Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

  “It’s not that simple, Jos.’”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Mia. It is that simple. If you love him, everything else will figure itself out.”

  “But the gym. Mum and Dad. You. My life.”

  “Mia, I love you, but did you hear what you just said? Did you? The gym? Really? No one’s saying you have to sell or get rid of it, but that’s an easy one to fix. Hire a manager for a trial for a couple of months. Give it a chance. Then Mum and Dad. They don’t care if you live in your childhood bedroom or a thousand miles away. All they want is for you to be happy, Mia. That’s all they’ve ever wanted. Me, you know me. I’ll come visit you no matter where you go. Hell, it’s the best excuse I’ve ever had. And who knows, you might be able to find me my own country boy out there in Hicksville. And your life…this is going to sound harsh, but you need to hear it. Seriously, Mia, what life? All you have done for the last couple of years is work your butt off getting the gym up and running and you’ve done an amazing job. No one’s disputing that. But that’s all you have. Derek is offering you more. So the question is…what’s holding you back?”

  I felt like I couldn’t breathe. In one confronting conversation Josie had pointed out how pathetic my existence really was. Forcing myself to focus on breathing in and out, for a moment we didn’t speak.

  “He wants a future with me.” As I said it I could swear I felt my heart shatter beneath my breast.

  “Then you need to tell him the truth, Mia. If he’s half the man I think he is, then you and I both know what he’ll say. You can’t assume anything. Tell him the truth and go from there.”

  “Okay.”

  “Everything, Mia. Not just the highlights.”

  “I wouldn’t…”

  “You would. Don’t forget I know you better than you know yourself sometimes.”

  “Yeah. Look, I’ve gotta run.”

  “Mia, it’ll all be okay. I’m here if you need me.”

  “I know. And thanks.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  “Now, go get your man.”

  “Yes, boss.”

  The line went dead and I dropped my phone back in my bag before stumbling to my feet. I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to climb the seats in heels. I could barely walk on solid ground most days.

  Halfway back to the hall I saw an imposing figure leaning against the fence, arms folded. Despite his body language screaming defeat, I couldn’t help but feel alarmed as the adrenaline pumped through my body. My fight or flight response kicked in. Taking a wide berth, I attempted to pass, it was when I was only metres away from him, that I felt the air crackle and instantly relaxed. It was Derek.

  “What…What are you doing standing out here on your own?”

  “You didn’t think I’d leave you alone out here in the dark, did you?” His face was filled with disappointment. I can’t remember ever feeling worse. My expectations of him were so low, I assumed he’d walked away and not looked back. And it couldn’t have been further than the truth. He’d walked away enough to give us both time to calm down, but still he’d been concerned about my safety and stayed within distance to make sure I was okay.

  I don’t remember taking the steps towards him, but when I felt his warm breath on my face, I looked up.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “Sorry.”

  We both began at the same time.

  “You first, Mia.” he offered, but he didn’t let go. If anything, his arms locked a little tighter around my waist. And I loved it.

  “Derek, I’m sorry. You caught me completely off guard and I needed a minute to let it sink in. Everything with us just seems so fast…I mean, we barely know each other.”

  “I know.”

  “But I want to. I want to get to know you. And I want to see if we can make us work.”

  “That’s great, Mia…”

  “There is something you need to know before we make too many commitments though.”

  “O-okay?”

  “Can we talk about it later though? I’m not trying to avoid it, well, not entirely, but I don’t want to be standing out here in the rain either.”

  Chapter 37

  Derek

  I hadn’t even realized it was raining. Until Mia told me it was, I hadn’t noticed the drizzle falling from the sky and the dampness settling over us.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Thank you.”

  Her thank you sounded relieved. I don’t know what she thought she had to tell me that would scare me away. I couldn’t think of one thing that would do that. Right now, I wouldn’t push her. She had to be willing to tell me when she was ready. No matter how curious I was, I wouldn’t force her to tell me the secrets which were obviously weighing her down. All I could do was hope that when she finally did open up, I was ready and able to hear them the way she needed me to.

  “We should head back in,” I suggested, reaching down and lacing our fingers together. Mia might not know it yet, but I wasn’t about to let her go. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

  “Sounds good.”

  Together we headed back inside to join the circus. Intrigued glances fell in our direction, but I didn’t care. For the next half an hour, with Mia glued to my side, we walked around and chatted. I’d expected my homecoming to be awkward and people pissed at me for the way I’d reacted, so I was more than a little staggered when they seemed to just get it. While running away may not have been the manly thing to do, they understood without question that getting Zoe out of here and helping her get back on her feet had been my number one priority.

  “So, I hear you’re coming home?” Parker enquired.

  I should have known this was coming. I should have been prepared for it. Secrets in small towns never remained a secret for very long. “It seems that way,” I answered as nonchalantly as I possibly could.

  “It will be great to have you home.” He slapped my back and something flooded me that I hadn’t been ready for. He was right. I was coming home.

  “Mia, are you moving too?” Mitchell asked politely.

  I didn’t know Mitchell and it prickled my skin that he was asking Mia a question like that. She was mine. I was standing right here. She was already claimed. Something I would obviously need to make crystal fucking clear if she agreed.

  “We’ll see,” she replied, dropping my hand and manoeuvring herself so she was tucked under my arm. Maybe I didn’t have to claim her. Maybe she’d claim me instead. I was more than okay with that.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please take your seats.” The announcement came over the microphone and Mia led me across the room to a seat between her and Zoe. Without a word I linked my fingers with both women, one either side of me, and prayed they’d both understand. The last thing I needed right now was some misguided jealous cat fight.

  Within moments dinner was plonked down in front of me. An unappealing serving of chicken breast smothered in watery gravy with a baked potato, a hunk of pumpkin, and way too many peas. Typical club food. It didn’t matter though. I had no intention of eating. I was terrified if I put anything in my stomach it wouldn’t stay there. It kept turning over and over with dread. This was what I’d come for. This was what I’d wanted to shelter Zoe from. Now was the minute that would be a test of how far we’d both come. All I could do was pray it was far enough.

  “Tonight we’re here to honour the players who made our year great. We didn’t go as far as we would have liked, but there’s always next year.”

  “Or the year after,” a heckler added from the back of the room, causing a wave of laughter.

  “We want to thank everyone who contributed to this year’s success. Everyone from the ladies who worked the canteen, to the umpires who gave up their time to try to control us, to the coaches who tried to teach us everything and put up with their fair share of crap through the year. And everyone who played. Whether you played one game or every game, it doesn’t matter. You’re part of
the team. We wouldn’t have been there without you….” The speech continued and I drifted off. I couldn’t help but think of last year’s dinner. It was the dinner that changed everything. Took everything. Destroyed everything.

  Every year for as long as I could remember, Spencer and I would attend this night, usually dateless, and sit at the bar just quietly observing while everyone told exaggerated war stories and enjoyed the free-flowing booze. Tonight he wasn’t here with me. It sucked…more than I was ready for.

  Mia must have known where my thoughts had taken me without me saying a word. Instead of calling me out, she just squeezed my hand and offered me a slight smile. It was enough to set me right again. To pull me from the depths of my pain. She helped. She mightn’t know it, but she did.

  “And we’re here to award 2016’s Best and Fairest. This award has always been special. It’s voted by the players every round all year. They award their teammates votes each game, and at the end of the season the player with the most votes wins. This year though, this year it holds an extra significance. Spencer McLaren was loved by all. He was our captain and our friend. Now he’s not here anymore, but we are lucky enough tonight to have the people who meant the most to him. Jenna, his mother. Derek, his best friend, who will, a little birdie told me, be returning home shortly to once again take up his rightful place as the town’s police force. And Zoe. Zoe was Spencer’s heart his whole life. And for those of you who were lucky enough to see Zoe and Spencer together in his final days, you wouldn’t dare doubt that they’d found their way home to each other.” I stole a glance at Zoe, who wore a proud smile despite the uninterrupted tears that flowed down her cheeks. “From this day on, the Best and Fairest award will be known as the Spencer McLaren trophy.

  The clapping started and people rose from their seats. For a moment we exchanged knowing glances before joining them. But instead of clapping, I hugged Zoe tightly before moving on to Jenna, and ending up with Mia in my arms. The moment was perfect. I’m not going to lie, it hurt like a bitch, but it didn’t matter. I loved Spencer. And it seemed that I wasn’t the only one.

  “Want to get out of here?” Mia whispered into my ear.

  “More than you can imagine.”

  I’d done what I came for. There was no point staying for another second. In time it would get easier, but right now all I wanted was to get back to my hotel room and curl up with Mia in my arms and not think.

  Quickly I let Zoe and Jenna know we were heading out and they promised they were fine. They were together and Zoe would be staying with Jenna tonight. After a quick invite for breakfast in the morning, I led Mia out the door and towards the hotel.

  It didn’t take long before she was struggling to keep up with my long strides. “Would you slow down? Walking in these heels isn’t easy, you know.”

  Without giving her time to protest, I swept her up into my arms and carried her down the street. Thankfully the rain had eased for the time being, leaving everything smelling fresh. It was a beautiful night and I had a beautiful woman in my arms. Nothing could beat this feeling. Nothing in the world.

  We reached my hotel in record time. I didn’t think I was running, but the idea of cuddling up with Mia may have made me walk a little faster. As soon as we were inside she shivered. “Bathroom’s through there if you want to freshen up.”

  “Sounds good, thanks.”

  A moment later the door clicked shut and I heard the water start. It was hard to think about anything other than Mia’s delicious naked body, all wet and soapy on the other side of that very thin wall. It took every ounce of restraint I possessed and a few I didn’t even know I had to stop myself from barging in. Instead, I took the opportunity to peel my suit off and change into a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt.

  “Derek?” Mia’s sweet voice called out as she cracked the door open a fraction.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you got something I can wear?”

  I laughed so deeply it hurt my side. I had three options here and none of them would make the tent in my pants go away. Swallowing heavily, I sifted through my duffle bag and found a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Both would be too big on her, but it was better than nothing. Walking over to the bathroom door, Mia pulled it open further so I could hand her the clothes. She obviously didn’t realize how perverted I was. From here I could see the reflection of her delectable ass reflecting in the mirror.

  I groaned and ran my hand through my hair before moving away without a word. Nothing I could say would make this better. I took a seat at the dingy table in the corner, not game to sit on the bed. We needed to talk. First.

  It felt like I aged a million years while I waited for her to come back to the main room, but in reality, it was probably barely a minute. Scrubbed fresh, she looked more beautiful than ever. Part of me couldn’t believe she was here with me. I really was a lucky son of a bitch sometimes.

  “Feel better?”

  “Much,” she agreed as she jumped up onto the bed and folded her legs underneath. She was wearing my white shirt, which did nothing to hide the fact she had nothing on underneath it.

  “So…”

  “So, you’re moving back. Being here suits you, Derek.”

  “I know. But the question is, could it suit you?” Her face fell and I felt like a douche. The not knowing, the guessing, the worrying…it was killing me. “I don’t mean to pressure you, Mia, I really don’t, but I’m hanging here. Please, put me out of my misery.”

  Chapter 38

  Mia

  I looked over at him, his large frame folded in a small chair. He had to be uncomfortable. He looked uncomfortable. I was hoping it was just the chair, but I suspected it had more to do with the conversation than anything else.

  “You want me to move here and live with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And do what?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “For how long?”

  “Forever.” The word came quick. Startling. If I hadn’t been sitting I was sure I’d be knocked on my ass. He wasn’t holding anything back. Not that I expected him too. That wasn’t Derek.

  “That’s a long time.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  It was like there was an elephant in the room and we were dancing around it. It was a game of chess…neither keen to make the first move so as not to hurt the other. It was my turn, though. Josie’s words filtered through me and I knew this was my chance. I needed to step up and take it. If I hurt him now, if he couldn’t look at me like I needed him to, at least we could move on before we got in too deep. Or in my case, any deeper.

  “And you want to build a life with me.” He nodded. “A family?” Again, a nod. Sitting up as straight as I could, I prepared myself for what was about to come. It’s why I’d spent so long under the pounding, scalding water. I needed the time to give myself a pep talk. “Derek, I can’t give you that.”

  He looked taken back. “Huh? I don’t get it. What can’t you give me?”

  “I can’t give you the family you want.” The words caught in my mouth. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head and hide until this all went away. I couldn’t. He was waiting for an answer. He deserved one. I needed to give it to him. “I…I can’t have children.”

  Even though I’d known for years, saying the words out loud shattered my heart all over again as if it was the first time. It sucked. I was barely an adult and already the choice had been taken away from me. I couldn’t look at Derek. I didn’t want to see pity there. If I did, I knew it would destroy me and I’d never recover.

  I felt his arms around me moments before I was lifted into his lap. Quietly he kissed my forehead and held me close. For a long time we didn’t speak. Inside I was freaking out. I wanted to know why he wasn’t saying anything. I wanted to demand he did. Plead that he’d say something, but that would mean I’d have to speak first. And I wasn’t ready to do that.

 
“Tell me the rest.”

  “The rest?”

  “Everything, Mia. Tell me. Please.”

  He was doing everything right. I knew he would. I should never have doubted him. Sighing heavily, I let my whole body relax and sink against his warmth. “I’ve known for a few years now…”

  “It doesn’t make it any easier, no matter how long you’ve known, Tinkerbell.” With his thumb he wiped away the tears while he continued to hold me.

  “I was nineteen when it happened. I’d moved out of my parents’ house and into an apartment. I was wild. Well, at least my parents thought I was. I didn’t see it, but at nineteen I can’t imagine anyone does. I was going to university doing my teaching degree. I wanted to be a primary school teacher. Anyway, one night I had a late lecture and caught the tram back to my place. Phillip was my high school boyfriend. We’d been together forever. I don’t know if I loved him because I thought it was what was expected of me, or if I loved him because it was all I knew. We didn’t live together, I wasn’t ready for that, but he had a key to my place and I had one to his. Mostly we hung out at my place, ’cause his roommate Bryan gave me the creeps. He was one of those guys who when he looked at you, made your skin crawl. Anyway, I was supposed to work that night, but because the lecture ran late, I couldn’t go. I called in and told them, and they were cool with it. I was a waitress at a cosy Italian place in one of the laneways down in the centre of Melbourne. A real Mum and Dad place, and they knew what Uni was like and were very accommodating.”

  “Sounds like they were great people.”

  His simple statement sent my heart soaring. He was listening. And not just surface listening like guys were renowned for, but he was taking in details and paying attention to the little things. It shouldn’t have shocked me. He was a cop deep down inside, after all.