Grace: A Disgrace Trilogy Novel

by Dee Palmer

  “I should’ve, yes. Sadly that’s still not my biggest regret.” His eyes drop from my gaze, and when he looks back at me, I can see that his words have manifested in the saddest eyes in the world. “I should never have said what I said—all that shit, about needing to be the father.” He clenches his jaw with anger, and the words fall like they are just as disgusting to him on his tongue as they were to hear at the time.

  “It’s how you feel, Jason. You have to be truthful, or this will never work.” My stomach turns that we are back to this, though having sorted the misunderstanding of his wedding day disappearance, this is the crux for us.

  “I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about. I was a fucking idiot, and it wasn’t until I thought I’d lost you, that I realised I didn’t feel like that. Not at all.” He cups my face and holds my tear-laden gaze with his own glassy dark eyes. “I love you, Sam. No caveats, no provisos, and absolutely no limits.” His mouth covers mine, chasing the air I need and swallowing the gasp that escapes the back of my throat. I am flushed and breathless when he breaks the kiss only to leave me winded all over again with his next words. “You are the only thing in my life worth waking up for, you and our baby.”

  “Our baby?” My eyes dip down to my tummy, to where he’s looking. My heart swells with the warm, tender smile that now dominates his face.

  “Yes, this little miracle here is our baby, and whether biology is on my side or not, I couldn’t care less. I’m going to be the best damn father to this little bundle if you’ll let me.” He places his hand over mine now that it’s resting on the tiny bump.

  “I’m not having a paternity test,” I blurt and hold my breath waiting for the explosion. He just gives a light shrug, lies back, and pulls me back into his protective hold. I snuggle into the crook of his arm and entwine my legs with his, hugging his waist and conforming my body around his.

  “I meant what I said, Sam. This baby is ours, yours and mine.” He kisses my hair; I can feel him smiling as his lips press against me.

  “What if Will—”

  “He won’t.” Jason snaps but softens the bite with a gentle squeeze and a strong hand, stroking hypnotic patterns up the length of my back. “Will didn’t exactly cover himself in glory that day, letting you take the fall, so let’s not worry about him, okay?”

  “Don’t be too hard on him, Jason. I understood why he didn’t speak up. Your Mum looked pretty poorly.”

  “Yeah,” he scoffs with a hollow laugh. “So telling her everything after you left wasn’t exactly the smartest thing, but it still didn’t stop him.” His words are tinged with anger.

  “He did what?” I quickly look for any sign that he’s teasing and see none.

  “Yep, told her everything. Sent her to the damn hospital with a suspected heart attack. Like I said, he did not cover himself—”

  I push myself up onto one elbow, my jaw slack at the casual delivery of this news. “Your Mum had a heart attack? Jason, what the hell?”

  “Suspected. Calm down, Sam, she’s fine. Completely fine.”

  I’m still stunned, but he shrugs and gives a wry smile when he continues. “Well, she’s pretty angry at Will, and I’m not exactly flavour of the month either. Physically, she’s fine, no thanks to Will.”

  “Fuck! So I did all that for nothing. God, she must hate me.” I run my hand down my face and sink back down the bed, Jason tugging me close to his side once more. He chuckles at my audible groan.

  “Quite the opposite, beautiful. Both Mum and Dad think you’re pretty fucking amazing.”

  “I doubt that.” I sniff and the laugh that follows is flat and humourless.

  “They might not have used those words exactly, but you did nothing wrong, and they know that.” I’m not entirely convinced, though I do believe he’s telling the truth. Besides, future in-laws are the last thing I am concerned with at the moment.

  “And Will?” This is the loaded question. I know Leon’s position, but even with Jason’s new perspective on paternity Will is still a potential issue.

  “What about Will?”

  I know he knows what I mean, but I spell it out. I’m sick of misunderstandings. “He could want to know for sure I mean.”

  “He won’t. He told me he wouldn’t get involved unless I bailed.”

  “But—” His index finger silences my retort and his sentiment bowls me over.

  “But nothing, Sam. Even if he did demand a test, which he won’t, it doesn’t change a Goddamn thing. You are mine, and you are carrying our child, whatever happens down the road we will deal, together.”

  I hold his gaze, and I have the craziest bout of butterflies in my tummy that makes me jolt. It’s not painful, I’ve never felt anything like that. I move my hand from his waist and settle it over the area and notice it’s nowhere near my stomach, and the sensation is gone just as quickly as it came.

  “Together.” I tilt my head, smiling so damn wide for the umpteenth time since last night my face aches.

  He pulls me up his body to take my offered kiss only I speak before his lips touch mine. “Just you remember that when you get another email.” My tone is light yet serious all the same.

  “There won’t be another email, Sam. I dealt with it.” He states as a matter of fact, and I sigh.

  “Jason, there will always be someone trying to get something for nothing. I doubt Stanford worked alone, or that he actually kept all the copies of the videos on him, at all times. Trust me, if I know one thing, scum like him are always lurking, and I don’t care. Just promise you’ll tell me next time.” I feel him stiffen, and sure enough, when I look back up, his jaw is clenched, and he has a deep scowl darkening his handsome features. “You know I’m right, that’s why you’ve gone all stiff and not in a good way,” I tease to try and lighten the mood, but a dark cloud has descended. I puff out a breath of frustration. I’ve had enough. “Did you bring your laptop?” His face looks puzzled at my question and his brow furrows with deep lines. I unwind myself and shuffle off the bed.

  I take in the grandeur of the room for the first time, but only as I search for his messenger bag. The late morning sunlight is streaming through the double door of the adjoining sitting room. We were too preoccupied too close the drapes last night and unconscious when dawn broke. It’s a beautiful suite though, furniture richly decorated with golden fabrics, silk wallpaper, gilt-framed original paintings, and the most stunning fresco on the ceiling. This must be the royal suite because I have never seen a room quite so stunning. My feet sink inches into the luxurious thickness of the carpet as I pad over to the wardrobe.

  “I didn’t but I have my iPad in the safe, why?” He quirks an eyebrow high with interest.

  “Because I’d like to make my own video.” I grin over my shoulder and pull the double doors wide in search of the safe.

  “Really?” He rises slowly, pulling himself onto his hands and knees, and prowling across the bed. His remark is followed by a feral sounding grumble. I pick up a cushion from the chaise beside me and throw it in his general direction.

  “You’re insatiable.”

  He bats the soft missile away and continues to stalk forward. “For you, I make no apology for that, though if we’re making a video, it’s not going to be on a shitty tablet.”

  “We’re not making a video, I’m making a video.” I roll my eyes when his grin widens with wickedness. I punch a code I’m confident will open the safe—two, five, one, two—Christmas Day. A life changing day for us both, and I give myself a little rapid clap when it pings open. I take the tablet and swipe it open. On my way back to the bed, I slip one of Jason’s t-shirts on and snicker when he grumbles his disapproval. He’ll be glad I’ve covered up once I start recording.

  “What are you going to do?” He slides back beside me as I settle against the headboard.

  “Watch.” I open the Photo Booth app and press record.

  “Hi, my name is Sam Bonfleur, and when I was sixteen I met a real life monster. I’m not sorr
y to say he died last year. Unfortunately, evil never really dies and monsters like him rarely act alone. Two weeks ago, my wedding day was ruined and my life very nearly broken beyond repair because some low life arsehole tried to blackmail my fiancé. He threatened to release video footage of my rape and humiliation, and my fiancé, being an adorable idiot, thought he could save me from this nasty piece of shit and protect my reputation. But here’s the thing, it’s not my reputation on the line here. It’s his, it’s theirs, all of those shameful excuses of men who stood by and watched a man I was forced into a relationship with destroy me. So I have nothing to hide here, but you do and if you ever dare to come after me and mine in the future, Liam Neeson will have nothing on my determination to end you.”

  “Sam, you don’t have to do this.” Jason soft coaxing tone instantly draws me back from the darkness before it takes me under. I swallow back the taste of bile any recollection of my time with Richard seems to generate and shake the cloud away before it can settle.

  “Actually I do. I won’t hide or run or have what’s mine threatened. Had you shown me this to start with, I would’ve done this then. Yes, I would’ve been upset. Fuck, what that man did to me I will never forget. I also won’t give them any more of me, and hiding or paying a ransom or whatever, to me at least, feels like them winning.” I twist to face him so he can see not only my sincerity but my determination. This ends now.

  “There is no them, I promise, baby.” He sweeps away the hair that has fallen across my face, and I lean into his hand.

  “I hope you’re right, but this is how we deal with it if it isn’t.” I kiss his palm and take all the comfort I need from that slight connection.

  “Okay, beautiful. Whatever you want.” He leans up and kisses my forehead.

  “What I want right now is food, I’m starving.” I reply brightly, happy to change the subject, more than happy to move on, together.

  “You did miss the meal last night. Still, I assumed Gabriel would’ve fed you on his yacht.”

  “Cheese on toast, which seems like a lifetime ago.” I stretch and rub my tummy at its timely grumble of dissatisfaction.

  “Cheese on toast?” Jason wrinkles his nose with distaste.

  “Baby.” I shrug as way of explanation, and his lips instantly form the most stunning smile. He reverently lifts the bottom of the t-shirt I’m wearing. I place the iPad on the mattress beside me and move my arms to the side to give him all the access he’s seeking. My breath hitches when his lips graze my skin, just at the crest of my growing bump.

  “You, little one, are so very precious, but do you think you could maybe crave something a little more nutritious? We have to keep your momma fit and healthy.” He peppers light kisses and blows a puff of warm air just above my clit, and uses his nose to rub a little circle on my sensitive skin that curls my toes. I sink deeper into the mattress and sigh, wiggling and tilting my hips so I can get a little more than just hot air. He pulls right off me and chuckles.

  “Food it is then,” he quips.

  “Really?” I drop my jaw, then snap it shut with a mock scowl.

  “Oh yes, beautiful. Let me take care of that need first then I will take care of anything else your sweet little body desires.” He waggles his brows playfully but I keep my glare fixed and firm.

  “It desires you…just you.” I state petulantly, a tiny moan escapes the back of my throat.

  “Good because I need to say this.” His voice drops and all playfulness vanishes. His eyes darken, and his expression would be scary if it wasn’t so deadly serious.

  “Sounds ominous.” I shift and get a flutter of nerves.

  “Not ominous but since we are getting everything out in the open, this is not negotiable either.” He flashes a quick smile that does nothing to calm my concern.

  “I’m listening.” I exhale quietly, waiting a moment before I draw another breath. The look on his face, I can’t imagine what is so serious, unless he’s sick.

  “No more sharing, ever.” His stare is incendiary, and if I was wearing any panties they would be ash from the heat alone. “I don’t mean no sharing because we are now having a baby, because that won’t change the kink we both need and love. I’m saying this because I’m done sharing you. I can’t and won’t, and I don’t even care if that’s an issue for you. I’m not letting you go, so you’re just gonna have to deal with this new rule.”

  “Wow.” A small giggle escapes when I suck in the air I now need.

  “Wow what?” His deep frown still stern.

  “Wow, you’re hot when you go all Alpha on me.” I tease, even as my heart is just about to burst with this unexpected declaration.

  “I’m serious.” His entire demeanor conveys there will be no compromise, and I hold up my hands in supplication.

  “I can see that, and if you just want to slip your cock inside me, you will be able to tell how much I fucking love that idea.” I wiggle lower on the bed and start to spread my legs as an open invitation.

  “Nice try. Sam. I’m feeding you first.” He taps the end of my nose. The flash of a playful expression vanishes, and he’s back to deadly serious. “Have I made myself perfectly clear on this?”

  “No sharing?” My question is more for clarification because I completely understand where he is coming from.

  “Yes.”

  “Jason, I thought you were going to say you were sick,” I reply.

  “Oh beautiful, I am sick… depraved and twisted, but just for you.” He hovers above me, and I melt under his intense gaze raking every inch of my body with his wanton glare.

  “Just for me,” I whisper on a slow exhale. “Jason, I couldn’t be happier with the no sharing rule.” I beam, blushing and breathless. “I was going to say the same, you just beat me to it.

  “You were?” He tilts his head in an uncharacteristic display of vulnerability.

  “Just you, Jason. It’s always been just you.” His eyes brighten, and if it’s possible his smile becomes a little bit more heart-stealing.

  “You have no reason to look so grumpy.” She straightens my tie and leans up to place a quick conciliatory kiss on my tightly pursed lips. I can’t believe she made me wear a damn suit. It’s not like we’re having tea with the bloody Queen.

  “I have every reason to be grumpy. You’re making me wear a suit to go for lunch, and Gabriel tried his damnedest to stop me from seeing you.” I squeeze my finger and loosen the chokehold she has managed to secure around my neck. I forgot she is just as good as I am with knots.

  “At my request, Jason. He only did what I asked him to do. He was being a friend.” Her nose wrinkles in this cute deep line just at the bridge when she’s trying to be stern and earnest. I’m not convinced with her assessment of the good Mr Wexler.

  “Ha! Gabriel doesn’t have friends, Sam, he has employees. And trust me, his reasons for keeping me away were far from altruistic.” I raise a curious brow at her uncharacteristic naïvety.

  “Oh I’m not saying he didn’t want to keep you away for his own reasons—I’m far from innocent when it comes to what Gabriel wants from me—but I have never given him any reason to think he would get it either. I told him I wasn’t ready to see you just yet, so he did everything he could to prevent that, for me.” She emphasises the last word, but my stony expression remains unchanged, and the fact that I now have confirmation that he wants my girl has far from helped the situation in my book. She narrows her eyes as if contemplating a different angle. She doesn’t need to know at this moment in time that I’d do anything for her. A lunch isn’t really a big deal. I just don’t particularly like the guy and would much rather spend my time with her, only her. She pats her hands gently on my chest and drops her gaze, then looks up at me through those long dark lashes, her smile as sweet as her voice is soft and coaxing. “Look baby, Gabriel is being extremely magnanimous with the invitation. When I spoke to him the other day, he was more than a little pissed you fixed the auction. He had a big mess to clear up, apparently, s
o for me, please play nice.” She brushes imaginary lint from my shoulders and places her hand once more over my heart. “Besides, it’s irrelevant, now isn’t it? You have me lock, stock and barrel, so how about you drop the pout and let’s go and have a lovely lunch on his boat.”

  “Yacht.” I correct and watch her roll her eyes.

  “So I understand.” She sniffs with a dry laugh. I quickly wrap my arms around her waist before she can step away.

  “I’d rather eat you instead.” I nuzzle her neck and she wriggles, melding into the grip, tilting her head to give me a clear expanse of silky soft skin to claim.

  “Jason, we haven’t stepped outside this room for five days,” she moans, her hands fisting into my hair and her sweet body writhing against mine. My cock is instantly hard and barely contained behind the thin material of my pants.

  “And?” I mumble, sucking down on her neck and relishing the full body shiver as my reward.

  “And he’s leaving tomorrow, and I promised I would see him before he goes, and I need some sunlight.” Her words hold little conviction. Her less than enthusiastic tone is accompanied by a whimper that makes my balls ache.

  “You got some sunlight this morning when we fucked on the balcony.” I growl and pull her against my erection, she grinds shamelessly against my stiffness yet shakes her head as if trying to wake from this erotic trance we’re both enjoying.