Sweet, Sexy Heart – the Bradens & Montgomerys (Pleasant Hill – Oak Falls)

by Melissa Foster

  “What are you talking about? The life I love is with you.”

  She didn’t want to argue, and she didn’t want her family to hear them, so she stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind them. “I’m only part of your life. You worked hard to write your book and get it out there. Thousands of people are excited to meet you, and you deserve to enjoy the fanfare of your accomplishment. I’ll be fine with my family.”

  His jaw tightened, and he shook his head. “You sent me away last time. You can’t keep putting me in a box and not letting me help you.”

  “I’m not. I’m keeping you out of my box. Just for now, so you can finish your tour. Then we can figure all of this out.”

  “Figure it out?” His harsh tone stung. “Are you questioning us now?”

  “No, but something has to change, or get fixed, or…” Tears slid down her cheeks, and she choked back a sob. “You need to finish your tour, and I need to see my doctor and figure out if I can ever have a different life than the one I’ve lived, or if I’ll always be…” The person who holds you back. “If I’ll always have trouble doing new things.”

  He looked up at the sky, anguish rolling off him as he pulled her into his arms. “Then we won’t do new things. I don’t care as long as we’re together.”

  “You do care, Dash. You love going out and doing things, and I love doing them with you.” Her tears wet his shirt. “But I won’t suffocate you.”

  “You could never suffocate me.” He tipped her face up, anger and hurt staring back at her. He swallowed hard, and a strained smile started to appear. “I’m planting you an oak-tree forest, remember? It’s you and me, babe, and a house full of acorns.”

  She laughed through her tears, knowing he’d plant a dozen forests if she wanted them. But was any of this fair to him? What if this happened every time they tried to do something new? He might be okay with it now, but how would he feel about it in a year? Two years?

  Gathering her courage, she tried to get him to see where she was coming from. “Seeds don’t just become wonderful things. They can take root and nurture ugly feelings, too, like doubt and resentment.”

  “I could never doubt us or resent you.”

  “You don’t know that,” she snapped, frustration and hurt pummeling her. “Bad seeds take longer to sprout and show themselves, but they start with a single seed that gets hurt and burrows deep, and then all the other bad seeds pile on, building over time. You don’t even know they’re there until it’s too late and their roots are too tangled up to get rid of. I already ruined your debut signing. If you cancel the rest of the tour, that’s like a dozen more bad seeds just waiting to take root. Add the experiences you saw for yourself that I can’t give you on top of all of those bad seeds, and it’s a recipe for resentment.” The words flew from her lips unexpected, painful shards of glass.

  “What are you talking about?” Confusion riddled his brow.

  “Seeing your wife pregnant.” She sobbed. “Talking to the baby while it’s in her belly. I don’t want to be the one who takes those special things away from you.”

  His nostrils flared, but it was the anguish in his eyes that made her feel sick. “I told you I just needed to process what you’d said, and I did. Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I don’t want to spin around in a year and realize I’ve ruined your life,” she shouted. She hadn’t meant to take it this far, hadn’t even known she was that scared about everything that had happened and had been said. But now her painful realities were out there. They were knee-deep in them, and she was sinking fast.

  He took her face between his hands, his eyes boring so deeply into her, she could feel him weeding through her thoughts, picking up the hopeful ones and running with them, barreling over the bad ones, refusing to let them stand. “The only way you’ll ruin my life is if you’re not in it. Running scared isn’t going to change that. We can figure this out. I know you love me as much as I love you. I can feel it. I can see it in your eyes.”

  She gulped air into her lungs, salty tears slipping between her lips. “I do love you, more than anything.”

  “Then don’t push me away.”

  “I have to. You can’t stop living your life because of my epilepsy. You have to go.”

  “Baby, please. You just had a seizure and cracked your head open. You’re asking too much of me. Too much of us.”

  Trembling, she choked out, “If I don’t, who will?”

  “Amber, what is this? Are you trying to break up with me or just get me to finish my tour?”

  The worry in his voice shattered her heart into a million painful pieces. But she couldn’t be the chains that held him back. “I thought it was just the tour, but now I don’t know, and we don’t have time to figure it out right now.” She had to be strong, despite the torrent of sadness between them. “You have to go or you’ll miss your flight. We’ll talk when I’m better, when you’re back.” She went up on her toes and kissed him, her salty tears slipping between their lips. “Goodbye, Dash. I love you.”

  It took everything she had to walk inside the house. The door clicked shut as her sobs broke free, and through the blur of tears she saw her family rushing toward her.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  AMBER WATCHED THE time change from midnight to 12:01 and pulled the collar of Dash’s sweatshirt she was wearing up over her nose, breathing in his scent, sadness taking over again. She’d been drifting in and out of sleep and in and out of tears all night, reaching for the phone to call Dash, then thinking better of it. Everything hurt. Especially her heart.

  She heard the bedroom door open and lay still, pretending to be asleep. Her sisters hadn’t wanted to leave, but eventually she’d convinced them to go. Her parents had stayed, and they’d been checking on her all evening, peeking into her bedroom, whispering to each other, then heading back down the hall.

  She felt the mattress dip beside her, her father’s aftershave seeping in.

  “Hey, princess,” he whispered, petting Reno. “I know you’re awake.”

  She rolled over, wincing with pain. “How did you know?”

  “I saw the covers move over your feet. Ever since you were a little girl, when you’d pretend to be asleep, you’d close your eyes and your toes would curl under.”

  “I forgot I did that.”

  He brushed her hair away from her eyes. “I noticed earlier, but I had to wait for your mother to fall asleep, because she’d never approve of what we’re about to do.”

  “What’s that?”

  He set her sweatpants and sweatshirt on the bed. “It’s a little cold outside, but I think we could both use a little moonlight magic.”

  “Thanks, but I just want to lie here and feel sorry for myself.”

  “I think that MRI was wrong. That fall must have knocked something loose, because my princess has never wallowed in self-pity a day in her life.”

  “Maybe I have but you didn’t know about it.”

  He shook his head. “A father knows these things. You’ve been bummed, but you’ve never wallowed. You’re a fixer, darlin’. When something bothers you, you find a way around it.”

  “If I was ever a fixer, I sure suck at it now.” She sat up. “I ruined my relationship with Dash.”

  “Maybe,” he said casually.

  “Daddy,” she snapped. “Aren’t you supposed to make me feel better?”

  “I don’t know. Am I? I can’t think in here. All your wallowing is clouding my brain.”

  “Way to kick a girl when she’s down.”

  “I’m not kicking you, princess. I love you, and I know you’re hurting. But I also know my girl, and I think we need to get you outside and set some of that pain free.” He pushed to his feet. “I’ll be waiting out front if you want to join me for a stroll, but please don’t wake your mother. She’ll lecture me for not letting you pretend to sleep.”

  She smiled at that. Getting up was the last thing she wanted to do, but she knew he was right. She’d slept f
or hours in the car, and she wasn’t doing much sleeping now. A little fresh air would probably do her good. She got up and dressed in the clean clothes he’d brought her, pulling Dash’s sweatshirt over her own. She didn’t care that she probably looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy. She pulled on socks and shoved her feet into her most comfortable cowgirl boots, remembering they were the boots she’d worn the first time she’d met Dash. Another wave of grief hit her as she and Reno made their way quietly out the front door. The cold air stung her cheeks, and she covered them with her hands.

  Her father turned, concern hovering in his sharp blue eyes. He was wearing the same tan jacket with a brown corduroy collar he’d worn forever, and it brought a dose of comfort. “I’m glad you came. I wasn’t looking forward to walking alone tonight. Are you going to be warm enough?”

  She nodded and lifted the bottom of Dash’s sweatshirt, showing him the one beneath. They descended the porch steps, and she took his arm as they made their way down the quiet street. All the houses were dark, the streetlights illuminating their path.

  “Do you want to talk about what’s going on with you and Dash?” her father asked carefully.

  “I don’t know. I can’t figure out if I messed up or did the right thing.”

  “About…?”

  “Everything. He didn’t want to leave, and I made him go finish his tour. I said things I don’t know if I should have said.”

  “We all say things we don’t mean sometimes.” They turned the corner, and he was quiet for a minute before asking, “The seizure aside, did you have a good time in New York?”

  “Yes. The best time. I loved his family and his friends, and we had a great time in the city, and the fundraiser was incredible. But my seizure was a wake-up call, reminding me that I’m not like everyone else. I can’t just pick up and go and do everything I want. I have limitations.”

  “Darlin’, you put those limitations on yourself.”

  “That’s not true. I tried to throw caution to the wind and let myself have fun like a regular girl, and I had two seizures in two weeks after not having them for years.”

  “Yes, and you will have a risk of seizures forever. But epilepsy doesn’t define your life, sweetheart. You do.”

  “They go hand in hand.”

  “Not always. When we first found out you had epilepsy, I didn’t want to let you out of my sight. If it were up to me and we could have afforded it, I would have quit my job, taken you out of school, and tied a leash between us. But that wouldn’t have been good for you. Thank God your mother knew that and helped me understand why. As much as I wanted to keep you under my thumb, I had to earn a living, and we had six other children who had playdates and activities. Our lives couldn’t stop. We still took you kids to the park and festivals, to see Aunt Roxie and your cousins in New York. You all still rode horses and chased each other around.”

  “I think Dash would like to do that whole leash thing, too.”

  “Would he? Does he want to put you in a protective bubble? Limit the things you do and the places you go?” His tone softened. “Or does he just want a life with you any way he can have it as long as you’re safe?”

  “I don’t know. All of it?” But he hadn’t tried to hide her away from the world in a protective bubble. He’d tried to help her live life to the fullest. “I don’t want him to give up his life, Dad, or limit himself because of my medical disorder.”

  “I didn’t realize he had to. You’ve always had a good sense of what you need. You found ways to slow down that made you feel more in control, and we allowed it,” he said as they turned down another road, heading toward Main Street. “But I worry that somewhere along the way, you got so comfortable living within the confines of your fear of having seizures, you’ve forgotten what it was like to live your life and experience new things.”

  “I wondered about that, too, but twelve stitches tell me that the way I was living was better than what I did this weekend.”

  “Was it? Were you happier before you and Dash got together?”

  “No, but that fall terrified me, and the only thing that’s changed from when I was seizure-free is me and Dash and the person he’s uncovered.”

  “Do you like that person?”

  “Yeah,” she admitted. “But she’s not good for me.”

  “I don’t know about that. You’re out there living a more exciting life than you ever have, and yes, you’ve had seizures during that time. But you seem happier than ever lately, so to say the part of yourself that Dash is discovering is not good for you doesn’t seem fair.”

  He was quiet for a minute, and she knew he was letting his words sink in.

  “You and Dash really are something together.” He let out a little laugh.

  “What’re you laughing at? None of this is funny.”

  “I was just thinking about the night you accidentally tripped the seizure alarm on your necklace.”

  “Okay, that was funny, and embarrassing.”

  “And yet you survived it, and Dash protected you from the fallout. When I heard about that, he got my vote. You know, your mother and I did something similar once.”

  “Oh God. Do I want to hear this?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Grace was only about a year old when Sable and Pepper were born, and your mother and I never got time alone. So one day I came home early from work and lucked out. All three of them were napping. It was a miracle. A sign from the heavens above. At least that’s what I told your mother when I convinced her that we should take advantage of the peace and quiet. We got a little carried away, and she forgot she had dinner in the oven. It burned to a crisp, and the whole kitchen filled with smoke. The fire alarms went off, and all three girls woke up crying. I was sure that was it, and I’d never be allowed to make love to my wife again.”

  “She obviously didn’t cut you off, since you have seven kids.”

  “She wanted to, trust me. But some loves are too strong to deny. There was no more nap-time lovin’ for us, but I did buy baby monitors, and those suckers went everywhere with us.”

  “Dad, what do baby monitors have to do with it? Don’t you think you should have come up with a rule to turn the oven off before you fooled around from then on?”

  “Huh.” Her father scratched his head. “But if we’d heard the first baby wake up, we could have kept her from waking up the others.”

  “Dad.” She shook her head.

  “Aw, heck. I guess I got a little rambly with my sage advice and got off course. What can I say? I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight. The point I was trying to make is that life isn’t about avoiding the things you want just because they might cause you trouble. It’s about finding ways to have it all and making modifications and compromises despite the fears.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder as they neared Main Street. “I don’t know how to do that with this situation. I don’t want to be a burden on Dash.”

  “A burden? We always taught you that having epilepsy was just another part of who you were, like the color of your hair or the freckles on your shoulders.”

  “I know, and that’s how I live my life. I show people who I am, and if they choose not to accept me, then that’s on them.”

  “That’s right, darlin’. Doesn’t Dash deserve the same respect?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It sounds to me like he’s shown you who he is, and instead of taking him for his word, you’re trying to decide how he lives his life. What happened was traumatic for both of you. You’re not setting him free, princess. You climbed back into the cage you built for yourself when you were thirteen years old, and you sent him away with clipped wings.”

  “Dad, he wanted to give up the rest of his book tour, and for what? To sit at home and take care of me?”

  “Darlin, that’s what love is. It’s putting the person you love ahead of yourself, for better or worse. Quite frankly, if he’d wanted to hightail it out of town to finish the tour,
I’d have worried that he wasn’t the right man for you.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “You don’t see that as me being a burden on him? Ruining his life?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “Love is so confusing. I made a mistake. I need to call him. I need to go see him. I didn’t mean to clip his wings. What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

  “I think he already has.” Her father hugged her against his side as they turned onto Main Street.

  Amber looked up and saw lanterns hanging in the trees, lighting a path to her bookstore. A yellow pennant hung on a limb closest to them, and paper stars dangled from the trees. Her heart leapt as she grabbed the pennant, tearing it from the limb, and read what Dash had written on it. Montgomery earns a penalty flag for unnecessary roughness. She turned it over. Penalty: 15 kisses and an automatic second base.

  She laughed through her tears and ran to the first star, unhooking it as she read his note. Amber & Dash’s Playbook of Rewritten Stars. Clutching the pennant and the star, she made her way to the next star, and the next, tearing them down and reading them as she went.

  We’re on the same team.

  No more solo rule making.

  Trust your teammate to have your back even when you’re scared.

  Expand horizons at a gentle pace.

  When traveling, take lots of naps (some naughty, some sleeping).

  She ran to the next tree, hope and happiness swelling inside her, tears falling like rivers down her cheeks.

  Talk everything out.

  Wake your teammate if you leave the bed at night.

  Love our babies (a lot of them) born by surrogate or adoption.

  She ran to the bookstore door, yanking the last star from the handle and reading it.

  Open the door before I lose my mind.

  She threw the door open, and Reno darted past her, sprinting down another path of lights to Dash, who stood by the couch in the back amid dozens of bouquets of Amber’s favorite flowers, each one in a vase full of acorns. Reno went paws-up on Dash, tail wagging. Dash loved him up, his eyes never leaving Amber’s as she ran to him, hands full of their rewritten stars, eyes blurry with tears. “Dash!”