Bittersweet (Xcite Romance)

by Alyssa Turner

  Evan lifted me off of Keith’s lap and by the time we stumbled to my bedroom, we were feverishly stripping away the rest of our clothing. We didn’t make it to the bed and I opted to bend over the dresser as he entered my dripping cunt with a long moan. I gripped the edges of the bureau and watched our reflection in the mirror. My perfume bottles shook and tumbled over at the force of his thrusts.

  He was ravenous and I was equally desperate to have him inside me. Spilling a hot shot of come through the grip of my walls only prompted him to change positions, and he threw me onto the bed, pressing inside me again and flooding my mouth with his tongue. I grabbed at his ass, spreading my legs wide and encouraging him to go faster. I was nearing another orgasm as his cock acquainted itself with my most sensitive depths. Evan slipped his fingers into mine, locking them together and rolling against the spot he’d found.

  I screamed out in utter release and came harder than I ever had before. He collapsed next to me, cradling my shaking frame, as I lay suspended in the clutches of orgasmic overload. A few moments later, I was about to get up when Keith’s shadow appeared in the doorway.

  ‘You two sleep here tonight,’ he said, ‘I’ll take the guest room.’ Again, he was insistent, so I obeyed his wishes and stayed in Evan’s arms until about midnight, but crawled into the spare bed next to Keith once Valentine’s Day was over. As I nuzzled next to my husband, cherishing the warmth of his closeness, I promised to file for a sabbatical from the museum first thing in the morning.

  The worst was only ahead of us.

  Awaiting me in the clarity of the morning light was a sense of desperation for more time. And simultaneously, the absence of my normal Monday morning hustle felt like the beginning of a surrealistic holiday. With just a phone call and an email, I secured the opportunity to be with Keith every minute he had left. One word would sum it up: daunting. The entire thing threatened to overwhelm me at every turn, but I resolved to remain calm and determined in the face of the inevitable. My time with Keith would not be wasted in a sea of melancholy.

  He’d awoken with me staring at him – my hair a mess and my make-up smeared across my face. No matter, because he’d seen me looking worse and loved me all the while. It’s like that in a marriage and I gave credence to the liberation familiarity provides when Evan gently knocked on the open door.

  ‘I’m making some eggs and toast,’ he said casually and smiled, disguising the awkwardness that hung in the air.

  ‘We’ll be down in a few,’ I returned, with fingers reflexively fussing over my appearance.

  Keith touched my face and grinned slightly. ‘You’re wondering what I have gotten you into,’ he noted.

  ‘I’m wondering how I can make sense of all this.’

  ‘Sabrina, you have little difficulty making sense of anything.’

  He was right. What was churning my stomach was the sense that I could still feel Evan’s cock sliding in and out of me. ‘I just want to focus on you, give you my undivided attention for whatever time we have left.’

  ‘That’s what you think you should be doing. Sometimes you have to let your instincts take the lead. There is nothing wrong with your sensibilities or what they are telling you.’

  ‘Stop trying to make this sound so easy.’

  He sighed, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. ‘But it is, Sabrina. It’s as simple as we make it.’

  Morning radio flooded the kitchen with boisterous chatter where Evan was making himself busy with breakfast. I walked in with my robe pulled tightly over my nudity, but he was already dressed, as irresistible as ever, barefoot in yesterday’s trousers and just his undershirt.

  ‘Looks like you guys could use a trip to the grocery store,’ he remarked, nodding at the refrigerator. Then pausing a moment, he continued, ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘I’ve been better.’ Evan took some steps closer to me as I fought the urge to melt into his arms.

  He sensed my tension and stopped short of the intended embrace, placing a hand on my shoulder instead. ‘I know this is difficult. You can lean on me in any way that you feel you need to.’

  Swallowing hard past the lump of stubborn resolve hitched in my throat, I let my hand wander over the top of his and found the edge of comfort in the sincerity of his eyes.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Does Keith need help getting downstairs?’

  ‘No.’ The answer came from Keith himself as he wheeled into the kitchen. ‘Months of practice have made it easy enough for me to navigate the chair lift on my own.’

  ‘I only have to help when he’s had one too many glasses of wine,’ I quipped, giving Keith a kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Well, I scrounged up what I could for breakfast. If you want, I’ll take a trip to the store before I head back to my apartment.’

  ‘You’re heading back into the city?’ I asked before realising that it was a silly question.

  ‘I figured you two would like some time alone.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ Keith stated. ‘Stay the day at least. Sabrina is going to be out of her mind with over-compensating me. I’m not sure I want to be cooped up with her all day by myself.’ He had a smile for both of us and I couldn’t resist jabbing him in the arm.

  ‘OK, but they’re predicting snow on the radio, so I think it’s a good idea to get some food in this place,’ Evan said, scooping some eggs onto each of our plates.

  ‘I’ll go with you. Keith is pretty picky about what he likes.’

  They both laughed at this, with Evan driving the point home. ‘You’re pretty picky yourself there, Sabrina.’

  I rolled my eyes in mock denial, but the truth is I can be impossible to please, and I know it.

  The local market was bustling with activity, strange for a Monday morning. The housewives were out in droves, stocking up on the necessities like panicked worker ants reinforcing the nest. I usually have the groceries delivered, but yesterday’s adventure had precluded me from placing my weekly order. We made quick work of gathering what was needed and were waiting in line when I heard someone call my name.

  My divorcée neighbour looked surprised to see me. ‘Funny running into you on a Monday, Sabrina.’ She gave me a polite hug, cheek to cheek.

  ‘I’m taking some time off,’ I said with hopes that she’d leave it at that.

  ‘That’s nice,’ she replied and took a long look at Evan. ‘Do introduce me to this attractive man you’re with. Is he a relative of yours?’ she asked, extending her well-manicured hand out towards Evan.

  I immediately felt a twinge in my jaw, wanting to mark him as off-limits to that man-eater. ‘Carla, this is Keith’s assistant, Evan,’ was my only reply.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ he responded and offered his hand in return.

  ‘Yes, I’ve seen you leaving a few times from across the street.’ Her flirtations were as overt as the cleavage she displayed in the angora sweater she wore. Then turning back to me, she put on a concerned expression. ‘How is Keith doing?’

  ‘He’s fine,’ came my simple answer to a complicated question.

  ‘Good to hear. Well, it was nice meeting you, Evan. Do you have a card? I’m sure I could use your help with something.’

  I could tell that her charms were having the exact opposite effect on Evan than what she intended and he had to bite his lip to keep from saying something that would make us all uncomfortable.

  ‘No, I don’t have a card,’ he replied and took a subtle step closer to me that I’m sure was unconscious, yet not overlooked.

  ‘Oh,’ Carla remarked, noting the sudden energy in the air. ‘I see.’

  ‘Next!’ the checkout clerk yelled, breaking the few seconds of tense quiet and prompting Carla to say her goodbyes.

  ‘Great,’ I sighed, ‘all I need is Carla passing rumours around the neighbourhood about us.’

  ‘Sabrina, you are facing the hardest thing you’ve ever had to deal with. Who cares what the busybodies in your neighbourhood think.’ He spoke softly, but I could h
ear the intensity in his voice. ‘This is about what you want, what Keith wants and what I want.’

  ‘I’m not so sure what I want.’

  ‘If I wanted to kiss you right here, would you stop me?’

  I glanced over in the direction that Carla had gone and spotted her squeezing a cantaloupe in the produce section. Her attention was only half-occupied with the fruit as she returned my gaze with a terse smile. I knew the answer I should give, the sensible answer. But in reality, the remedy Keith had prescribed for our impossible situation was entirely sensible in the unapologetically practical definition of the word.

  ‘You’re right,’ I said, feeling a fraction of the tension in my shoulders ease. ‘Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?’

  He kissed me softly, sweetly – like lovers who have been together forever and I felt my cheeks burn, not with embarrassment, but a desire that wouldn’t been quelled by Carla’s judgmental stare. It was liberating to release that bit of unnecessary baggage when far more pressing challenges lay ahead.

  In the car, I reached for his hand instinctively and thought about how to ask him to stay the night again.

  As it turned out, I wouldn’t have to, because when the snow began to fall, Keith readily made the suggestion.

  ‘I’ll head out before it gets bad,’ Evan told us. ‘Just need to pick up a few things from my place.’

  ‘Maybe you should pack enough for a few days,’ I piped up. ‘In case we’re snowed in.’

  Evan grinned at my explanation and called me on it. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

  He left sometime after three, before the storm warnings went into effect. I took the time alone with Keith to massage his back, which gets stiff from sitting so much. Straddling him on our bed, I slowly dragged my fingers over his muscles, watching them twitch in response.

  ‘Does that feel good?’

  ‘Mmmm. It does.’

  ‘We used to joke about a threesome, years ago. Do you remember that?’

  ‘Of course I do,’ he replied, sounding relaxed.

  ‘But nobody jokes about something unless there’s some bit of truth lacing the humour.’ I took a sweep past his skin with my lips. ‘Would you join us, if I asked you to?’

  ‘I’m not sure what you’d need me for, but if Evan is open to it, then yes.’

  ‘Do you think you will enjoy it?’

  ‘I will enjoy seeing you happy.’

  ‘Keith, tell me what I can do to make you happy.’

  ‘Sweetheart, that isn’t a fair question. I can’t control a thing about this tumour in my head. I don’t know when I’ll take my last breath – tomorrow, next month. It’s like a time bomb. But what I can control ... what I want to ensure, is the way I leave things. What would make me happy is to know that you are happy.’

  ‘You must be the most generous man on the earth.’

  ‘Actually, I think that I’m quite selfish. We were a strong couple, Sabrina. I love you fiercely still. It’s just unacceptable to risk your fire dying with me. I simply won’t have it.’

  I helped him turn over and let my hair hang in his face. ‘You can try selling me that selfish line all you want; I know the truth about you, Keith.’ And I employed my kisses to explain exactly what I thought of him.

  The afternoon talk shows buzzed in the background, on the TV no one was watching downstairs. Keith looked different to me all of a sudden. He didn’t seem like the broken shell I had merely existed with over the past months. On the contrary, Keith had new colour in his cheeks and he looked empowered and strong.

  ‘Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?’ I asked him, tugging my top off over my head.

  ‘I do.’

  ‘I came to your office to surprise you with a little fun before class ...’

  ‘And I was expecting you already and hard as a shotgun.’

  I rocked off of him and slid out of my pants. ‘It made me so angry that you thought you knew me so well.’

  ‘I did ... I do know you that well, my Sabrina.’

  I continued, ‘It made me so angry that I decided to make you sorry for being so presumptuous.’

  He ran his hand up my bare thigh. ‘You hiked up that tight little skirt you had on and sat on top of my desk.’ For a better view, he propped himself up with the strong arms that used to hold me every night as we fell asleep.

  ‘And then I spread my legs in front of you, like this.’ Keith’s eyes were smoky, the way they used to look when we were about to fuck. ‘And I slid my fingers over my pussy, like this, teasing you relentlessly.’

  ‘You weren’t making me sorry, sweetheart. You were making me fall in love with you. So stubborn and sexy, so difficult – I ate it up.’

  ‘You waited until I was in the middle of my climax, with my fingers rubbing my clit furiously and my mind cloudy with the sweet power I had over you in that moment.’

  ‘And then I fucked your mind completely and told you I loved you.’

  ‘Yeah, that was how it went,’ I breathed through a sultry grin. ‘You ended up being the one who did the surprising that day.’

  He reached out to take over where I left off, stroking my swollen clit with his thumb and the feel of him pleasuring me again was instantly explosive. I missed him so much.

  When I was finished, he collapsed flat on the bed, having exhausted the arm that was supporting him upright. I snuggled back against him, wishing that I could return the favour in some way, but settled for a long kiss instead.

  We lay there, drifting on our memories and let the afternoon talk shows turn into the evening news. Thoughts of happy times challenged the darkness of tragedy that loomed over us like a spectre waiting to strike. We spoke little; busy in our own minds, but connected by touch. And as the hours ticked by, reality knocked louder, disrupting the dreamy recollections of better days. Sadness and gloom beckoned and I found myself in need of something, someone to ward it off. It was very dark when I began to wonder what was keeping Evan.

  I extracted myself from Keith’s lazy arm strewn across my chest and sat up to check the clock. The time was rounding 7 p.m. and the driving snow was starting to obscure the upstairs windows. Worry tinged my brow with the idea of Evan’s little hatchback trudging through what looked like a foot of snow on the ground already. I almost hoped that he’d used his good judgment to stay in the city after all, knowing that if he had, I’d have volunteered to pick him up in the Rover instead. I called his cellphone but only got his voicemail.

  ‘Keith, are you hungry?’ I asked him, taking my mind off of the howling wind.

  Comfort food was the menu of choice for the evening, and our favourite brand of frozen gourmet pizza and a glass of Merlot was the best I could do. I never learned the fine art of cooking; too busy ordering take-out. And that night, I didn’t dare call for delivery for fear they’d laugh me off the line.

  By 9 p.m., even Keith was asking if I’d heard from Evan. And at 10 p.m., I was staring out of the window into the blurred greyness of the storm, my lips pressed flush with anxiety. In a day’s time, Evan had become my only security. Keith had already gone to bed when small headlights finally cut the darkness in our driveway.

  Relief washed over me as a smile softened my mouth. Before he rang the bell I was at the door, with the cold whipping through my old college T-shirt. He was soaked.

  ‘Why didn’t you answer your phone?’ I sputtered, closing the door and tipping around the icy puddles in my bare feet.

  ‘No battery,’ he replied easily, pulling off his coat. ‘I was out all day and night with this amazing woman and left my charger at home.’

  I wasn’t terribly amused. ‘Well, I was worried sick.’ And as I said the words, I realised just how frightened I was. It was a surprise to me to know that I needed him so much already – my security blanket.

  ‘I’m sorry about that,’ he said, his tone now serious and his hand making its way to my face.

  ‘What took you so long?’

  ‘When y
ou’re driving five miles an hour, this is a three-hour trip from Manhattan.’ His smile was effortless. ‘But, patience is a good friend of determination.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re here, safe and sound.’

  ‘How glad?’ he asked, slipping his arms around me.

  ‘Quite glad,’ I replied with a sexy smile. I’d been in more and more agony for his return with every minute that passed, worried for his safety and worried for myself. It was a little scary to feel afraid that I might lose the only glimmer of light in my dismal life. Throwing my arms around his neck, I smothered him with kisses and he returned every one with equal voracity.

  It was fast work ridding me of my panties and with little desire to delay by fully undressing, Evan loosened his pants exposing his cock still battling the frigid temperatures of February’s frosty assault. I dropped to my knees in front of him and took it whole into my mouth, sucking hard with intention. He played softly in my hair, cooing and sighing as his cock responded in kind. It grew quickly between my lips, blood surging under the skin. And once he was ready, he wasted no time, scooping me up and placing me on the steps. His large hands gripped firmly on my legs, holding them apart. Into me he slid as if it were the only place he belonged. And I was glad for how he replaced the pit in my stomach with the fullness of satisfaction.

  He fucked me with strength, a gritty power that hinted of ownership or at least the hope of it. Another kiss on my lips was hard and fevered, and he tugged on my lip with a gentle bite. I pressed my tongue inside his mouth and he met this with a deeper thrust of his rigid cock.

  ‘Oh, God. Evan!’

  Raising my legs higher, he pounded me deeper still; sighing raggedly against my shoulder and beginning to tremble. The heat of his come gratified me. He was back, close where I needed him and I knew it would be hard to see him leave again.

  But questions abounded in my head. ‘I need to ask you, Evan. Why would someone want to be tangled in this sad predicament?’ I gave a cynical laugh. ‘I mean, besides the sex.’