Bang Goes a Troll

by David Sinden

  He found Orson at the edge of the forest, trying to calm a troll. The giant was pulling netting from its tusks.

  “Easy there, girl. We’ll get you out of here,” the giant said. The troll grunted as Orson let it go. It lumbered out of the forest, following Dr. Fielding’s scent.

  “Orson, are they all okay?” Tiana asked.

  “They all made it,” the giant said.

  Below ground, Ulf could hear pedal-carts squeaking. The hunters were moving up the Predatron. “It’s not over yet,” he warned.

  Chapter 21

  ULF SPRINTED AHEAD OF ORSON AND TIANA, trying to catch up with the trolls.

  The valley narrowed to a thin passageway between sheer metal walls over thirty meters high. It was illuminated by a string of electric lightbulbs. The trolls were funnelling into it, sniffing in a line. Ulf ran in after them.

  “Bone, start the Crusher!” he heard. Baron Marackai was standing at the very top of the right-hand wall, peering down.

  From behind the metal walls came the rumbling sounds of engines. Clumps of snow began falling into the valley as the walls started moving inward. Up ahead, the trolls began roaring. The passageway was narrowing. The trolls started oofing, beating their fists against the walls. The Crusher was trapping them.

  “Hunters, load your weapons!” Baron Marackai called.

  Ulf looked up and saw five guns pointing down.

  “Take aim! F—”

  Suddenly, there was a loud clang and the wrenching sound of straining metal pistons.

  “Blud! Bone! What’s happening?” Baron Marackai called.

  Something was wrong with the Crusher.

  Ulf looked back. Orson was at the entrance, pulling the metal walls apart with his mighty hands. Tiana was hovering above him. “Heave, Orson! Heave!” she cried.

  Ulf could hear the engines grinding. There was a sputtering sound then a loud bang as the Crusher broke and the lights went out. The walls started edging apart.

  “Quick, fire at will!” the Baron called.

  The hunters’ guns blasted, but as the trolls ran out, the bullets missed, sparking on the metal walls.

  Orson came striding toward Ulf. “Nothing’s stronger than a giant,” he said.

  Ulf looked up. He saw Baron Marackai silhouetted against the full moon. The Baron was shaking his fist. “You and your miserable friends, werewolf! I’ll get you!” he spat. “It’s time for war!”

  The Baron fired an orange flare into the sky. It hung in the air, lighting the valley ahead. Ulf hurried out of the Crusher and in the orange light he could see the trolls sniffing through a wide section of the Predatron, following the meaty trail in the snow.

  The Baron appeared on a balcony at the side of the valley and raised his megaphone. “Let the battle begin!”

  Five hatches opened in the valleyside and the hunters threw hand grenades down. The grenades blasted huge craters in the snow.

  The trolls started stampeding. A metal disc sprang up from the ground, tossing a troll into the air. Ulf heard the whizz of bullets, then a thud as the troll landed. It stood up, its legs wobbling.

  “Missed!” Baron Marackai called. “Can’t you hit a moving target? Bone, fix the trolls to the spot! Start the Sticky Stucky!”

  A large tube poked out from the hillside. It blasted a volley of black balls. They burst as they landed, splattering pools of glue on the ground. A troll ran into the glue. Its feet stuck and it roared with rage as it tried to move.

  “That’s it,” the Baron called. “Now roll the logs, Blud!”

  Tree trunks began tumbling down the valleyside. They knocked a troll to the ground.

  “Now turn on the gas!” Baron Marackai called.

  Ulf heard a hissing sound and columns of yellow gas shot up from pipes in the ground. The gas drifted across the valley, stinging Ulf’s eyes. Ahead he could make out a troll crawling from the gas, tears streaming down its face.

  “Boo hoo hooo,” Baron Marackai called. “Start the Demolition Ball!”

  There was a loud cranking sound. In the center of the valley Ulf saw the tall pole with the huge metal ball attached by a chain. The pole began turning. The metal ball began swinging on its chain. It swung in circles, skimming the snow, faster and faster. The metal ball struck a troll and sent it flying.

  “Start the Claw!” Baron Marackai called.

  At the side of the valley Ulf saw the crane with the mechanical claw. Its long metal arm was moving, lowering the claw to the ground. The claw closed around the troll’s leg, then lifted it up and dangled it above the valley.

  A second orange flare went off in the sky. The trolls were roaring: stuck in glue, choking on gas, springing through the air and dazed from the Demolition Ball and rolling logs.

  “Hunters, kill at will!” the Baron called.

  “Ulf, we’ve got to save them!” Tiana cried.

  Ulf snarled. “It’s time to hunt the hunters!”

  Chapter 22

  ULF SCANNED THE VALLEY, LOCATING THE HUNTERS. He saw Pedro Pedroso at a hatch high up in the side of the valley. Ulf bounded across the snow on all fours. He leaped on to a metal disc and a spring pinged him toward the valleyside. He struck the metal wall, gripping with his claws. Above him, he saw Pedro Pedroso loading a rifle. Ulf climbed up to the hatch and lunged for the gun, biting it in half with his teeth.

  The hunter screamed. “Ay carumba!”

  Ulf reached into the hatch and pulled Pedro Pedroso out by his ponytail. Pedro Pedroso tumbled head over heels down the valleyside and into the snow. He landed in a pool of glue. He tried to get up but he was stuck. “Ayuda! Sticky Stucky!” he shouted.

  Tiana flew over to the hunter and blasted him with her sparkles. “Go, Ulf!” she called.

  Ulf pulled himself through the hatch. Now he was back inside the workings of the Predatron. He dropped on to the metal tracks and followed them along the tunnel. Ahead, he could see a pedal-cart parked and Herman Pinkel leaning out through a hatch. Ulf crept up quietly behind the hunter and snarled.

  Herman Pinkel turned. “Achtung Volf!” the hunter cried, dropping his rifle. He stepped back, his legs trembling, and fell onto a stack of tree trunks at the side of the tunnel.

  “Fun’s over,” Ulf growled. He pulled a lever and the wall of the tunnel swung open. The tree trunks thundered out, taking Herman Pinkel with them.

  “Ouch! Oo! Argh!” the hunter cried, as he tumbled down into the valley.

  Ulf licked his fangs.

  “Over here, Ulf,” Tiana called, hovering above a hatch that was opening in the snowy ground. Chuck Armstrong popped up from the hatch, spinning two pistols on his fingers. He pointed them at a troll as it lumbered through the yellow gas.

  Ulf turned and bounded along the track inside the Predatron. He saw a sign marked GAS ATTACK and raced steeply downward under the valley. In a tunnel ahead of him, he saw Chuck Armstrong’s legs. The hunter was standing at the top of a ladder.

  He heard the hunter shooting. Ulf dived to a gas pipe at the base of the ladder and bit it in two. A jet of yellow gas shot up, blasting Chuck Armstrong out through the hatch. Ulf scrambled up the ladder and saw the hunter crawling in the snow surrounded by gas.

  He was crying like a baby. “I want my mommy.”

  Ulf saw the troll lumbering away. Chuck Armstrong had missed.

  He looked for Tiana and saw a f lash of flames burst in the distance. Up the valley Biggy was holding a flame-thrower, running toward a troll. It had been hit by the Demolition Ball and was stumbling, dazed.

  Suddenly, Biggy stopped. A sparkle was darting around his head. Ulf smiled. Tiana was attacking the hunter. Flames shot high into the air as the big man staggered in the snow, trying to blast the fairy with his flame-thrower. Tiana swooped and dodged.

  “Go, Tiana!” Ulf called.

  The Demolition Ball was circling. Orson strode over and grabbed hold of it. He swung the ball toward Biggy.

  Tiana zoomed away and the Demolition Ball smashed into th
e big man.

  “Aaghhhhhhhh!” Biggy called, hurtling across the valley.

  Ulf heard Baron Marackai’s voice from the valleyside: “You wretched, horrible, meddling beasts!”

  The Baron was spitting with fury. “Shoot them all, Lady Semolina!”

  Lady Semolina was on a balcony swiveling a machine gun into position.

  “No you don’t,” Ulf growled. He raced across the valley toward the Claw. He leaped into the control cabin and pulled a lever. The crane arm extended. He pulled another and the arm swung above the balcony. He pulled a third and the metal claw opened.

  As Lady Semolina started firing, Ulf lowered the metal claw onto her, closing it around her waist. He lifted her off the bridge and swung her over the valley.

  “Help me!” she cried, her legs jiggling in the air.

  Ulf sprang from the crane and snarled.

  “Nice work, Ulf,” Orson called. The giant came striding to Ulf’s side. Tiana came flying after.

  “That showed those hunters,” the fairy said.

  “You haven’t won yet!” the Baron shouted. He was pointing to the far end of the valley. “Aren’t you forgetting dear Dr. Fielding?”

  The five trolls were up ahead, following the meaty trail through the snow. They were heading toward a big metal archway with colored lights flashing around its edge. The lights spelled out the words FEEDING TROUGH.

  “IT’S TIME FOR THE TROLLS’ SUPPER!” the Baron called.

  Chapter 23

  “YOU SAVE DR. FIELDING,” ORSON SAID TO ULF. “Leave the trolls to me.”

  Ulf bounded past the trolls and headed through the metal archway into a tall tunnel. He glanced back. Orson was blocking the entrance, stopping the trolls from coming in. The giant’s chainmail vest rattled as the trolls butted and charged him. “Now, there’s no need for that,” Orson said.

  Tiana flew among the trolls, shining her light in their eyes. “You’re not allowed in there.”

  “Good thinking, Tiana,” Orson said. “Keep them back.”

  Ulf sprinted through the tunnel and out the other side into a round snowy expanse with sheer metal walls. He saw balconies, and a ring of floodlights lighting up the snow. In the center of the valley, a large metal feeding trough lay on the ground. Beyond it were the entrances to dark tunnels. He looked up. He was facing Honeycomb Mountain. Its silhouette loomed over the end of the valley a hundred meters high.

  Ulf saw something move in the feeding trough. Lying there, wrapped in the blanket of meat, was Dr. Fielding. She was gagged and struggling, tied up in ropes and chains. He ran toward her.

  “Going somewhere, werewolf ?” he heard.

  Ulf looked up. Baron Marackai was standing on a balcony, holding his megaphone to his mouth.

  Ulf snarled.

  “You’re going the wrong way,” the Baron called. “It’s Mr. Orson who’s going to die first. Blud! Bone! Bury the giant!”

  Ulf glanced back at the archway. Shards of metal flew across the valley as it exploded in a flash of bright flames. A shockwave punched Ulf’s chest, knocking him to the ground. He watched in horror as a cloud of smoke rose into the air, revealing a massive mound of snow and twisted iron. The archway had collapsed. Orson was buried beneath it.

  “Orson!” Ulf cried, scrambling to his feet. He raced back and began digging frantically, pulling out twisted iron girders and throwing them aside.

  Tiana flew up from behind the mound. “Orson!” she was calling.

  Ulf heaved aside a girder and saw the tip of Orson’s finger poking out from underneath. He cleared the metal and snow from around the giant’s hand. “Orson, get up!” he called.

  The hand lay heavy and still.

  Tiana perched on Orson’s fingertip. “No!” she cried. “Poor Orson.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

  Ulf looked up. He could hear the trolls clambering up the far side of the mound, sniffing and grunting. They were coming for their dinner.

  “Save Dr. Fielding . . . !” Tiana cried.

  There was nothing Ulf could do for Orson now. He turned back and ran toward the Feeding Trough.

  From the balcony, the Baron called through his megaphone: “Blud! Bone! Stop the werewolf !”

  Below the Baron, a metal door opened and Blud and Bone stepped out onto the snow. The big man was holding an iron bar, and the small man was cowering behind him.

  “You get him, Bone,” Blud said.

  Ulf snarled as the big man came running toward him.

  Bone swung the iron bar.

  Ulf dodged, and the bar whipped past his ear, just clipping his fur.

  Blud kept hidden behind Bone. “That’s it, sock it to him,” the small man said.

  Bone swung the iron bar again.

  Ulf dived to the side, landing in the snow.

  The big man stood over him, clutching the iron bar in both hands.

  “Now you’ve got him. Knock him out,” Blud said, peeking from between Bone’s legs.

  As the iron bar came thumping down into the snow, Ulf rolled. He leaped up, grabbed the bar in his jaws and bit it in two.

  “Holy cow,” Bone said, stepping back.

  Ulf snarled at the big man, showing his fangs.

  “Now what do I do, Blud?” Bone asked.

  “Run!” Blud yelled.

  Both men started running back to the door in the valleyside.

  “Come back, you pathetic cowards!” Baron Marackai cried.

  Blud and Bone raced through the door, slamming it shut behind them.

  “I’ll deal with you myself, werewolf!” the Baron called.

  Ulf glanced across and saw the Baron jumping off the balcony into the snow. Then he heard trolls grunting. He glanced back at the fallen archway. The trolls had climbed over the mound and were heading for the Feeding Trough. Ulf leaped to Dr. Fielding. He bit through the chains and ropes around her, then ripped off the blanket of meat.

  She pulled off her gag. “Thank you, Ulf!” she gasped, climbing out of the Feeding Trough.

  “No you don’t, werewolf!” Ulf heard.

  On the far side of the trough, a hatch opened in the ground. Baron Marackai stepped out, pointing a pistol at Ulf. “Now you can die!” he said.

  As the Baron pulled the trigger, Ulf dived for cover into the Feeding Trough. The bullet ricocheted off the metal.

  “Leave him alone!” Dr. Fielding cried. “Oh, okay, if you insist,” the Baron said. “I shall leave him to the trolls instead.” The Baron started laughing. “HA HA HAAA HAA HAAAA AAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

  Ulf peered out of the trough.

  All five trolls were thundering toward him, slobbering. Ulf was lying with the meaty steaks!

  Ulf leaped up and threw the blanket of meat over Baron Marackai. It landed on the Baron’s head, covering him completely. Dr. Fielding stepped forward holding a chain, and looped it over the Baron’s shoulders. She pulled it tight. The Baron struggled, hopping up and down, trying to wriggle out of the blanket of meat. “Nooooooo!” he cried.

  He started running away as the hungry trolls thundered past the Feeding Trough, chasing him.

  Ulf and Dr. Fielding watched as the Baron ran toward Honeycomb Mountain, the blanket of meat over his head. He smacked into the base of the mountain and fell backward. Then he got up, his legs wobbling. He was feeling his way along the wall.

  The trolls were charging on all fours toward him, gouging the air with their tusks.

  The Baron reached a tunnel and ran inside. The trolls ran in after him. Ulf could hear their hungry grunts echoing as the Baron screamed: “I’ll be baaaaaack!”

  Ulf watched, panting.

  “Where’s Orson?” Dr. Fielding asked.

  Ulf looked back at the mound of metal and snow where the archway had fallen. He could see Tiana’s light glowing above Orson’s finger. “I couldn’t save him,” Ulf replied.

  As he stared at the mound, Ulf heard a rumble. The snow and metal started moving.

  Orson was rising from beneath it. />
  Tiana flew up, sparkling. “Orson’s alive!” she called.

  The giant rubbed his head and looked around. “Has anyone seen those trolls?” he asked.

  Ulf smiled, his fangs glinting. He looked up at the moon and howled.

  Chapter 24

  THE NEXT DAY, ULF WOKE LATE WITH THE SUN ON his face. He opened his eyes. He was back in his den at Farraway Hall. Folded outside his door were a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He pulled them on and stepped out into the sunshine.

  Tiana came flying from the paddock. “Good afternoon, Ulf,” she said. “You were brilliant last night!”

  Ulf rubbed his eyes. “Was I?” he asked.

  “Don’t you remember? You stopped the troll hunt. You saved Dr. Fielding.”

  Ulf licked his teeth. His fangs had receded back into his gums. The memory of his transformation was a blur.

  “How did we get home?” he asked.

  “Orson straightened the helicopter blades and we flew back this morning. After waiting for you, of course. You went wild last night, chasing snow hares. Dr. Fielding let you loose in the mountains.”

  Ulf smiled.

  “Come on. Dr. Fielding asked me to come and get you,” Tiana said.

  The fairy flew off and Ulf followed her up the side of the paddock into the yard.

  “Afternoon, Ulf,” he heard.

  Orson came out of the feedstore. The giant had a crutch under his arm made from a tree trunk, and a bandage wrapped around his head.

  “Are you okay, Orson?” Ulf asked.

  “Nothing that a barrel of apples and a bucket of tea won’t mend. You were brave last night, Ulf. You showed those hunters.”

  “They’ll all be behind bars by now,” Dr. Fielding said, stepping out from the side door of Farraway Hall. “The department for National and International Criminal Emergencies was very interested to hear what they’d been up to.”