Fortress of Love

by Ann Nichols

  When Luke had prepared two steaming mugs of his “world famous” hot chocolate, he and Melissa settled onto the leather sofa and talked until their eyelids began to droop. When Melissa looked at her watch, she was amazed to see that it was 2:35 in the morning. “Luke, do you think you can stay awake long enough to drive me home? I don’t want this night to end, but I do have a reputation to consider.”

  Luke yawned and stretched his arms above his head. “Your reputation is set as far as I’m concerned. You’re an angel. But you’re right,” he said as he reached into his pocket for his keys, “it’s time to go home.”

  The seeds of friendship sown in the coziness of the winter cabin, blossomed with the flowering of spring into something as special and precious as the magnolias that decorated the trees around town.

  Luke had remained true to his word. He was the perfect gentleman. But even though their friendship was perfect in every way, Melissa knew, as time went on, that Luke wanted more from their relationship than the boundaries she had set would allow.

  In deference to her wishes, he’d tried to hide it, but the set of his jaw, the sparkle in his eyes, and the way his hand often reached for hers but stopped a hair’s breadth away told Melissa how much more he desired.

  If she were completely honest, she knew that she would have liked more too—but she didn’t know whether she could handle it. Like fireworks set to explode on the Fourth of July, the chemistry between them was a volatile mixture waiting for the proper spark to ignite it. But Melissa knew that once the fuse was lit, there was no turning back—and that was what scared her.

  On the other hand, if their friendship fizzled out because they never lit the fuse, she didn’t know if she could handle not having Luke Karalis in her life. Somewhere along the trail of months, he had become much more to her than a friend. Though he rarely touched her physically—his self-control was nothing short of amazing—his care and concern touched a deep inner part of her that she didn’t even understand. With him, her soul was happy and she felt safe and protected and. . .loved. In fact, the emotions that floated around inside reminded her of the security she had taken for granted when her parents were still alive.

  And that was what frightened her the most. Her parents had been everything to her. And they’d been taken away from her. When they died, she had lost the center of her life, and she had floundered around for years, until Luke had come into her life.

  He had saved her.

  She knew with a certainty that he had saved her.

  He had become her fortress, her place of refuge in a world that had been overwhelming her. She knew that she shouldn’t depend on him so completely, but she reasoned that as long as they remained friends, without the complication of a closer relationship, everything was okay.

  ❧

  Luke wasn’t sure exactly what was preventing Melissa—or Meli, his honey, as he had started calling her—from letting him win her heart. He understood that her reticence had something to do with her disastrous engagement, but the doctor in him suspected a secondary cause to a very complicated condition. For his part, Luke was certain that he loved her in a way he hadn’t believed possible. He loved her eyes, her smile, her voice, the way her toes curled when they were cold. But more than anything, he loved knowing that she needed him. He had felt needed professionally many times, but never before on a personal level. He liked the way it made him feel. He had offered her friendship because he knew at the time it was all she was willing to give. But now he wanted more—needed more. At least the promise of more. He loved her as a friend, but he wanted her for his wife.

  Love and marriage. His godfather had been right; love and marriage went together—especially when a man found a woman who meant everything to him.

  Early one spring day, as they sat on a carpet of pale pink almond blossoms outside the cabin, Luke realized he could no longer be the friend Melissa wanted him to be.

  Slowly, he leaned toward her.

  He kissed her gently, but with a passion that could not be mistaken. When her lips stirred beneath his, matching the warmth and intensity of his passion, he knew they had stepped over the line and could never go back to “just friends” again. Luke thought that that was good. Very good.

  Drawing back, he smiled and looked deep into her beautiful amber eyes. With a confidence bolstered by the memory of her sweet lips, he whispered, “Meli, be the half that makes me whole? Marry me?”

  Her countenance darkened, and for a split second, Luke saw love and indecision mingled in her eyes. But before the flicker of a “yes” could become a flame, she blinked and the fire went out. She began shaking her head back and forth and with a growing resolve she nudged him away from her.

  “No, Luke. I don’t want us to do this.” Her voice held a frantic edge.

  Luke drew his eyebrows together—a picture of innocence. “To do what?” he asked casually

  “This!” she said a little louder and with more venom than she intended. She waved her hand between them, not looking at him but at some indistinct point in the middle. “I don’t want to do this.”

  A low rumble built in Luke’s chest. “Meli, I love you.” He touched her face with a gentle caress. “And I think you love me too.”

  Her eyes opened wide and she scrambled to her feet. “Luke, I told you the very first night we met that all I wanted was a friendship.”

  Throwing his hands up in an open, beseeching gesture, Luke used every ounce of willpower he possessed to speak softly, persuasively. “And I’ve given it to you, Meli. You’re my best friend.” He paused before whispering his wish, “And I think that I’m your best friend too.”

  Tears burned the back of Melissa’s eyes. “Oh, Luke,” her voice caught and she exhaled sharply, a husky, wavering sigh. “You’re the very best friend I’ve ever had.”

  “Don’t you think,” Luke said gently, his voice as comforting as a down-filled quilt on a snow-covered day, “that a love based on something as solid as our friendship is the best kind of love there could be?” Luke stood slowly to his feet and offered his arms to Melissa.

  Suddenly exhausted, she let him draw her into his embrace and rested her head against his chest. She closed her eyes and savored the strength of his arms, the sound of his heart beating against her ear, his masculine scent. He was solid and safe and warm, and she wished that she could stay in his arms forever.

  “Marry me, Meli. Marry me,” he whispered into her ear. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do to deny him.

  “I can’t, Luke,” she whispered back, forcing the words through her lips.

  “But why?” he said. “Is there something wrong with me? Something you haven’t told me?” He was reaching for straws and he knew it.

  Melissa stepped back from his embrace and brought her hands up to her chest, over her heart, and tried to explain. “Something’s not right with me,” she said. “Right here.” She patted her chest for emphasis.

  “With your heart?” Luke said with confusion in his voice.

  She nodded. “With my heart.”

  Luke smiled, a grin that would have been condescending if it hadn’t been so honest. Gently, he placed his hand over hers. “I’m a ‘heart’ doctor, remember? Let me heal it.” His voice carried all the love and concern that he wished she could accept from him.

  Steeling herself against the pain she knew her words would cause, she pushed his hand away and replied, “You can’t. The kind of heart disease I have isn’t found in your medical books. It isn’t my flesh-and-blood heart that needs healing.”

  “Meli, we only have one heart.” The scientist in Luke was a bit too quick to respond.

  She nodded in agreement. “Yes, but it has many parts. It has the part you can hear and the part you can feel.” She touched her ear and rubbed her fingertips to her thumb. “But I believe there’s also a part that can’t be heard or felt, a part that can only be perceived through our souls.” She paused as she realized she was explaining to herself as much as to Luke
. “And I think,” she said quietly, carefully wending her way through unfamiliar territory, “that it is the center of our being.”

  “Meli,” Luke reached for her arms and gently drew her close to him again. “Let me be the center of your being,” he whispered.

  “You already are, Luke,” she admitted, and Luke didn’t think that he had ever felt richer in his life. Not even what she said next could dim that feeling. “But, that’s just it. I don’t think it’s healthy. You should be a part of my being, yes. But not the center.”

  “What do you want me to do, Melissa?” he asked.

  She licked her lips. She knew there was no way for them to return to a platonic friendship. It would be asking too much from him—and too much from her. “Just. . .slow down a bit.”

  “Meli,” his chest heaved a sigh. “I’ve been about as slow as a snail.”

  Her eyes flashed. “And suddenly you’re a grasshopper—jumping all the way to marriage?”

  “Maybe.” his eyes turned down at the outer corners, reminding Melissa of a doleful puppy. “But only because I love you.”

  “Oh, Luke,” she cried out. “I love you too, but—”

  “You do?” he cut her off. This was news—very good news, as far as he was concerned.

  “Of course I do. But—” she put her hands up to prevent him from embracing her again. She wouldn’t be able to think if he was holding her. “But marriage is not something I can consider. Not yet, at least.”

  “Then what would you consider?”

  She shrugged her shoulders, uncertain of how to respond. Then a sudden thought jumped into her brain, and she decided to run with it. She slanted her head to the side, squinted her eyes, and asked, “How about if we try. . .‘courting’?”

  Luke blinked. Courting? That was the last thing he had expected her to suggest; yet he had to admit that he found the idea very appealing. Granted, it was old-fashioned, but somehow, it sounded nice.

  Reaching for her left hand, he brought it up to his lips and planted a light kiss on her knuckles. “Does that mean. . .will you be Lizzy to my Darcy?”

  Melissa giggled before she could stop herself. “You’ve read Pride and Prejudice?”

  “Required reading, English Lit 101.” He smiled, and ran his thumb across her jaw. “But I think, dear Meli, upon further consideration, I would prefer you in the roll of Emma—from the book by the same author. She’s a lady with some spunk,” he chuckled. “A lot like you.”

  Melissa gasped. “You’ve read Emma as well?”

  “Well. . .I saw the movie.”

  She laughed, a lighthearted trill. “That’s cheating.”

  “So how about it?” he plowed ahead, unperturbed. “Will you play Emma to my Knightly?”

  Melissa tilted her head to the side, as though she were giving his proposal careful consideration. “Does that mean that you will be as courteous—and patient—as dear Mr. Knightly?”

  “As long as you remember, my dear,” he tried his lame English accent again, “that at the end of the story,” he paused for maximum effect, “they marry.”

  “I’ll tell you what,” she tossed back at him with an impish grin, “I’ll remember how the story ends, if you’ll forget that English accent.”

  “My dear lady, you have yourself a deal.”

  Five

  As springtime blossomed into summer, Luke courted Melissa like a hero right out of Jane Austen. It wasn’t exactly the relationship he wanted, but at least it appeared they were moving toward his goal.

  Marriage.

  Melissa bloomed along with the flowers. She became happy and carefree, and for the first time in a long time, she was at peace. Luke had the satisfaction of knowing that he had helped her find that essential ingredient to a happy life.

  With summer came warm, lazy Saturdays at the cabin, eating salad and fresh lake trout and rowing and swimming in the lake’s serene waters.

  But one soft, late summer, cricket-singing day, while they were lazing around on the dock after a swim, courting was suddenly no longer enough for Luke. With the same familiar surge of passion he had felt for her many times before, he knew he needed more of a commitment from Melissa. He needed at least the promise of something more.

  He watched as Melissa stretched herself out on a chaise lounge she had dragged out onto the deck. He stood up from where he had been sitting on his beach towel and shook drop-lets of water out of his hair. Melissa leaned back and closed her eyes to the warm rays of the sun. The glow of the sun on her face was more than Luke could stand.

  Taking care not to cast a shadow on her face until the last possible moment, he bent over and touched his lips to hers, reveling in the refreshing, delicious way they tasted.

  Her eyes opened and he stepped back with a sheepish grin on his face. Before she could protest, he whispered the words he had spoken once before, “Be the half that makes me whole, Melissa. Marry me.”

  He smiled, but the look on Melissa’s face erased his joyful hope in an instant. Months had passed since his last proposal, and his love for her had grown more deep and intense. Still, he wasn’t sure he could take another negative answer from her. He needed her. He needed her to say yes.

  His eyes narrowed and a muscle tensed in his jaw as he waited for her response.

  “I want to, Luke,” she finally admitted on a whisper. Sitting up, she looked out over the placid water and tried to make sense of the jumble of emotions that were careening through her mind.

  Luke waited.

  “Melissa?” He finally broke the uneasy silence, and she turned back to face him.

  “I want to, Luke,” she repeated. It was the truth and she had to make sure he believed that. “But, don’t you see. . .I’m not a complete half.”

  “No, Melissa,” his voice was deep and definite. “I don’t see that at all.” He started to reach out to trail his fingertips down her face, but he caught himself and rubbed his jaw instead. “What I see, what our months of courtship have shown me, is a woman who is perfect and whole in every way.”

  “No,” she groaned. “I’m not, and I don’t want you putting me on some imaginary pedestal. I still have so much to work out,” she said, tapping her head, “in here.”

  “Then let me help you,” he encouraged, his eyes so bright with love that she had to look away. She felt horrible for not accepting his genuine offer of support, but she couldn’t. To move any deeper into their relationship would kill it. She was sure of it. Shaking her head, she was about to appeal to his sense of logic—which he possessed in abundance—when a bee buzzed behind her left shoulder, sending terror through her system.

  “Aieee!” she screamed, with all the fear of a true phobic in her voice.

  “It’s okay,” Luke said. He caught her with one arm while gently pushing his free hand through the air, directing the insect away from her. “It’s okay.” He soothed her like she was a small child. Though Luke had never treated her phobia lightly, at the moment he didn’t mind using it to advance his cause. Long after the bee had disappeared over the calm water of the lake, he continued to hold her and speak softly in her ear. “See, with me around all the time, you’d never have to fear bees—or anything,” he laughed, a deep, masculine sound that Melissa had grown to love. “I’d always take care of you, Meli,” he whispered.

  Swiveling in his arms to face him she replied, “But, don’t you see, Luke? I don’t want to have to depend on you.”

  “Melissa,” he shook his head impatiently, refuting the connotation she had placed on his words. “I don’t mean to imply that you are some sort of weak little woman, who needs a ‘big man’ to hold onto. No, I’d be holding onto you every bit as much.” He gripped her hand with the urgency of a drowning man. “And wouldn’t life be so much better, so much sweeter, if we could hold onto each other?” He lifted their intertwined hands and kissed the back of hers.

  With her free hand, Melissa reached up and ran her fingers across the side of Luke’s face. His skin was soft beneath
the texture of his beard. “Luke,” she murmured, “that sounds so nice, but. . .” she sighed, and lowered her arm in a gesture of defeat, “but something else is missing in my life and until I find out what it is. . .” her voice trailed off.

  Luke wasn’t buying it. “Meli,” his voice was coaxing, yet firm. “Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that I could be that missing something?” Her eyes darted up to his, but Luke could tell by the way her pupils dilated that she wasn’t looking at him. It seemed she was lost within herself.

  For the first time, Melissa wondered if he could be right. Could the love of a good man, could Luke’s love—a love based on both physical attraction and a deep abiding friendship—be what was missing? Was she fighting the very thing that could take all the questions away? Could he be a refuge from her confusion and doubt? She shook her head. If anything, she was even more perplexed.

  “Let me fill the empty places in your soul,” he prompted, almost echoing her thoughts. “Meli,” he smiled a lopsided sort of smile that always made her insides tickle, “I love you. Marry me.”

  “Luke. . .” she moaned his name and dipped her head down. “Don’t you understand? I want to, but—”

  He put his finger to her lips and shushed her. “I know you do. . .and everything else, we can work out later, okay? I want your life to be mine, and my life to be yours. Together,” he let out his breath, “our lives become one.”

  She closed her eyes. It sounded so perfect. “Me too,” she admitted. “But. . .is our wanting it. . .enough?”

  “Yes,” his answer was adamant. “It is.” With his voice suddenly husky with emotion, he continued. “Meli, I want to make my home, our home; my bed, our bed. And I want us to have children together—to see if we can replicate those gorgeous eyes of yours in another, little human being.”