Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story

by Janae Keyes

  My feet sprinted across the warehouse to him, and I flew into his arms. I cried with my face against his chest. Days of emotions flooded out, and the only thing I cared about was his warm embrace.

  “It is over, Kisska. I give promise, it is over,” he whispered in my ear as he rubbed his hands over my back. He kissed my temple and warmth spread through my limbs.

  I opened my eyes determined to look up at him, but I focused on something else. A man stood with his gun pointed directly at us. That man was Vadim. He was a bloodied mess but stood strong.

  My mouth went to speak, but it was too late as shots rang out and Alexei slumped into my arms going limp. I screamed out at the top of my lungs as Vadim was once again laughing his sinister laugh.

  I went to my knees with Alexei in my arms. His blood joined Igor’s on my hands. He was breathing erratic, and I could see the pain in his eyes.

  Alexei lifted a hand and ran it over my cheek. He gave me a grin that spoke volumes to me. My heart skipped a beat as my tears rapidly fell.

  “No,” I whispered as I looked up at Vadim. The man had a smirk on the edge of his lips. He was clearly pleased with himself, but I wouldn’t have it.

  I picked up one of the guns Alexei previously had. I’d only ever worked a simple handgun, nothing as advanced as what I held, but I had no other options. I jumped to my feet and pointed the large gun toward Vadim who continued to laugh.

  “Pretty one, you cannot shoot with such weapon,” he mocked me.

  I closed my eyes but opened them up knowing I needed my sight and without fully understanding. I shot. The automatic weapon spewed out bullets, and it was like in an action movie as Vadim was hit multiple times, his body flopping in the air like a fish before he fell to the ground.

  The weapon seemed to run out of bullets and instantly stopped. I stood with no breath and a gun in my hands. I dropped it back where I’d picked it up and bent instantly to Alexei who grinned up at me.

  “I have good shoot,” he said with a slight moan. “Make promise for me.”

  “No, I’m not making promises. You’re going to be fine. We will get you taken care of,” I insisted as I refused to hear him out.

  “Take care of baby. Do that for me. Tell Baby of me.”

  “You know about the baby?” I asked him as I swallowed. He nodded with a grin.

  The doors busted open and before I could give a proper reaction the room began to fill with police and soldiers all with their weapons drawn. I was approached and grabbed up from the ground. I tried to fight and stay with Alexei, but it all went so fast.

  Blood still covered my clothes as I sat in the small room at the embassy. I’d been offered a change, but I refused. It was Alexei’s blood on my clothes, and it kept me close to him. It and our baby was all I had of him.

  There was so much information to process that I wasn’t sure if I could process it all. I’d been taken away and kept alone in the back of a police car until I was joined by someone from the embassy and a DEA agent named Jaxon. They told me that Alexei died because of his injuries.

  A large moment in time was missing. I just remember losing it completely. I’d lost Alexei forever. The man I’d found myself so deeply in love with was gone. I would truly be forced to live without him. I remember asking to see his body, but having them refuse it. I was told that I would be taken to the embassy and arrangements would be made to send me back to the US.

  I still remembered the feeling of that final kiss on my temple. I remembered his words about our child and I remembered the last time he’d told me he loved me. My stomach clenched with the emotional pain that ran through me. There was so much I didn’t understand and so much to come.

  In under nine months, I would be a mother again. This time, I was keeping my child. I would raise my child to know everything about his or her father. I would care for my baby as Alexei would have my promise to do so. He’d dreamed of becoming a father, and he would be one from heaven.

  “Miss,” a voice called as the door opened. “Your flight reservations have been made. You leave tomorrow morning.” A petite secretary had arrived with a small tray of food and a printed itinerary. I nodded and only pushed the tray aside after she’d sat it on the table, but then my memory struck, and I pulled it back. I had to eat to care for my child.

  I took a piece of bread into my hand and took a bite. Ms. Responsible had returned. She would keep things in order and keep my baby safe. I had so much to think about, and my life would be different without my best friend and her cousin that stole my heart.

  “I’ll leave you to eat,” the secretary said.

  “Thank you,” I whispered as she left the room.

  I took a peek at the itinerary. I would eventually come back to Russia. I would leave flowers at Alexei’s grave, and I would remember what honest and true love felt like with him.

  A hum left my lips, and the melody continued. The Nikolov family lullaby on my lips continued, and my hums grew louder echoing through the room.

  Ty moy tsvetochek, ty ochen' prekrasnaya mne

  Ty koroleva sada, nagrada vsego

  YA zabochus' o tebe so vsem moim vnimaniyem i ty vozvrashchayesh' moyu lyubov' mne

  YA nablyudayu za toboy pod lunoy so svetom na tvoikh lepestkakh

  Ty tantsuyesh' pod dozhdem, tvoya sila ukreplyayet menya

  Ty moy urozhay, nezhnyy priz

  Ty ne ischezayesh', a tol'ko bol'she raztsvetayesh'

  Moy nezhnyy tsvetochek, ty vsegda moya lyubov

  15 Months Later

  Rae

  “Okay, I will talk to you tomorrow,” I said into the receiver of the phone before I ended the call and continued back with my housework. I’d gotten off a quick phone call with Tsvetana. She’s surprised me in calling outside her normal time, but as always, conversations with Alexei’s mom were great.

  I picked up another toy off the floor. Who knew cleaning up after a six-month-old could be so tiring? It was also quite rewarding caring for my little one. At the sound of giggles coming from my bedroom, I knew right away that nap time was over.

  On my bed was the most adorable child I’d honestly ever seen, but I could be biased with her being my daughter. She smiled at me the moment her cool blue eyes spotted me come into the bedroom.

  Kateryna Alexis Stepanova was born on a warm late August morning. My mom was in the room with me along with Tsvetana who managed to get a visa and flight out in time for the birth of her first grandchild. I had Alexei in spirit in the delivery room and every day.

  Tsvetana made a point of calling every day. She’d sing Russian songs to Kateryna and tell me about the family goings on. One day I’d make it back to the place where I fell in love, and I would be able to show Kateryna half of her heritage.

  My sweet little girl laid on the bed with her feet in her hands as she blew raspberries and smiled up at me. She was simply gorgeous with her milk coffee skin, dark curls, and bright blue eyes. She was the perfect mix of Alexei and myself.

  “Let’s get you up and fed,” I cooed to my baby who could only give me the biggest toothless grin. “Baba called. She said there is a big surprise coming for us.”

  In quiet moments, I’d catch myself staring at her and crying for the life I could only see in my dreams. Her father was still my all and the love of my life; I didn’t think that could ever change. I’d gone on a few dates, but in minutes I knew it would never be like what I had with Alexei.

  I carried my daughter down the stairs and into the living room. I had every intention of moving when I returned, but I couldn’t dare leave the place I shared with my best friend. Life was hard upon return. I had to first process everything I’d been through all while going back to work, going back to school, and dealing with a pregnancy.

  Determination got me through and once Kateryna was born, I went on a break from school. I needed time with my daughter and time to reevaluate what I wanted. Alexei showed me that life was short and to live for what made me truly happy. At the moment, Kateryna
was my pure happiness.

  The doorbell rang as I’d approached my living room. I sighed and placed Kateryna in her playpen.

  “Mama will be right back. Okay, Katy?” I ran my fingers over her silky curls before turning away and sprinting to the front door.

  Arriving at the door, I could only see the top of a baseball cap from the peephole, but nothing else of the man that stood at the door. His shoulders were obviously broad, and he waited patiently for someone to open the door.

  “Who is it?” I called.

  “Delivery from a Tsvetana Stepanova,” the deep and gruff voice announced. That was quick; I’d just gotten off the phone with Tsvetana.

  I made quick work of unlocking the door and swinging the door open to see the man standing with nothing in his hands. He lifted his head, and I nearly dropped to the ground as I stumbled backward. I tripped over a toy of Kateryna’s that I’d missed in my clean up.

  Before I could fall to the ground, the strong hands of the man grabbed me and steadied my feet. I still couldn’t believe my eyes, and I blinked as I stared into his bright and striking blue eyes.

  “Do not hurt self, Kisska,” Alexei said, his deep voice sending shivers down my spine.

  “How?” I asked. It was the only word I could manage as the man I thought was dead stood with me, his arms wrapped around me.

  “Story is long,” he told me as I saw his eyes looking around my small house. “This is home?”

  “Yes, and I know you’d love to meet my roommate.”

  I slipped from his grasp and pulled him along with me into the living room. Kateryna was cooing and blowing raspberries still just as when I’d left her. I bent into the playpen and picked her up into my arms before turning to Alexei.

  “Alexei, meet your daughter,” I said tearfully. It was a moment I never thought I’d get and still couldn’t believe I was getting it. “Sorry, I’m still in disbelief,” I said with a sniffle as I bounced my baby girl in my arms.

  “I have understand. I will give explain. I promise to give because you deserve it,” Alexei promised as he reached out his arms toward the baby in my arms. “May I?”

  “Of course. Katy this is your Daddy,” I said softly as I handed her to him.

  Kateryna stared at him as he cuddled her into his arms. I saw the tears building in his arms as he took those few moments to observe her. At once Kateryna giggled and smacked his face with her little hand. I burst into laughter with Alexei joining me.

  “I think she likes you,” I cooed to him.

  “I have thought of moment, and it is much better than thought,” Alexei admitted happily as he allowed Kateryna to grip onto his finger. “She has much beauty, like her mother.”

  “I think she looks so much like you.” I watched Alexei interact with Kateryna, he was a natural and was at ease with her. “Come, let’s sit and I’ll get her bottle. It is time anyway. You can feed her.”

  I lead Alexei to the couch before I rushed into the kitchen to prepare Kateryna’s afternoon bottle. As the milk heated, I leaned against the counter listening to Alexei play with his daughter for the first time. My brain was trying to process the last few minutes. I’d gone from thinking the love of my life was dead to having him show up at my door.

  Nothing made sense and I could question all of it, but I didn’t. I wanted to enjoy the moments of being a real family. The man I loved, my daughter, and I were under the same roof, and even if it was a dream, it would be the best dream I’d had in a long time.

  I took the bottle into the living room where Alexei sat bouncing our daughter on his lap. He grinned at me like a fool. He was as happy as could be and I was too. I was also overwhelmed, but held it in. I wouldn’t ruin the moment I only could daydream about.

  “Can you show?” Alexei nervously asked.

  “It’s easy, here.” I sat down next to him and placed the bottle in his hands and gave him a nod. He put the nipple to Kateryna’s mouth, and as usual, she sucked it in.

  We sat in silence as our baby girl suckled away taking in her milk. My heart was beating so loud I felt like Alexei could hear it.

  “I still don’t understand how,” I said as I looked up at him.

  “You met the DEA man?” he questioned.

  “Jaxon Reedman? Yeah.”

  “He is who I met in Moscow. The plan he gave was different from his plan. There was no idea they knew Vadim would take you. I took plan for myself. I arrive at warehouse and Jaxon was there, he stopped plan. We had deal. I deal with problem and testify for many case, and he gives me new life.” So many thoughts swirled in my mind. I tried to make sense of it, but after what I’d been through, there was no making sense of it.

  “When he took you, I was taken to hospital. Jaxon came with men to give new identity and I was taken. I lived in apartment in Moscow. I had guards of police. Six months back I was allow to speak with Mama.”

  “Wait, Tsvatana knew you were alive for six months?” I asked in shock that the women I spoke to and who sang to my daughter every day knew a secret that would change my life.

  “Do not have anger for Mama. She had promise for not tell.”

  “It’s all so unbelievable.”

  “Yes, but it is truth. I hate I could not speak to you. Mama sent pictures of baby. Every day I live for when I could have freedom. Deal was when over I live in America. I lived to live with you and baby. Can you give forgiveness?”

  “I’d always forgive you. I’d always love you and I’d never be able to not be with you. This is my wildest dreams come true, and the shock might take a bit to wear off, but it is difficult to not be happy,” I told him honestly as he leaned over to kiss me.

  His lips on mine were everything I missed. Our love sparked between us and our future brightened with a single kiss.

  “Be my wife,” he whispered on my lips.

  “You didn’t have to ask.”

  We sat cuddled together. Alexei, Kateryna, and myself. We were a dream, and though there was so much to talk about, we didn’t waste time on it. There was over a year of time to catch up on. I told him about moments in my pregnancy, and the birth. We talked about what a future would look like and our excitement to be back together.

  I closed the door to Kateryna’s room. It was the room that once belonged to Katya and it only felt right that it would be for my baby girl. I put my hand on the door and smiled before I jogged downstairs to where Alexei sat on the couch and a small journal on his lap.

  “That looks like Katya’s journal,” I mentioned as I sat next to him.

  “It is. It was given to me. I think you need to read her last entry. It is in Russian, so it was translated for you.” Alexei handed me a piece of paper. I unfolded it and stared at the words before I read them.

  Diary,

  Nothing makes sense anymore, but some things do more than ever. Igor and I will never find happiness. We love one another so deeply, but the lifestyle that Igor has chosen keeps tearing us apart. I watch my best friend and my cousin in the happiness they have found, and I am jealous. Rae deserves her happiness, she puts everyone first and for once it is her time. I’ve taken a lesson from her, and it is time to put others first.

  That evil man that holds Igor hostage to his will wants Alexei to pay for his unwillingness to return to his evil ways. I saw them drag Alexei from that warehouse covered in blood. That wasn’t enough, that man wants more blood and has demanded to know Igor’s loyalty. He is supposed to kill Rae. I won’t let that happen and it won’t.

  Tonight, I’m going to die. Tonigh,t I’m going to put someone else first and take their place. Igor doesn’t want to do either, but if he doesn’t things will be worse. He is my soulmate, but we are never meant to be. This Juliet must leave her Romeo. I must leave my family and friends all to see true love thrive.

  This is my last entry, and I hope those I love can understand my reasons.

  All my love,

  Katya Nikolova

  “She died for me,” I whispered with a hand ov
er my mouth. The shock ran through my system and the tears down my cheeks. “She died for us.”

  Alexei pulled me into his arms and allowed me to sob. My best friend in the entire world had sacrificed herself in the most selfless way. I tried to think back to that day and the days surrounding her death. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t exactly know what was wrong.

  A kiss on my forehead and the hums of a lullaby I knew so well filled my ears. The hums turned into singing and Alexei sang the words to me.

  My forever was owed to my best friend, and I would always have a grateful spirit for that. Forever hadn’t been promised, but gifted.

  The End

  Future Aggressions

  A Russian Roulette Love Story

  Book 2 is coming

  Katya & Igor’s Story

  Synopsis -

  The moment I met him, my life would never be the same. He pulled me in and wouldn’t let go. He broke my heart and repaired it only to break it again. Our cycle was vicious, but I could never let go.

  She was the sun in the freezing tundra. When around her I wanted to be better, but I allowed the pull to take me back in. The mob owned me and ran me. I never wanted to hurt her, but the cycle of pain continued.

  The future is what we didn’t expect.

  Will we survive?

  Afterword

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  Acknowledgments

  WOW!

  This book has been a journey, and I couldn't be thankful enough to everyone who has helped me along the way.

  My Tentacle Girls, you know what's up!

  My Kickass Superwoman PA, Tasha Hooks. You rock the world and help keep me sane. Between this book and Hearts On Ice, the hate mail you sent motivated me haha.