Oh-So-Sensible Secretary

by Jessica Hart

  Phin wouldn’t be able to resist her any more than Jonathan had.

  ‘OK, maybe she’s pretty,’ Phin allowed, ‘but you’re beautiful, Summer.’

  ‘I’m not.’ I blew my nose on the napkin. ‘I’m ordinary. I know that.’

  He laughed at that. ‘You are so not ordinary, Summer! You’ve got fantastic bones and beautiful skin and your eyes are incredible. And don’t get me started on your mouth…Your trouble is that you don’t make the most of yourself.’

  ‘I do,’ I protested, still tearfully. ‘Look at me.’ I gestured down at my suit. Even in the depths of my misery I knew it was better not to draw attention to my face right then. I’m not a pretty crier. Maybe the likes of Lori can cry without their skin going blotchy and their eyes puffy and their nose running, but I couldn’t. ‘I always take trouble over my clothes,’ I pointed out. ‘I never go out without make-up. What more can I do?’

  ‘You could let your hair down sometimes,’ said Phin, lifting a hand as if to touch it, but changing his mind at the last minute. ‘It looks as if it would be beautiful, thick and silky. It would make you look more…’ he searched for the right word ‘…accessible,’ he decided in the end, and I remembered what Anne had said about changing my image by letting my hair hang loose.

  But what difference would it have made? ‘What’s the point in looking accessible when I’m boring?’ I asked despairingly. ‘Jonathan still wouldn’t want me.’

  ‘He must have wanted you at some point or he wouldn’t have got involved with you in first place.’

  ‘No, he didn’t.’ I was just starting to accept the truth. ‘I flung myself at him, and I must have been convenient, but he never meant it to be more than that. He didn’t want me. And why should he? I’m boring and sensible and practical,’ I raged miserably, remembering now-too late-some of the things Jonathan had said. In hindsight, it was all so obvious. Only I hadn’t wanted to see the truth before.

  ‘Jonathan doesn’t want someone as competent as he is. He doesn’t want someone who can look after herself. He wants someone needy and feminine-like Lori. Someone he can look after. But I can’t do needy. I’m too used to dealing with everything, ever since I was child. I can’t help it, but Jonathan thinks it makes me bossy. He used to make comments about it. I thought he was being affectionate, but now I wonder if it really bothered him. Funny how a man is never bossy, isn’t it?’ I added in a bitter aside. ‘A man is always assertive or controlling, but never, ever bossy.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re bossy,’ said Phin. ‘You’re practical, which is a very different thing.’

  ‘Jonathan thinks I am. He just got bored with me. All that time I was telling myself how much I loved him, he was losing interest. I should have realised that he hadn’t invested anything in the relationship. He didn’t even leave a toothbrush at my flat. When he ended it, there was nothing to discuss.’

  Oh, dear, here came the tears again. I groped around for the wet napkin until Phin found me another, and I scrubbed furiously at my cheeks before drawing a shuddering breath.

  ‘When Monique told me about Lori today, it just made me realise what a fool I’ve been about everything,’ I said. ‘I’d had this dream in my head for so long, and it was all wrapped up with being with Jonathan and feeling safe, but I should have known it was too good to be true,’ I said wretchedly. ‘He’d never want someone like me.’

  ‘But you still want him?’

  I nodded. ‘I love him,’ I said, my voice catching.

  ‘Then I think you should go out and get him back,’ said Phin. ‘I didn’t have you down as someone who would give up as easily as that. What have you been doing since you split up?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Precisely, and look where it’s got you. You’re miserable, and Jonathan’s dating a woman named after a truck. Lori? I mean, how serious can he be?’

  I looked at him. ‘That’s a pathetic joke,’ I said, but I managed a watery smile even so.

  ‘I’m just saying you shouldn’t give up,’ Phin said. ‘Your trouble is that you’re too subtle. I had lunch with you both the other day, and I didn’t have a clue that there had been anything at all between you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonathan thinks you don’t care one way or the other. I suggest we have another drink,’ he went on, gesturing for the waitress to bring another round, ‘and plan your strategy.’

  I considered that, my brow creased with the effort of thinking after two martinis. ‘You think I should tell Jonathan how I feel?’

  ‘Absolutely not!’ Phin tutted. ‘Really, Summer, you haven’t got a clue, have you? If you get heavy on him he’ll panic and think you’re about to drag him off to the suburbs via the nearest registry office-which is what you want, of course, but this is not the time to tell him that. You’ve got to reel him in first.’

  ‘Well, what do you suggest, if you’re such an expert?’ I asked, wiping mascara away with the napkin. What was the point of waterproof mascara if you couldn’t cry? I would have to write and complain. ‘If I tell him how I feel, I’m too intense. If I don’t, he won’t notice because I’m so boring and predictable.’ I lapsed back into gloom once more.

  Another beer and a fresh martini were placed on the table. Phin pushed my glass towards me. ‘For a start, you’ve got to get this idea that you’re boring out of your head,’ he told me sternly. ‘You’re smart, you’re funny-not always deliberately, I’ll grant you-and you’re sexy as hell.’

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I STARED at him. Sexy? I was sensible, practical, reliable. Not sexy.

  Jewel was sexy, pressing herself against him and sticking her tongue in his ear. Not me, with my glasses on a chain and my neat suits. Phin was either being kind or making fun of me.

  For a fleeting moment I remembered the way I had felt as he’d wiped that blob of cream from my cheek, but then I pushed the memory aside. It was too incongruous.

  ‘All you’ve got to do is make Jonathan appreciate what an incredible woman you are,’ said Phin.

  Yeah, right. ‘How?’ I asked, with a trace of sullenness. ‘He never appreciated how “incredible” I was before.’

  ‘Make him jealous,’ said Phin promptly. ‘I know guys like Jonathan. Hell, I am a guy like Jonathan, and if I saw you with another man I’d be intrigued at the very least. I guarantee Jonathan would start to remember what he saw in you if there’s another guy sniffing around and making it obvious that he thinks you’re incredible.’

  ‘Well, yes, brilliant idea,’ I said, picking up my glass. The third martini was definitely kicking in now. ‘There’s just one problem. I don’t have another guy.’

  ‘Start dating again,’ said Phin, as if it was obvious.

  ‘Oh, sure,’ I said sarcastically. The martinis had made me bolshy, but it was better than snivelling. ‘That’s easy. I’ll just snap my fingers and produce a man.’ I patted my pockets. ‘I’m sure I left one or two lying around somewhere…’

  Phin looked at me appreciatively. ‘I see you’re feeling better,’ he said. ‘Look, it can’t be that hard for a girl who looks like you to find a guy. Go and stand at the bar and smile, and I bet they’ll be falling over themselves. Better still, eat a cream doughnut.’

  There was a tiny silence. I flickered a glance at Phin. He was smiling, but the blue eyes held that odd expression again-the one that made me feel as if the world was tilting out of kilter.

  ‘You have no idea, do you?’ he said.

  I swallowed. I didn’t want to remember that disconcerting wave of heat. I didn’t want to think about what it meant.

  ‘I don’t think it would be that easy,’ I told him, my eyes sliding away from his. ‘And even if I did find a boyfriend who wouldn’t mind the fact that I don’t actually want to be with him, when would Jonathan ever find out?’

  ‘I see what you mean. Someone at work would be better.’

  ‘Except if it was someone at work Jonathan would just feel sorry for him.’ My confidence was crumbling again. Q
uick, it was time for another gulp of pomegranate martini.

  ‘Not if it was obvious he was mad about you.’

  ‘Oh, so now I have to find a boyfriend who can act, too? I’d have to hire him, and where do you suggest I look?’

  ‘What about right here?’

  I looked around the bar. ‘How do I know if any of these guys can act? Well, the barmen are probably resting actors, but I’d never dare talk to them-they’re far too cool.’

  ‘No, here,’ said Phin, tapping his chest.

  My jaw dropped. ‘You?’

  ‘There’s no need to look like that! I’m perfect.’

  ‘I know you think so,’ said the third martini, and Phin grinned.

  ‘I do think so, and so will you if you think about it,’ he said. ‘Jonathan can hardly not notice if you’re with me, and I think you’ll find I’m not a bad actor. They still talk about my Ugly Sister in the school pantomime and, according to my mother, I stole the show in the nativity play as the sheep that fell over when it tried to kneel in front of the manger.’

  ‘I don’t know why you’re not in line for an Oscar,’ I said, ‘but why would you want to squander your great talent on me?’

  ‘I like you,’ said Phin simply, ‘even if you are a bit sharp with me sometimes. If I can help you, I will. Besides, it might work out quite well for me from a PR point of view.’

  I frowned. ‘How do you work that out?’

  ‘Think about it. Jonathan was very keen to push my family credentials in the Glitz interview. How better to do that than pretend I’m about to settle down with you? You can hang around and look good for the article, which means that even if Jonathan hasn’t got the idea before, he definitely will then. A double whammy.’

  He sat back smugly while I sipped my martini and considered what he had said. Surely it couldn’t be as easy as Phin seemed to believe?

  ‘What about Jewel?’ I prevaricated.

  ‘What about her? You said yourself that she’s been going out with someone else, poor guy. I’m well out of that one!’ said Phin. ‘I wouldn’t have had a plate left in the house. But now I come to think of it,’ he went on, ‘it might not be a bad idea to let her see I’m unavailable now. Just in case she’s thinking she might pick up where we left off before I went to Peru.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’d have much trouble finding someone else to make sure she gets the point,’ I demurred. ‘There must be much more likely types who would give the impression that you’re ready to settle down.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea,’ said Phin, not bothering to deny it. It would have been annoying if he had, but I was annoyed anyway. ‘I’m not the settling down kind,’ he said. ‘At least with you we’d both know it was just a pretence.’

  I blame it on the pomegranate martinis, but it was starting to make a weird kind of sense.

  ‘No one would believe that I was really your girlfriend,’ I said. ‘You’re used to going out with actresses and models.’

  ‘Which is why they’ll think I’m serious if they see me with you.’

  My, this was doing wonders for my ego.

  ‘It would only be for a few weeks,’ Phin was saying. ‘You wouldn’t have to do much. Just be seen out at a few parties with me and hang around looking like a girlfriend for the interview. Then we can seem to break it off later, so I can carry on avoiding commitment while you walk off into the sunset with Jonathan.’

  ‘Do you really think it would make a difference with Jonathan?’ I asked wistfully.

  ‘Listen, do you really want him back or not?’

  ‘I really do.’

  ‘Even though he’s made you feel boring and unlovable?’

  ‘I love him,’ I said, dangerously close to getting weepy again.

  ‘OK,’ said Phin, ‘if Jonathan is what you really want, then I think you deserve what you want. The first thing is to make him realise that you’re not boring at all, that you’re quite capable of being spontaneous when you’ve got the right incentive. Make him think that it’s his fault you never had much fun with him-which it probably is, by the way. We’re going to convince him that we’re having a raging affair, and he’s sure to sit up and take notice.’

  ‘How do we go about having an affair?’ I said doubtfully. I couldn’t see myself being convincing as someone in the throes of a raging affair somehow. It wasn’t the kind of thing I would do. It wasn’t the kind of thing I liked, to be honest. It smacked too much of losing control and abandoning yourself. I liked things calm and steady and safe.

  ‘Well, let’s see,’ said Phin with a grin. ‘I could take you back to my place. We’ll say it’s just for a drink, but we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other. The moment we’re through the front door I’ll start kissing you, and you’ll kiss me back. You’ll fall back against the door and pull me with you-’

  ‘I don’t mean really have an affair,’ I interrupted, scarlet. I was horrified at how vividly I could imagine it, and there was a strange thumping deep inside me. Jonathan had never lost control like that. I was beginning to feel very odd, but I hoped very much that was down to the martinis. ‘I meant…how would we make everyone believe it? We can hardly send round an e-mail announcement that we’re sleeping together.’

  Phin didn’t seem to think that would be a problem. ‘We’ll go to a couple of parties, maybe leave work together-or even better arrive together-and word will get round in no time. If you can contrive to blush whenever my name is mentioned in the Ladies’, or wherever you girls all congregate, so much the better. And remember how besotted I’m going to be with you,’ he went on. ‘I won’t be able to keep my hands off you-especially when Jonathan is around. I don’t think it will take long before he gets the point.’

  I buried my nose in my martini, trying not to wonder what it would be like to have Phin putting his arm around me, sliding his hand down my back. Would he twine his fingers around mine? Would he stroke my hair?

  Would he kiss me?

  The breath rushed out of my lungs at the thought. Would he? And if he did what would it be like?

  My heart was thudding painfully-ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom-and I had to moisten my lips before I could speak. This was about Jonathan, remember?

  ‘But if Jonathan thinks I’m with you, he’ll assume I’m not interested in him any more,’ I objected.

  ‘Once he starts paying attention-and he will-you’ll have to let him know that you just might be tempted away from me. If you can do it without seeming too keen. You might have to spend some time alone together…’ Phin snapped his fingers. ‘Of course! Jonathan can come to Cameroon. If you can’t seduce him back on a steamy tropical night, Summer, I wash my hands of you!’

  I thought about it as I sucked on the long curl of orange peel which was all that was left at the bottom of my glass. Apart from the reminder of Cameroon, which I’d been rather hoping he’d forgotten about, I was struggling to think of a good argument as to why Phin’s idea wouldn’t work.

  The third martini wasn’t helping. I was feeling distinctly fuzzy by now, and finding it hard to concentrate.

  Phin followed my gaze to the empty glass. ‘Had enough?’ he asked, and I bridled at the humorous understanding in his voice.

  A sensible girl would say yes at this point, but being sensible hadn’t got me anywhere, had it?

  ‘No,’ I said clearly. Well, it was meant to sound clear. Whether it did is doubtful. ‘I’d love another one.’

  One of Phin’s brows lifted. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Absho-absolutely sure.’

  ‘It’s your hangover,’ he said, the corner of his mouth quirking in that lop-sided smile of his. He beckoned the waitress over. ‘Another pomegranate martini for my little lush here, and I’ll have another half.’

  I waited until she had set the glasses on the table. Part of me knew quite well that Phin’s plan was madness, but I hadn’t been able to come up with a single argument to convince him how ridiculous the idea was. />
  ‘Do you really think it would work?’ I asked, almost shyly.

  ‘What’s the worst that could happen if it doesn’t?’ Phin countered. ‘You’d be in the same situation you are now, but at least you’ll know you did everything you could to make your dream come true. That has to be better than just sitting and watching it disappear, doesn’t it? And, if nothing else, we’ll have promoted the family image of Gibson & Grieve with this interview. As a good company girl, I know you’ll be glad to have done your bit!’

  He was watching my face.

  ‘It’s a risk,’ he said in a different voice, ‘but you don’t get what you really want without taking chances.’

  I looked back at him, biting my lip.

  ‘So,’ he said, lifting his glass, ‘do we have a deal?’

  And I, God help me, chinked my glass against his. ‘Deal,’ I said.

  ‘Good morning, Summer!’ Phin’s cheery greeting scraped across my thumping head.

  ‘Not so loud,’ I whispered, without even lifting my head from the desk, where I’d been resting it ever since I’d staggered into work twenty minutes earlier. Late, for the first time in my life. I would have been mortified if I had had any feelings to spare. As it was, I had to save my energy for basic survival. Breathing was about all I could manage right then, and even that hurt.

  ‘Oh, dear, dear, dear.’ I could picture him standing over me, blue eyes alight with laughter, lips pursed in mock reproach. ‘Is it possible you’re regretting that last martini?’

  I groaned. ‘Go away and leave me to die in peace!’

  ‘Aren’t you feeling well?’ Phin enquired solicitously.

  ‘How could you possibly have guessed that?’ I mumbled, still afraid to move my head in case it fell off.

  ‘I’m famed for my powers of deduction. The FBI are always calling me up and asking me to help them out.’