Oh-So-Sensible Secretary

by Jessica Hart

  ‘We’re so late,’ I wailed as soon as we got in the lift. I could feel myself winding rapidly back up to my usual self. I was never late. Well, there had been yesterday, after the pomegranate martinis, but that had been exceptional circumstances. I couldn’t believe that I had actually sat there in the sun and let time tick by without even thinking about getting back to the office.

  ‘We’re not late,’ said Phin. ‘We haven’t got any appointments this afternoon.’

  ‘I should have been back earlier,’ I fretted, remembering Jonathan and Lex’s raised brows. ‘I wish they hadn’t seen me like this,’ I said as I tugged my shirt into place. ‘I look so unprofessional.’

  ‘Nonsense. You look fantastic,’ said Phin. ‘We couldn’t have planned it better if we had tried. Did you see Jonathan’s expression?’

  I nodded. ‘He was horrified,’ I said gloomily.

  ‘He wasn’t horrified. He was absolutely amazed.’ Phin spoke with complete authority. ‘He looked at you and saw exactly what he could have had if he’d ever taken the trouble to kiss you senseless on a sofa and then take you out to lunch. He didn’t like me touching you either,’ he added.

  ‘How on earth do you know that?’

  ‘It’s a guy thing.’ Phin smiled smugly. ‘Trust me, Summer, our little plan is working already.’

  I know I should have been delighted, but actually I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling scratchy and unsettled. It was impossible to concentrate. It wasn’t fair, the way Phin could be so casual about it all. How could he kiss me like that and then turn round and sound pleased at the idea of handing me on to someone else?

  Easily, of course. It was a guy thing, just like he had said. Phin was perfectly happy to enjoy a kiss, or a long lunch, as long as there was no suggestion of any long-term commitment.

  I’m not the settling down type, he had said. Well, no surprises there. And no reason for his cheerful admission to leave me feeling not depressed, exactly, but just a bit…flat.

  I told myself not to be so silly.

  So there we were, in this ridiculous situation, working together as boss and PA during the day, and at night pretending to be madly in love.

  Whenever I stopped to think about what we were doing I wondered what on earth had possessed me to agree to such a thing, so it was easier to carry on as if it were perfectly normal to spend your days talking to your boss about brand marketing or strategic development or the logistics of taking twenty people to Africa to help build a medical centre, and your nights holding his hand and leaning into his warm, solid body as if you knew it as well as your own.

  It was a strange time, but the funny thing was it really did seem quite normal after a while. I couldn’t understand why everybody else didn’t see through the pretence right away, but they all seemed to accept it without question. It was bizarre.

  I was so unlike Phin’s normal girlfriends, most of whom he still seemed to get on excellently with. To a woman, they were lushly glamorous and prone to extravagant kisses, with much ‘mwah-mwah’ and many ‘darlings’ scattered around. Next to them, I felt prim and boring. I tried to loosen up, but every time Phin put his arm around me or took my hand my senses would snarl into a knot and I would prickle all over with awareness. It wasn’t exactly relaxing.

  The first night we appeared as a couple we went to a party, to launch some perfume, I think. Something unlikely, anyway. I can remember wondering why on earth Phin had been invited, but he seemed to be on hobnobbing terms with all sorts of celebrities. That was also the first time I realised quite how many ex-girlfriends he had, and I was glad I hadn’t done anything silly like let myself wonder if that kiss might have meant something to Phin, too.

  Still, I was nervous. It was all so strange to me, and I was feeling very self-conscious in a short dress with spaghetti straps which I had borrowed from Anne. It showed rather more flesh than I was used to, and when Phin let his hand slide down my spine I shivered.

  He clicked his tongue. ‘You’re too tense,’ he murmured in my ear. ‘You’re supposed to like me touching you.’

  ‘Anyone would be tense, meeting all your ex-girlfriends like this,’ I said out of the corner of my mouth, while keeping my smile fixed in place. ‘They’re all wondering what on earth you’re doing with me.’

  ‘Their boyfriends aren’t.’ His smile glimmered as he ran a knuckle along the neckline of my dress. ‘You look delectable, in a behind-closed-doors kind of way.’

  I hated the way every cell in my body seemed to leap at his touch. It made it very hard to remember that I was in control.

  ‘What kind of way is that?’ I asked, squirming at the breathlessness in my voice.

  ‘You know-all cool on the surface, but making every man feel that if only he were lucky enough to get you on your own you’d be every hot-blooded male’s fantasy.’

  ‘Oh, please,’ I said edgily, moving away from him. ‘And stop stroking me!’

  ‘Nope,’ said Phin as he pulled me easily back against him. ‘You’re my girlfriend, and I can’t keep my hands off you!’

  ‘You’ve clearly got the same problem with your ex-girlfriends too,’ I said waspishly. ‘I notice you’re still very touchy-feely with them.’

  ‘Could it be that you’re jealous, cream puff?’

  ‘I’m hardly likely to be jealous, am I? I’m just keeping in character, like you. I’m sure if I really was your new girlfriend I wouldn’t want to see quite how chummy you still are with them.’

  ‘I’m just saying hello to old friends.’

  I sniffed. ‘I can manage to say hello to friends without sticking my tongue down their throats!’

  ‘You do exaggerate, Summer-’ Phin began, amused, and then broke off. ‘Uh-oh. Do you see who I see?’

  I followed his gaze to where Jewel Stevens was wrapped around a young guy who looked vaguely familiar to me. I wondered if I’d seen him on television. He was very pretty, but had a vacuous look about him.

  ‘That’s Ricky Roland,’ said Phin in my ear. ‘He’s a rising star, they say, and just as well if he’s going to get involved with Jewel! He’ll be able to afford a new dinner service. I wonder how many plates he’s got left?’

  ‘She’s coming over,’ I hissed as Jewel somehow spotted Phin and made a beeline for him, abandoning poor Ricky with barely a word. Phin promptly put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, so that I was half in front of him like a shield.

  ‘Phin, darling, where have you been?’ she cried as she came up-and, completely ignoring my existence, she gave him a smacking kiss on the lips.

  ‘Peru,’ he said, keeping a firm hold of me.

  ‘What on earth for?’ said Jewel, but didn’t bother to wait for his reply. She glanced languidly around at the party. ‘This is all very tedious, isn’t it? We’re all going on to a club after this if you want to come.’

  ‘Not tonight, thanks, Jewel,’ said Phin, his smile steady but inflexible. ‘I’m taking Summer home. You remember Summer, don’t you?’

  Jewel’s eyes flicked over me as if I was something unpleasant Phin had brought in on the bottom of his shoe. ‘No.’

  Charming, I thought. ‘I’m Phin’s PA,’ I reminded her.

  ‘And so much more than that, too,’ said Phin.

  At that, Jewel’s gaze sharpened, and she looked from Phin to me, and then back to Phin again. ‘You and…Sunshine, or whatever her name is?’ she said incredulously.

  ‘Yes,’ said Phin blandly. ‘Me and Summer.’

  Disconcertingly, Jewel began to laugh. ‘You and your little secretary…isn’t that a bit of a cliché, darling?’

  Phin’s arm tightened around me, but his voice was admirably even. ‘That’s the thing about clichés,’ he said. ‘They’re so often true.’

  ‘Well, if you say so.’ Jewel was evidently unconvinced. Her brown eyes rested speculatively on me once more, and I could practically hear her thinking that I was too boring to hold Phin’s attention for more than five minutes. ‘How very odd
,’ she said.

  And then she leant forward to Phin and did her ear licking trick again. Bleuch. ‘When you’re bored and want some excitement again, give me a call,’ she said huskily, only to shriek and leap back as I moved, managing to stand on her foot and spill my glass of champagne all down her fabulous dress at the same time.

  It was quite a clever move, even if I say so myself. Subtle, but effective.

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ I said insincerely as she glared at me. I could feel Phin’s body shaking with suppressed laughter. ‘How clumsy of me.’

  I could see Jewel debating whether to make a scene, but in the end she just sent me a poisonous look and kissed Phin once more. On the mouth, this time, which was a fairly effective retort of her own.

  ‘You know where to find me when you change your mind, darling,’ she said to him.

  My lips thinned as she prowled off to reclaim Ricky Roland, who was making the big mistake of talking to a pretty girl about his own age. I didn’t fancy his chances of keeping the rest of his plates intact.

  ‘When!’ I huffed. ‘She’s got a nerve, hasn’t she? Not even if you lose interest in me!’

  ‘Yes, but the round definitely went to you, with the champagne spilling trick,’ said Phin, letting me go at last. ‘That was an excellent impression of a jealous girlfriend, Summer. I didn’t think you had it in you!’

  ‘I don’t think it convinced Jewel,’ I said. ‘She clearly didn’t believe for a moment that you’d be interested in anyone as boring as me!’

  ‘No? Well, her style is much more obvious than yours.’

  ‘You can say that again!’

  He studied me for a moment. ‘Personally, I think that restrained look is good for you. It’s classy. On the other hand, it would look more natural if you could be a little more relaxed.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘We may have to do something about making you look a little less like a librarian who’s strayed into an orgy,’ said Phin. ‘It works for me-don’t get me wrong!-but other people might wonder eventually why you’re so tense with me.’

  ‘Maybe they’ll think I’m shy,’ I said, on the defensive. I knew I looked uptight-I felt uptight-but then so would you if you had to snuggle up to Phin while Jewel stuck her tongue down his ear, and I wasn’t used to parties where you fell over a celebrity every time you turned round.

  ‘You can get away with being shy tonight, but the next time we go out you’ll need to loosen up a bit.’

  ‘How do you suggest I do that?’ I snapped, annoyed because I knew he was right.

  ‘I’m not sure yet,’ said Phin. ‘I’ll give it some thought.’

  But, apart from Jewel, everyone seemed to accept our supposed relationship with an extraordinary lack of surprise. Monique, Lex’s PA, whom I’d always admired for her perspicacity, even told me that she thought Phin and I were a perfect match!

  ‘You’re just right for each other,’ she said when we met in the corridor one day, on my way back from making coffee. ‘He’s so lovely, isn’t he?’ she went on, while I was still boggling at the idea that anyone could think Phin and I were right for each other when it must be blindingly obvious that we were completely different.

  ‘Lex is always baffled by him, but Phin is a huge asset to Gibson & Grieve if only he’d recognise it. He’s one of those people that just has to walk into a room and everyone relaxes, because you know he’ll be able to defuse any situation and charm everyone so they’ll all go away feeling good about themselves, whatever’s been decided.’

  I did some more boggling then. Relaxed was the last thing I felt with Phin. He was too unpredictable. One minute he’d be sitting lazily with his feet up on the desk, the next he’d be fizzing with energy. I never knew when he was going to appear or what he was going to do.

  Whenever Phin was around I felt edgy, jittery. My pulse was prone to kicking up a beat at the most inexplicable moments. All he had to do was stretch his arms above his head and yawn, or look at me with that smile twitching at his mouth, and my heart would start to thump and an alarming shivery feeling would uncoil in my belly and tremble outwards, until my whole skin prickled with awareness. It was very disturbing.

  Relaxed? Ha!

  ‘How are you anyway, Monique?’ I asked, sick of being told how wonderful Phin was.

  ‘Fantastic,’ she said, beaming. ‘In fact…’ She checked to make sure no one else was around. ‘I’m not telling many people yet, as it’s early days, but I’m pregnant!’

  I was delighted for her. I knew that Monique and her husband had been hoping for a baby for a while now. ‘Monique, that’s wonderful news! Dave must be thrilled.’

  ‘He is. Lex is less so, of course,’ she said, with a wry roll of her eyes.

  Monique adored her boss, but she had no illusions about him. With Lex it was business all the way, and babies just didn’t enter the equation.

  ‘He was grumbling just this morning that if I’d told him earlier he would never have let you go and work for Phin-and what a shame that would have been!’ She hesitated. ‘I don’t suppose you’d want to go back to Lex’s office now, but he’ll be looking for someone he trusts to cover my maternity leave, so if you’re interested there might be an opening in a few months.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘The baby’s due in September, so I’ll work up until August,’ she said. ‘Talk it over with Phin and see what he thinks. If you’re spending all your time together, it might not be a bad thing to work in different offices…but you’d obviously want to vet any new PA!’ Monique could obviously see the thoughts whirling in my brain. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything? I was just being selfish. It would make it so much easier for me if I could reassure Lex that you’d look after him while I’m away, that’s all.’

  ‘I’ll definitely think about it,’ I promised.

  Thoughtfully, I carried the coffee back to my office. To be Lex’s PA-the most senior in the company…! Only temporarily, of course, until Monique came back. But what a thing to have on my CV. It would be an extraordinary opportunity, and one I could only ever have dreamed of up to now.

  It was hard to believe that only a month ago I had felt utterly hopeless. Now I not only had the prospect of a fantastic promotion, but there was even a real chance of getting back together with Jonathan. Or so Phin seemed to think-and, much as I hated to admit that he was right, I had to admit that Jonathan had been much more friendly the last few days. He had taken to dropping by the office on the slimmest of pretexts, and telling me how nice I looked if we met by the lifts.

  It was all very confusing. Everything was changing so quickly I didn’t know what to think any more.

  I should be excited. I knew that. In a few months’ time I could be back with Jonathan and working with the Chief Executive-and Phin…Well, this had only ever been meant as a temporary exercise anyway. Phin would move on. He’d go back to making television programmes and I wouldn’t see him any more. There would be no more jitteriness, no more exasperation, no more teasing. No more doughnuts. And that would be fine, I told myself. It would all work out perfectly.

  But there was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach all the same.

  ‘What’s up?’ said Phin, when I took in his coffee. It was uncanny the way he always knew if something had happened, no matter how smooth I made my expression.

  So I told him what Monique had said. ‘Typical Lex,’ was his comment, when he heard about his brother’s response to the news that his PA was having a much longed for baby. ‘He’s got no idea. You’d think he could be happy for her before he thought about how her pregnancy will affect Gibson & Grieve!’

  ‘Monique doesn’t really mind,’ I said, a little uncomfortably. ‘She knows what he’s like. The normal rules don’t apply to someone like Lex.’

  ‘Well, they should,’ said Phin. He was leaning back, twirling a pen between his fingers. ‘So what about you?’ he asked, blue eyes suddenly intent. ‘Do you really want to work for a man who wou
ldn’t know what a doughnut was, let alone think about buying you one?’

  ‘It would be a good career opportunity for me.’ Unable to bear it any longer, I held out my hand for the pen, and after a stubborn moment he surrendered it, dropping it into my open palm.

  ‘At least I wouldn’t have to put up with your endless fiddling any longer,’ I said, putting the pen back into its holder. ‘And it might be easier when our supposed romance falls through,’ I added. ‘It would look a bit odd if we carried on working together perfectly happily when…if…’

  ‘When you’re back with Jonathan?’ Phin finished for me.

  There was an unusual note in his voice that made me look sharply at him.

  ‘Even if that doesn’t happen, we can’t carry on like this indefinitely,’ I pointed out.

  ‘Then we’ll have to make sure it does happen,’ he said, swinging his feet off the desk abruptly. ‘Maybe it’s time to intensify our campaign. When’s the launch party for the Charmless Chef?’

  The Charmless Chef was Phin’s own title for a series of TV food programmes that Gibson & Grieve were sponsoring that spring. It was actually called Hodge Hits, after the presenter, celebrity chef Stephen Hodge. Hodge was famously rude, and prone to the most appalling temper tantrums. Very early in his career he had discovered that the worse he behaved, the more audiences would want to watch him and the more he would be paid.

  This meant Gibson & Grieve would get even more publicity from their sponsorship of the programme, and a fabulous party had been planned to mark the launch and appease his monstrous ego. All senior staff were on a three line whip to turn up and do whatever it took to keep Stephen Hodge happy. Except Lex, of course. He hated socialising, and only went out when absolutely necessary. On this occasion Phin was lined up to represent him and make a speech.

  ‘It’s on Friday,’ I said.

  ‘Jonathan will be there, won’t he?’

  ‘Of course. He negotiated the deal with Stephen Hodge,’ I reminded Phin.

  ‘In that case you’ll have to pull out all the stops. You always look smart, but on Friday you’ve got to look stunning. Take tomorrow off and buy a special dress if you have to, but wear something that will knock Jonathan’s socks off.’