“Way harder,” Misty murmured.
“I’m proud of you, sweetie. Really proud.”
Misty hugged her tightly and smiled.
“Now, how about we go out and play basketball with the boys before it gets dark.”
“Are they still here?”
“Yes. The boys really wanted to play with Ryan. They miss having Uncle Tyler over here to play so much.”
“Well, basketball is for boys,” Misty said. “But I guess I can watch.”
“That’s my girl.”
Hand in hand, they went outside together.
Chapter Eighteen
On Tuesday morning as Kerrianne drove to the grade school, the sun was shining brightly overhead and the day promised good weather. Kerrianne knew it wouldn’t last this late in November, but she would enjoy it while it did. The school tea party was at eleven, so she’d left her mother at her house with Caleb awaiting her preschoolers. Earlier, Kerrianne had arranged Misty’s hair high on her head, with loose curls everywhere. She’d been so excited. Kerrianne had dressed up, too, wearing a long multicolored gypsy skirt that she’d hidden away in the closet for years but was now back in style. When she twirled, it fanned out almost like a princess dress. Maybe she’d have to wear this to her next singles dance.
The tea party was in the cafeteria, where the delicious smell of baking rolls floated on the air. The room was a blur of bright colors with all the girls wearing costumes or their Sunday best. Kerrianne briefly wondered where all the boys were before she overheard someone mention an activity for the boys and their parents in another part of the school.
“Mom!” Misty ran up and hugged her, looking regal and dainty in her blue Cinderella dress and white gloves.
“How’s your hair holding up?” Kerrianne asked. “I brought some pins and stuff just in case.”
“I think it’s fine.” Misty spun around gently like a runway model.
“It’s perfect,” Kerrianne said, silently congratulating herself.
“Let’s sit by my friends over there.”
Kerrianne let herself be pulled along, smiling or waving at other mothers she recognized. There were a few grandmothers, as well, and girls who might be older sisters. Laughter filled the air.
There was a tug on her arm and Misty pointed to where Ria was standing near a window, looking out and twisting her hands nervously. She looked nice. The yellow dress was as good on her as the day before, but her hair was flat around her face and she was wearing black shoes that didn’t go at all with the dress.
I didn’t think about shoes, Kerrianne thought, glancing down at her own daughter’s white shoes that went perfectly with the white trim on her blue dress.
“What’s wrong with Ria, Mom?” Misty asked.
Kerrianne looked at Ria again just in time to see her glance at the door to the hall in pure misery. “I don’t know. Maybe I should go see. You stay here with your friends, okay?”
Misty nodded. “She looks nice in the dress. I wonder why she’s sad.”
Kerrianne didn’t wonder. All the girls here had mothers or someone else with them—all but Ria. Ryan had said their friend Sam would come to be with her but she was nowhere in sight. Where was she? The image of the woman evoked unwanted stirrings of jealousy which Kerrianne fought to ignore.
“Hi, Ria.”
The girl started abruptly and turned from the window. “Oh, hi. I thought you were someone else.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Sam’s not here yet. I don’t know where she is.”
“Maybe she got held up. But, wow, you look great in that dress!”
Ria gave her a genuine smile. “I like it,” she said. “But I couldn’t get my hair to do anything. Neither could Dad. He says it’s stubborn.”
“I know that feeling. Hey, you know what? There’s still a few minutes before they start. Why don’t we go out in the hall and put up your hair? I’ve had a lot of practice.”
“There’s a bathroom out there.” Ria’s eyes lost their sadness.
Ria’s hair was thick and sleek, but with a little water, some deft twists and pinning and a touch of hair spray, Kerrianne managed what she thought a passable look—one that absolutely thrilled Ria. “Oh, thank you,” she breathed. “It’s so . . . I look grown up.”
“Yes, you do. You are certainly growing up.”
“Dad doesn’t think so. He’s says I’m only nine.”
“Nine’s pretty old. It’s almost ten.”
Ria grinned. “And ten’s almost eleven.”
“And eleven’s almost twelve.”
“And then I’ll be a teenager.”
“I don’t think your dad’s ready for that.”
Ria nodded. “You can say that again.”
“Should we go see if Sam’s here?”
“Okay.”
They returned to the lunchroom, but there was still no sign of Sam. The teachers were calling people to sit so they could begin. Ria bit her bottom lip and looked miserable. Misty waved at Kerrianne from a table, but she couldn’t leave Ria standing by the door alone.
“Ria!”
They turned and saw Ryan, still dressed in his postal uniform. His eyes met Kerrianne’s, running appreciatively over her face but not lingering. His concern was for his daughter.
“Dad, what are you doing here?” Ria replied in a loud whisper.
“Sam can’t make it after all,” he said. “Something about her husband. It was important, I’m sure, or she wouldn’t have canceled. My supervisor finally got me the message. But I’m here. Don’t worry. I got permission from work to spend lunch with you.”
Ria looked around at the room full of women. “You’re the only dad.” Her voice was dull and tight.
“I did my best, Ria.” Ryan’s eyes were beseeching. “I don’t know what else to do.”
“You don’t have to stay. I’ll be all right alone.”
“I want to stay. I just didn’t have time to put on my dress.”
That elicited the smallest smile from Ria.
“You wouldn’t look good in a dress anyway,” Kerrianne said. “Your legs are too hairy.”
He turned to her. “How do you know about my legs, huh?”
“You wear shorts during the summers, that’s how.” She made a chopping motion at her knee to show the length of his shorts.
“Oh, right.” Ryan leaned closer to Ria. “I knew she was checking me out.”
Ria managed a laugh, but she cast a nervous glance at the tables around them that were almost full.
“You know,” Kerrianne said to her. “You’re lucky to have a dad come. Real tea parties always have gentlemen present. Besides, he looks like a prince in that uniform. Or like a soldier. Misty would give anything to have her dad come. She was his little princess.” The words slipped out before she thought about them. She had no idea they would choke up her voice and fill her eyes with tears.
“We’d better sit down,” Ria said, touching her hand in comfort.
“Are you sure it’s okay that I stay?” Ryan asked.
“I guess.” Ria led the way.
“You did her hair?” Ryan asked.
“It took her mind off things.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
There was only one open seat near Misty, but when a lady saw them coming, she had her daughter get up and move to another table so Ria and Ryan could sit with Misty and Kerrianne. Misty frowned because the girl was one of her best school friends, but Kerrianne knew the mother had used the excuse to sit with her own friends at the next table.
To the girls’ delight, Ryan fell into his role as a soldier prince, playacting chivalry and making up odd tales to keep them entranced. “Mi’lady,” Ryan would say, passing a plate of goodies to Misty with an elaborate gesture. “Will you not have another of the queen’s delicious tarts? I am told they are without equal in this land. Each tart takes a forest fairy five days to stir before baking.” And to Ria, “Allow m
e, fair maiden, to fill your goblet with this delicious mead touched by the horn of a unicorn. But keep in mind that it is only for the pure in heart. Others will not be able to drink it without a bitterness in their mouths that will last for twenty and seven days.” Then to Kerrianne, “I hear that my cousin, the vile prince Edward, has been calling you on the magic device at your residence and one of his minions has even sent you roses. I fear they might be poisoned. You must be very careful, for it is a wicked plot.”
He was equally amusing to the three other girls and their mothers, and Kerrianne knew they all ate much more than they would have just to see what new turn of phrase he would use. They laughed a great deal, and the girls at other tables stared enviously.
Misty and Ria seemed to have put aside their differences, and Kerrianne was happy about that, though she still didn’t know what she was going to do about Ryan.
After the tea party, there were games for the girls. As they watched from the side, Ryan leaned over to Kerrianne. “They say there’s going to be a big snowstorm for Thanksgiving, and it may last off and on all weekend.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about the greenhouse. We could begin tonight and I have tomorrow off, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to get it all done ourselves in less than a week. If it’s going to snow, we don’t have a week.”
“I could call my family. They’ll be glad to help. My family is a wonder in a pinch.”
“Good idea.” There was a wistfulness in his tone, and Kerrianne knew he was thinking of his own family. “I’d like to meet them.”
She didn’t pursue that vein of thought. She wasn’t presenting him to her family for approval or anything. It was only for the greenhouse. “Thanks again for the greenhouse,” she said. “But I really feel guilty for you spending your day off helping me.”
“I like working outside.”
“In November?”
He shrugged and gave her the grin that always sent heat to her stomach.
“At least let me pay you.”
“I like being with you.”
The simple phrase cut into her offer, making it feel cheap. “Well, then I’m not charging you Tiger’s tuition—at least for a few months. I like being with him.” She wrinkled her nose, and he laughed.
“If we weren’t surrounded by more than a hundred people . . .” he threatened, his voice low.
“Well, we are.” She smirked, understanding exactly what he implied.
“It’s about time to leave anyway.” He motioned his head toward the door. “We could go out there.”
“The game’s not over.” Her heart beat faster at the thought of being alone with him.
“The game has just begun. And I don’t mean their game.”
Kerrianne laughed. She so enjoyed verbal sparring with him. It was one of the things she missed most about losing Adam. He had been the king of words and double meanings, though he’d never had Ryan’s talent at acting.
That’s when Misty’s voice cut through all the rest. “You’re a liar, a stupid, stupid liar! They weren’t kissing, and they aren’t getting married. I hate you, I hate you! I wish I’d never given you my beautiful dress! And those shoes look ugly!” With that pronouncement, Misty flounced across the room and out the door, her nose in the air and her hands holding her dress so she wouldn’t trip on the hem.
“So much for their truce,” Kerrianne muttered.
Misty’s teacher was looking after her in dismay, but Kerrianne shot her an it’s-okay smile and ran after her daughter. “Stop right there, young lady,” she said in the hall. Misty stopped but didn’t turn. Kerrianne walked around her and stood with her hands on her hips. “What was that all about?”
A fat tear rolled down Misty’s cheek. “Ria was telling everybody that you were kissing her dad and that meant you’d be getting married and you’d be her mother. She was saying all sorts of stuff. She was lying, Mom. I hate her!”
Kerrianne rubbed her hand over her forehead, wondering what to say. Wondering how to break the news to her daughter. “Misty,” she said calmly, quietly. “Ryan and I are becoming very good friends. Last night after he showed me the greenhouse pictures, I did kiss him.”
Misty looked horrified. “Because of the greenhouse?”
“Maybe partly.” Kerrianne paused, trying to sort out her own seesawing feelings. “But most of all I think it’s because I wanted to kiss him. I like Ryan.”
“Are you going to marry him?” Misty said the word marry like it was a disease.
“Misty, it’s too soon to think about that. I still miss your daddy so much, but I don’t think I can be alone the rest of my life. I want to have friends and to date. I need to do that. Can you understand?”
“But you have us.”
“I know. You and your brothers are the most important things in my life, I promise you that. But sometimes I need to talk to an adult who’s my friend. Like you want to be with your friends and not with your little brothers all the time.” Kerrianne wasn’t sure it was a good analogy, but she hoped it would work.
Misty folded her arms. “I want you to leave now. Everyone’s starting to go home.” She glanced down the hall where people were exiting the cafeteria.
“Okay, but you think about what I said.”
“I still hate Ria,” Misty said in a small voice. “She just wants to steal you away.”
Kerrianne sighed. “Oh, sweetie, it’s not like that. There’s enough to go around. Please try to remember that Ria doesn’t have a mom.”
“So what? I don’t have a dad, and I don’t go around trying to steal hers!” Misty turned on her heel and marched stiffly down the hall, joining a group of classmates. Kerrianne let her go.
Maybe Misty was right. Maybe Kerrianne should stop seeing Ryan. But I’m not actually seeing him, she thought.
She went back to the lunchroom to see if Ryan or Ria were still there, but they had left.
“Hey.”
She turned to see Ryan behind her. “How’s Ria?”
“Fine. She went back to class.”
“Was she upset?”
“A little. It’ll be okay, though.”
“If they don’t kill each other first. I’m sorry. It was Misty’s fault.”
“Ria’s every bit as much at fault. She shouldn’t be talking that way.”
“What should we do? Oh, I can’t believe I just said that.” Kerrianne reached out to steady herself against the wall, letting her gaze drop from his.
“What do you mean?”
She lifted her eyes. “It’s just . . . I haven’t talked with anyone about what to do with my children—not since Adam died. I’ve been the one making all the decisions, every one, all by myself. But for a minute there . . . well, it was weird.” She shrugged and looked away again, not wanting him to see how shaken she was. She’d become so accustomed to carrying the burden alone that she’d forgotten what it was like to share the load, how comforting it could be to consider the opinion of another adult who was as involved as she was in whatever problem had arisen.
“I know exactly what you mean.” He gave her a tentative smile.
Suddenly Kerrianne needed to escape. “Look, I have to get back to the preschool—my mom’s teaching for me—and I know you have to go back to work.”
“Yeah, I’m late as it is.” He glanced at his watch as they walked out the door together. As she angled toward her van, he called after her. “Hey, would you mind telling Maxine I’m sorry, but I’ll probably be a half hour late tonight?”
Kerrianne paused. “She’s watching the kids again?”
“Yeah. Tonight’s the last time.”
“Well, if there’s a problem, they can stay at my house.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“See you tonight.”
“We’ll start on the greenhouse.”
Kerrianne went one way, and he went the other. She sat in her van and watched him drive off, feeling silly and confus
ed. What must Ryan think of her? “Adam,” she said, looking up into the sky. “Where are you? Why aren’t you here to tell me what you think I should do with Misty?”
There was no answer, no feeling of connection.
“Stop playing that stupid harp and listen to me!”
Well, if I were there, there wouldn’t be a problem now, would there?
Kerrianne knew the thought wasn’t from him but from her own mind. And she was right. If Adam were alive, Ria would never have said that Ryan was going to marry her. In fact, she wouldn’t even know Ryan or Ria. Or Tiger.
Why did that thought make her feel sad? If she had a choice, she’d want Adam back, and yet, since she couldn’t . . .
Sighing, Kerrianne started the van and drove home.
* * *
Ryan had apparently arranged for someone to drop off Tiger at preschool, because he was playing with all the rest of the children when Kerrianne arrived. Her mother looked up at her as she came out to the backyard where the children were playing. “It was time for a break,” Jessica said with a grin. She was on the patio, bundled in a suede coat, her short blonde hair looking like she’d just stepped out of the beauty shop.
“Thanks, Mom. I really appreciate you coming here.”
Jessica shrugged, implying that it was of no consequence. “How’d it go?”
“Great. We had a good time.” Thinking back at how Ryan had entertained everyone, she smiled.
“That good, huh?” Jessica looked at her closely.
“Well, until Misty got in a screaming match with one of the other girls.”
“That doesn’t sound like Misty.”
“Lately, it does.” Kerrianne lowered her voice. “She’s feeling a little insecure because I’ve sort have been . . . well, I met a guy.”
Jessica’s blue eyes went wide. “That’s wonderful! When?”
“Funny thing, he was right under my nose all along.” Kerrianne briefly explained about Ryan, the play, and the dance before adding, “I don’t know where it’s headed. Well, actually, I don’t even know if I’m ready for anything. I still feel married—I still am married in an eternal sense. But I really like Ryan. It’s not that I feel about him like I feel about Adam. It’s just . . . I don’t know.” And she didn’t. Adam was gone, busy strumming that harp or whatever, and she was left to muddle through alone. A rush of self-pity filled her. How dare he sit up in heaven and play a stupid harp when she was down here raising their children alone! Paying bills alone, cleaning the house alone, taking care of the yard alone. Getting the oil changed and taking the van for repairs—alone. She was tired of it. How wonderful it had felt today to talk about Misty with Ryan, to begin sharing concerns with a man who had a stake in the matter. Of course that wasn’t enough to build a future on, was it?
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