by TC Rybicki
“I wanted to. I still do, but I also want this. I honestly do. Did you know the reputable agencies dig pretty deep in your family background?”
“I guess I hadn’t thought about it too much.”
“Well, they do. Mine isn’t the best.”
“The Chadwyks are top-notch.”
“Yes, I agree, but I’m not really a Chadwyk. I’m an imposter, remember. The girl with no last name.”
Doug grabbed her hand. “You’re as real as they come, baby. If you want to adopt, it’ll happen. Dad can make some calls.”
She thought if she proved herself as a mother first that adoption might come easier in the long run. He knew that was still only part of it, so Doug reassured her there was absolutely nothing selfish about wanting a biological child. He was certain Willow’s offspring would brighten the world.
The waiter took their orders, and they both agreed the appetizers hit the spot while they waited. Her next question came out of nowhere in between bites of hot, melty cheese. “Will you love it? I mean, it’s not an it, him or her? Will you love him or her? Can I just call it a him for now?”
“Sure, boys run in the Chadwyk family. Granny had all boys and so did Dad and Uncle Sebastian. Not sure what happened with Tanner since he got one of each.”
“Answer me, will you love him?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course, I will. He’ll be your son.”
“But he’ll also be yours. Doesn’t that change things?”
“Wills, honey. You know I love kids, but kids need consistency. My team is doing cutting edge shit right now. We’re getting international attention. The more complicated cases I perform, the more demands will be put on me. Do you honestly think it’s fair of me to stumble in late at night and kiss my kid on the forehead only to be gone the next morning before he wakes up?”
“It doesn’t have to be like that.”
“It probably will be, so I won’t chance it.”
“Walter is an excellent father. You should let go of your grudges and stop letting them control you.”
Doug agreed with her about his father to a certain point. He changed during Doug’s teen years. He was almost certain his mother laid down the law. He overhead a conversation he wasn’t supposed to hear barely weeks before Willow entered their lives. She was going to make him start living in the corporate apartments in Atlanta if he didn’t devote more time to their family life.
“I love my father, but you don’t know everything. He changed when you came along.”
“Wow, really, so you credit me for him becoming a better father?”
“Maybe. But we both know he gave up one of the biggest cases in US legal history because he was trying to spend more time at home. I’m sure he has regrets. I wouldn’t want my kid to worry I regretted his existence.”
“Walt doesn’t regret one damn thing about his life, especially his children. If he wanted to be appointed to the circuit courts, he would have achieved it. You think it was his unfulfilled dream and you’re wrong. His greatest achievement is his family. He is over the moon to be a grandfather.”
Tanner’s kids were lucky. Doug admitted that. His little brother became a family man at a young age and it appeared to be his calling. His wife, Carly, was equally great. Family meant a lot to Doug, but he was certain what came first in life. He missed countless gatherings and holidays for the past decade. Tanner and Willow didn’t miss. They were always there.
“Are you going to tell them?”
“Who?”
“Our family.”
“I thought the agreement is we never tell anyone.”
“I hope you can live with all your decisions or you’ll be the one with regrets, Douglas.”
The meal arrived after that and despite starving an hour ago, Doug had to force himself to eat his steak. Her questions put him on the defensive. What did she want him to say?
Willow attempted to walk ahead of him as soon as their feet hit the sidewalk. Doug caught up and took her hand. “Slow down. You could trip in those shoes. Are you going to start being more careful?”
She spun around, “I’m a careful person. I think you have me confused with someone else.”
He clasped her hands, choosing to do this declaration out in the open on a populated sidewalk instead of waiting another second. “You do some crazy shit for the blog.”
“Well, I won’t do anything that I’m advised not to, but pregnancy isn’t an illness. I’m not going to stop living.”
“What about traveling?”
“That’s my job.”
He rolled his eyes and she didn’t like it. Wills tried to escape. “Wait. I need to say this. Of course, I’ll love him and not just because he’s yours. He’s ours. I’ll probably love him so much I can’t see straight, but I’ll also love him enough to do what’s best for him. Can you live with that?”
“I guess if I can’t, I should have had the sense not to sleep with you.”
“Wills, you’re the most sensible woman I know.”
She rebuffed his sincere compliment. “You just accused me of being reckless. Which is it? Am I sensible or do I take unnecessary chances?”
“Both.”
“That’s a blatant contradiction.”
“Exactly, that’s why I’m about to kiss you when you’re seriously pissed at me, but you’re going to let me.”
“Don’t you dare. We said last time was the last time.”
“I never said any such thing. You rambled, and I listened. Wills, I need you.”
Her palm against his chest put forth little resistance. She let him in. Doug kissed her silly outside the steakhouse. When he got her back home, he did more than kiss her, and she never reminded him there was supposed to be a last time. How could there ever be a last time for them? Doug had never thought this way, but if any other woman approached him, after all this, he’d have to turn them down. Every single one of them. No one could compare to Willow. She was everything to him now. She always was, but he didn’t realize it. He didn’t tell her he loved her because he thought she deserved that or because they were having sex. He meant it and Wills meant it back, but what that meant to them respectively was left unsaid.
Their third ‘last’ time was epic early Sunday morning. He dragged his feet when it came time to leave, but he had an early case. Doug would be up before five the following day.
“Wish I could stay longer.”
“Me too, but you have stuff to do. I understand. I’ll text before you go into surgery.”
“Prayers for a total stranger.”
“Yes, and for you.”
He loved her heartfelt thoughts. He truly believed they worked. They both grew up in Nanny’s church. Doug felt God’s hand over his during every procedure. Not many physicians admitted that, but he wasn’t ashamed to trust in a higher power. Her faith was stronger than his and he was thankful for her in so many ways.
They shared a parting kiss, but no more words about what their situation was or wasn’t. He opened her front door and came face to face with the person he hoped to avoid whenever he visited. Damn, he’d been caught.
“Dr. Doug. I can’t believe it. Why didn’t you let me know you were in town?” That screeching accent grated on his nerves. Julia. Willow’s super nosey neighbor always had a task for Doug. Wills teased him she must have a wicked crush on him, but she thought it had more to do with the fact her husband was an invalid after a series of strokes. Julia was just a lonely old woman with little tact and apparently thought the world revolved around her.
“Well, what do you have to say for yourself, Missy? I thought you said you’d text next time Doug was over.”
“Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot, but seriously Doug needs to get on the road. I can help you. Let me go change and I’ll be right over.”
“No, I don’t think you can. I need these bags of mulch moved around my garden. Please, Dr. Doug is so strong. It will only take you a few minutes.”
“Well, I guess. Th
at mulch isn’t going to move itself.”
“No, Dutch. You must go. I can do it. I’ve done the same thing in my backyard.”
“She said it’s heavy. You shouldn’t strain yourself.”
“Really, why? Are you hurt, Willow? I have the best doctor. Do you want his number?”
“Hey, I thought I was the best doctor, Jules.”
She laughed. “Well, I don’t think either of us need a heart doctor. I meant for her back. Is it your back? You know my back is the worst.”
“No, I’m fine.” Willow pleaded with her eyes. She wanted Doug to make a run for it. He couldn’t because he worried she would get trapped doing a bunch of stuff for Julia that she shouldn’t be doing. Julia never appreciated Willow. She treated her like crap, but Wills had a hard time saying no because she felt sorry for her.
“Why’d you forget, Willow? You know I need help. Bob just sits there, you know. He’s no help. Be a better neighbor to me, please.”
“I’m sorry and I try to be, Julia. I just forgot.”
“Why?”
Doug intended to have a little fun. “I’ll tell you why. You won’t believe how busy I kept this woman the past few days.”
Wills grabbed him and covered her mouth with her hand before he said another word. “Never mind. Doug has time. Go help her with her mulch.” Thirty minutes later, he was back at her front door to clean up.
He teased her again. “Julia said she’ll call you later. She still wants to know what we were so busy doing. I told her you’d fill her in.”
“I can’t believe you did that. She is so nosey, and she’ll never drop it. You know I stink at lying.”
“I’m glad she found me and made me do a chore. That means I get one more moment with you.”
He couldn’t wait to kiss her again. Doug memorized her taste a long time ago. He had far more committed to memory now. She was seared onto his soul. There was no forgetting. Ever. Wills was right about the lying thing, and if he truly had knocked her up this weekend, the lies were just getting started. Good thing he was better at it than she was.
February 1997- 6 months into the friendship
Dutch swung open his door and startled Willow. She lost track of time. He was home from school, her favorite time of the day.
“Hey, Dutch. Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah, I guess for school it was okay.”
“Ugh, you’re so lucky. Tell me about it.” She asked questions like this to the point he got annoyed with her. “You took the good book. I was looking for it.”
Willow couldn’t go to school, but she soaked up Dutch’s textbooks whenever she could. She felt like she was doing the 8th grade along with him. He was quick to correct her that she would only be a 6th grader if she went.
“I had to. Today was the geography test and I needed to cram in study hall.”
“Why cram? We studied together for days. You knew most of the information.”
“No, you knew all of it. History and geography are not my strongest subjects. Too bad I can’t sneak you into the school to take those exams in my place.” Willow snickered. She imagined stuffing her long hair into one of Dutch’s ball caps and pretending to be him. “What’s so funny?”
“You are. You always make me laugh. Is anyone coming over this afternoon?” She really meant Rob. Willow didn’t know what it was about him, but she liked being around Rob, looking at him and not saying anything. He was a nice boy, sometimes nicer than Doug even. Her friend was moody at times and he acted like a macho know-it-all too. Rob barely talked to her. Maybe he was shy, but Willow liked him. Their other friends weren’t so nice. They teased her mostly. She didn’t ask specifically about Rob because it had irritated Dutch before.
“How’s the new girl?”
He twisted his brow. “The new girl?”
“Yeah, you said maybe she was into you. Is that what you called it? Is she? Is she into you?”
“Jeez, Wills you’re such a kid sometimes. What difference does it make? Lots of girls at school like me. I like girls; doesn’t mean I need a girlfriend.”
“Well, what does it mean?”
“Never mind. I’ll tell you when you grow up.”
She slammed the book. This was one of those times he acted stupid in her opinion. Willow changed the subject. “Is it still too soon to swim in the lake?”
“Duh, it’s February.”
“Today was nice and sunny. I didn’t even wear a jacket.”
“Yes, but it wasn’t sunny enough to warm an entire lake. It was freezing two nights ago.”
Willow wasn’t thinking. He was right. She was so excited when Dutch started teaching her to swim at the end of the summer. They didn’t have too many lessons before the weather cooled down. She was a fast learner. He thought she mastered swimming and could be trusted on her own, but Dawn worried. Dawn Chadwyk was the biggest worrier Willow ever knew. Her real mother never worried about her.
“You want to do something?”
“Yeah, I guess. Rob and I were going to play some Nintendo.”
“Oh, well, I might see what Tanner’s up to.”
“We can take turns, Wills. I know you get bored watching.” She got bored with video games, period. Willow didn’t understand how the boys got so wound up over a screen and fake worlds. The real world was way more exciting to her, but the good news was Rob would be there soon.
Tanner and Willow started a puzzle while Rob and Dutch tackled an important mission on their game. Dawn busied herself in the kitchen making the bunch some sandwiches. Dutch teased his Momma too much about her inability to cook, but everything Willow ate over there had been tasty. Once her friend whispered in her ear, “It’s called Stouffer’s, kid. That’s why you like it.” She giggled because he was so funny and because Dutch had never been so close to her. His breath tickled her neck and Willow didn’t know she was ticklish. She wasn’t big on touching like some people in her group, but she didn’t mind him touching her.
“Dinner is served. Pause the game, boys. Everyone come to the kitchen.”
Willow placed the last corner on the puzzle and told Tanner it was a good place to stop. He was so good at puzzles. They’d put together at least ten now and this time they were attempting a 1,000 piece. It might take a while to complete it, so it was a good thing Dawn allowed them to keep a table up in the rec room.
The sandwiches were tasty. Dutch grimaced every time he watched her create a cheese and lettuce sandwich as he stacked on roast beef and turkey on his. “I’m going to get you eating meat one day, just wait and see, Wills.”
“No thanks, I love animals too much to kill them.”
Dutch took a huge bite out of his sandwich and spoke with his mouth full. “They’re dead already whether you eat them or not. The demands already there so you aren’t changing a thing.”
“Leave her alone, Doug. Who knows what Willow might change one day. She can do anything she dreams or be anyone she desires. I predict great things for her future.”
Willow smiled at Dawn. She was the nicest lady in the world. She’d already taught her more than any other adult in whole her life. Rain said each person had to find their own way, but Willow had realized she needed a guide much like the map books she loved to read. She was almost certain her mother would be forever lost with her outlook on life and Willow craved direction.
“Sure, Momma. Let me know when you give up fried chicken and I’ll believe Willow can do it all.”
Willow stuck her tongue out him and he did the same, but he was the only one to get caught. “Douglas, that’s filthy. Stop that rude behavior in front of our guest.”
“Wills isn’t a guest anymore.”
“Well, maybe, but she’s a young lady and you need to be polite or I’m telling your father.”
Willow almost opened her mouth to apologize for starting things, but Doug shushed her. He didn’t even care. That’s the way he was. She didn’t know what it was called, but he took up for her whenever possible and Wi
llow like that best about him. Rob and Dutch ate their sandwiches in three or four bites, so they headed back to finish up the game.
“Oh, I forgot to ask, dear. How’s the bra? Is it comfortable enough?”
“Yes, Ma’am. I forget it’s on. I love it. It’s so soft and pretty. I think I’d like a few more when you have the chance. I can do chores to repay you.”
Dawn always told her that wasn’t necessary, but this time she didn’t get a chance. Dutch burst back on the scene. Willow wouldn’t have talked about her new bra in front of him. He must have forgot something and come straight back to the kitchen.
“You bought her a bra! Are you nuts? Wills is a kid. She doesn’t wear that sh… stuff, I mean. What are you trying to do, Momma?”
“Fix your tone, please. Willow’s clothing is none of your business. I think Rob needs to head home and you need to cool off in your room. I’m sure you have homework.”
“I don’t. I finished it already. Sorry I raised my voice, but seriously, a bra?” He stared at Willow and she ducked her head. He was embarrassing her. “Wills don’t wear it. You don’t need it.”
“Douglas, that’s enough. I realize you think you are one step away from manhood, but you don’t know what a young lady needs or doesn’t need. This is not your concern.”
“Could I speak to Wills alone?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Willow, would you like me to walk you home?”
“Yes, please.”
“Stop. You don’t walk her home that’s my job.”
Rob entered the kitchen. If Dutch talked about her bra in front of his friend, she was sure to die. He had such a big mouth, Rob probably heard already. Willow held back hot tears.
“I should go. Thanks for the sandwich, Dawn. Bye everyone.”
Willow got to the edge of the woods before Dutch caught up to her. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. He turned her around. “Jeez, Wills, why are you crying?”
“I don’t know.”
“I didn’t mean to yell. I was shocked. It’s just you’re such a sweet kid and Momma’s right, I don’t know everything about girls, but I know girls and guys my age and things are different at school. I like you the way you are now. That’s dumb. Shit. I don’t know what I mean, but if you start wearing a bra, pretty soon boys will notice and then they’ll act different around you. I swear to God if anyone ever gives you shit or acts up around you, I’ll punch their lights out.”