Someone to Trust

by Patricia Davids

  She moved back out of his reach. “Then it’s not the kind of love I want.”

  She spun around and ran out of the building.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Gabe paced at the foot of the stairs until Julia appeared at the top of them. It was Esther he wanted to see. Needed to see. She had retreated to her bedroom yesterday, and she hadn’t come down since. It was almost noon.

  “How is she?” he asked.

  “Surprisingly calm.” Julia came down the stairs.

  “Will she see me?”

  Julia sadly shook her head. “She won’t.”

  “I have to see her. I have to make her understand. I was disappointed by what happened, but I don’t blame her.”

  “She blames herself for the loss of Mr. Jefferson’s business. She knows how important it was to you.”

  “I don’t care about his business. I care about Esther.” He turned around and paced across the hall and back. “She has to talk to me eventually.”

  “Nee, she doesn’t. She sent Jonah to Lilly Arnett.”

  “For what reason?”

  “She needs a ride to the bus station in Fort Craig this afternoon. She’s leaving.”

  Gabe sank onto the bottom step and cupped his hands over the back of his neck. “She can’t do that.”

  Julia patted his shoulder. “You don’t know my sister as well as you think you do. She can and she will travel by bus all the way home to Millersburg, Ohio, by herself unless I go with her.”

  He looked up at Julia. “Tell me what I can do to change her mind,” he pleaded.

  “I honestly don’t know. She has been deeply hurt, but it is frightening how calm she is.”

  “I don’t believe this is happening. How could it have all gone so wrong?”

  “That’s something only you can answer.”

  He looked up the stairwell. He wanted to shout Esther’s name, make her see him, but no matter how loudly he called for her, she would never hear it. And that was part of his fear. She could shut him out completely whenever she wanted.

  He heard a car drive up outside. If it was Lilly, maybe he could talk her out of taking Esther to the bus station. He went to the window and saw it was Heather and Randy. Asher came in. “There’s a couple here who want to purchase a harness for their pony. Do you know anything about it?”

  “They are friends of Esther’s. Would you be interested in training a pony to pull a cart?”

  “Sure. Little horses don’t hurt as much when they step on your foot.”

  His brother was trying to be funny, but Gabe didn’t see the humor in anything. “I’ll speak to them.” He wasn’t doing himself or the family any good keeping vigil at the foot of the stairs.

  Heather smiled brightly at him. “We have decided there will be less squabbling over the pony if the children can all ride in a cart together.”

  “It’s a goot plan.”

  “Do you need to take measurements for the harness?” Randy asked.

  “Nee, I’ve seen your fellow. My pony-size harness will fit him fine. There is plenty of room to make adjustments in the straps.”

  Heather glanced toward the house. “Where is Esther?”

  “Avoiding me.”

  “Oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

  “She’s leaving Maine today.”

  Zeke walked up. “What is this?”

  Gabe nodded. “Esther is leaving.”

  “I’m sorry, sohn.” Zeke laid a hand on Gabe’s shoulder. Gabe had to fight back tears.

  “I’m sorry, too,” Heather said. “What happened, if it is any of my business?”

  Maybe Heather could shine some light on Esther’s behavior. She was familiar with a few Deaf people. He repeated what had happened as best he could. “I still don’t understand why she refused to consider a hearing aid. Surely it would make life so much easier for her.”

  Heather sighed heavily. “I’ve done a lot of reading about the Amish since I met you and Esther. I just don’t get you people.”

  Gabe and Zeke frowned.

  “What harm is there in using electricity? You shortchange your children by denying them advanced education. Why not allow them to go to high school and college? You are setting them up to fail in our society.

  “You cling to things that have no purpose. Your language is a case in point. Why use a means of communication that only other Amish can understand? You live in America with millions of Americans. Yes, you learn English in school, but that isn’t the language you prefer to speak. Deitsh is how you define yourself. It’s what you teach your children when they are growing up. You revere the stories of the men and women who were martyred for your faith, but is that important in this day and age? I don’t see that it is. You could easily become part of this world.”

  “An outsider cannot understand our ways,” Zeke said.

  “But things would be so much easier for you if you gave up your antique way of life. Have I made my point, Gabe?”

  His mind was churning. “It isn’t easy for me to accept that Esther can turn her back on something that would allow her to hear. That she would prefer to remain deaf.”

  “I may not understand the Amish, but I respect you. The way you live is your choice. It doesn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t go a single day without using my cell phone or computer. You have the right to live as you choose without anyone making you feel guilty or inferior. You are different, but I don’t truly see that you need to be fixed. The Deaf culture has their own language—they have their own heroes and history, their own way of caring for others like themselves. Many of them accept God’s will in everything. Sound familiar?”

  “A little,” he admitted. “How do I convince Esther that I finally understand when she won’t even look at me?”

  “You are going to need some help,” Julia said as she came up behind him.

  * * *

  Esther decided to wait for Lilly in the garden. She had grown tired of crying into her pillow. Flowers had always been her comfort. She needed comfort today. She struggled to hold back her tears as she sat on a wooden bench. She loved Gabe, but he didn’t see her as a whole person. There was no way to describe the pain and humiliation she felt. All she could hope was that distance would bring some relief.

  She stood and wrapped her arms tightly across her middle as if she could hold back her disappointment. She paced across the garden. Why wasn’t Lilly here yet? How much longer would she have to wait?

  Esther turned back toward the house and saw him standing beside his mother’s rose-covered trellis. “Please go away.” She couldn’t bear this. Not now. Not when she was so close to making her escape.

  He held up one hand. “Please hear what I have to say.”

  She closed her eyes. She couldn’t give him another chance to hurt her. She thought he would go away, but instead she found herself enveloped in his arms. She pressed her hands against his chest, but she couldn’t bring herself to push him away. In spite of everything, she still loved him. She still needed him.

  His lips moved softly against her temple. He was saying something. She turned her face away. “You need to let me go. The car will be here soon.”

  When he didn’t release her, she opened her eyes. Tears glistened on his eyelashes and left a trail down his cheeks. “Don’t go.”

  She could hear the echo of his voice in her mind. He stepped away from her. “Don’t go,” he signed.

  “I’m not broken. I am the way God made me. Why couldn’t you accept that?”

  “You aren’t broken. I am. I’m incomplete without you at my side, Esther. You are the better part of me. If you go, you will leave a wreck of a man behind. I’m sorry I hurt you. Heather was here, and she helped me to understand. I didn’t know.”

  Esther turned away from the pain in his eyes. She wanted to believe him. She wasn’t sur
e she could. “It’s too late, Gabe.”

  He took her gently by the shoulders and turned her around. “Is it too late for forgiveness?”

  “Of course not. I forgive you.” She meant it. In her heart she knew he hadn’t intended to hurt her. He had only been trying to help, but it was help she didn’t need and didn’t want.

  “Forgiveness is a first—first step—” He shook his head. “I—I can’t do this.” He looked over Esther’s shoulder. “Julia, please help me.”

  Esther saw her sister walk up beside him. A wry smile curved Julia’s mouth. “He’s a little overcome with emotion. He’s afraid you won’t hear everything he needs to say,” she signed.

  Esther raised her chin and looked at him. “I’m listening.”

  “Okay. I knew from the day we met that you were the most amazing woman. I fell in love with you the morning you went back to the pond to see the moose. I tried to deny it, but the harder I fought the more embedded you became in my heart.”

  He looked down. Esther watched Julia to see what he was saying.

  “I was scared, Esther. I tried to imagine a life with you. I knew I could learn to sign, but how long would it take me to be able to speak as freely as Heather and her friends? A year? Two? How many times would you miss what I was saying because I spoke too fast or wasn’t looking at you?”

  He raised his face to her. “How can I whisper that I love you in the dark when I’m holding you in my arms? How can I warn you of danger? All these things went through my head. In spite of my fears, I still wanted you in my life. When I learned about the bone-anchored hearing aid, I thought it was the answer for me. For the things I feared. I never asked if it was the answer for you. And for that I’m truly sorry.”

  Julia wiped a tear from her eye. “He deserves another chance, sister,” she signed.

  “I’m thinking about it,” Esther signed back.

  Julia smiled sadly. “One of us should be happy.”

  “Am I missing something?” Gabe asked.

  Esther didn’t need her sister to tell her what he said. “Thank you, Julia. You are a wonderful sister, but I can take it from here.”

  Julia gripped Esther’s hand, then patted Gabe’s shoulder and walked into the house.

  Esther took both Gabe’s hands in hers. “I did not consider your fears any more than you thought about mine. We really are going to have to work on our communication skills.”

  “I’m willing to do anything you ask.”

  She put her hand in his and began to spell. “This is how you say ‘I love you’ in the dark. Or this way.” She pressed her lips softly at the corner of his mouth and whispered the words she wanted so badly to say. “I love you, Gabriel Fisher.”

  He took a step back and began to sign, “Flower, will you marry me?”

  Esther drew a sharp breath, unable to speak for the tightness in her throat.

  Disappointment filled his eyes. “Is that a no?”

  She swallowed hard. “You used my sign name. That’s the first time.”

  “But not the last. Will you marry me, Flower? I love you,” he signed.

  “Our children may be deaf.”

  “They will have an amazing mother to inspire and teach them.”

  “I won’t hear you shout if I’m in danger.”

  “I’ll keep throwing myself in front of trucks to protect you.”

  She folded her arms. “We will disagree.”

  “We’ll make up.”

  “My deafness cost you thousands of dollars in lost work.”

  “I’ll take it out of your wages. You’ll have to sew for me for the next sixty or seventy years.”

  “Gabe, I’m serious. I know how badly you want to keep your family together.”

  “My brothers and I are grown men. We will do what needs to be done. Even if that means leaving for a while.”

  “I reckon I’m all out of objections.”

  His eyes lit up. “Really? You’ll marry me? You will love, honor and obey me until death do us part?”

  “About the obey part.”

  He stepped close and took her hands. “Will you love, honor and cherish me?”

  “I can agree to that.”

  “Goot. I will be the head of the house. You be the heart. My heart.”

  “I’m going to marry you, but only because I can’t live without you.”

  “I’ll take what I can get.” He drew her into his arms. Where she belonged and never wanted to leave. His lips touched the corner of her mouth. She knew exactly what he was saying when he whispered, “I love you.”

  “Gott is great,” she whispered back. “He has brought me my one true love. I love you, Gabe Fisher.”

  He drew back to look at her. “I have waited and longed to hear those words. Say them again.”

  She cupped his cheek. “I love you, Gabe.”

  He blew out a deep breath. “Finally. It was worth the wait. I pray you never grow tired of saying it.”

  She pulled him close. “Oh, I won’t. I can promise you that,” she said as she kissed his pretty mouth again.

  Epilogue

  The first day of the Potato Blossom Festival was a whirlwind of excitement. There was a parade, a carnival, games, livestock shows and children everywhere. Esther took a moment between customers in Gabe’s booth to gaze at him and wonder what their children would look like. Hopefully like him. He had the most beautiful mouth.

  He waved his hand in front of her face. “Where are you?”

  “Admiring the man I love.”

  “Talk like that and I’ll start kissing you.”

  “I’m okay with that.”

  She was a little disappointed he didn’t make good on his promise. Instead he pointed to a nearby booth. “I see Seth and Pamela.”

  Esther sighed. “They look so happy. I’m glad she said yes when he proposed.”

  “That’s two engagements this summer. I reckon Mamm and Waneta’s plan worked out pretty well after all.”

  Esther grinned at him. “In spite of our resistance to their matchmaking.”

  He smiled. “Thankfully we both had a change of heart. Are we out of purses?”

  “We have one left in the box in back. I’ll get it.” Gabe had been taking care of the customers while Esther kept the display case and shelves stocked.

  She stepped out to the counter with the last pink rose-embossed purse when she saw who the customer was.

  “Heather. How are you?”

  “In need of your help,” she signed.

  “What can I do?”

  “I need a nanny-slash-tutor for my children. Please tell me you are available.”

  Esther couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her only regret about her upcoming marriage to Gabe was that she would have to give up her position in the special-needs school back home. “Let me ask Gabe.”

  Since Amish women rarely worked outside the home after marrying, she wanted to be sure he was okay with it. Not that she wouldn’t take the job. She wasn’t married yet.

  Heather grinned. “I already spoke to him. He agreed it would be a fine idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. Randy and I will pick you up and take you home so you don’t have to worry about driving a buggy so far. The kids love the idea.”

  So did Esther. “Where is Gabe?”

  Heather pointed toward the side of the booth. “He stepped out to talk to a man I don’t know.”

  Esther leaned over the counter and saw Gabe with Mr. Jefferson. The two men shook hands. Jefferson walked away, and Gabe came into the booth with a huge grin on his face.

  “What did he want?” she asked, not sure she wanted to hear anything about the man.

  “It seems none of the other harness makers in the area can beat my prices. He had to eat crow, but it wasn’t as painful for h
im as having to part with an extra thousand dollars. I’ve got an order for an eight-horse full parade hitch.”

  She clasped her hands together. “Gabe, that’s wonderful. I take back all my bad thoughts about the man.”

  “Me, too. At least until his check clears the bank.” He gave her a sheepish look. “I shouldn’t have said that. I have forgiven him. Are you going to work for Heather?”

  “I am. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “You are free to do as you please within the rules of our church. That obey thing with me won’t kick in until November.”

  She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I can hardly wait.”

  “You haven’t seen northern Maine in winter. We can get up to five feet of snow. You may regret your choice.”

  She winked at him. “Snowbound with my new husband. However will I manage?”

  “Very well, I think,” he said as he pulled her into the back of the booth where they wouldn’t be seen and proceeded to kiss her breathless.

  * * *

  Keep reading for an excerpt from Her Forbidden Amish Love by Jocelyn McClay.

  Dear Reader,

  I hope you found my story to be informative, entertaining and sweet. I enjoyed learning about the Deaf culture in my research. That’s Deaf with a capital D. It is a culture every bit as interesting as the Amish people I normally write about.

  I have tried to be accurate and sensitive to the Deaf in my telling of this story. I would like to thank Elsa Sjunneson for her help. Her insight was extremely helpful. I am not deaf. Nor do I personally know anyone who is. The emotions and conflict between Esther and Gabe have come wholly from my imagination. Errors or misinformation I have shared are entirely my own fault.

  I love being back in New Covenant, Maine. It’s a state that is dear to my heart and very far from my Kansas farm. If you haven’t visited Maine, you should. It has a wild beauty that feeds the soul.

  I hope you and yours are well. As I write this story, I am shut in my home because of the COVID-19 virus. I’ve been praying for the country and the world. I look forward to the day this is over. Maybe by the time you read these words, it will be. There, that’s my hope and my prayer.