Dreams Of The Highlander

by Sarah Hoss

  Grabbing the ink well and paper, she began writing down all that Margaret had told her. When she took the bread out, the tops were a beautiful golden brown and she smiled.

  “The judgment is in the taste,” Margaret said and handed her a knife.

  Marlana took the knife and cut a sliver of the bread to try. Still warm, she added a little butter, tore off a chunk and popped it into her mouth. Her eyes closed at the taste.

  “Ye have flour on yer nose and forehead.”

  “Yeah, I can get messy, which is why I don’t bake often. I think secretly, I used to drive my mother crazy on how much more I could get on me than in the pan.” She looked down for a minute; Mom. How she missed her. It was getting easier to deal with the loss of her parents, but at times like these, the loneliness would grab her.

  “Aye, I understand how it can be. My mother used to feel the same, I’m sure, though ye wouldna know it by looking at her. She would just smile and let me do what I was doing.” Margaret paused for a moment and sat down beside Marlana. “Ye miss her, yer mother?”

  She smiled at Margaret, stopped toying with her pearl pendant, and grabbed the potatoes to peel. “I do. I miss them both. My parents were taken from me so suddenly in an accident.”

  “I see. How horrible it must have been.” She reached over to grab the carrots. “I am sorry for yer loss.”

  She never looked up. “Thanks.”

  They were silent for a moment. “And now here ye are, stuck in a strange place, living with a stranger. A lot has happened to ye.”

  “There has been a lot. I don’t know how to explain it all and ... well, I don’t know what to say. I have nowhere to go. I’m stuck here.” Was there a hint of desperation in her voice?

  “Alexander has been very gracious in helping me. I hope this doesn’t sound odd, but because I have dreamt about him for so long, he doesn’t seem like such a stranger. Does that make any sense? I mean, if I had ended up in anyone else’s house, I would have been scared to death.”

  “What do ye mean by ‘ended up in anyone else’s house’?” Margaret peered at her with curiosity in her eyes as she went back to peeling carrots.

  How could she have let that slip? She would have to be careful of what she said. Though she was comfortable talking to Margaret, this wasn’t a conversation about something frivolous.

  “I only meant that I’m lucky to be with Alexander and not someone else. He’s been very kind in taking care of me.” Margaret seemed to buy the explanation.

  With their soup ready for the next steps, she wrote them down and began preparing. When the pot was over the fire, she sat down again and took a drink. There were a few things she wanted to ask Margaret and hoped it wouldn’t be rude. The last thing she wanted to do was offend her or anyone else.

  “Margaret, I want to thank you for helping me. It’s been a lot of fun visiting with you.”

  “Ye are welcome. I’ve enjoyed myself, also.” Margaret took a drink and looked at her. “Is there something ye want to ask me?”

  “You’re very perceptive. I don’t know if it’s right to ask, though.”

  “Go on and I’ll tell ye, if I can.” She looked at Marlana with truth in her eyes. She didn’t seem to be the kind of woman to beat around the bush.

  “I was wondering about ...” Marlana bit her lip.

  “Mairi?”

  That took her by surprise.

  “One can only wonder when ye known a man as long as ye have and knowing he was a married man.”

  “Was I that obvious?”

  “Ye do a fair job at trying to hide what ye feel, but still, one can only be curious.”

  Marlana nodded in agreement.

  “As for Alexander’s thoughts on her, well, I would say that’s for him to tell ye. I can only say to ye that I found her to be a gentle woman and she loved Alexander very much. She was very excited when she found out she was carrying his child.”

  Listening to Margaret talk about Mairi made her see why Alexander held on so tightly. It was obvious that everyone who knew the woman loved her. Part of her became jealous and she tried to trample it down quickly. It was silly to be jealous of a dead woman. But the problem was that Mairi still held his heart and she knew she could never take her place. She would be stuck in this world and wondered how she would survive. She couldn’t live with him forever and it hurt deeply to know that. A small part of her broke and she stood from the table and went to the window. She didn’t see him and wondered if they were working in the fields.

  As if guessing what she was doing, Margaret spoke. “Ye won’t find them out there. They went to fix the fence.”

  She turned and smiled at her; then walked around the room looking at things.

  “Ye care for him doona ye?” Margaret asked.

  “I wish I didn’t, but I find myself falling for him. I hadn’t meant to. Now is not the time to have feelings for anyone.” She came back to the table and sat down.

  “Why would ye say that?”

  “How would you feel if you were stuck in a strange place, not knowing if you would ever get home or not? The one person you know will never love you and you can’t stay with him forever. So, I might have to try and find a new life here, maybe marry, but I won’t love someone else when Alexander holds my heart.” She took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to like him. I was hurt before I came here and I had sworn off men. Looks like I wasn’t very good at it. So here we are, both not wanting to get hurt again. I know how he feels.”

  “Well, and I thought I was outspoken.” Margaret laughed. “I see yer point. I love my brothers. James is the funny one, Hamish is the reckless one, and Alexander has always been the rock. He has a way of taking ye in without ye even knowing it happened. But remember, he is mending a very broken heart. It isn’t unnatural to want to protect yourself. But doona ye think it’s a little soon to be making those kinds of assumptions? Wait and see what happens, and when it’s time to move on or stay, then ye’ll decide. No sooner.”

  Sitting and thinking about what Margaret had said, Marlana agreed that she made sense. “Okay.”

  Fiona came in the house and ran over to her. “Come play,” she said as she tugged on her hands.

  “Fiona, mind your manners.” The girl stopped to look at her mother, then at Marlana. “I’m sorry. Would ye please play with me?”

  How could she turn down such a sweet child? “I would love to.” Fiona grabbed her hand and led the way.

  Alexander walked into the house to fetch drinks for Hamish and himself as Fiona was leading Marlana out the door. The scents that greeted him made his stomach growl.

  “Have a seat, Alexander and I’ll get ye something. Ye sound like a wild animal over there.”

  He sat down and dove into the bowl Margaret set in front of him. “This is good.”

  “Well, it should be. Marlana made it.” He could hear the laughter in her voice.

  “I’ll have to tell her, then.” Alexander stood and picked up his bowl.

  “Callum is waiting for ye. Leave the dirty dish, I will get it.”

  “Aye, I should send him in to eat.” Hearing the laughter of Marlana and the kids, he turned to stare out the window. She looked so beautiful playing with Fiona and Cathal. They were running around her, sneaking in to tag her once in a while and she was pretending to almost catch them, their squeals and laughter ringing out. A slow smile crossed his face as he stood watching. Margaret walked up beside him.

  “Look at them.” She nodded. “They’re having so much fun.”

  “Aye.”

  “Ye could still have that.”

  He turned quickly to look at her. She never moved, only stood, staring outside. His jaw clenched. She could be so bold at times. The last thing he wanted was to discuss this with her.

  �
��Mind yer own business, Margaret.” He turned and started for the door. “I’ll let Callum know his dinner is ready.”

  As he reached for the door handle, she spoke again. “Grief is a selfish emotion.” At her words, he slammed his hand against the wall, then turned to her.

  “Ye’re damn right I’m selfish. I loved Mairi, love her still.”

  He knew Margaret would forgive his anger and ignore his cussing. For too long he had kept everything in. Turmoil rippled through him.

  “I’m sorry, phuithar.”

  Margaret waved it off. “I grew up with the three of ye, remember? Though, I thank ye for apologizing.”

  Margaret took a couple of steps toward him. “Ye ought to quit grieving for what ye have lost and celebrate what ye had. Mairi would have wanted it that way.” She placed her hands on each side of his face. “Do ye think she would want ye to be living this way?”

  He flinched. Of course Mairi wouldn’t want him to, but how do you get past it? She would want him to be happy. He had been happy, though, with her. Memories of her flooded his mind. Mairi working in the garden, riding Heather, making love. She was a lovely woman, but her heart and spirit made her extraordinary. She had flaxen hair and brown eyes that always looked shy, except in the heat of passion. It made him want to sweep her into his arms and protect her. When she was excited, her whole face lit up, and the few times she was angry, it was a soft anger. Mairi was such a gentle person. Margaret said something and he tried to concentrate on her words.

  “If ye doona quit wallowing in yer own self-pity, ye are going to grow to be an old bitter man.”

  She patted his cheek, then took his hand and led him back to the window. “Look out there, please.”

  Marlana and the kids played ring around the rosy and they could hear the musical tilt of her voice over the kid’s laughter. His chest tightened. Something inside of him cracked and he wondered if it wasn’t a piece of the wall he’d built around his heart. He did want a family. He’d been denying it for a long time. Maybe Margaret was right. He wasn’t happy. He hated the way people looked at him with pity, but had always chose to ignore their sideways glances. He’d envied his brother for the life he had. Maybe it was time to make a new life for himself.

  As if she could read his mind, Margaret spoke. “Instead of growing old and bitter, Alexander, why doona ye reach for something that is right in front of ye? Start again.” She walked away from him, went back to the table, and poured some water. “No one is saying that ye canna remember Mairi, or even carry the love ye had for her around with ye. All I’m saying is that maybe ye could remember her with a happy heart now. Once ye have that, love will find its way in again.”

  He put his hands on each side of the window and watched. The wind blew Marlana’s hair and she turned her face to get it out of her eyes, locking gazes with him. She blushed and glanced away, focusing on the kids. Alexander smiled.

  “I doona think it would work. I haven’t been very nice to her.” He turned to look at Margaret. “The intensity of how much I want her at times overwhelms me. I doona know what to do.”

  “She watches ye all the time. It’ll work. I’ve seen what crosses her face when she looks at ye.”

  His only answer was a grunt.

  “We spoke of ye today.” Margaret continued.

  He turned to stare at her. “And?”

  Margaret took a sip of her water. “I won’t reveal which was spoken in private. Ye must go to her and speak what is in yer mind. Let her know how ye feel. Give her a chance.”

  Turning back to peer out the window, he stood still and watched. After a few seconds, Marlana glanced back at him and smiled. He returned it.

  Margaret strolled over to Alexander and glanced out for a moment, then laid her hand on his arm. He looked down at her.

  “Are ye happy, Alexander?”

  It was such a simple question. He felt like his whole world had just tumbled off a cliff and crashed at the bottom. “I was once.”

  “But ye arena now?”

  His chest tightened when he looked back at Marlana. Another piece of the wall fell.

  “I think I was fooling myself into believing I was. After talking with ye, I doona think I am.” But I am about to change that. He was still looking at Margaret, but now he was studying her. Then he laughed out loud.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Ye are. I was thinking that ye always say what is on yer mind. It made me think of the only time ye cussed. I think Callum’s mouth hit the floor so loud, the table shook.” Margaret joined in on the laughter.

  “Aye, I remember. James is such a stubborn man. He liked that girl for a year before I finally said something to him.”

  “And it is what ye said that made me laugh. Get yer head out of yer arse and go after her, ye stubborn mule. I thought James was going to burst into flames from embarrassment.”

  “Well, as I said, the Macpherson’s are a stubborn lot and the three of ye are the worst. Once ye are set on a course, there is no breaking ye of it.” She lightly touched his cheek, her eyes searching his. “And when it comes to matters of the heart, if ye are too stubborn, ye may lose.”

  CHAPTER 15

  Thunder clapped overhead and Marlana jumped. She hated storms. She could handle a little rain, maybe even some simple lightning, but when the sky went angry with storms, she didn’t like it. Now, here she was in the house alone, watching the fire, and jumping like a jackrabbit every time the thunder boomed. Lightning came continuously, as if there was a disco light flashing.

  She walked to the rocker and sat. Sewing would give her something to concentrate on and Alexander had a shirt that needed mending, but just as she started to sit down, the door blew open and she put her hand to her face to shield it from the wind and rain pouring in. She sprang from her chair to close the door, the shirt falling to the floor. Before she could get the door closed, Alexander stumbled in, soaking wet and bleeding from his forehead. She closed the door, then grabbed his arm and led him to a chair.

  “What on earth happened to you?” She glanced around nervously and spotted a rag lying on the table. After picking the cloth up, she dipped it in water, and ran back to him. “Take off that shirt so I can wash it. I don’t want any more blood to stain the linen.”

  “Tis not proper.”

  She giggled. “Oh, Alexander, you are the sweetest man. I forget where I am sometimes and I’m sorry. But I won’t say anything if you don’t, okay?” Winking at him, she added, “I don’t want you to ruin your shirt. Please?”

  After hesitating a moment, Alexander raised the shirt over his head and laid it on the table. She grabbed his hand, led him to a chair closer to the fire, and motioned for him to sit down. She stood in between his legs to get better access to his wound. When she felt him stiffen, she apologized, thinking she had hurt him.

  Lifting his hair to get a good look, she bit her lip as she studied the cut in his forehead. Dabbing at the area around the wound, she noticed that the rain had mixed with the blood, making it look worse than it was. She let go of the breath she’d been holding.

  “Heather was outside in the pasture. As I was bringing her in, lightning struck a tree branch. It hit me before I could get out from under it.” He pulled her hand away to look at the rag.

  “You’re lucky. This, thank goodness, isn’t as bad as I thought. You’ll heal in no time.” She used the other end of the rag to dry the area. She paused for a moment when she felt his hands rest on the sides of her knees. Her body warmed to his touch.

  “Well, I could have told ye that. It hit me in the head didna it?”

  She leaned back to look at him and smiled. “Well, I will agree with you on that one.” She finished tending the scrape, then leaned down to place a kiss on the opposite side of the wound. “There, to make it feel better.” She paused a f
ew inches away from his forehead, then slowly swept her lips across the other side, loving the feel of his skin against hers. She closed her eyes. Dare she go further? What she wanted more than anything was to lower her mouth to his. Feeling the tension in his shoulders, she stepped away from him, and out of his hands, their eyes held for a moment.

  Alexander stood, causing her to step back. He moved toward her and her breath caught. Tilting her face up to him, he lowered his until their lips met. Her eyes closed as his lips swept gently over hers; soft and endearing. When he ended the kiss, he stood straight again, but never removed his finger from under her chin.

  “Were you able to get Heather in her stall?”

  “Aye.”

  She coughed and stepped away, finally breaking their locked gazes. She dipped the soiled rag in the bowl of water a few times to expel the blood.

  Standing with his shirt off, firelight dancing across his hard body caused her heart to still. No man had a right to look that good. He was broad, and chiseled, and delicious. His chest was hairless, except for the trail of black hair that started under his belly button and disappeared beneath his kilt. He was all man, everything she had dreamt of, and the sight of him took her breath away. She saw a hint of a smile in the crook of his mouth. Was he pleased she was looking or was he silently laughing because she was drooling like an idiot?

  “Where is your other shirt?”

  “Ye hold one in yer hand, and the other lay in the mending basket. Margaret has the other two.”

  “Oh. The one in the basket is finished. You can wear it.” She turned away quickly. “Do you want something to eat? There is cheese and I can make you a slice or two of bread with honey.” Her voice trembled as she spoke.

  “I wouldna mind something to eat. Thank ye. What have ye been doing this morning?”

  Just then, thunder boomed again and she jumped. “I’ve been trying to stay in my skin, but every time it thunders, I seem to jump out of it. I was mending your shirt when you came busting in.” She sat the plate down on the table. “Does your head hurt? I can give you some binwood for it. Margaret showed me what to do.”