So I Married a Rockstar

by Marina Maddix

  He pauses to let his words sink in before continuing.

  "As for her choosing them over you and ruining your life...please. Girl, that woman had balls the size of Texas when she gave you up. Can you imagine how painful that must have been?"

  I really can't believe what I'm hearing. "What are you talking about?! What kind of mother just gives away her baby?!"

  "The kind of mother who loves her daughter so much that the very thought of subjecting her infant to the horrors of her daily life is out of the question. That poor woman fought her demons for nine months to ensure you were born healthy but she knew she didn't have the strength to resist them forever. Just imagine what your life would have been like if she'd never told your dad she was pregnant. My guess? You would have been in and out of foster homes...or worse. No, giving you up was the greatest gift she ever gave you."

  Everything swims in front of me from the tears streaming down my face. I hate that he's right, but he is. I thought it myself earlier. The little snippets of time I did spend with my mother when I was younger gave me a pretty clear picture of what her days were like. I don't even want to think about the nights.

  I think back to her expression when she recognized me earlier. It was pure love and understanding. That's why she didn't make a big deal about seeing me. She knew I needed time to adjust. My heart clenches and for the first time in a decade, a spark of hope gleams there. Maybe there's a chance for some kind of relationship with her after all.

  "How can you know all this? Did you talk to her?" I whisper into his ever-dampening shirt.

  He hugs me tight and a sob escapes me. I love him. I do. I fought it for so long but, really, I knew the moment he kissed me. I can't believe I'm really here with this amazing man.

  "No, I didn't talk to her. But I know her, because I know myself."

  "Huh?"

  "Lauren, I'm a drunk. I've been sober for two years now, but I know what I am and the pain I've caused. I put my parents and bandmates through hell, I drove away Shelby over it, and I earned myself a helluva reputation to boot. But none of that stopped my compulsion to drink. Savory saved my life when he dragged me to a meeting and sponsored me in AA. So yeah, I think I have a pretty fair idea of Grace's struggle."

  I'm stunned into silence for a moment as I click through freeze-frames in my memory. I guessed that Savory didn't drink but Drax...

  "You're not sober! I saw you drinking at the bar with that sparkly pink nightmare, and that night in Vegas when we...y'know.... We were both trashed!"

  His silence is unnerving. I pull back to look at him. "Drax?"

  He gives me a wolfish grin and shrugs. "You saw me drinking lemonade at that bar. And sorry to disappoint you, darlin', but I was sober as a judge when I married you."

  What is with this day?! First, I discover that my dead mom is alive, and now I find out that my 'drunken groom' doesn't even drink! I've barely processed his words when it dawns on me what his words actually mean.

  "So...you married me because you...wanted to?"

  He's still got that shit-eating grin on his face and I'm not sure if I'd rather smack it off or kiss it off. Maybe both.

  "Don't you remember what I wrote on my headshot the day we met?"

  Of course I remembered. Like I would ever forget. Marry me. My heart starts thumping in my chest.

  "Did you think I was fucking around? Lola, you stole my heart the minute you chewed me out on the sidewalk in front of your dads' store. I knew you were the one and I thought it was only fair to let you know."

  He laughs but I can barely breathe. I'm glad he continues because I couldn't speak if my life depended on it.

  "I spent enough of my life screwing it up, I sure as hell wasn't gonna let you get away from me without a fight. So when you suggested we get married in Vegas, you didn't have to ask twice. Lauren, haven't you figured it out by now? I love you."

  "I...I love you, too, Drax." I can barely squeak it out, mostly because I never truly thought I'd get to say the words. Even after we patched things up, I never imagined he felt the same way.

  Drax whoops and gathers me into his arms. Our lips search each other out, seeking confirmation of our love. But we're both so elated we can barely focus. He grabs my face and rains down kisses over every inch, making me giggle. Finally, he pulls me into him and we just hold each other for a few minutes, rocking gently with the motion of the boat.

  "Now I'm a little bummed about the annulment," I mumble into his neck. He smells so good I could just eat him with a spoon -- or without -- but I try to control myself, at least for the moment. A pang of absence shoots through me when he pulls away. Grinning, naturally.

  "Good news on that front, too, darlin'! I never filed the papers."

  I blink in absolute confusion. "What?"

  "Yep. Never even called the lawyer. Figured I'd wait so see if we could make this thing work, and look. We did! So...here."

  He tugs something from a tiny pocket in his jeans and holds it out. It's the ring. My ring. My wedding ring. I watch as he slips it back on my finger, numb and speechless.

  "Been carrying it around every day since Vegas."

  The giant rock sparkles and glints like crazy because of the tremors. My hand is shaking so badly I can barely focus on the ring. What I can focus on is the anger boiling inside me and how truly screwed up this day has been.

  "You lied to me?"

  His grin falters. "Uh, well, not exactly. I was just holding off till you made your decision about us. But it's all okay now."

  "You're kidding, right? You can't possibly be that stupid, can you?"

  He bristles at the name-calling, and normally I wouldn't be so mean, but I'm flabbergasted at what he's done.

  "Hey, now--"

  "No! Don't you dare try to pretend this isn't a big deal just because we figured things out. You promised you'd take care of the annulment. What else are you lying to me about?"

  "Nothing, I swear!"

  "Just what a liar would say." I jump up to leave. I can't stay here one more minute. How can I trust him now?

  "Lauren, don't leave. Agreed, it wasn't my finest moment, but I only did it because I'm so fucking in love with you. I couldn't let you go, not without trying first. Don't you see?"

  "Is that supposed to be an apology?!" I balk.

  A cold, hard glint sparkles in his eyes. "No, it's not. Because I'm not sorry. I want to be married to you. You want it, too. You just said so."

  He's got me there. I did just say something to that effect, but still...

  "I don't know what I want now. You lied to me, Drax. I need to think."

  Before he can speak, I scrabble up the steps, jump to the dock and flee.

  I have no idea where I'm going, I just know I need to walk. Maybe I'll go see Pepper. Then again, maybe not. Everyone else in my life has shocked or disappointed me today; I couldn't bear it if she had some big secret, too.

  No, better to just walk and think. The waterfront is the perfect place for that. Seagulls swoop and tumble on the brisk wind that sweeps through the Golden Gate. White caps tumble on the bay, giving a group of small sailboats a bouncy ride toward Alcatraz. I'd sit and watch but I have too much nervous energy built up inside.

  The breeze helps to cool me off, whisking away some of my anxiety, but not even close to all of it. My emotions feel like a piece of flotsam being tossed around in the bay's choppy waters. I barely crest one wave of emotion before another crashes down on top of me.

  First things first, I think. My dads have been there for me all my life so I'll start with them. It's also the easiest to deal with because I know in my heart I'll forgive them. Drax was right that I hadn't left them much choice because anytime Grace was brought up, I shot them down. How can I say they're wrong when they only did as I asked?

  Grace, on the other hand, was never there for me. She made her choice when I was born that she loved the booze and pills more than me. The old bitterness wells up but I let it roll over me and then it's gone.


  Once again, I think back to Drax's words. As much as I'd like to cling to my childish anger, I can't deny that what he said rings true. Dad dragged me to enough support groups for the loved ones of alcoholics as a kid to know that addicts' brains seem to work differently.

  As I stroll through a lovely, hilly park, gratitude washes over me. Grace had a lot of options when she found out she was pregnant after a one-night stand. She could have ended the pregnancy, but she chose not to. She could have never bothered to track down Dad. She could have insisted on full custody, or even partial custody, but instead she signed away all her parental rights immediately so Dad would know he'd never lose me. And maybe to take away any temptation she might have later.

  Grace didn't give me up because she didn't love me. Just the opposite. She gave me up because she loved me more than anything and wanted only the best for me.

  I smile through my tears. Not gonna lie, there's still a lot of pain, but for the first time ever, I see a real glimmer of hope. It's going to be a slow process, but I know she'll be patient. She's waited this long, after all.

  The hill heading down toward Fisherman's Wharf is steep, and I can barely keep up with my own feet as I trot down. It's sort of how I've felt during my whirlwind 'whatever' with Drax.

  He swept me off my feet and kept me off-balance, but he never let me fall. Except to fall in love, that is. That I did all on my own and I fell hard. So to have him lie to me...

  Although it does occur to me that I never followed up on the annulment. I never once asked him about it after we left Vegas. I may not be a lawyer, but even I know something like that would require at least a signature, maybe even a court date. Did I really think it would all go away with one conversation?

  And the truth is, I didn't want it to go away at all. The reason I got flustered every time the wedding was brought up was because I assumed Drax didn't want to be married to me, not the other way around.

  As it turns out, he wanted it all along, so much so that he wouldn't even file the paperwork until he was certain there was no hope. There's something touching and romantic about that, yet he still deceived me. I can't let that slide.

  I'm pondering the best way to tell Drax what I've decided, and not really paying attention to my surroundings, when I step out onto the street to cut across to Ghirardelli Square where I plan to treat myself to a sea salt caramel sundae. Visions of gooey caramel sparkling with chunks of sea salt are blasted out of my head by a blurry, chirring blob of pink.

  The next thing I know, I'm lying on the pavement, my head starting to throb with a dull growl that I sense will become a full-blown scream very shortly. Other parts of my body join voices with my head, but I'm too dazed to pinpoint which ones.

  Another voice screams in unison with my body, but this one's louder, and outside of me. Then a raging red face hovers above mine, screaming something my brain has trouble processing. Spittle flies everywhere as she fumes, but I barely notice. It's all I can do to concentrate enough to figure out who this mad woman is.

  It's Barbie!

  I try to reach out to her, push her away, but my arm won't budge. I can't even turn my head to look at it. All I can do is lie here and stare into Barbie's lunatic eyes. Finally her words start to make sense...sort of.

  "...mine, I tell you! You're fucking crazy if you think he loves you, bitch! I don't care what he said in Vegas, he loves me! Stay away from him or next time I'll kill you!"

  "I tink she waking up."

  The voice is familiar, comforting. I know I love this person long before I recognize who it is. More voices chime in.

  "Lauren? You awake, honeybear?"

  "Come on, darlin', flash those beautiful brown eyes at me, 'kay?"

  "Lo, you better wake up now. My chilled cucumber soup isn't gonna last much longer with this crowd."

  All people I love, I know that much. But where am I and why are they all telling me to wake up? As much as my body is telling me to go back to sleep, I don't want to disappoint them.

  Bright light burns my retinas for a second as my eyes adjust. Smiling faces are looming over me, and the smell of disinfectant permeates the air so much that the light scent coming from the bouquet next to me barely touches it. Ah, I'm in the hospital.

  "What...happened?" I groan, trying to sit up. Pain scorches through my leg, setting off the pounding in my head.

  "Easy now," Drax says, concern etched into his face. "You don't remember the, um, accident?"

  "Accident?"

  Dad leans in. "You were down by Ghirardelli when you were hit by a car. Ring any bells?"

  "Um..." Something is trying to pierce the fog in my head, but I can't quite make it out.

  "Maybe this will jog your memory." Pepper shoves them both back and puts her face in mine. "He's mine, bitch! I'm a crazy freak who's stalking your man so I think I'm going to hit you with my puke-pink Bug! Boogaboogaboogaboo!"

  Leave it to Pepper to make me laugh, but damn! It hurts!

  "I remember now. What the hell? She ran me over?"

  "Witnesses say it was a glancing blow, thank God," Drax says, smoothing curls off my brow. He looks so worried that my heart would break for him if I wasn't in so much pain. "But she definitely hit you on purpose. A couple of German tourists tackled her before she could do more damage. She's in jail, and it doesn't look like she's getting out anytime soon."

  "Did you ever find out what she did to you while you were roofied?"

  "Not exactly, but the cops searched her place and found a bunch of photos. I was passed out in all of them but she wasn't. I haven't seen 'em and, frankly, I don't want to."

  "Honeybear, don't worry about all that now," Dad says, giving Drax a dark look. "You should focus on getting better, okay?"

  He's clutching Papi's hand for dear life. More worry that I wish I could take away. I blink away the tears of shame I feel coming on.

  "Dad, I'm so sorry for yelling at you. You and Papi were right. I was a jerk. I love you both so much."

  I can't remember the last time I saw Dad cry, but they're both weeping openly as they lean down for a very gentle hug. When they pull back, I notice someone else in the corner, keeping her distance.

  "You don't have to hide, Grace." I wave her over. "Thanks for coming."

  Her fingers are cool as she tentatively slips them into my hand. The childish part of me must still be asleep because I know it would demand that I yank my hand away. I'm sure it won't be gone forever, but for now I take comfort in my mother's touch and give her a squeeze.

  "Lo, what were you doing down in tourist central, anyway?" Pepper asks as she pulls a carton of soup from a paper bag. My stomach breaks the tension in the room by rumbling loudly.

  Even though Pepper asked the question, I turn my gaze to Drax. It's time to tell him. "I was caught up in what I decided."

  He tips his head in a 'go ahead, I can take it' nod.

  "Drax, I can't stay in a marriage that's based on dishonesty. Not only was I completely obliterated when we went to that chapel, but you broke your promise to take care of it. I hope you understand."

  His lips are a thin, hard line, but he nods again. "Yeah, I get it."

  "We need a fresh start," I continue, trying not to smile. "That's why I think we should get married again, this time in front of all our friends and family. And preferably with me sober this time."

  Drax grins and whoops loudly, gathering me into his arms, heedless of the tubes and wires connected to my arms. "Ouch!"

  We're all laughing when Dad interrupts. "Wait. What? When did you get married? Why wasn't I informed?!"

  "Shh, mi cielo," Papi soothes, pulling him away to give us space and dabbing at his eyes with a tissue.

  The door to my room swooshes open and a tired-looking doctor hurries in and scans my chart.

  "Miss Raines?"

  "Mrs. Maxwell," Drax interrupts. The doctor blinks in irritation. He doesn't have time for nonsense.

  "You should all leave the room."

 
Irrational panic stabs at my gut at the thought of being alone right now. "No! They can stay. Please."

  He shrugs and presses on, clearly in a hurry. "You suffered some minor lacerations and a mild concussion when you fell. The worst of your injuries, as I'm sure you've noticed, is a broken tibia." He nods at the cast that I had not actually had time to notice. "You'll want to take it easy for a few days for the concussion, but you should make a full recovery. Of course, you'll want to follow up with your OBGYN as soon as possible, but it appears the baby is just fine."

  Silence falls across the room. He must sense that we're all gaping at him because he looks up.

  "Baby?" I squeak.

  "Yes, of course. Wait, you didn't know?"

  My blank stare is all the answer he needs.

  "Awkward," Pepper mutters.

  "Oh, well, it looks like you're only a few weeks along and, like I said, it seems as if the baby's fine. Congratulations. Now if you'll excuse me..."

  In a swish of green scrubs, he's gone.

  "But...we used a condom..." I whisper, breathless with shock.

  My eyes feel about ten inches wide. Drax's are just as wide, but he's doing something I didn't expect. He's grinning.

  "Guess we're in that lucky two percent who do it wrong, Lola."

  "Hug her, estupido!" Papi sniffs as he follows his own advice and hugs Dad.

  I'm engulfed again in Drax's arms. The whole room erupts with cheers and laughter and tears as everyone takes their turn hugging me.

  Grace comes last, hesitant to reach for me. I reach for her instead. Her shoulders shake with a silent sob. Her breath tickles my ear and warms my heart when she whispers, "You're going to be a wonderful mother."

  "Thanks, Mom."

  Epilogue

  "How's little Lizzy today?" Drax asks when he walks into Dad's office at Raines Records, smooching my big ol' belly first, then bestowing a lingering kiss on me. I groan in protest when he pulls away.

  "She's been dancing a lot." I rub my stomach and our daughter kicks in response. "And stop trying to name her after female rockers."