Behind These Scars

by Lilah Grey

  Luke and I share a glance that says more than words could. I try to smile at him, but it looks more like a grimace. He knows where I stand, even though I don’t tell him. After nearly a decade of marriage, we’re both well-attuned to each other’s nonverbal cues.

  “I’ll book the tickets,” Luke says with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “Thanks,” I say as he leaves.

  He waves his hand in acknowledgment and then turns back around just before he leaves the room.

  “I love you,” he says, smiling at me. “I forgot to tell you today.”

  And just like that my heart melts. I’ll never get enough of him. Before I have a chance to respond, Maddie replies for me.

  “I love you too, Daddy,” she says, prancing Matilda around on my desk.

  “Are we still on for that tea party, Maddie?” Luke asks from the doorway.

  She nods her head, still focused on Matilda. “Yes.”

  Crouton hisses and spits from across the room as he bats at the newest addition to our family: Biscuit, a three-month-old kitten. I thought he'd settle down by now, but it seems that the older Crouton gets, the grumpier he becomes. He's sitting on his bed, licking his paw as he watches Biscuit slink out of the room and down the hall. It's all an act. Give it a few more weeks, and both of them will be sleeping in the same bed.

  Hopefully…

  I glance at Luke once more before he leaves the room and smile. He raps the doorframe with his knuckles, turns around, and heads down the hall. He may not agree with me, but at least he understands that this is something I have to do.

  “There’s still time to back out,” Luke says as we pass by the welcome sign for Milton.

  I toss him a look from the passenger seat.

  “Thought I’d give it a try,” he says, winking at me.

  “It’s not like we’re going to see her anyway.”

  He lets out a sigh, looking in the rear-view mirror. Maddie’s passed out, Matilda just out of her reach.

  “I know.” He puts his hand on my leg. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  I clasp his hand in mine, bring it to my lips, and kiss it. “I wouldn’t have come if I wasn’t. I’m fine now.”

  He glances at me.

  I smile. “I promise.”

  When I received the letter notifying me that Rose had died, it didn’t surprise me. The paragraph at the end of the letter did.

  She’d left me something in her will, and if I wanted it, I could collect it after her memorial service. If not, the executor would forward it on at a later date.

  Luke didn’t want me to open up old wounds. I understood his apprehension, but those wounds had scarred over long ago. Nothing could change that now.

  What would I do when Rose died? I’d asked myself that question many times over the years. I had various plans, depending on the circumstances, but decided that if she had a service, I’d go. I wanted to see the final chapter of my old life come to an end. I wanted closure.

  But even with the various hypothetical plans, not one included me being named in her will.

  Luke parks the car and then carries a sleepy Maddie over his shoulder as we make our way to the service. There aren't many people here; ten at the most, including us. There’s one familiar face in the bunch, and after glancing at Luke, waiting for his nod of approval, I leave to greet him.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d show,” Damian says as I approach.

  We hug. Damian's a little thinner, but other than that, he hasn't changed over the years. We exchanged a few letters, keeping each other apprised of big events.

  Damian left Milton not long after Luke and I began our whirlwind tour of the world. He’d lived in Milton for most of his life and decided he needed a change of scenery. He started his own private investigation firm in the outskirts of Boston.

  “Same can be said about you.”

  He smiles. “I guess there’s something about this town that keeps me coming back.”

  “I know what you mean. Where’s Lucy?”

  He rolls back on his heels as he slides his thumbs inside his belt loops. “At home. We’re expecting a boy in a few months.”

  “Congratulations! I didn’t realize it was so soon.”

  He sighs, turning his head toward the Columbarium where Rose’s urn would be interred. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll cut it as a father. Diapers… puke…” He shivers. “I love my sleep, too.”

  I laugh. “You’ll be a great dad. It will be rough for a little while, but I know you’ll get the hang of it.”

  He scratches the back of his head. “I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”

  We’re silent for a few moments as we look at the other people milling about.

  “I want to apologize for—”

  I place my hand on Damian’s arm. “No need to apologize again. It’s finally coming to an end.”

  “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

  The service is about to start, so Damian and I say our goodbyes and I head back to Luke. He's leveling a smoldering gaze toward Damian.

  “Easy, tiger,” I whisper in Luke's ear. “I’m all yours, and you know it.”

  He relaxes, planting a kiss on the top of my head. “I know.”

  “Can we go now?” Maddie asks, breaking the tension.

  “We just got here, Maddie,” I say, bopping her nose with my fingertip.

  She huffs and rests her head on Luke's shoulder again. I roll up onto my toes and kiss Luke on his cheek. He inhales a deep breath, takes my hand, and we walk into the Columbarium. He squeezes my hand when Rose's ashes are finally placed on the shelf, bringing the service to an end.

  “So where’s this lawyer?” I ask, looking around as other people filter out.

  Luke nods to a frumpy, balding man in an ill-fitting brown suit. “I think we have our culprit right there. I’ll go let Maddie run around while you talk with him.”

  “Thanks.”

  I walk over to the man, and just before I reach him, he pulls out a handkerchief and blows a wet, disgusting honker into it.

  “Mr. Evans?”

  He finishes wiping his nose and then jams the handkerchief back into his pocket.

  “Yes, yes,” he says, reaching out the same hand. “And who might you be?”

  I take it, reluctantly. “Libby Masters.”

  After checking to make sure that I am indeed Libby Masters, he places a small box in my hand.

  “That should do it.”

  I shudder as I see him wiping his forehead with the same handkerchief that he’d used to blow his nose. As soon as I leave, I reach into my purse and douse my hands with sanitizing gel.

  When I catch up with Luke and Maddie, I find Luke kneeling in front of a grave while Maddie’s walking precariously over a clump of rocks.

  “Careful, Maddie,” I say, grabbing her arm as I guide her off the rocks and back to Luke.

  It takes me a few moments to realize we’re standing in front of Margaret and Henry’s graves. It’s been so long since I’ve been here.

  “I should’ve brought flowers,” I say as I kneel in front of my father’s grave, trading my fingers over his inscription.

  Luke grunts. “So what did Rose leave you?”

  “I don’t know.” I’d completely forgot about the box in my hand.

  I hold it out and shake it.

  Maddie tugs at the hem of my dress. “Open it, Mommy.”

  I open the box and tip its contents into my hand. The sun glints off Margaret’s silver locket as it sits in my hand.

  "Ohhh! What is it, Mommy?"

  I kneel down, holding it out in front of me. “It’s a locket.”

  “What is that?”

  I glance at the locket and then at Maddie, whose eyes are locked onto the new, shiny object in my hand. “It’s a keepsake. Something very special that some people carry around their neck. When you open it up,” I say, forcing the heart open, “there’s usually a picture—” I pause as I see the inside of Margaret�
��s locket for the first time. “A picture of someone they love very much.”

  There are two pictures, one of Luke and one of me. A strange mix of emotions rises inside me as I hand the locket to Luke.

  Maddie loses interest and begins playing with Matilda behind us.

  “We can get rid of it. Destroy it just like you wanted to.”

  “No,” I say, taking it from him. “Just leave it here.”

  I set it down on Margaret’s gravestone.

  “It doesn’t change anything. She still…”

  I grab Luke’s arm and look up at him. “I know.”

  A few seconds later I hear Maddie wailing. My heart leaps into my throat as I turn around. She fell on the pile of rocks I’d taken her from moments before.

  “It’s okay, Maddie,” I coo, gently shushing her as I hold her. “It’s just a scratch.”

  “It hurts,” she says, sniffling.

  “I know, sweetie, but it will stop real soon.”

  “If you’re lucky,” Luke says, kneeling down next to us, “you might get a scar out of it.”

  I glare at him, but his comment seems to redirect Maddie’s focus.

  “What’s a scar?”

  “It’s like a scab, but tougher.”

  She scrunches up her face and looks like she’s about to start crying again. “Gross.”

  “You know, behind every scar, there's a story,” Luke says, rolling up his sleeve. “This one,” he says, pointing to the long mark on his elbow, “happened when I fell off my bicycle in a quarry not far from here.”

  Maddie watches intently as Luke shows her all the scars on his body. When he’s finished, she turns to me.

  “Do you have scars, Mommy?”

  I cover the scar on my forearm. “A few.”

  “How did you get them?”

  “That's a story for another time. It's getting late, and we should head home.”

  The look on her face tells me that I’m about to see some waterworks.

  “How about we get you an ice cream? Would you like that?”

  Her eyes light up as she nods her head.

  Luke picks her up. “You’re going to spoil her, you know,” he whispers as we head back to the car.

  I look back at Margaret’s grave once more before I turn to Luke. “I know.”

  After stopping for ice cream, we left Milton and headed back to Austin. A deep calm fell over me as we left the city's limit. The final chapter of my old life had ended, and I was looking forward to continuing the next chapter in my new life.

  I look at the beautiful man in the driver's seat. Luke. My husband. I feel my love for him bubble up inside, and I can't help but tell him that I love him.

  “I love you too, Lippy.”

  “I LOVE CHOCOLATE,” Maddie squeals from the backseat.

  We both turn and look, afraid of what we might see. Her entire face is smeared with chocolate ice cream. Like war paint but for toddlers.

  I laugh, turning back to Luke. “I’ve created a monster.”

  He leans over and kisses me on the forehead.

  “A beautiful, wonderful monster. Our little monster.”

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I know it’s a risk to pick up a book from a new author, but I hope I didn’t let you down. Thank you to G.N. for helping me edit and using brownies as a motivator to keep me going.

  Connect with Lilah

  Stay up to date on my new releases by joining my mailing list:

  Mailing List