Willow's Wish

by TC Rybicki

  Maverick was long but on the lanky side. He looked different when he was a newborn. Doug brushed the top of his head, “Hey, kid. I see you’re still lacking in the hair department. That’s okay. You’re a handsome guy with or without hair.” Maverick looked up at the sound of Doug’s voice. He swore there was some recognition, but it might be his mind playing tricks on him. The baby let go of the breast and closed his eyes again.

  “See. That’s what he does. Then I start leaking everywhere and I know he hasn’t had enough.”

  “Try again.”

  Willow worked to get Maverick eating while Doug started his exam. He slipped his stethoscope under the onesie and listened. Once he heard, he swore the floor disappeared underneath his feet. His own heart sank to his toes. That wasn’t mild. He heard the audible regurgitation of blood and given the severity of the murmur, something was structurally wrong in Maverick’s heart. He was asymptomatic until now for the most part, but whatever was failing was failing fast.

  She kept trying to improve his latch, but Dutch stopped her. “Don’t honey, he doesn’t need to exert himself.”

  “What does that mean? What is it?”

  All the possibilities raced through his thoughts, some had an easy solution, others not so much. He tried to plan the best course of action in his mind, but there was no doubt he wanted him to go to Children’s Hospital in Augusta. He knew the top pediatric cardiologist in Georgia was there, and he was a personal friend. It was two and half hours by car, but Doug did not trust that. He couldn’t take a chance, so they needed to have him checked out locally first.

  He reached for his phone just as Willow’s started ringing. He saw the name Craig, and Dutch grabbed it without hesitation. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why didn’t you refer Maverick to a cardiologist?”

  “Umm, hello. Who’s speaking? Where’s Willow?”

  “Dutch, give me that.”

  “I don’t have time for this shit. Hang up on that quack and call 911.”

  Willow apologized and ended the call without another word. She was shaking because she realized how serious things were. Doug told her he would do it. He called 911 and filled in the operator everything he’d observed. Maverick was not getting enough oxygen in his blood, and the blood flow through his heart was compromised most likely because of a leaky valve or worse. His worst fear was that his son had a hole in the wall of his heart. Small openings happened and weren’t completely uncommon, but normally they closed on their own. The issue here was Doug knew whatever was happening today was acute, getting worse by the minute, and he needed to calm Wills down. Knowing an ambulance was on the way made that almost impossible. There was no way he could bring himself to tell her it could very well be life-threatening.

  Dutch jumped up, tossed the cat into the bedroom so Felix wouldn’t run out, and then he opened the front door to flag down the paramedics. He might be over-reacting. His emotions were involved, and that was a no-no in medicine. Maverick was still conscious and even smiled at Wills the whole time she talked to him. Doug wouldn’t risk his son’s life. Wills said he was over-protective since they were kids. Today, he’d gladly accept that label, better safe than sorry.

  The paramedics didn’t hesitate to get him loaded into the ambulance and in route to Savannah’s largest hospital. Wills rode along, but there wasn’t room for Dutch. He kept up in his car. The whole way, he prayed he was wrong and that it wasn’t what it seemed like.

  Wills squeezed Doug’s hand as they sat just outside the trauma room while their son was evaluated. She wasn’t talking, only crying silent tears.

  “It’s going to be alright. We got him here in time, babe.”

  She shook her head, “I did this.”

  “What? No, you didn’t. It’s a congenital defect and thousands of cases like this are seen every year with excellent outcomes, I might add.”

  “But I didn’t tell the family about the murmur because I knew you’d make a big deal, and Craig assured me it was fine. I couldn’t bear to see you again, so I risked Maverick’s life. This makes me the worst mother in history.”

  Dutch held Wills while she cried against his shoulder. He wished she would have told him, but he wasn’t about to make her feel worse. She was taking Maverick to regular checkups, so no way was she neglectful. It was Doug that was the worst parent on earth because what kind of man let his perfect family slip through his fingers for a fucking job?

  Doug prayed silently in his mind, God, please heal my son, so I can fix what I’ve broken. I’ll do better. I swear, just give me another chance.

  The doctor’s lips were moving, Dutch was asking questions in between, nurses were giving Maverick medication in an IV, and Willow was spinning out of control. Her body was motionless, but her thoughts were bouncing against the walls reminiscent to pinball action. The more medical terms spoken out loud, the weaker she became.

  Dutch saw the fall coming before she did. He grabbed hold of her and sat her down. “Look at me, Wills. Slow your breathing and try to calm down.”

  Impossible. One nurse said Maverick was a very sick baby. What kind of thing is that to say to a mother? “What is the condition called, again? V-something.”

  “Ventricular Septal Defect, also called VSD.”

  “And he has it?”

  “Yeah, babe.”

  “But he was fine when he was born.”

  “I know.”

  “I mean, are you sure? He seems comfortable now. His breathing is better.”

  Dutch pointed out Maverick was on oxygen and mildly sedated. That’s why he settled down and showed signs of improvement. He also told her it was temporary because preliminary tests show their son has one of the most complicated levels of VSD with aortic regurgitation. He was fortunate not to have pulmonary hypertension yet.

  Willow got up and walked over to the bed to be close to Maverick. She hated he had to get stuck with needles and have all those strangers around him for over an hour. He must be so scared. The worse part was she couldn’t pick him up to comfort him or feed him. He’d never gone so long without eating and she forgot her pump.

  Dutch slipped his arm around her. She didn’t know what she’d do without him there. Fall apart for sure, but he kept holding her together. All their issues seemed so irrelevant now.

  “He’s tough like you.”

  She looked into those soulful eyes where she lost herself so many times. Dutch was faking. He was just as upset and afraid as she was.

  Dutch stated, “Maverick needs to be transferred to Children’s.”

  “Is that in Atlanta?”

  “No, Augusta.”

  “Okay, when?”

  “As soon as possible. I’m talking to the doctor about an air transport. The ambulance is going to take almost as long as a private car.”

  “The air? You mean a life flight helicopter?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But that’s the kind of thing patients need in the middle of nowhere or after a terrible accident on the highway. You said he’s stable.”

  “I know, but we can get him where he needs to be in half the time. They have better equipment, doctors standing by, and I’ve already called my friend that will perform the surgery. He’s the best. I wouldn’t let anyone but the best touch our son.”

  Willow had been scanning a few medical sites on her phone while they waited. There was medication and other non-invasive procedures. Surgery was supposed to be a last resort or only done in the most critical cases. She didn’t even get the question out before Dutch spoke her worst fear.

  “He has to have the surgery, Wills. It’s his only hope.”

  Willow kept turning back to watch. Dutch gave her a thumbs up or a nod every time she checked. She was in the cockpit while he was in the back with their son. They were in the air flying at 140 knots to Augusta. She wasn’t sure how fast that was, but they were breezing through the sky quickly. This was nothing like the helicopter ride she and Dutch took around the Grand Canyon a few years ago.
She was so glad they let him on with them. The crew said they had room for one more, so Dutch planned to drive. At the last minute, Kit arrived with an overnight bag, Willow’s pump and asked if she needed to take Doug’s car.

  Willow said the first thing that popped into her head, “Dr. Chadwyk is Maverick’s doctor. Can he ride with us?”

  The nurse, Georgia scanned Dutch’s hospital ID before looking into Willow’s pleading eyes, and she said they would allow it. She hugged Georgia and told her a heartfelt thank you.

  Georgia informed Willow she had a six-month-old at home, “I get it.”

  Willow wore a headset, so she had no idea what was being said between the medical team but every look from Dutch gave her a peace. Maverick was doing well during the transport. Not long before landing, Dutch lifted his hand, so Wills could see their son’s tiny hand wrapped around his father’s index finger. Her heart swelled with emotion. What happened to them? None of this was part of the plan. Dutch teased her when she wrote out that detailed birth plan because he said childbirth didn’t always follow a plan, but she came close to getting exactly what she wanted the day Maverick was born. Life was just as messy and unpredictable, and Willow remembered her younger self scribbling down wishes on a scrap paper so many years ago.

  - I will travel to all my favorite places.

  - I will always be Dutch Chadwyk’s best friend.

  - I will have a family of my own one day.

  - My family will be happy and safe.

  - We will make good memories together.

  - Dutch will be there.

  She folded the paper and hid it away in her giant geography book which was her best and first gift from him. The book still sat on a shelf in her old room. She read the list the night he told her he accepted the fellowship in Cambridge. Willow was so close to ripping it to shreds and tossing the childish wishes away, but for some reason she didn’t. Those wishes meant something to the little girl that wrote them, and they still meant everything to the woman about to go through the most difficult trial of her life. One wish stood out in her mind. Dutch was still here.

  The entire family gathered in the family room to listen to Dr. Critchfield, Maverick’s new doctor, explain the surgery. Willow kept her composure until he got to the part about possible complications.

  “Wait, I missed the part when you said Maverick would go on bypass.”

  Dutch squeezed her thigh, “He has to, Wills. I’ve explained the heart-lung bypass before. You understand how it works. That’s the only way to repair the defect in the wall of his heart.”

  “Yes, you’ve explained surgeries on random strangers not my five-month-old,” her voiced raised. “It doesn’t always start up again. The heart, I mean. You can’t let them stop his heart. He’s too tiny.”

  “Ms. Chadwyk, I promise he’ll be monitored closely. We know what we’re facing. Sometimes we go in blind and must figure it out as we go. I guarantee this is the best situation for our whole team.”

  “So, operating on small babies is no big deal?”

  Dawn and Carly were mothers. They should agree with her, but no one was saying anything. Everyone was speechless hearing the surgery was scheduled first thing in the morning. Time was crucial, but all Willow could remember was every time Dutch told her a patient died on the operating table. She used to feel so terrible for him, but this was a new feeling. She’d never felt this kind of terror and Willow had faced some harrowing events. She had her own scars, but they were on the inside. Her baby would have a permanent scar his whole life from having his chest cracked open.

  The consent forms were in front of her. Dutch wouldn’t push the surgery if it wasn’t necessary, so she decided to trust these doctors, trust the God she believed in thanks to Nanny, and trust her son was a survivor. She signed with her eyes closed, stood up from the table, and walked away straight to Maverick’s room.

  Maverick was resting. It was so odd for him to sleep all the time, but the doctors said it was best he stays sedated. The door latch made a noise, and she looked up to see who was coming inside. Willow expected Dutch but saw Craig standing there instead.

  Willow was able to send him a message before they left Savannah. No doubt, he was so confused after Dutch yelled at him, and she hung up the phone when Dutch started calling 911. Craig opened his arms as he walked across the room. Each footstep sounded sticky on the glossy-tiled floors which irritated her. She shouldn’t be mad at him. Craig was highly recommended, and he was an excellent doctor, but why couldn’t he had been over-cautious? Overboard reactions were what Willow was used to not a laid back, let’s wait-and-see what develops response.

  His arms around her altered her irritation into frustration, “What are you doing here?”

  Craig let go. They weren’t the touch-feely sort of friends, but he seized opportunities for friendly hugs. Willow hadn’t led him on. He knew she had family drama in her life nothing more. She was focused on her son and being a single mother and didn’t have room in her life for much more. Still, she inadvertently accepted his attempts to get closer. They hung out a little more than she was comfortable with this entire month.

  “You’re upset.”

  “Yeah, my baby is having open heart surgery in a few hours. I’m beyond upset. Wouldn’t anyone be shredded at this point?”

  “No, I didn’t… of course, they would. I’m so sorry, Willow. I mean, you’re upset with me.”

  “You didn’t see this coming. His surgeon said it’s an unusual case, and Maverick didn’t present like most babies would with this condition. He just went into a downward spiral in a matter of hours. If anything, it’s my fault for thinking he had a virus. I should have taken him in two days ago.”

  “No, you’re a terrific mother, and I swear to you. I’ve heard countless murmurs like he had in the office, and they were always benign.”

  “I believe you, but you really shouldn’t be here.”

  “You don’t want me here? I’m still Maverick’s primary care physician, and I want to be here for both of you.”

  That wasn’t what Willow meant. She could accept Craig not diagnosing Maverick correctly, but someone else was not going to be understanding. She didn’t want Dutch to cross paths with Craig. Ever.

  Craig studied Maverick’s monitors and commented, “He looks good… stable and this hospital is the best.” He touched her cheek, “You on the other hand look like you need some sleep? When’s the last time you slept?”

  Willow attempted to count the hours in her head. She barely slept the night before worrying about Maverick’s strange attempts to feed, but minutes and hours ran together. She couldn’t even do simple math. Her shoulders shrugged.

  “I have a room a few blocks from here with two double beds. You’re welcome to one.”

  The door closed, and Willow jumped backwards. They weren’t together anymore but that wouldn’t stop Dutch. She knew the last thing he ever wanted to see was another man touching her. It was insane and possessive. And so Dutch.

  He managed to keep his voice down for the baby’s sake. “Get out before I toss you out the window.”

  “Dutch, stop. Craig is here to check on Maverick.”

  “Yeah, he’s the best checker in fucking history. So good, I feel like calling the state board.”

  Willow was right, this meeting should have never happened. Craig did not deserve a suspended license to practice medicine. She pointed to the door. They were not having a heated exchanged near her son. He might be sedated, but she only wanted Maverick to be surrounded by positive energy.

  Willow leaned over and kissed her son’s cheek, “I’ll be right be, sweetheart.”

  Once the trio was in the hall, Craig made it worse by trying to pretend Dutch didn’t worry him. “You’re Dutch. I’ve heard about you.” He extended his hand. Dutch folded his arms in front of him which accented his biceps. Willow had to diffuse the situation, and she was too exhausted to try. Damn Dutch for always doing this to her. Willow damned herself for allow
ing him to do it as well.

  One of them needed to leave, and the choice was obvious.

  “You haven’t heard much because only Wills calls me Dutch. You can call me Dr. Chadwyk, Craig.”

  Willow’s head began to shake side to side. “Craig was just leaving.”

  “Yeah, I heard. He’s trying to get you to join him in a motel. Do you honestly think she’d leave her infant son hours before open heart surgery to stroke your ego among other things?”

  She stepped in between to block Doug, but spoke directly to Craig, “There’s a parent room with cots on this floor. I can’t leave, but thanks for the offer. Maverick is scheduled at six, and I want to be close because the nurses will alert me if there’s any change.” She mouthed sorry at the end.

  Craig conceded, “Of course, that makes sense. I’ll be here.”

  “Don’t bother,” came from behind her.

  Craig stepped to the side to face Doug, “I’m sorry this is happening, but I’d be happy to share my records with Willow’s consent. There was no warning. Maverick appeared healthy every exam I gave him. I realize this is awkward and a trying time for the family especially since you and Willow had such a falling out.”

  “You don’t know anything about us.”

  “Well, she told me you’re unhappy with her choices. I mean, the donor and raising Maverick alone. It’s a shame you severed what sounded like a lifelong friendship. It seems like I’m not the one with the ego problem.”

  Dutch moved so fast, Willow felt the rush of air across her face. He pushed Craig against the wall hard so that his big head bounced like a ball, “Like I said, you don’t know shit about medicine or Willow.”

  She grabbed his arm, “Doug let go. Tell Maverick goodnight. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Craig straightened out his shirt. “Wow, that guy is a loose cannon, and he thinks I’m a questionable physician.”

  She was furious at Dutch, but Craig infuriated her even more. He shouldn’t be here with them. This was their last moment with Maverick before the surgery. It should just be them, his parents, but Craig didn’t know that because of the bullshit story she made up about Dutch. If she said how she really felt, then Craig would know the truth, and it was still humiliating in a way that she and Maverick were abandoned for Doug’s career. Willow gritted her teeth and told him goodnight without any other explanations. No matter how nice he was, her association with Craig was over both as a friend and Maverick’s pediatrician. She knew it technically was not his fault, but deep down, she’d never trust his judgement again.