“Flynn, she was an eighteen-year-old girl when she went to live with you. How’s that for trust? She built this fucking studio. Built you back up when you were on your knees. How’s that for trust? Valerie believed in you when it would have been impossible for you to find backing. We all believed in you. That’s why you’re standing here right now. You know what? You need to man the fuck up and figure out how to make her secure, not fucking desert her because you’re pissed off with some chick that’s in a picture. What you did to her this week was despicable. If I were in Valerie’s shoes, I certainly wouldn’t roll out the red carpet for you to come back.”
Previously, Kayden had always been the assessor and reflector in situations. He’d quietly watch what was going on and bring his previous experience into play before forming an opinion about something. That night I’d seen a side of him that showed me he could be every bit as formidable as his sister, and Martin for that matter. He just had to feel passionately enough about the subject matter. His sister was definitely a catalyst for airing that part of his personality.
“Stay here. I’ll bring you a blanket and pillows. You have a lot of thinking to do tonight, Flynn. You should think long and hard because if you do intend on this move, a plan B better be in your future because if I know my sister like I think I do, there will be no second chances with her.”
He turned and headed out the door, letting it close with a bang. I sat staring at the artwork on the wall and just couldn’t think straight. Kayden had bitched me out thoroughly and made it clear he thought that I’d overreacted. It made me wonder if I’d been fair to expect her to accept what I said at face value when those pictures clearly had made me look pretty guilty.
Chapter 14
Joy and laughter
Flynn
Pain radiated down my neck as I turned on the leather sofa and woke to the sound of silence. My heart sank after that split second of unbearable nothingness and filled with an ache that only Valerie and Liam could soothe. I thought back to what Kayden had said the night before, and he was right to a certain degree in what he’d said.
Valerie had stood by me through everything, accusations from Iria, Bernie and Tyler and what they’d done to me. She hadn’t jumped to the wrong conclusions then, and thinking back I could see she hadn’t the other day, either. She just wasn’t in possession of all the facts to make her mind up. But didn’t that mean she didn’t trust me?
Feeling stiff and sore from my night on the couch, I swung my legs to the floor and sat up, rubbing my hand down my face. I pushed myself to my feet and walked into the restroom, relieved my bladder, and ran the cold water over my hands. Cupping a pool of water in them, I splashed my face and pulled my wet hands through my hair. I was badly in need of a shave. Scratching the scruff on my chin, I went back into the room, found my cell phone, and called Lee.
“Can you bring my bag to me at the studio?”
“Jesus, you stayed there last night, Flynn? I thought Valerie would have let you stay in the house.”
“I never went in. Just bring my bag over, would you?” I asked, sounding frustrated by his questioning.
A few minutes later, I’d cleaned the coffee filter and was waiting for the coffee to brew when Lee arrived carrying what looked like egg muffins and a pitcher of orange juice. “Val insisted, Boss,” he commented before placing them on the table.
I placed my elbows on my knees, rested my head in my hands and looked at the floor, “All I did was my job. Nothing else, Lee. I left for that trip feeling the best I’d ever felt in our relationship and now…I don’t think I could feel any worse.”
“I know it’s not my place, but I probably know both of you better than anyone, considering how closely we live, but my two cents would say you’ve got to talk this out. Running away? Shutting her off like that? It was wrong, Flynn. You’re wrong.”
When I glanced up, Lee gave me a nervous look. He knew he was stretching his position, but we’d become friends and as such, he had the right to his opinion.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do? If she can’t trust me, I can’t live my life with the woman I’d die for constantly questioning my behavior. I was fucking innocent. I am innocent. So why do I feel like I’m on trial all the time? I’m constantly tested. She’s the one that’s insecure, Lee. How do I get her to see that it’s making me miserable to live with that?”
“You think the way you dealt with it will make her trust you more? That getting pissed off and bringing a mobile home here will make her think she’s wrong? Have you asked her what would make her feel less anxious?”
“Every time she brings it up she quotes those two fuckers that cheated on her,” I spat.
“So, she has a history. It’s up to you to make her understand you aren’t like them.”
“I’ve said everything I could to convince her I’m not like them.”
“And then you left anyway, Flynn. So in her mind, you gave up on her just like they did.”
Both Bradley and Daryl had cheated on her, and Ziggy had died. Her brothers died. I know she wasn’t in love with her brothers but they also loved each other, and they also died and left her. They had all left her in one way or another.
I stared angrily at Lee, hating everything he’d said, but I got it. Valerie’s constant rejection when I mentioned marriage was because she couldn’t allow herself the possibility of a life with a happily ever after with me. She was rejecting me for that role before I rejected her.
Nodding, I acknowledged his sound assessment of our situation and reached over to take a bite of the egg muffin. I wasn’t hungry, but I hadn’t eaten since before we’d left Chicago. Lee poured both of us a cup of coffee, and then came over and sat down beside me.
“She’s got a photoshoot today. Maybe you can use that time to think and decide what’s more important— your pride and feelings, or trying to sort through them with your girl. You’re running out of time to fix this, Flynn, and I’m saying that as a friend.”
*****
Looking at the floor to ceiling mirror in the bathroom at the studio, I knew outwardly I looked good; inside, I was a mess. When it came down to it, the pain of being doubted was far less than any pain I’d feel spending my life watching Valerie from a distance. I’d let my own self-centered thoughts overtake what was important— Valerie’s need for security— and it had taken the three people who knew me like a book to reach me. Maybe I was just ready to be reachable by then…or maybe I just missed her so much that I knew I’d have to figure another way to make her realize the truth about us.
I turned, headed out the door and made my way toward the driveway by her parents’ house. Lee walked slowly behind me. When I reached the top of the hill, I climbed the fence and saw Niven and Lee playing ball with my son. Crashing to a halt, Liam ran into Niven’s leg when he saw me and immediately came running in my direction, his arms stretched wide and a smile that lit up the darkness I had been feeling inside.
Catching him, I spun him in circles before pulling him to my chest, “Good morning, baby boy, where’s Mommy?”
“Mommy go catch pictures,” he explained with a serious face.
Turning to Niven, I asked, “Is she in the studio?”
“The one in town Boss, not here.”
“Do you know when she left?”
“About an hour ago. She wouldn’t take Rita with her either,” he said.
I sighed knowing that I had a lot of fixing to do, “I’ll go to the studio and see her.”
Liam wrapped his arm tightly around my neck as if he sensed there was something wrong and pulled my face to look at him, “Me go wifchoo you, Daddy. I want Mommy, too,” he said, his sad eyes searching my face and anticipating my answer.
My first thought was that we should be alone, but when I saw the way he was looking at me, pleading me to give him the answer he wanted to hear, I couldn’t say no.
“Okay Lee, get the car, Liam wants to go see Mommy,” I said, jigg
ing him up and down until he laughed infectiously. Whatever else I’d been feeling was momentarily forgotten as his joy and laughter filled my eyes and ears.
Nerves gripped me in a way that was familiar in the old days before I had the training to cope with stressful situations. I reminded myself that I wasn’t about to step on stage, I was about to face whatever my future was supposed to be. If we couldn’t accept each other’s faults, then it would be best for everyone for me to walk away. I felt resolute in my choice, but there was that old saying, “Act in haste, repent at leisure.” I was definitely beginning to feel repentant after Kayden, Lee and Niamh had thrown their opinions into the mix.
“Music Daddy, me sing you a song,” Liam stated, and pointed at Lee meaning I was to tell him to put the radio on. Lee had heard Liam’s request, turned it on, and switched stations. “Try” by Pink had just started to play. It was as if Liam and the radio stations were in cahoots to get me to swallow my pride. Liam made me chuckle when he sang his own version, mumbling nonsensical words and shouting the parts of the song he knew.
Lee parked in front of the studio at the curb. Unbuckling Liam from his seat, I opened the door and reached in to pick him up into my arms. “I’ll call you when I need you to come back, grab a coffee or something,” I said.
I set Liam down beside me and took his hand before walking to the door of Val’s studio. My heart was thumping like crazy because I was worried my reception was going to be more than a little frosty, and I hadn’t wanted Liam to be involved in any of our disagreement. As I opened the door handle, it occurred to me that she may be thinking I’d brought him to soften the blow on our conversation. Then I thought I’d done nothing but think for the previous few days, and anything I thought was probably me over-thinking by that time.
The last thing I expected to see was Valerie lying across the bed taking photographs of a hot Latino guy standing naked apart from a small towel around his waist. My blood boiled the second I saw him standing close to her as she clicked the shutter while he turned back and front. She crawled up onto her knees and was only a couple of feet away from him, taking close-ups of his face neck and abdomen.
Liam stood for a second then shouted after her, “Mommy, Daddy’s here,” he said like they’d been waiting for me. Valerie took the camera away from her face slowly and glanced in my direction. Liam wriggled out of my hand and ran across the room and launched himself into her arms.
“Hey, Liam. What are you doing here, baby? Mommy’s working right now. Ronaldo, this is my handsome son, Liam. Liam this is one of the people Mommy works with, Ronaldo.”
The guy protected his modesty and crouched down to our son’s height, “Hey, you’re a big boy, the last time I saw you, you were a teeny little baby in your momma’s arms,” he said.
My brow bunched instantly as I went into protective mode, “You’ve met my son before?”
“Si, I met him at the hospital when I visited Valerie a few times.”
“He visited you in the hospital when he was born?”
“Yeah, he did, Flynn, and he was great company. Ronaldo was working there in the pediatric unit, making art with the kids. On my way to the N.I.C.U. we bumped into each other, and he came up every afternoon when he’d finished his sessions. He was a welcome distraction from breast pumps and sutures,” she said, smiling as she followed his eye contact when he stood upright again.
“You never told me about that,” I said, my jaw ticking with…jealousy.
“Well, you were working away, and when I tried to share my days with you, all you needed to know was that Liam and I were fine. Neither of us got into conversation about visitors. You asked if people were keeping me company and I told you they were. After that, it was business, the band and how we missed each other.”
“You never told me you had hot guys visiting your room while I was away though, Valerie.”
“For Christ’s sake Flynn, what is this? I’d just given birth and almost lost my son, not to mention, my life, and you’re giving me shit about someone I work with coming to visit me?” Valerie gave me the stink eye and turned to the guy.
“Shit, Mommy that naughty wud,” Liam scolded. Valerie glanced down at Liam and back at me as if to say, Now look what you’ve done.
“Sorry, Ronnie, I think we’re done for today. I can’t really do much more with Liam here anyway. We’ve got some incredibly hot shots already. The girls are going to be falling over themselves to buy them at the next signing you do. I’ll get the high-resolution images over to you by Thursday, and we’ll go from there. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, Ronnie she’s definitely done for the day so get your clothes on and leave us alone. We need some family time here,” I said sarcastically.
Valerie stayed silent, but I could tell her temper was rising by the way she had started stuffing her cameras into the special metal cases she kept them in. Glancing up she caught my eye and gave me a look that could have killed. Liam chatted away to her and she allowed him to help with some of the minor, inexpensive pieces she was stowing away. Ronaldo came out of the changing area and I was relieved that he was now fully dressed.
“Thank you, Valerie, it was a pleasure as always, darling. I’m gonna call you soon, okay?” he said as he headed for the door.
I wanted to scream the fuck you will, but it was Valerie’s business and he was work. I thought about what I’d seen and I’d felt pretty embarrassed standing there watching her deal with a guy in very little clothing when she’d been doing her job. It was obvious to me that she hadn’t been aware but I knew what I’d seen, and that guy’s eyes never lied. Every glance he gave her was in appreciation. Not of the work she was doing with him, but of how she looked. I already knew what a stunning looking girl Valerie had been when she was just sweet sixteen, but if the sixteen-year-old was a tiny temptress, the twenty-two-year-old version was smoking hot.
Standing quietly as the guy left took all my control. Finding out that he’d been visiting her when she was in the hospital after Liam was born felt like a kick in the balls. It should have been me there with her at that hospital, but I’d let her talk me into continuing with the last of the tour dates because that’s what she did to me. She made me do the harder things, the right thing, as she saw it, rather than what I’d wanted to do. I’d never known anyone else that could make me do that.
“Not nice is it, Flynn?”
I glanced at Liam, “Sorry?”
“Watching your partner doing something that should only be done with each other.”
“What do you mean?”
“Me being around semi-naked guys, getting to touch and move them into positions, placing sheets over their modesty or asking them to pull a towel down more so that I can capture their happy trail for the viewing pleasure of others.”
“No. If I’m honest, it isn’t.” I glanced over at Liam, who’d found his coloring book and had sat with it between his legs. He was scribbling away, momentarily distracted and I whispered close to her, “It makes me fucking livid. You don’t have to do that for a living. I fucking hate you being around those guys,” I whispered, angrily.
“And it’s fine for you to wink and flirt with girls on stage, sign women’s breasts and bellies and have them paw you while I stand by, totally unaffected right?”
“I’m a fucking rock star it’s part of my job—”
“Ha! Can you even hear yourself,” she whispered back with malice as she turned and folded the white sheet that was covering the bed and threw it in the laundry box for the cleaner to wash.
“Come on, baby, time to go home. Mommy’s done here,” she said, glancing back at me. “If you don’t mind, Flynn, I need to lock up,” she said, nodding toward the door for me to leave.
I knew it had been a bad idea to take Liam with me, but he was our son, and I felt I never got enough time with him as it was, so when he asked there was no way I felt able to deny him that.
“Tidy up time,” Liam said in a sings
ong voice, he was so fucking cute, and my heart squeezed with guilt that he was so young and his parents were acting so fucked up about some random person neither of us had even met.
“Can I have a ride back with Liam or do you want me to call, Lee?” she glanced down at Liam and shrugged her shoulders, “I want to drive Liam back, and he’ll expect his daddy to be in the car with us,” she offered. What she really meant was if Liam hadn’t been with us she’d have told me to go fuck myself, most likely. I texted Lee and told him to head home that I was riding home with Valerie. The text I got back made me annoyed.
Lee:
All’s well in Paradise?
Flynn:
Liam is all that’s standing between me and my dick in a sling.
Chapter 15
How the coin falls
Valerie.
When I’d heard the photographic studio door open my pulse raced because instinctively I’d sensed Flynn was near. Seeing his handsome, worried face staring down at me while I lay on the bed taking pictures of Ronaldo filled me with both excitement, and dread in equal measures. He looked tired.
I’d been stressed out all morning at the thought of facing him again, and the exchange we’d just had before leaving the studio made me furious. The crushing pain in my chest after our heated exchange before we left wasn’t an impending heart attack, it was my heart breaking.
The ride home was torturous apart from Liam singing along to “Ten Green Bottles” in the car while Flynn sat silent and still by my side. Anticipating that what we had to say wasn’t for Liam’s ears, Lee had Niven waiting to distract Liam when we drove up beside the SUV in the driveway.
Liam jumped out and ran toward Niven like he hadn’t seen him in years. I glanced at Flynn and saw his fists clench by his side. Wandering over I kissed Liam, turned and began to head for the house. I only got a few steps before Flynn caught me by my upper arm and asked if he could talk to me.
Ready For Flynn,Part 3: A Rockstar Romance: Ready For Flynn Series Page 14