I doing this? It was too late to back out now, though. Might as well get it over with.
Ashton was already waiting in a booth when I walked into the restaurant. I slipped into the seat across from him and pasted on a smile.
“I ordered you some onion rings and a Coke,” he said, sliding them across the table to me. “Want anything else?”
“Thanks. That’s good. So why am I here?”
“I heard about Dylan.”
“Yeah.” I took a long drink of my Coke to hide my emotions.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. I was the one who broke up with him.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “Not your fault.”
He gave me a long look but decided to let that go. “Can we stop doing the whole avoiding each other thing? It’s getting kind of old, and I really miss you. I went along with it while you were dating Dylan, but since he’s gone...”
“Ash, I don’t know.”
I was tempted, so very, very tempted. I missed him, too, but I still needed to get my head straight and I wasn’t sure if I could do that if we were hanging out together again.
Ashton waved a French fry at me. “You know you’re going to give in. It’s just a matter of time. Why not just go ahead and get it over with?”
He slouched back in his seat and slowly munched on that fry while watching me expectantly. I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face. He was such a goofball, and I loved him for it.
“Okay. You’re right. No more avoiding each other.”
“Great. Eat your onion rings before they get cold. Then we can go look at Christmas stuff together and see if we can get your creative juices going.”
He grinned and I grinned back. It was amazing how good I felt.
Chapter Eleven
I spent most of the rest of the weekend working on my art project with Ashton’s help. Or at least that was the excuse I gave myself. Mostly I was just enjoying his presence, the way we clicked when we were together in that way I’d never managed with Dylan. I didn’t say anything to my friends about it. They could find out on Monday. Until then I just wanted to enjoy this time with Ashton in peace without a bunch of questions or judgment. Not that any of my f
riends would actually be judgy. I was the one who’d be doing that to myself.
We’d driven into Corpus where there were more displays to look at and gotten a lot more pictures. It was easier with Ashton driving so all that I had to do was snap pictures out the car window as we drove by. I still hadn’t come up with that one idea yet, but I felt better, like I was getting closer.
As we swung back onto the main road, Ashton spoke up. “Can we run by the mall so I can get some new earbuds and a battery for my phone?”
“Sure. I could use some coffee to take the chill off.”
With less than a month until Christmas the mall was packed, and I regretted going in as soon as we walked through the doors. Then I saw it—the Christmas display in the atrium by the fountain. A red sleigh with eight reindeer hung suspended from the high ceiling, but this wasn’t the usual lifeless, plastic stuff I’d gotten so used to seeing. The reindeer were adorable, plush pieces which had been dusted with something that looked like snow, and the entire display almost seemed to be in motion. I stopped so quickly that Ashton plowed into me from behind.
“Sorry!” he said. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I think I’ve got it.”
“What?”
“My idea.”
“Really? That’s great!”
“Go get your stuff. I’m going to take some pictures and think for a while.”
“Okay. I’ll be back in a few.”
I walked around snapping pictures and studying the display from a bunch of different angles. I wished for my sketchbook, but I just had to hold onto my ideas in my head until I got home. I was certain I had it, though. It wasn’t so much the display itself as the style that struck me, the texture and feel of it all. I just had to transfer it from my head onto paper.
When Ashton came back I handed him a cup of coffee.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Yes. I got everything I needed here.”
“Want to drive around some more?”
“No. We can head back unless you’ve got another errand to run.”
“I need to get home anyway. I’ve been out with you when I should have been doing my pre-cal homework.”
I grinned over at him. “Awwww. I feel so special.”
“You should. I wouldn’t do this for just anybody.”
I raised my eyebrows as he unlocked the car. “Would you do it for Kelly Benton?”
He pretended to consider it. “Maybe if she offered to help me study.” He used air quotes around the word study.
“Hey!”
Rolling his eyes, he got into the car. “No, I would not blow off my pre-cal homework for Kelly. English, maybe, but not pre-cal.”
“You are asking for trouble, mister.”
“For as long as I’ve known you.”
I smiled as he started the car. At that moment, all was right with my world.
It only took me a couple of days to knock out the art project after that. It was a color drawing of a little girl sleeping with the sleigh and reindeer hanging above her head like a dream. I had created a mixed piece with the girl pictured realistically, but with the rest drawn in a more cartoonish, dreamlike style. Getting that part just the way I wanted it had been a challenge and had taken a lot of work, but when I showed it to my friends at lunch after it was finished I could tell that it had all been worthwhile.
That afternoon I turned it in and Ms. Hobson’s eyes lit up.
“It’s beautiful, Dannika! You’ve got a winner here.”
‘”We’ll see. But I’m proud of it.”
“You ought to be. And I think it’s safe to say that you earned your A for this grading period.”
That made me feel good about myself for the first time in months. I also felt good that my friends had accepted Ashton’s return without any comment. They all acted like nothing had ever happened, like there had been no interlude with Dylan to interrupt things.
Days flew by as Christmas approached. When we weren’t finishing up projects or studying for finals we were talking about our plans for winter break and the last school dance of the year. The one disappointment on the horizon was that my parents had decided we would spend the entire holiday in Lubbock with my grandparents instead of just our usual long weekend there. My time with Ashton during the break was going to be limited, which meant that I needed to make the most of it before school let out.
One afternoon that week Ashton came by my house to watch Christmas movies. When I opened the door I was grinning from ear to ear.
“Ms. Hobson just emailed. She said I won the district competition with my drawing!”
Ashton snatched me up with a whoop and swung me around. “I knew you’d win!”
“They’re sending the winners to the regional judges, and I should find out next week how that goes.”
“I bet you win that one, too.”
“I hope so. There’s probably some pretty tough competition, though.”
“I have faith in you.” He set me back on my feet without letting go of me. “So I talked to Allison. One of the guys—Jason—asked her to the dance.”
“That’s good!”
I was happy for her, but it left me the odd girl out. We had agreed to go to the dance together since neither of us had dates.
“Go with me,” Ashton said, his voice a soft rustle against my hair.
Despite how things had been going between us, I was struck with misgivings. “I don’t know.”
“Oh, come on. This way neither of us has to go alone. It’ll be fun.”
As I considered it, it felt right even though it was a little scary.
“All right. Why not? Now let’s get some popcorn going so we can watch the movie.”
The dance was that Friday night, with only half a week of school left before letting out for the break. I hurried home after school to get ready. A flurry of texts passed among me and my friends as we picked through outfits and accessories—and discussed our dates. That was mostly confined to mine and Allison’s, since Molly and Delaney were both going with long-term boyfriends.
I was texting those two about Allison’s date, Jason, and all three of us were hoping that it would turn into something more than just a one night deal. The girl had the world’s worst luck with boys, which was largely due to her crazy crush on Seth. If she could only get past that, maybe she could find a guy she could be happy with. Of course when I considered how I felt about Ashton, that was definitely the pot calling the kettle black. I was still going to keep my fingers crossed for her, though.
Ashton came to the front door to get me, which made Mom and Dad happy. They both had a thing about manners and how they expected boys to behave, and they would have pitched a fit if he had just texted me from the curb. When I opened the door he looked so hot that I thought I was going to melt. My breath caught and my stomach did an odd little flip. I was in big trouble with this boy, but I discovered that I really didn’t care. I was so happy that I was giddy from it and had to struggle not to laugh out loud from sheer joy.
“You look amazing,” Ashton said.
The way he was looking at me had my stomach all fluttery. I wanted to throw myself at his lips right then and there on the porch. That would have messed up the brownie points he’d just earned with Mom and Dad, though, so I restrained my urges and smiled at him instead.
“You, too.”
Closing the door, I followed him out to his car while still trying not to break out in gleeful giggles. Maybe it was just the season, but everything seemed brighter and sharper than usual, and I was ready to burst with excitement and happiness at going out with Ashton again.
We walked into the school cafeteria arm in arm, and little shivers ran along my skin whenever we touched. It was much better than the Homecoming Dance. For this one night I refused to worry about anything, refused to let my doubts or our history cloud the moment. It was just me and Ashton together having a good time.
All night we danced together—fast songs or slow songs, it
didn’t matter. I almost forgot my friends were there with us, I was so wrapped up in Ash and the wonderful feelings that had me practically floating as we swayed to the music. It was like Christmas magic had touched us, and I felt closer to him, more in touch than ever before.
A slow song began and he pulled me closer. “Are you okay?”
“I’m great. Why?”
“You just seem different tonight.”
I smiled up at him. “I’m just happy, that’s all.”
“Been a while since I’ve seen that. I guess that’s why it seemed so strange.”
“Oh, stop it. I’m having a good time and it’s almost Christmas.”
“All right. I just wanted to make sure no one spiked the punch or anything.”
I gave him a playful squeeze. “I’m also dancing with the hottest guy in school, which doesn’t hurt.”
“The hottest guy in school? Wow. I’ll have to point that out to Walker and Quinn.”
“Their dates might argue with it, but they’d be wrong.”
“Well, I’ve seen your art and you obviously have a serious talent for determining visual appeal.”
“See? I’m an expert.”
“With incredible taste.”
His lips brushed against my hair so that tingles sizzled through me like hot little sparks. Being in his arms felt like coming home after a long absence and waking up on Christmas morning all wrapped up together. That sensation stayed with me for the entire evening, and I was still riding an emotional high as Ashton walked me to my front door after the dance.
Our arms were around each other, and I wasn’t even pretending to fight it anymore. Not on that magical night. I waited with my heart beating about a million times a minute, hoping with every single molecule in my body that Ashton would try to kiss me again like he had after the Homecoming Dance. I wasn’t disappointed.
Ashton slowly turned me around to face him. It was cold out, but his arms were warm around me and his lips scorching as they descended on mine. His kiss was hot and sweet, everything I’d hoped and dreamed for, every bit as wonderful as the rest of the night had been. I tingled all the way down to my toes as his soft lips devoured mine. His fingers curled into my hair to pull me closer still, and I leaned into him and buried my fists in his shirt as my knees went weak.
Just Friends Page 9