Chihuahua Karma

by Rice, Debby

  I scratched Lucille’s arm, hoping for another bite. “No,” she said, giving me a stern look.

  “I cleaned out a spot for you in the basement. I’ll be waiting at the corner by Walgreens in the dry-cleaning truck at around nine. My mom’s been letting me drive it sometimes when my dad’s not around.” Edmund looked down at his Big Mac. He turned it around in his hands, pulled down the paper wrapper and took another bite. Then he looked up at Lucille. “But don’t worry, you can change your mind anytime.”

  “I wish I could. It’s not like I want to go to Bulgaria. But I don’t have a choice.” Lucille reached into Edmund’s bag and pulled out a handful of French fries.

  “Maybe you just need to think about things a little more. Sometimes when I think for a while, everything seems different.”

  “Nothing’s going to change. I have to be the best me I can be, and that means I have to be brave.”

  “You seem pretty brave to me,” said Edmund. He started on the apple pie. Every once in a while, a crumb dropped down his coat, and I snarfed it up.

  “If I pretend hard enough that I’m not afraid, sometimes it works. Being Firefly helps.” The wind picked up, and Lucille pulled her scarf more closely around her neck.

  “I know, that’s why I like being Magnus. I forget about lots of other things.” Edmund licked his fingers. He crumpled up the empty bag and tossed it into the garbage.

  “I wish they could be real. My mom was kind of like Firefly. She had powers in her movies. Did you see the Jewel series?”

  “No way. Your mom was Jewel?” Edmund looked at Lucille more closely.

  “Well, she wasn’t exactly Jewel. She was her stunt double.”

  “Wow, that’s so cool. If that was your mom, maybe someday you will be hot. You know Magnus and Firefly are kinda like stunt doubles—sort of us but not exactly.”

  “Why don’t you put Sugar down for a minute,” said Lucille. “I think she might have to go. She hasn’t been out all day.”

  Edmund took me out of his coat. “She can’t go with those pants on,” he said.

  “No, you’re right. Hand her to me, and I’ll take them off.”

  Lucille removed the sweatpants and put me on the ground beside the bench. “There, Sugar. Do you have to go pee pee? Go on. Hurry up. Then you can get back in the coat.”

  They were both looking at me and giggling when I felt the ground shake. Bounding out of nowhere came an enormous white dog. A spray of brown spots across his back made him look like he had just run through a chocolate fountain. He was in a race with himself, galloping exuberantly to the finish line. His master, a middle-aged man wearing a saggy track suit, was running behind, yelling, “Stop, Sampson! Come here this instant!”

  Sampson was heading straight for me, and I panicked. Instead of waiting for Lucille to rescue me, I ran in the opposite direction. This inflamed Sampson’s curiosity, and it didn’t take him long to catch up. He bumped me with his snout and knocked me over. I felt my paw crumple. Sampson snorted. There was a gleam in his eye that said he was just out for fun, but that didn’t make him any gentler. He danced around, frantically trying to pick me up like a ball or a stick that he couldn’t quite grab hold of. Lucille, Edmund and Sampson’s keeper all converged on us at once.

  “Stop that, Sampson. Sit! Sit!” Sampson swiped my face with his tongue, then jumped on his master, who stumbled backwards but somehow managed to attach the collar to the leash. “I’m really sorry. He’s just a big, friendly baby. No manners, and we forgot his ball today.”

  “That’s okay,” said Lucille. “Sometimes Sugar likes to play—but not with such a big dog.” I was shaking. I tried to stand, and there was a splintery pain in my left paw.

  “Look, Sugar’s limping,” said Edmund.

  “Oh, no. Suggie, are you hurt?” Lucille picked me up and looked at my paw. “It doesn’t look like it’s broken. But she’s in pain. I can tell from her face.”

  “Listen, kids, I think she’s okay. But Sampson’s vet is right down the street. Let me take her there with you, just to be sure. I’d hate to think that Sampson was involved in a hit-and-run. The vet’s a great guy. I’m sure he’ll be willing to have a quick look at her. Sampson has been going there since he was a puppy.”

  “Okay.” Lucille put me gently back inside her coat. Then all of us us left the park.

  “I’m Nathan McCarthy. I own Nathan’s Lincoln Park Tap, the most dog friendly bar and grill in the city,” said Nathan, laughing and pointing at one of the many nondescript buildings that front the park. “My dad’s a friend of Hizzoner. Health inspector gives me a nod and a wink. Guess you guys are too young to be customers.”

  “I’m Lucille and this is Edmund, and Sampson’s new friend is Sugar.” Lucille patted Sampson’s head, and he nuzzled her jacket. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt Sugar,” she said.

  I was not at all pleased at the turn this day had taken. My paw was throbbing, and I did not like the idea of being prodded by Sampson’s vet, no matter how nice he was. But as Nathan McCarty led us down Rush Street, my heart beat faster. When we stopped in front of a three-story brownstone, I was paralyzed with anticipation. Nathan rang the bell. A buzzer sounded, and Edmund held the door for us. We climbed the stairs, and there was his smell. At the top, I waited to see which way we would turn—Feingold or Richard. I didn’t think I could bear another disappointment. We turned right. I was panting with excitement.

  “Why is she breathing like that?” said Lucille. “Do you think she’s in pain?”

  Nathan opened a wood door inset with a frosted glass panel bearing this amazing inscription: “Richard Preston, DVM.”

  “Look, Sugar,” said Lucille. “Sampson’s vet is Richard. Isn’t that great? He’ll know what to do. You like him.”

  “Who’s Richard?” asked Edmund.

  “Oh, he’s a friend we just met. He was at our apartment this morning. He brought Sugar some vitamins,” said Lucille. She was beaming just the way I would be if such a thing were possible.

  The waiting room was empty except for a woman with long gray hair and granny glasses. Beside her on the floor was a cat carrier. The unhappy patient inside meowed pathetically. “It’s all right, Mickey. Don’t worry. Dr. Richie is going to fix you up,” the cat lady whispered. Mickey continued to meow with the annoying regularity of a metronome.

  “Hi, Sally,” Nathan greeted the receptionist. Sally’s scrubs, which matched her perky face, were printed with cartoon cats and dogs. Behind her desk was a metal cage housing a glaring gray parrot.

  “Hello, cutie. Give me a kiss,” the parrot said.

  Lucille and Edmund laughed. “That’s just Lalo, our new boarder,” said Sally. “He has to say ‘hi’ to everyone. Did Sammy have an appointment today? I don’t see anything on the books.”

  “No actually, we had an accident in the park and knocked this little dog over,” Nathan said pointing at me. “She’s limping, and I just wanted to make sure she’s okay before I let the kids here take her home. Does Richard have time to check her out?”

  “Have a seat, and I’ll see if we can work her in.”

  “Tell him it’s Sugar,” said Lucille. “He’s crazy about her.”

  If I did not die from excitement, I imagined that the irony of my situation might kill me. Each time I was near Richard, I grew closer to Cherry while Sugar seemed more and more absurd.

  “I’ve met this dog before,” said Sally. “She was with a tall blond girl. I checked her for fleas. Where did Dr. Preston meet her?”

  “He knows her from Chi Rescue and the Teacup Ball,” said Lucille.

  “He told me about that. Sounded like quite a party. Okay, I’ll see what we can do.” Sally disappeared briefly, then returned to say that she could fit us in between Mickey and a Scottie that had not yet arrived. She handed Nathan a couple of dog biscuits, “Nancy, Scooter’s owner, makes these. Dr. Preston said they’re great for dental hygiene, and the dogs love them.”

  Nathan gave one to Sa
mpson and one to me. Sampson attacked his with gusto. I dropped mine on the floor. The Big Mac had spoiled me. Besides, I was too excited to eat.

  The phone on the Sally’s desk buzzed. She picked it up. “You can take Mickey in, Mrs. Holtzerman.”

  “Come on, Mickey.” Mrs. Holtzerman picked up the cat carrier and walked through the magic door to Richard’s office.

  “Give me a kiss!” Lalo screeched as they disappeared.

  “That bird is really loud,” said Lucille.

  “I’d like to have a parrot, but I’d rather have a dog.” Edmund was tussling with Sampson, rubbing his ears vigorously and getting him overexcited.

  It seemed like we waited hours for Mickey and Mrs. Holtzerman to reappear, though it was actually only about 15 minutes. Mrs. Holtzerman was smiling when they emerged, so I assumed that Mickey had passed his physical.

  The phone buzzed again. “Okay, the doctor’s ready for Sugar,” said Sally.

  She led the way. Lucille followed, carrying me, trailed by Nathan, Sampson and Edmund. I couldn’t believe I was going to see Richard twice in one day.

  “Looks like we have a full house,” said Richard, laughing as we crowded into the examining room. “Who’s your friend, Lucille?”

  “That’s Edmund. He’s tutoring me on some software,” Lucille lied.

  “Hey, Sugar, didn’t I just see you about an hour ago? What happened?”

  “She had a little run-in with Sammy in the park—or, rather, Sampson ran into her,” said Nathan. “She was limping, and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

  “Why don’t you put her on the table, Lucille, and we’ll take a look.”

  Lucille set me on the examining table. I was too excited to sit still. I circled one way and then the other, trying to calm myself. I felt Richard’s hand on my head. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. Our gazes locked. And there, reflected in his eyes, was Cherry’s face smiling back at me. I knew that Richard saw her too. She had been conjured out of memory and love. Neither of us could look away. The space between us disappeared, and we occupied one mind. Nathan coughed, and the spell was broken. Cherry disappeared as quickly as a reflection in water.

  Richard put his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temple. Then he readjusted the lamp above the examining table. “Sorry, this light must have gotten out of alignment, it was shining right in my eyes.”

  I shook myself. I wasn’t sure how long we had been staring at each other. It could have been seconds or minutes.

  Edmund, Lucille and Nathan looked puzzled. Sampson’s ears were back and his tail was between his legs.

  I didn’t know what the vision meant. Did Richard even remember what happened? Each time I crossed Cherry’s shadow, my cartoon existence became more desperate and frightening.

  “Okay, Sugar—which paw is it?” said Richard

  “Right front,” said Lucille and Edmund simultaneously.

  Richard carefully lifted my paw. He ran his fingers over it. There was no pain. “She’s fine. Just a little mishap.”

  “Please don’t tell Charmaine,” said Lucille. “She’ll be really angry.”

  “Our secret,” said Richard.

  “Will we see you at the party?”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.” Richard picked me up. He gave me a pat between the ears and handed me to Lucille. “Take good care of her now.”

  “Thanks so much, Richard. I’m really glad everything’s okay. Sammy you need to stop playing so rough,” said Nathan. He opened the door to the examining room and we all filed out.

  At the Sally’s desk, Nathan stopped to pay. Sally said, “It’s on the house Nathan.”

  “Richard’s a great guy. Isn’t he Sammy?” said Nathan. Sampson looked up at me tucked inside Lucille’s parka. He barked loudly, and I joined him.

  Lalo squawked, “Goodbye, cutie!”

  Chapter 21

  “This vast universe is a wheel. Upon it are all creatures that are subject to birth death and rebirth.”

  Svetasvatara Upanishad 118

  Had I been teleported to a hammam in Istanbul? No, it was just the bathroom of the penthouse at 990 N. Lakeshore Drive. But the atmosphere was definitely oriental. The room had the flicker and glow of a church at Easter, and it smelled like a spice bazaar. Scented candles covered every available surface, and Charmaine had lit them all. She was up to her neck in bubbles. A white towel was wrapped like a turban around her head, which rested on an oversized plastic pillow. I was lying on my pink terry bath mat in between the orchids. Their waxy, purple blossoms dangled over the water. Special jets in the black marble tub, which was big enough to accommodate Charmaine and three of the Dallas Cowboys, periodically emitted geysers of steam. A CD of Buddhist chants droned in the background. This strange music, which sounded like hundreds of people humming inside a subway tunnel, had been recommended by Charmaine’s yoga teacher for relaxation.

  Charmaine never even noticed that Lucille and I had gone out. She’d had a tough day. CJ and his sumos and Cristoff and the elves did not leave until after 8:00 p.m. They were coming tomorrow to finish up. I had yet to see the final results, since, my crate had been moved to the solarium after my amazing walk.

  Charmaine was staring blankly at her image reflected in the infinity of mirrors that lined the walls and ceiling. She dipped a bath sponge into the bubbles and squeezed water over her shoulders.

  “Suggie, you know I really like Richard.” She sighed deeply. “You like him too. I can tell.”

  She was so right.

  “Sometimes I think Larry isn’t good for me.”

  Big understatement.

  “What would you think about Richard being your daddy?”

  Great idea. But no way was she going to be in the picture. The idea of Charmaine and Richard as a couple was too horrible to contemplate. It was worse than imagining that I would never be released from the dog.

  “But I don’t suppose that Richard has a bathroom like this. How much could a veterinarian make? Do you think he would want me to work? I just couldn’t stand to go back to Barney’s. And if I wasn’t at Barney’s, what would I do?” She lifted her hands out of the bathwater and looked at me as if she expected an answer. “There certainly isn’t another store that I would consider. Maybe I could model. You know, I was a substitute model in the store once when Ermine was sick. Everyone said I was stunning, but then they never asked me again.”

  Charmaine massaged bath gel into her calf and began shaving. “Larry said he won’t marry me without a prenup, and you know what that means.”

  Yes, your relationship does not come with a golden parachute.

  “I wonder if I could learn to scale back? Don’t worry, I would never stint on you Suggie, and I’m sure that Richard would not want me to. We would still have our fun at Chi Couture.”

  I tried to distract her from this disgusting fantasy by licking her face.

  “Oh, Suggie. Is that a sign? Should I try for Richard?”

  Oh, please. She thought I was sending her signals. I gave up. I was defeated. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Then I heard the whoosh of water running down the drain and lapping against the sides of the tub as Charmaine stood up. She wrapped herself in a bath sheet.

  “Okay, Suggie, your turn.” I winced, knowing what was coming.

  Charmaine picked me up and swished me around in the tub which was half-filled with her scummy bath water. She squeezed some bath gel into her palm and rubbed it into my fur.

  “There you go, Suggie baby. Isn’t that nice?” she cooed, massaging my back, and it actually did feel good. She turned on the shower sprayer and held me underneath it. Water streamed over my head and into my nose and eyes. Each time she did this, I thought I was going to drown.

  “Okay. All done, girl. Now you’re fresh and pretty.” She lifted me out of the tub and rubbed me with a towel. “Remember, no shaking. We don’t want to get Mommy wet again. We’ll give you a blow-dry, and then we’ll be set for a snack and bed.”


  I shook vigorously.

  “Bad girl. I told you not to do that.” Charmaine wiped her face off, picked me up and carried me into the dressing room. We sat on a black velvet stool surrounded by mirrors. The long marble shelf in front of us looked like her abandoned cosmetics counter at Barney’s. It was filled with crystal, glass and plastic receptacles of every shape and size, many of the bottles unopened. In addition to amassing her own extensive collection, Charmaine had kept her predecessors’ more expensive beauty aids. There was an ounce of Annick Goutal Gardenia Passion perfume that belonged to me and a jar of La Mer moisturizing gel that had been Veronica’s (at $230 an ounce, I couldn’t bear to part with it either). Charmaine really didn’t need to worry about her future. If she left Larry, there were enough products here to open a store.

  I closed my eyes against a hot blast of air. Charmaine brushed my fur as she worked the drier.

  “Oh, don’t you look beautiful. Now we’ll make Mommy look just as pretty as you do.” She dipped her fingers into a jar of iridescent cream and smoothed it over her face. Leaning closer to the mirror, she inspected for wrinkles and other signs of imperfection. There were none. Her hand hovered over a silver bowl brimming with lipsticks until she identified the right shade. She painted her mouth and fluffed her hair. Then she selected a forest-green lace teddy from the dresser drawer, put it on and topped it with a black silk Japanese kimono imprinted with the character for luck in red on the back.

  “Now, Suggie, what would you like to wear tonight? How about your pink teddy with the sequins?”

  At least we were not dressing as twins.

  Charmaine opened the door to the bedroom. Larry was sprawled naked on the bed, the duvet bunched up around him. His eyes were closed, and his mouth hung opened. A glistening thread of drool ran down his cheek. The TV was tuned to Celebrity Poker Showdown. On the cocktail table in front of the TV, where Zoya left Larry and Charmaine’s snacks, there was an untouched platter of congealed nachos, a plate of sandwiches, two bone-shaped dog treats stuck in a cocktail glass, several empty bottles of Dos Equis, an ashtray filled with cigarette butts and a half-smoked cigar. How Zoya had managed to prepare and deliver this food was a mystery, unless Lucille had been helping her. I was amazed at Lucille’s capacity for empathy with the enemy. But I imagined she was trying to atone for her mother’s mischief.