Oh-So-Sensible Secretary

by Jessica Hart

  But right then I didn’t care. I only cared that he was there.

  ‘I thought you’d still be in the States,’ I said as I sipped my coffee.

  ‘No, I decided to come straight back once we got to Boston. I got home first thing on Friday morning.’

  I did a quick calculation. It was Tuesday, so he had been back four days and I hadn’t known.

  ‘What have you been doing with yourself?’

  ‘I had things to do,’ he said vaguely. ‘I didn’t realise you were here until I talked to Lex last night.’

  And he had come straight down to help me. My heart was slamming painfully against my ribs.

  ‘It must be a bit of culture shock,’ I said unsteadily. ‘From glamorous ocean race to failed New Age shop in Taunton.’

  Phin smiled. ‘I like contrasts,’ he said.

  ‘Still, you must be exhausted.’ Draining my coffee, I set the empty beaker on the counter beside me. ‘It was so nice of you to come, but there was really no need.’

  ‘I didn’t like it when Lex said you were here alone.’

  ‘I’m fine. Taunton’s not exactly dangerous.’

  ‘That’s not the point. You don’t have to do everything on your own.’

  But that was exactly what I did have to do. ‘I’m used to it,’ I said.

  ‘Where’s Jonathan?’ said Phin, frowning. ‘If he cared about you at all, he would be here.’

  ‘I’m sure Jonathan would have come down if I’d asked for his help, but it never occurred to me to tell him about my mother. Besides,’ I went on carefully, ‘it wouldn’t have been fair of me to ask him when I’d just refused to marry him.’

  I felt Phin still beside me. ‘You refused?’ he repeated, as if wanting to be sure.

  ‘Yes, I…Yes,’ I finished inadequately.

  My eyes locked with his then, and silence reverberated around the shop. ‘Anyway,’ I said, ‘you’re here instead.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Phin. ‘I’m here.’

  Our eyes seemed to be having a much longer conversation-one that set hope thudding along my veins. I could feel a smile starting deep inside me, trembling out to my mouth, but I was torn. Part of me longed to throw myself into his arms, but my sensible self warned me to be careful.

  If I was going to seduce him, I was going to do it properly. The scenario I had in mind demanded that I was dressed in silk and stockings. My hair would be loose and silky, my skin soft, my nails painted Vixen. I couldn’t embark on the raunchy affair I had in mind wearing jeans and a faded sweatshirt, with my hair scraped back in a ponytail.

  I wondered if Phin had also been having a chat with his sensible side, because he was the one who broke the moment. Draining his coffee, he set down the paper cup.

  ‘So, what needs to be done?’

  I didn’t say that he had already done everything I needed just by being there. ‘Really just cleaning up and getting rid of all this stuff somehow.’ I told him what the landlord had said.

  Phin’s brows snapped together. ‘He shouted at you?’

  ‘He was just frustrated. I know how he feels.’ I sighed. ‘I’d spent the whole day trying to deal with Mum, too. I was ready to shout myself! It’s OK now, though. I’ve paid the rent arrears and settled the outstanding bills so everyone’s happy.’

  ‘That must have added up to a bit.’ Phin looked at me closely when I just shrugged. ‘You used your savings, didn’t you, CP?’ he said.

  I managed a crooked smile. ‘It’s just money, as Mum always says.’

  ‘It was for your flat,’ said Phin, looking grimmer than I had ever seen him. ‘Your security. You worked for that money. You needed it.’

  ‘Mum needed it more,’ I said. ‘It’s OK, Phin. I’m fine about it-and Mum’s very grateful. I’ve freed her up to get on with healing the galactic core, and the way things are going at the moment that might turn out to be quite a good investment!’

  Phin’s expression relaxed slightly, and I saw the familiar glimmer of a smile at the back of his eyes.

  ‘Anyway,’ I went on, ‘I’ve decided to stop worrying so much about the future.’ I smiled back at him as I jumped off the counter. ‘You taught me that. I’m going to try living in the moment, the way you and Mum do.’

  ‘Are you, now?’ The smile had spread to his face, denting the corner of his mouth and twitching his lips.

  ‘I am. You won’t recognise me,’ I told him. ‘I’m going to be selfish and irresponsible…just as soon as I’ve finished clearing up here.’

  Phin got off the counter with alacrity, and tossed the paper cups into the bin. ‘In that case, let’s get on with it. I can’t wait to see the new, selfish Summer.’

  I can’t tell you how easy everything seemed now that there were two of us. Phin sorted everything. He left me to start packing up and went off to find a man with a van.

  He was back in an amazingly short time to help me. ‘Somebody called Dave is coming in a couple of hours. He’s agreed to take all the stock off our hands.’

  ‘What on earth is he going to do with it?’ I asked curiously.

  ‘I didn’t ask, and neither should you. Your problem is his trading opportunity.’

  We were dusty and tired by the time we had finished. Dave had turned up, as promised, and to my huge relief had taken away all the stock-which wasn’t all that much once I started to pack it away. Then we’d bought a couple of brushes and a mop and cleaned the shop thoroughly, and Phin had mended the back door where the thieves had broken in.

  I straightened, pressing both hands into the small of my back. ‘I think that’s it,’ I said, looking around the shop. It was as clean as I could make it.

  Then I looked at Phin, sweeping up the debris from his repair. I thought about everything he had done for me and my throat closed.

  ‘I don’t know what I would have done without you,’ I told him.

  Phin propped his broom against the wall. ‘You’d have coped-the way you always do,’ he said. ‘But I’m glad I could help.’

  ‘You did. You helped more than you can ever know,’ I said. ‘You helped me just by being here. I’m only sorry to have dragged you all the way down to Somerset as soon as you got home.’

  ‘You didn’t drag me anywhere,’ said Phin. ‘I wanted to be here.’

  I laughed. ‘What? In a quiet side street of a pleasant provincial town? It’s not really wild enough for you, is it? I can see you wanting to trek to the South Pole, or cross the Sahara or…or…’ What did risk-takers like to do? ‘Or bungee-jump in the Andes. But clear up an old shop in the suburbs? Admit it-it’s not really your thing, is it?’

  ‘You’re not the only one who’s changed,’ said Phin. ‘It’s true that I used to be an adrenalin junkie, but it took that race from Rio to show me that I could push myself right to the edge, I could face everything the ocean could throw at me-and believe me that was a lot!-but hanging out on a trapeze over the waves in an Atlantic gale was still nothing like the rush I get when I’m with you.’

  His tone was so conversational that it took me a moment to realise just what he’d said, and then I felt my heart start to crumble with a happiness so incredulous and so intense that it almost hurt.

  Phin was still standing on the other side of the room, but it was as if an electric current connected us, fizzing and sparking in the musty air. I was held by it, by the look in his eyes and the warmth of his voice, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. All I could do was stare back at him with a kind of dazed disbelief.

  ‘I thought about you every day at sea,’ he said, his voice so deep it reverberated through me. ‘It was tough out there, tough and exhilarating, but as soon as we got into port all I wanted was to see you, Summer. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to touch you. I suddenly understood what people mean when they say they want to go home. It wasn’t about being in my house, or in London. It was just being with you. And if that means spending a day clearing out an old shop, that’s where I want to be.’

  I opene
d my mouth, but no sound came out. The air had leaked out of my lungs without me noticing and I had to suck in an unsteady breath.

  ‘I’ve missed you, Summer,’ said Phin.

  I felt my mouth wobble treacherously and had to press my lips firmly together. ‘I’ve missed you, too,’ I said, my voice cracking.

  ‘Really?’

  I made a valiant effort to pull myself together. It was that or dissolve into an puddle of tears and lust. And what a mess that would be.

  ‘Well, apart from your fiddling, obviously.’

  A smile started in his eyes and spread out over his face as he took a step towards me. ‘I even missed your obsessive tidying.’

  ‘I missed you being late the whole time.’ It was my turn to take a step forward.

  He came a little closer. ‘I missed the way you scowl at me over your glasses.’

  ‘I missed your silly nicknames.’

  We were almost touching by now. ‘I missed kissing you,’ said Phin-just as I said, ‘I missed kissing you.’ Our words overlapped as we closed the last gap between us, and then we didn’t have to miss it any more. I was locked in his arms, my fingers clutching his hair, and we were kissing-deep, hungry kisses that sent the world rocking around us.

  ‘Wait, wait!’ I broke breathlessly away at last. ‘It’s not supposed to be like this!’

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Phin, pulling me back. ‘This is exactly how it’s supposed to be.’

  ‘But I want to seduce you,’ I wailed. ‘I had it all planned out. I was going to be your fantasy again-but this time I was going to lock the office door so that Lex couldn’t interrupt us.’

  Phin started to laugh. ‘CP, you’re my fantasy wherever you are.’

  ‘Not dressed like this-all dirty and dusty!’

  ‘Even now, without your little suit,’ he insisted. ‘You’re all I want.’

  Well, how was a girl to resist that? I melted into him and kissed him back. ‘That’s all very well, but my fantasy is to seduce you properly,’ I said. ‘And I can’t do it here.’

  ‘I agree,’ said Phin, his eyes dancing. ‘If I’m going to be seduced, I’d like it to be in comfort. Does it have to be the office? Let me take you home instead. There’s something I want to show you, anyway.’

  So we picked up my bag from the B &B, dropped the key to the shop through the landlord’s door, and headed back to London. Phin’s car was fast, and incredibly comfortable as it purred effortlessly up the motorway, but I was so happy by then that I could probably have floated all the way under my own steam.

  I was shimmering with excitement at the thought of what was to come, and it was still incredibly easy being together. We talked all the way back. Phin told me about sailing up the coast of South America, about winds and waves and negotiating currents, and about their dramatic rescue mission. I told him about my mother’s new plan, and Anne’s wedding, and how I’d decided to rent a little place on my own and not tie myself down with a mortgage.

  We caught up on office gossip, too. I told Phin about Jonathan’s new job. ‘It’s a big promotion for him.’

  ‘Lex won’t be happy, but I can’t say I’m sorry he’s leaving,’ said Phin. ‘But then, I’m just jealous.’

  It was so absurd I laughed. ‘You can’t possibly be jealous of Jonathan, Phin!’

  ‘I am,’ he insisted. ‘I remember how you felt about him. I know how important steadiness and security has always been to you. When you told me you’d talked to Jonathan in Aduaba, it seemed to me that he was offering you everything you really wanted.’

  ‘Is that why you left when I went to work for Lex?’

  He nodded. ‘I thought it would be easier for you to get together with Jonathan, but as soon as I agreed to go to Rio I knew I had made a terrible mistake. All the time on the boat I thought about you with him, and I hated it. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. What had I been thinking? Helping you to get Jonathan back when all along I’d been falling in love with you myself. Duh.’

  Phin slapped his forehead to make the point. ‘And who had I been trying to kid with all that stuff about wanting you to be happy with Jonathan if that was what you really wanted? I was way too selfish for that. I wanted to make you happy myself, and I knew that I could do it if only you’d give me a chance. I had my strategy all worked out.’

  ‘What strategy?’ I asked, turning in my seat to look at him.

  ‘You’ll see,’ said Phin. ‘I flew back to London as soon as we hit land, which gave me the weekend to put the first part of my plan into action. The next stage was to find you and separate you from Jonathan somehow. So I went into the office yesterday, but of course you weren’t there-and nor was Lex. I couldn’t get hold of him until later, and that’s when he told me you were down here on your own. I was partly outraged that Jonathan wasn’t here to help you, but I was pleased, too, that you were alone so I could tell you how I felt.’

  He glanced at me with a smile. ‘Then you told me that you weren’t going to marry him after all. You’ll never know how relieved I was to hear that, cream puff.’

  I smiled back at him. ‘It took you going for me to realise how much I loved you,’ I told him. ‘I knew then that I couldn’t marry Jonathan. I thought I loved him, but I didn’t really know him. You were right. I loved what he represented. But you knew more about me after that first time we had coffee than Jonathan ever did. He never made an effort to see what I was really like until you made it easy for him. You were the only one who’s ever looked at me and understood me. You’re the one who’s made me realise I can be sensible some of the time, but I don’t have to be like that all the time-and I won’t be when I seduce you,’ I promised.

  ‘I love the fact that you’re so sensible,’ Phin told me. ‘I love the contrast between that and your sexiness, that you wear sharp suits but silk lingerie. And most of all,’ he said, ‘I love the fact that I’m the only one who sees that about you. Everyone thinks you’re wonderful-’

  I goggled. ‘They all think I’m nitpicking and irritable!’

  ‘Maybe, but they also know you’re kind and generous, and the person they can all turn to when they need help or something has to be done. But I’m the only one that sees the cream puff in you,’ said Phin, and his smile made my heart turn over.

  ‘Don’t joke,’ I said, laying my hand on his thigh. ‘I’m going to be channelling my inner cream puff from now on. I hope you’re ready!’

  Phin covered my hand with his own. ‘Don’t distract me while I’m driving,’ he said, but his fingers tightened over mine and he lifted them to press a kiss on my knuckles.

  ‘I’ve never been the kind of girl who has an affair with her boss,’ I said with a happy sigh. ‘I hope I’ll be able to carry it off.’

  ‘Perhaps it’s just as well I’m not going to be your boss any more,’ said Phin. ‘We’d never get any work done. But who’s going to keep me in order in the office? Have you found me a new PA yet?’

  ‘No. Everyone I’ve considered has been too young or too pretty for you to share doughnuts with. I’m looking for someone who’s ready to retire.’

  Phin laughed. ‘I won’t eat doughnuts with anyone but you, I promise.’

  ‘It’s only until Monique comes back,’ I said. ‘I’m thinking we could get by if we look after you in Lex’s office. Lotty could keep your diary.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ he said. ‘As long as you come down to my office occasionally and lock the door before you take your hair down!’

  We had been making our stop-start way along the King’s Road, but now Phin turned off into his street. I looked at his house as we pulled up outside. ‘There’s something different…You’ve painted the door!’ I suspect my eyes were shining as I turned to him. ‘It’s exactly the right shade of blue. How did you know?’

  ‘Phew,’ said Phin, grinning at my delight. ‘I have to admit that was a lucky guess.’

  I got out of the car, still staring. ‘And window boxes!’

  ‘I go
t a gardening company to do them. What do you think?’

  My throat was constricted. ‘It’s just like my dream,’ I said, wanting to cry. ‘You remembered.’

  ‘Wait till you see inside!’

  I hardly recognised the house. It was immaculately clean, and all the clutter had been cleared away so that the rooms felt airy and light.

  I stood in the middle of the living room and turned slowly around until my eye fell on the sofa.

  Two cushions sat on it, plump and precisely angled.

  I looked at them for a long, long moment, and then raised my eyes to look at Phin.

  ‘They look all right, don’t they?’ he said.

  Taking my hand, he drew me down onto the sofa, careless of the cushions. ‘You know that studio you were thinking of renting? I was thinking you could move in here instead. I had cleaners blitz the house yesterday, so I can’t promise that it will always be like this-but you could tidy up all you want.’

  ‘Move in?’ I looked around my dream house, then back to the dream man beside me, and for a moment I wondered if this really was just a dream. ‘But aren’t we going to have a passionate affair?’

  ‘It depends what you mean by affair,’ said Phin, picking his words with care.

  ‘I mean sex with no strings,’ I said adamantly. ‘I don’t want to tie you down. I’ve learnt my lesson. I want being with you to be about having fun, being reckless, not thinking about the future or commitment or anything.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Phin.

  ‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’

  ‘The thing is, I’m not sure I do.’

  I stared at him.

  ‘I think,’ he said, ‘that I’ve changed my mind.’

  My heart did a horrible flip-flop, leaving me feeling sick. ‘Oh,’ I said, drawing my hand out of his. ‘Oh, I see. I understand.’

  But I didn’t. I didn’t understand at all. I had just let myself believe that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Why had he changed his mind?

  Phin took my hand firmly back. ‘I’m fairly sure you don’t see, Summer. For someone so sharp, you can be very dense sometimes! I haven’t changed my mind about you, you idiot. I’ve changed it about commitment. I’ve spent my whole life running away from the very idea of it,’ he admitted, ‘but that was because I had never found anyone or anything that was worth committing to. Now there’s you, and it’s all changed. It was all I could think about on the boat. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the sailing, but this time I wanted you to come home to. I wanted to know that you would always be there.