by TC Rybicki
Willow sniffled a few more times. “I know I look like a kid to you, but you don’t know everything. The bra makes me feel better, safer. I don’t want to be bothered, but I don’t like being embarrassed either. Please don’t ask about it again because you hurt my feelings earlier.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. What do you mean safer?”
Willow didn’t want to answer. All she knew was one day, her chest was completely flat and the next day, she recognized a difference. They weren’t real boobs like Doug and his buddies talked about when they didn’t think she could hear them. But she was changing and was sure someone would notice through her clothes. She wore some of her clothes from Dawn home now. No one really cared.
The thing was JC might care in a new way. Last week, he asked Willow her age. She assumed he had too many things on his mind and forgot. He should know she turned 11, but he asked with a strange look. Willow avoided him whenever possible. That afternoon he looked at her differently. That was Dutch’s worry about boys in general, but it wasn’t boys Willow feared. She feared men much more. In fact, there was one man she feared and that was her leader.
She could never tell Stone. He was her father, but he wouldn’t help her. Willow knew things she shouldn’t know like how Stone let Rain spend most nights in JC’s cabin. Most of the women did that on different occasions, but Rain bragged once she was his favorite. The thing Willow could never forget was early in the summer before she ever met Doug and his family, JC rubbed her back and said she reminded him of her mother so much. He said one day soon she would be even prettier. That was the first night Willow took a late-night walk. The nights should bring rest, but Willow’s nights were often filled with worry and uncertainty. If JC knocked on their cabin, Rain would leave them. Willow hoped he never knocked on her door. If he did, hopefully, she wouldn’t be there to answer.
Present day- two weeks after
Doug had a key, but he wanted to see the look on her face when she opened the door and saw him standing there. Wills thought he had to work. At first, he thought he did too, but Doug made a switch with a colleague. He really wanted to see her again, especially this weekend. It had been plenty of days to know for certain, but Willow never mentioned taking a test. He crinkled the pharmacy bag between his fingers. Damn, he’d never been so anxious about an unknown, but he had to know for certain, and he had to find out with her in person.
As soon as he saw her, his need overwhelmed him. Doug wrapped his arms around a very surprised Wills and pressed his mouth against hers. She held still a split second, but it didn’t take long to match his passion. She missed him as much as he’d missed her. They continued the kiss, so he hoisted her up, dropped the paper bag and started for her room.
It was at the threshold of her room; she pulled away. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I thought my intentions were pretty clear. Didn’t you feel it when you wrapped your legs around me?”
“Ugh. Stop that, put me down. You’re working all weekend.”
“I am? Damn, Wills, you have some kinky fantasies about me when I’m gone. It’s almost feels like I’m truly here.”
She slapped his shoulder, “I said, put me down, Ass.”
He took a few more steps and tossed her onto the bed. Doug couldn’t wait to join her, but she rolled and sat up before he had a chance to pin her to the mattress.
“Enough. Why’d you do that? We’re not… I mean, that stuff is over.”
“Is it? Because it didn’t feel over a few seconds ago when you stuck your tongue in my mouth. I love it when you kiss aggressively.”
“I was confused. You caught me by surprise and I didn’t know what was happening.”
He laughed. “You’re hilarious, and now I’m a little concerned how you greet men at the door.”
“Stop it. It’s not funny. You lied.”
“I never lie to you, Babe.”
“No, you had rounds all weekend. We were texting last night. I can show you.”
Doug explained he switched a weekend with Dr. Swanson. “Yeah, I got to thinking, I really needed this weekend off, so he’s extending his future honeymoon a few more days like his bride-to-be wanted. I’ll work his shift the week of Thanksgiving, but no biggie.”
“Why this weekend? What’s going on?”
“You. Duh. I wanted to be with you when you found out. Please tell me you didn’t take a test without me?”
“Who says I need a test?”
Doug’s heart sank. She never said it didn’t happen, “You mean, you got your period?”
Wills didn’t answer. She avoided his stare.
“I… no, it’s too soon to know for sure.”
“No, it’s not. You’re late already.”
“A few days, that’s not a reason to test so soon.”
He chuckled because he was relieved and amused by her. She hadn’t gotten her period or taken the test. Wills was nervous. Doug made the right decision to come to her.
“Dutch, this wasn’t our arrangement. I thought when you left last time…”
“That I was done with you after we slept together? You honestly think I’d blow apart our twenty-year friendship?”
“No, not our friendship, but nothing was supposed to change. Now we’re kissing as soon as we see each other. What is that about?”
“Look, the whole reason I offered my, well, you know—is because I wanted you to have more than what an anonymous donor would provide. I’ve thought about this a lot—no, correction, you have consumed my thoughts for two solid weeks. I know what you truly want in life and I fall short. We both know that. But let me be here for you during the pregnancy. I want to do that. I need to.”
“So, you give me support and I give you sex? I don’t want to be on your short-booty call list. No thanks.”
She wasn’t getting it. Why should she? Doug hadn’t been clear. He struggled with the words. “Wills, there’s no list like that. Listen to me.”
“Yes, there is. You’ve shared it with me before. You have certain go-to women that get you, which translate into no strings. Sure, I get you better than any of them and we may have made a baby together which could have strings, but it doesn’t, it won’t because we decided ahead of time. I love you. You’re my best friend, but I’m not ever going to be a friend with benefits. I have more self-respect than that.”
“I respect you too much to treat you as such. I will not be with anyone else as long as we have this going. You have my word.” He didn’t even want to think about other women while Wills was pregnant with his child. If Doug was completely honest with himself, he couldn’t imagine touching anyone else after her. Maybe it was one of the reasons he held back all those other times when he wanted to try something with his best friend. Wills was the kind of woman that was a man’s forever, but Doug didn’t do forever. What the fuck was he doing now?
“I need time.”
“Of course, but…” he held her face in his hands. “The support offer stands even if we are never intimate again. I swear it. My choices with you right now are not based on sex. I shouldn’t have busted in and started kissing you without talking. I’ll do better from here on out.”
She smiled at Doug, “It was a good kiss.”
He smirked, “Yeah, we’re pretty good at kissing each other. How about taking the tests I bought?”
“I bought one, too.”
They both dumped the pregnancy tests on the bed. Willow had three different ones to choose from. She decided to take all of them and asked him to find a plastic cup in the kitchen.
He returned with the cup and a scratch on his hand. That sneaky bastard, Felix, took a swipe at him. “One day, I’m leaving the window open for him.”
“Stop, you big baby, he barely broke the skin. Okay, are you ready for this? I need your help, doctor.”
“How? I thought the testing part was a solo job.”
“I’ll go in the cup, but you do the rest. I’m too nervous. See my hands? I’m
shaking already.”
Willow went into the bathroom while Doug read the boxes. She left him her sample on the counter, and he went to work, but this wasn’t work; this was personal. He held up his phone when he got back to her room. “Timer is going. Some said three minutes, one said five.”
“Fine, five it is just to make sure.” Willow opened her arms. He sat on her bed and he held her while they waited. She asked a few more questions about their possible new arrangement. “It’s our secret, right?”
“Our relationship is ours only. No one has to know.”
Doug’s phone chimed. It had been five minutes. They stayed still a few more seconds. “Shall we?”
“You first. I can’t look. This wasn’t supposed to happen so fast. I didn’t plan to finalize my decision with the insemination until the first of the year.”
Dutch stood up. Wills stopped him by grabbing his hand. “Wait. Kiss me first.”
Maybe that was his answer. She wanted to accept his offer of being more than friends during her pregnancy if there was a pregnancy. He obliged her. It was a gentle kiss, but one filled with unsaid promises and love. Neither of them truly knew what it meant, but they were going for it.
His eyes scanned all three tests at once. They were all in agreement. The answer was definitive. Willow’s arms encircled his waist. “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Dutch, stop stalling. Tell me. Am I pregnant?”
He held up the digital one in front of her eyes, “So pregnant. What did I tell you?”
The excitement hadn’t even begun to dissipate. Willow and Doug carried on their congratulations in her bed. There was no stopping what started the weekend they made her baby. It felt right. He realized some things weren’t right, mainly on his part, but Dutch promised to support her, and he would stand by this woman, always.
She asked once more if they should stop crossing this line.
“Wills, let’s just be us like always.”
“But this isn’t like always. We are stripping off our clothes and touching things.”
“Yes, I’m fully aware that much is different, but think about it, nothing else has really changed.”
“How can you say that with a straight face?”
He knew what she meant. There was a baby now. Doug thought about the growing life inside her, and how he put it there. So much changed, but if Wills could pretend, so could he because he needed her so bad. He didn’t need a new sex partner, but they needed this time that they both secretly craved for years. If either of them thought about it too in-depth, they were liable to flip out. Given their history, it was a long time coming.
By Saturday evening, Wills noted how she felt too great. No pregnancy symptoms had hit her yet and that started an endless amount of worry on her part.
“What if I’m not really pregnant?”
“You took three tests.”
“There could be a mistake.”
“Call the doctor if you want a blood test, but I know for a fact false positives are rare. You wouldn’t get three of them from three separate brands.”
“I already called but it’s the weekend.”
“Call again on Monday. Listen, about your doctor.”
Willow covered Doug’s lips. “No, I’m not switching. This is my decision not yours.”
“There are better doctors in Atlanta.”
“Says who?”
“Me who happens to be one of them.”
“Smug ass. You aren’t an obstetrician.”
“I can make some calls and get you in with the best.”
“I don’t live in Atlanta.”
“There’s an easy fix for that.”
Wills heard enough. They’d fought about Savannah plenty of times. She got up, but he tried to stop her. The bed was lonely without his Wills curled up against him. How was Doug supposed to live three hours away from her now?
“Are you cooking?”
She yelled from the kitchen about sandwiches. Doug had worked up an appetite with her. A sandwich wouldn’t do, especially her kind. Wills melted cheese and pickles on 7-grain bread and called it a meal.
He sneaked in behind her at the fridge. She screamed, “Stop doing that, and where are your pants?”
He hadn’t worn pants since Friday afternoon.
“Wherever you tossed them yesterday. Why do you care? You’re obsessed with me naked.”
“Not really and especially not over dinner.”
“That half-ass sandwich you plan to make is not a dinner. Come on, let’s grab a shower, get dressed, and go someplace nice to celebrate.
She was about to agree to his date when there was a distinct knock on the door. “Shit. She found us. Why didn’t you hide your car?”
“Why didn’t you buy a decent place with a garage? There’s no other place safe to park my ride except right out front.”
“Willow! I know you’re home. I saw Dr. Doug’s car. Why didn’t you call me?”
Julia’s voice carried through the solid wood door. “You go grab the shower, I’ll come up with some excuse, but tomorrow you need to go over and do at least one of her projects.”
Dutch crossed his arms refusing to follow her orders, “Do I? At some point, maybe you should tell her no.”
Willow asked him the same question, “Why don’t you?”
“I don’t know, I feel sorry for her.”
“Exactly, now go.”
The knocking persisted. Wills tightened her robe, took a deep breath and opened the door a smidge. Dutch didn’t run to the shower. He stood behind her and Willow gasped. She was even more aware how pant-less he was.
“Willow open up.”
“I can’t. I was on the way to the shower. What’s up, Julia?”
Doug edged his way in there, so Julie would see him over Willow’s head. “Oh, well, I needed Doug, anyway. Can you go in my attic?”
“He can’t right now, maybe tomorrow.”
Doug grabbed her waist tighter. He was having too much fun. Julia asked her a long time ago if he was her boyfriend and she insisted they were just friends. The last thing she wanted her nosey neighbor to know was that something was going on between them.
“Why tomorrow? What are you two doing?”
“We’re going to dinner.”
“Right now? You just said you’re getting a shower.”
“Yeah, you did, Wills. Go shower, I’ll make plans with Julia.”
She elbowed him. “You can’t.” She pointed with her head at his growing problem.
“What’s going on? Why aren’t you opening the door?”
“I’m sorry, Jules. Willow’s embarrassed you might find out about our secret.”
“No, I’m not. Sorry, Julia, I have to go; we have reservations.” She tried to close the door, but the five-foot menace stuck her foot in the door. “What’s the secret? Are you dating now?”
“No. We’re most certainly not dating. It’s just Dutch isn’t, I mean, I need a shower, and he needs to feed Felix so we’re in a hurry. That’s all.”
“Wills tell her. She caught us.”
“Oh, my goodness, I knew it... remember when I told you he seemed in love with you?”
“What? How? No, please Julia, Dutch is my best friend. It’s not what you think.”
He couldn’t resist. “Wills is right. We’re not in love. We’re secret nudist. We rarely get to practice with our careers, so this is the only place we can be free. Willow is trying to shield you from my nudity, but hey, I would be honored to go into your attic tomorrow because I can’t wear pants the rest of the day. Let’s make it early before it gets too hot.”
“Nudist?”
“He’s lying. You know he’s a huge tease. We are not nudist. Gah!” Wills was ready to smack him by then.
“I am not lying. Tell the truth, Wills. I’m nude and that’s why you won’t open the door.”
She gritted her teeth, “I’m going to kill you.” He couldn’t stop laughing. “Sorry, it’s a bad
time. Doug will be there tomorrow with pants on. Text me as soon as you’re up. Bye.” She got the door shut that time. He doubled over laughing his ass off.
Willow chased him into the bathroom. “I can’t believe you did that. We said no one needs to know.”
“It’s just Julia. That was damn funny.”
“Yes, Julia, my incredibly pushy neighbor who I see every day. Ugh, you’re impossible. Either I have to say we’re nudist or that we’re screwing.”
“You hate lying.”
“I know, so who knows what else I can come up with?” Doug reached around her to turn on the shower. “Shower?”
He wriggled his eyebrows at her. She took his hand and followed him inside. “How’d you get aroused during that fiasco? I swear you must have issues.”
Dutch grabbed her hands and pinned them to the tiled walls over her head. “Yep, Baby, I’ve got issues, so I’m going to need your help or we’re not getting into any nice restaurants tonight.” He kissed her neck and made her forget all about his jokes.
Wills was the most beautiful woman on earth. Doug stared at her wrapped in a fluffy white towel. She sprayed a mist that smelled intoxicating into the air before she brushed her wavy long hair. The old incandescent lamp in the corner caught every honey-highlight streaked through her warm brown hair. He noticed her a thousand times, but always hid his real interest, hid his arousal. She did things to his body long before it was appropriate to admit.
“I see you drooling in the mirror. Rein it in because I’m too hungry for more loving right now. The shower was as energetic as I’ve ever gotten.”
He doubted it. If it was, then Doug had so much to teach her.
“Fine, I’m ready, so I’ll let you finish while Satan and I watch television. I know he’s hogging the couch because you let him do whatever he wants. You’ll have to toughen up with a kid, Wills.”