Going the Distance

by John Goode

  If he thought he was being funny, he was sorely mistaken.

  The rest of the show passed in a blur. My stomach threatened to climb up my throat and out of my mouth in protest.

  No way could I meet Sam tonight! I’d just gotten done driving for like a year and a half, and I hadn’t been able to really work out in forever. Not that I would have had a chance if I’d looked my best. Guys like him could have anyone in the world, and he had to know that. Why would he even bother looking at some skinny freak like me in the first place? Somewhere in the middle of some seniors doing a really bad version of “Call Me Maybe,” I felt my stomach kick one last time, and I raced out of the auditorium to find a bathroom.

  Luckily there was one across from the doors, and I raced into a stall just in time to see everything I had eaten in the last week come spilling out of my mouth like an upside-down geyser.

  On my knees, I kept heaving and heaving as I felt tears falling from my eyes. I hated throwing up under normal circumstances. This was anything but normal. A couple of minutes later, I felt a hand on my back and Nate’s voice telling me it was going to be okay. “Come on, man,” he said quietly. “Get it all out.”

  I know it should have made me feel better to have him there, but honestly it just made me feel ten times worse. Bad enough I was having a panic attack over meeting a guy, but worse that my best friend had to see me crying like a little bitch. I knew he was trying to help me, but it was doing anything but.

  I heard someone else’s voice in the bathroom, and Nate said to them, “He’s cool. Get him some water, okay?”

  I heard the bathroom door close, and we were alone again.

  “Dude, what’s wrong?” Nate asked quietly. “Are you that upset about meeting Sam?”

  I nodded, face still over the toilet.

  “Why?” he asked, his voice straining because he obviously didn’t understand my distress. “Danny, he’s going to like you, and if he doesn’t, that’s cool too. I mean, you can’t stress out so much about meeting one guy.”

  Wiping my mouth, I looked over at him. “You don’t get it, Nate. Guys like Sam, they have the entire world in front of them. There is no one who wouldn’t go out with him. You only get one chance to make an impression with someone like that, and on my best day I’d be iffy. But like this?” I said, gesturing to myself. “Like this I’m just a freakishly tall geek who has never gone out with a guy for real. Why would he even bother?”

  “Because you’re a great guy,” Nate said without hesitating. “And if he can’t see that, you don’t want to be with someone like that anyways.”

  “You don’t get it,” I said, feeling my stomach finally unclench. “It’s different for guys.”

  He helped me up as Conner came back in with a bottle of water. “You okay?” he asked me, obviously having no clue what was wrong.

  I nodded and took a huge gulp of water. “Yeah, just feeling a little sick. Shouldn’t have eaten gas station hot dogs.” It was complete bullshit, but he seemed to accept it.

  “Conner, tell Danny here about Sam.”

  I glared at Nate, but he ignored me. Conner started to talk.

  “Sam is a trip,” he explained. “On the surface he comes off like a self-absorbed asshole and most people think that’s all he is, but he’s not like that at all. He’s really smart, even though he never shows it. He really gets tired of people just liking him for his looks. So far it’s been mostly girls since he’s the only gay student we have, but the quickest way to piss him off is to just go on about his looks, because they’re the last thing he values.”

  Sam sounded like no one I had ever met before. “So then what does he value?”

  “Integrity.” Conner answered without even thinking about it. “If you knew his brothers, you’d get it, but Sam lives his life by this weird code, like a knight, and people who don’t, he blows off pretty fast.” He paused for a second. “Wait, you’re not throwing up because of meeting Sam, are you?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Dude, you can’t stress over that. He knows what you look like. He may not be shallow, but he’s not going to meet up with someone he isn’t attracted to. And trust me, he’s attracted.”

  “How does he know what I look like?” I asked while glaring at Nate.

  “What?” Nate said after a few seconds. “Only you can Facebook-stalk someone? I told him you were into him and he looked you up. Not my fault you have, like, a thousand pics on your wall.”

  “They’re from games.” I said lamely. I got tagged by guys on the team all the time when someone posted pics from a game.

  “Yeah, well, he liked what he saw,” Conner assured me. “So just chill, it’s all good.”

  “You seem pretty open-minded about him being gay,” I said, finishing the last of the water.

  “I’ve known Sam and his brothers forever, and trust me, him coming out as gay didn’t even faze anyone in our class. Almost everyone likes him; besides, who cares? So you’re gay. Why should it matter?”

  I looked over at Nate. “You really set this up for me?”

  He chuckled. “It was this or invest in a lot of porn for you. This seemed to be the cheapest route.”

  I looked over at Conner, and he said, “Sam is, like, the loneliest guy I know because most gay guys who come at him are only in it for his body. Nate said you’re a stand-up guy, so I talked him into meeting you.”

  That guy was lonely? It made no sense whatsoever.

  “So come on,” Nate said, putting his arm around my shoulder. “Man up and meet this guy already, because all your whining about being single….” He locked eyes with me and finished, “You’re killing me, Smalls, just killing me.”

  I had been Sandlotted, so I shut up and went with them.

  People were coming out of the auditorium, which meant the show was over. I looked over to Nate and mumbled, “I’m sorry; I ruined the show for you.”

  He shook his head. “I was here to see Conner and I saw him. You saved me from falling asleep in front of Amy’s parents, so it’s all good.”

  Amy and her parents met us at the door. They looked at me like I was a sick puppy or something. “You okay?” Amy asked. “You ran out of there pretty fast.”

  Before I could answer, Conner chimed in with, “Gas station hot dogs are bad, mmmm’kay?”

  Obviously he watched South Park too.

  “Oh, you poor thing,” Amy’s mom said, putting her hand up to my forehead. “You need to lie down?”

  Having someone pretend to be my mom even for a second was weird. On one hand, it was incredibly reassuring, but on the other, her automatic temperature check was like an electric shock, and I felt myself pull away before I could stop. “I’m okay, just a long drive.”

  “You still up for eating?” her dad asked. It sounded like he was warning me that I’d better not screw up his BBQ plans.

  “I’m good,” I assured him. “It passed quickly.”

  “Okay, well, follow us,” he said, pulling his keys out. “We’ll lead you to the promised land.”

  “We should drive with him,” Amy suggested to Nate. “You know, in case he gets lost.”

  Nate nodded, and Conner said, “I want to go with them.”

  Amy’s dad sighed and just gave up. “Fine, everyone go with whoever. I am going to go eat.”

  As we all walked down the hall, I asked Conner, “Sam knows where we’re going?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, he’s meeting us there. Relax, man.”

  We got halfway to the parking lot, and I looked over at Nate. “This is a mistake.”

  He just smiled at me and growled, “Killing. Me. Smalls.”

  I shut up and led them to the Fusion.

  “Dude!” Nate said, walking around the whole car. “You made out like a bandit.”

  “It was a compromise,” I said, unlocking the doors. “I wanted a Mustang.”

  Nate laughed. “No way in hell your dad was letting you get one of those after that wreck. I’m sho
cked he let you drive, period.”

  Nate and Amy got in the backseat while Conner took shotgun. “This is sweet,” Conner said, buckling up.

  “How is your leg?” Amy asked from the back.

  “It’s better,” I said, not bringing up how much it hurt driving up there. “I’m not a hundred percent, but it’s getting better.”

  “Next year,” Nate said, clapping my back.

  I nodded, not caring about next year right now.

  We pulled up to a huge BBQ place. The parking lot was crammed with cars all over the place. It was a Friday night in Dallas, and the food here was obviously good. We parked and found Amy’s parents in the lobby, waiting to be seated. The smell from the kitchen was insanely good, and I felt some misgivings fade away as the thought of food came to mind.

  “Told you this place was good,” Nate said, elbowing me. I nodded and he laughed. “Hard to be nervous when it smells so good, right?”

  I hated everything about my life at that moment.

  There was a commotion behind me, and I saw Conner talking to someone as a pair of adults pressed past them. I stared, waiting for the people to get out of the way, when I heard one of the adults say something to Amy’s parents.

  And then they moved, and I saw Sam talking to Conner.

  He had clothes on now and looked even better to my mind. He had a pair of jeans on with a green button-up shirt and a skinny blue tie on over it. Anyone else would have looked way overdressed for a place like this, but instead he looked like he was a model showing off this year’s entries in preppy fashion. I found myself staring a little too long when Nate nudged me. “Mouth closed, tongue in, soldier. You’re drooling.”

  I shook my head and looked away when I realized he was close to being right.

  “Dude, I cannot do this,” I whispered to him. “I mean, look at him.”

  He shook his head, laughing. “Look at you,” he shot back. “Trust me, dude, you’re in this guy’s league.”

  I didn’t even feel like I was in the same race as he was, much less league.

  “Chin up,” Nate said, taking a half step away from me. I turned to see where he was going when I felt a tap on my back.

  “Danny, this is Sam,” Conner said as I looked behind me.

  He looked up at me and gave me a half grin that made my heart skip a beat.

  “So you’re not small,” Sam said, holding his hand out to shake.

  “Um… thanks,” I stammered, shaking his hand.

  “How tall are you?” he asked, staring at me intently. “I mean, I’m six one, and I feel like a shrimp standing next to you.”

  “Six six,” I said, feeling way self-conscious. “But everyone is small standing next to me. I’m a freak that way.”

  His smile got a little wider. “So you’re a freak? Is that a good thing?”

  My mind locked up as I tried to figure out what to answer.

  “Relax,” he said, finally breaking out into a brilliant smile. “We’re all freaks; it’s what makes us interesting.” Before I could answer, the waitress said our table was ready and everyone started to follow her into the restaurant. “I am starving!” Sam exclaimed, excited.

  I followed hesitantly, not sure if meeting Sam had gone well or not.

  The two people who had blocked my view were his parents; along with Amy’s, Conner, Nate, and me, it was a huge table. Conner sat next to Sam, which meant I was next to Nate. I was disappointed but kind of relieved, since I had no idea what to say to Sam. As I was putting my napkin in my lap, Nate leaned in and whispered, “How’d it go?”

  I shrugged. “No idea. He seems fine, but I sounded like an idiot.”

  “So then normal?” he joked.

  I kicked him under the table.

  There were various conversations all around me, but I just sat there, since I didn’t know anyone but Nate. I sipped my iced tea and tried to remain invisible when Sam’s dad looked at me and asked, “So you play basketball too?”

  I was so shocked to be talked to, I almost dropped my glass.

  “Yes,” I answered quickly and then followed it up with “No,” which was then finished by an “I will.”

  Now everyone was staring at me.

  Sam leaned over and looked at me. “That only makes sense if you’re in a ‘choose your own adventure’ book.”

  My face was red, and all I wanted to do was crawl under the table, but I’m pretty sure they would have caught on to where I was hiding. Instead I just blurted out, “I did play basketball, but then I got in a car accident, so I haven’t this year, but I will next year.”

  “God willing,” Nate said quietly.

  “God willing,” I amended.

  Sam was still staring at me with that same quiet smile. “Well, that makes more sense.” He sat back.

  “What’s your father do?” Sam’s dad asked next.

  “He’s a Marine.”

  “And your mom?”

  I was starting to feel like I was on trial.

  “She died when I was young,” I said, trying to keep the hurt out of my voice.

  Sam’s mom hit his dad on the arm. “Happy?” She looked at me with sympathetic eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sure she would be proud of you.”

  I know this lady was a stranger, and she had no idea what she was talking about since she didn’t know me from the guy who took our drink order. But I felt my eyes sting a little, and I smiled back at her. “Thank you.” And I meant it.

  I heard Sam say something to Conner, and the next thing I knew they were trading places. Now Sam was sitting next to me, and I was flustered all over again. “I’m sorry about your mom,” he said once he was settled and the conversation had moved on.

  “It was a long time ago,” I said, hoping it made me look a little less like a whining bitch.

  “Still hurts,” he responded, not taking the bait. “And it’s okay to be sad about it.” I looked over at him, and the blue of his eyes was like a swimming pool on a blistering summer day. “It really is.”

  I smiled back and felt a tightness in my shoulders fade a little.

  “So a car crash?” he asked, grabbing a roll from the center of the table. “That had to have sucked.”

  “Yeah, I don’t remember it, but they said it was pretty bad.” I watched him spread a huge amount of butter on the roll and then shove it into his mouth.

  When he saw me watching, he kind of smiled and chewed some. “Sorry,” he said around the food. “Didn’t really eat today.”

  I laughed and grabbed a roll myself. “You don’t have to excuse eating in front of me. I love eating.” I put on as much butter as he had and popped it into my mouth.

  He swallowed his roll and took a drink of water. “Well duh, I can’t even imagine how many calories it takes to keep you moving.”

  It was the first time someone had complimented me on my height that I didn’t feel like a freak. I nodded as I swallowed. “I’m always hungry.”

  “Well then, you’re going to love this place,” he said, grabbing us both another roll. “Their portions are insane.” He handed me the roll and then held his up like a glass. “To eating like pigs.”

  I touched his roll with mine. “I will so eat to that.”

  We both consumed the bread instantly.

  We made small talk during the meal, but it wasn’t a place to really talk since we were surrounded by a mass of people. He was easy to talk to, and I couldn’t help but stare when he told me about how long it had taken for the baseball team to learn that routine. It wasn’t just his looks, though he was hotter than any guy I had ever seen in person before; it was the way he talked so enthusiastically. He sounded like a little kid describing his day. Each and every fact was just the best thing in the world, and you couldn’t help but get excited with him.

  At least I couldn’t help it.

  “There is no way I could get up there in just board shorts,” I told him after we’d finished a dinosaur-sized plate of ribs.

  “Why not?” he a
sked, gnawing the last bit of meat off a bone. “You look like you have a kicking body under those clothes.” I felt my face go red as my mind struggled to find words to answer that. He must have seen my hesitation, and he added, “Oh come on, you have to know you’re in great shape.”

  “What about you?” I asked back. “You looked like a model up there.”

  He shrugged. “I like staying in shape, but you look like an actual athlete.”

  “You’re not?” I asked again. How could this guy not know he was, like, fifty different kinds of hot?

  “Nah,” he said, putting the bone down. “Being a jock is, like, the family business. Both my brothers played baseball, my dad played baseball—it was play baseball or be disowned. So I play baseball, but it’s just a game, not a life choice.” He leveled a look at me. “Not like you and Nate with basketball.”

  I sat there and said nothing, trying to figure out how much he knew about me. It was like he’d been briefed all about me, and I was just sitting there trying to guess who he was. “You don’t like baseball?” I asked after a few seconds.

  He shrugged again. “I play water polo too. I prefer swimming to anything. Baseball is fun as a game and all….” He kind of trailed off. “You know, let’s talk about something else, okay?”

  I nodded, not sure what had just happened.

  “You ever surf?” he asked.

  I laughed. “Um, no. Have you seen me?”

  “Tall people can surf,” he said, ignoring my question. “You ever skate? Like on a board?” I shook my head. “Oh well, I always say if you can skate, you can surf.”

  “Where do you surf in Texas?” No wonder his Facebook photos had made him look like the perfect surfer guy.

  “Padre Island, Corpus has some baby waves…. There are places,” he answered as the waiter came over to ask the table if anyone wanted dessert.

  Or course, Sam and I wanted some.

  Conner asked Sam something and Nate took the second to lean closer to me. “So, better?”

  I looked at him and nodded, the smile on my face no doubt making me look dumber than I normally did.

  “Told you,” he said, nudging me. “You’re not half as ugly as you think you are.”