“They want me to give them up forever?” Paula’s voice cracked on the last word.
He considered telling her it was only on paper, that she would still be their mother, but it wasn’t so. She wasn’t really their mother now. She had given them life, but Blake and Amanda had given them a home. They deserved all the blessings of the gospel, and even though Paula wasn’t an active member of the Church, she understood the importance of being sealed as a family.
“It’s for Kevin and Mara,” he said. “They need a permanent home and a permanent family. They’re growing up so fast. Before long Kevin will be driving, Mara getting married. There will always be a place for you in their hearts, but they need to know where they belong. They need to stop worrying–Kevin especially–that he won’t get to be with his new baby brother. He adores that child. You should see them together.” Tears came unbidden to Tyler’s eyes. “Just think about it, Paula. Talk to Kurt and see what he says.”
Paula looked up again, shaking her head. “No. I can’t. I won’t. I’ll come to see them more. I’ll bring Kurt. He’ll love them–you’ll see.” Determination made the lines around her mouth more prominent.
Tyler’s stomach felt ill. What had he done? Amanda had trusted him, but he’d only made things worse. Kevin had experienced nightmares for months after the last time his mother had taken him from Blake; Tyler didn’t know if any of them could endure that again.
He stood. “Paula, you did a good thing when you let your children live with Blake and my sister. They’ve had a chance to be happy. Think about it. They deserve to stay at the only stable home they’ve ever known.”
Her lips pressed tightly together. “But they’re my children. I gave them to Blake so he could keep them until–”
“Until you were ready?” For the first time Tyler let impatience color his voice. Apparently nothing had really changed. This woman was still a spoiled, headstrong person who cared only for herself. “And when will that be, Paula? In two years? In five? Will you come see them before that? Or will you just show up one day when Mara is ten and try to take her from her family?”
She pointed to the door. “I think you should go.” Her confidence seemed to be back, the softer, weepy woman completely vanished.
Tyler gave it one last shot. “You and Kurt can make a life together! You can have a child with him. You can start over.”
She didn’t say anything but opened the door and motioned him outside. Tyler had no choice but to step outside. A short, broad-shouldered man was coming up the walk, a large bouquet of red roses in his thick-fingered hands. He had well-proportioned features that were not remarkable except for a full head of wavy black hair which would have found a better place on the head of a movie actor. His nose had apparently been broken a few times, lending a hint of toughness to his face. At the sight of Tyler, his smile faded. “Paula?” he asked.
“Hi, Kurt.” She slipped inside the welcoming circle of his arms, taking the flowers with a tremulous smile.
Tyler offered his hand. “Hi, I’m Tyler Huntington. I’m an uncle to Paula’s children–they’re living with my sister and her husband.”
The man’s grip was unsurprisingly firm. “Good to meet you. I’m Kurt Jackman. What brings you here?”
Tyler debated whether or not to say anything. Paula should be the one to explain, but her history of lies made him doubt that she would do anything but twist this encounter to whatever reality she desired. Still, whatever he said would probably make things worse. “Just dropping off some pictures,” he said. “But I’d better get back now. I have people waiting in the van.” He waved in the direction of the street. “Nice to meet you.”
He started down the walk without a backward glance. To his surprise, Kurt came after him, catching up as he neared the curb. “Wait,” he called.
Tyler turned, seeing Paula watching them anxiously from the small porch. “It’s about them kids, isn’t it?” Kurt said. “I bet they want her to take them back? But it ain’t a good idea. She’s only been clean a month. She still drinks too much.” Kurt glanced back at Paula. “Look, I want a kid someday of our own, but she’s not ready.”
Tyler’s instincts told him to go for it. “Blake and Amanda want to adopt Paula’s children,” he said. “That’s all. They have custody now, and they could go to court to try to terminate Paula’s parental rights, but they’d rather have Paula’s blessing. She’d still be welcome to visit whenever she’s able.”
Kurt nodded, his face relaxing. “I’ll talk to her, see what I can do. I have to warn you, though. She might go after them. She can be really stubborn.”
“Thanks.” Tyler handed him a card that erroneously identified him as a reporter for the Deseret Morning News, but at least it had his cell number listed. “Paula has my sister’s number as well,” he said. “Keep in touch.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Tyler went around the van and climbed inside. “That went well,” he said dryly, watching Kurt saunter up the sidewalk to where Paula waited. She looked small compared to his bulk–but defiant.
“You don’t sound like it went well,” Kerrianne said.
He sighed. “Maybe I should have left well enough alone.” He couldn’t seem to solve the problems in his own life, much less anyone else’s.
He moved to start the van when the cell phone clipped to his belt vibrated. Unhooking it, he saw that the number was LaNae’s. Glancing back at Savvy, he was tempted not to answer. But he didn’t want to aggravate the situation between him and LaNae.
He flipped open the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me.”
“I know.” He would normally tease her by saying “Hi, me,” but he didn’t feel like it tonight.
“How’s it going?” Her voice was tight, anxious.
“We got here safely.”
“That’s good. I wanted to be sure.”
“We’ve just been to see Paula.”
“Paula?”
“Kevin and Mara’s mom.”
“Oh.” LaNae didn’t ask any questions, and though he would have liked to unburden himself, he was glad because Savvy’s eyes were boring holes in the back of his head. “When will you be back?” she asked.
“Tuesday night.”
“That’s good.”
“I have to drive now,” he said. “Could I call you back?”
She was silent a moment, and Tyler realized he must have hurt her feelings. “Well, there’s something I want to tell you,” she said at last.
Tyler suddenly felt exhausted. He didn’t know if he could take any more female emotions after the long day he’d had. “Is it important?”
“Yeah, but it can wait. Call me back tomorrow, though. I have to get up early for choir practice.”
“Okay, talk to you then.”
“Good-bye.” This time he was glad she didn’t say she loved him because he didn’t think he could say it back. Was that because his sister and Savvy were in the van? Or was it because he didn’t love her? Now that he was with Savvy, his months with LaNae didn’t seem real anymore.
“Your girlfriend?” Savvy asked. There was no emotion on her face or inflection in her voice. He could only assume that either she was still upset with him and trying to hide it, or, more likely, she didn’t even care. He nodded, and she looked away.
The phone back in its holder, he started the van and roared down the street, Paula and her boyfriend still staring after them.
Kerrianne tried to keep up the conversation on the drive back to Savvy’s, but no one else seemed inclined to speak. Even Lexi had abandoned her attempt to impress him with her vocabulary. She slumped against the wall of the van in the seat behind him, staring at the headlights of the passing cars.
When they arrived at the apartment, it was nearly ten and Lexi’s eyes were drooping, but she roused herself enough to ask him, “Can I go with you on Monday? To the newspapers, I mean.”
Tyler swiveled in his seat. Savvy had the sliding door open so the overhe
ad light was on. He could see tears streaked on Lexi’s face. He had been going to refuse, but the tears stopped him. “With me?” he said, stalling for time.
She nodded. “Maybe they’ll give us a tour, or at least let us go inside. If I’m going to be a reporter, I’d like to know what I’m getting into.”
He tried to grin. “That’s easy. Small cubbies, quick and rigid deadlines, irritable bosses.” He was pleased to see a smile steal across her woeful face.
“Well, can I?” Lexi scooted across the seat and out of the van to stand next to Savvy.
Tyler thought a moment and didn’t see any reason for her not to come. After all, he wasn’t going for actual interviews. He likely wouldn’t get past the receptionist. If he needed Lexi to get lost for a moment, she was old enough to wait outside the building or in a waiting room. Besides, if he let Lexi come, maybe Savvy would tag along. Maybe he could find some way to really talk with her. “Sure,” he said, “if it’s okay with Savvy.”
Savvy’s eyes were large and dark in the moonlight, like the color in the depths of the ocean. “Can I talk to you a moment?” she said tightly.
A sinking feeling came to Tyler’s stomach. “Sure.” He met her in front of the van, and they walked down the road a short way, angling toward the sidewalk.
“It’s not a good idea, her going with you,” Savvy said, looking ahead into the dark street.
“Look, I’m not trying to get between you two. I just want to help. You saw how she was crying. It won’t hurt to let her come, will it?” Why couldn’t Savvy see how hard he was trying?
Savvy sighed and turned to look at him. “Tyler, you can’t encourage her. Besides, you don’t have any idea what she might be capable of–neither of us do. She’s hinted at abuse from her father, and I intend to get to the bottom of it. But what if I find it’s not true? She’s repeatedly evasive when I ask her about it. It could all be a lie.” Savvy shook her head. “Don’t you see, it’s just not a good idea you being alone at all with her, especially since she seems to have developed a crush on you.”
“I didn’t even think of that.” Tyler felt like an idiot. He’d written more than his share of child abuse stories, most of which had been real, but several had been false accusations that had destroyed the careers of some good people. “Better to make sure there’s no question of misconduct.”
“Exactly.”
They had stopped walking, and now Tyler glanced back to the van. He was tempted to let Savvy tell Lexi that she couldn’t go, but he was the one responsible. “I guess I’ll go tell her,” he said. “Unless . . . hey, why don’t you go with us?”
She smiled at the invitation, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. “And hear you two slinging words at each other all day? I don’t think so. Besides, I’m helping teach an undergrad class next semester, and I need to put on some finishing touches.”
It was an excuse, and he knew it. “Oh, come on. I’m sure you finished that long ago.”
“Really, I have stuff to do.”
What could he say to that? “Okay, but you’ll miss going out for ice cream.”
Savvy glanced down at her figure. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”
He wasn’t sure why she said it; she looked perfect to him tonight. But at the same time, there was a little sliver of guilt inside his heart because he had always secretly thought she was a bit too curvaceous. Then why didn’t he think so anymore? All he could see now was Savvy’s strength, her integrity, her loveliness–not only in her face but in her heart, where it really mattered.
He felt an overwhelming urge to tell her so, to take her in his arms and tell her how wonderful he thought she was. But that miraculous something that had always been alive and eager between them seemed to be broken at the moment, and the realization made him want to weep.
Yet maybe it wasn’t too late. Tyler didn’t know exactly what he was feeling toward her, but he knew that he wanted to spend time with Savvy–he needed to spend time with her.
“Savvy,” he reached out and touched her arm.
She stared at him, seeming almost startled at the contact.
“I’d really like to spend some time with you before we go back. There’s, well, there’s . . . I’ve really missed you. There’s so much that’s happened. I mean, I didn’t even get to tell you yet that I was fired from my job.” He saw her eyes widen, and he plunged on. “I’d really like you to come with me on Monday. I promise it won’t be too dull. Please?”
She studied him for a few more seconds. “Okay. I’ll come.”
He almost hugged her then, but she started walking back to the van where Lexi and Kerrianne were waiting awkwardly.
“So can I go?” Lexi asked.
Savvy looked at Lexi and smiled. “Yeah, looks like we’re both going.”
Smiling, Lexi gave Savvy a little hug.
“Well, good night,” Savvy said, raising a hand to them. “Thanks for dinner.”
“See you Monday,” Lexi added.
As he climbed back into the van, Tyler watched them go up the stairs. A dim light was glowing outside most of the apartments, and he could see the classic outline of Savvy’s face.
“Are you all right?” Kerrianne’s voice was soft.
He turned to look at her. “How come I still miss her so much?”
“Maybe you’re dating the wrong girl.”
Tyler put the van into gear. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Chapter Eleven
Tyler spent Sunday with Kerrianne, the children, and Kerrianne’s mother-in-law. They went to church and took a walk, and after dinner he drove over to UC Berkeley alone. He was tempted to call Savvy but stopped himself at the last moment, not wanting to push his luck. Was it too late for friendship? She seemed to think so. And what about LaNae? He’d called her back, but she hadn’t answered her cell phone. He had the feeling something was really wrong.
He suspected it was mostly him.
There was a small student rally going on at the campus, but nothing more exciting than a protest of high tuition, certainly not something he wanted to write about. Besides, it was Sunday, and he had made it a habit not to write on Sundays. Only the rare breaking news had ever forced him to lump together a few sentences to e-mail to the paper.
On Monday, he drove to Savvy’s apartment at eight o’clock. Lexi was waiting on the stairs for him and ran to the van as he pulled up, swinging her black purse behind her. “Hi,” she said.
“All ready to go?”
She nodded. “Savvy’ll be right down–she’s on the phone. She almost didn’t let me come today. I had a stomachache all yesterday, and she made me stay in bed. I think she was mad ’cause she didn’t get to go to church.”
“How’s the stomach now?”
“Perfect.” She patted it for emphasis. She was wearing the jeans of the night before, but her flamboyant red top was not overly tight, and it hid her stomach well. Tyler bet it was one Savvy had purchased and hoped there hadn’t been too much of a fight to get Lexi to wear it.
“That outfit looks really great,” he said. “The color is wild, the cut really nice, and I think you look older somehow. More mature or something.”
She flushed. “Like a writer?”
“Yeah, like a writer. Except if you were staying home to write, of course. Then you’d have to wear pajamas. It’s sort of a rule.”
She giggled. “I’ll remember that. Oh, here comes Savvy. Hope she doesn’t fall in those high heels.”
Savvy was coming down the stairs, looking sharp in fuchsia capri pants and a matching button-up shirt that she wore as a jacket over a white fitted top. Usually straight, her hair was curled today and swept up in a clip at the crown of her head. The curls waved loosely over the clip and spiraled down to barely graze the back of her neck. Tyler felt a flash of excitement–had she dressed up for him?
Tyler jumped out to walk her around the van. “Good morning,” he said. In fact, the morning was fabulous. The sky was a brilliant blue
that matched Savvy’s eyes, and the day was warm and inviting–not nearly as hot as he had expected.
She nodded her agreement.
“You look great,” he said.
“Thanks. Hey, any reports from your friends of a missing child?”
He felt a little deflated. She obviously wasn’t thinking how great he looked this morning. “No, nothing.”
“I guess that’s good. Thanks.”
Tyler was about to kick Lexi out of the front seat, when Savvy reached for the sliding door. “I’ll sit here,” she said. “Wouldn’t want to get in the way of any flying words.”
“But–” he protested.
“This is her outing.” Savvy glanced toward the front seat where Lexi sat behind the closed window. “I’m just tagging along.”
Tyler let her do as she wished; there was no arguing with Savvy when she made up her mind.
“So where are we going first?” Lexi asked when he was back in the van.
Tyler told them his plan to hit the San Francisco Examiner, the San Francisco Chronicle, and the San Francisco Business Times. There were other papers, but they were small or on-line–not what Tyler was looking for.
As Tyler navigated the traffic, he and Lexi chatted. He learned she had a friend named Amber and that she loved rock music. No surprise there. He caught a glimpse of numerous piercings in her ears and wished he could say something, but Kerrianne’s warning of the night before prevented him. Sometimes caring about people meant shutting up–at least temporarily.
Savvy sat in the back, mostly listening but occasionally adding to the conversation. Tyler felt an immense peace having her in the van.
All the newspapers were located minutes apart. After briefly getting lost near the Bay, they started on Battery Street with the Business Times and then went to the Examiner. At both of these Tyler left a resume with an indifferent receptionist, while Lexi and Savvy waited near the door.
Their last stop was the Chronicle, which claimed to be the largest newspaper in the area.
“I like this one,” Lexi said as they entered the reception area. “Feels important.”
Huntington Family Series Page 70