How To Save A Life

by Andria Large

  He turns, his eyes immediately locking onto mine. My stomach flips and my palms start sweating. I lick my lips and try to covertly wipe my hands on my jeans. Why the hell am I so nervous? Ferris smiles at me and raises a hand in greeting. I swallow hard and wave back, as my heart starts to race. Holy shit, the last time I had this kind of reaction to someone was when I first asked my wife out on a date. And the smile that Ferris is giving me is doing funny things to my emotions.

  Ferris and Spencer walk over to where I’m standing. “Hey, Dad.”

  I give him what I hope is a casual smile. “Hey, Bud.”

  “Ezra,” Ferris greets and holds out his hand.

  I take it, giving it a firm shake. “Ferris.”

  “Well, Spencer, I’ll see you next week, yeah?” he says, looking at Spencer.

  Spencer smiles brightly and nods. “Yep.”

  “Great! I’ll see you guys next week,” he replies, and then turns to leave.

  “Uh, Ferris?” I croak, having to clear my throat as Ferris turns back around and raises an eyebrow in question.

  I glance at Spencer, to find him watching me curiously. “Spence, why don’t you head to the car, I just have to ask Ferris a question.” I hand Spencer the keys and give him a little push toward the door.

  He eyes me suspiciously but doesn’t say a word as he walks out. When I turn back to Ferris, the man is waiting patiently with a slightly amused expression on his handsome face. Shit, I just called him handsome, didn’t I?

  “So I, uh…” I start then have to clear my throat again. “…I was wondering if you wanted to get together for drinks one night this week? Ya know, just hang out for a little bit.” I can barely meet Ferris’ inquisitive eyes. I sound like a complete fool.

  “Yeah. Yeah! That sounds good. What day do you want to get together?” Ferris asks, sounding completely on board.

  I relax a bit. I was seriously afraid of being rejected and will have to analyze why that is later. “How about Tuesday night?”

  Ferris smiles. “Works for me. Wanna meet around six at that little bar/restaurant place on 17th and New Jersey?”

  I return the smile and nod. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Ferris claps me on the shoulder. “Great! See you then, Ezra.”

  “Okay, see you then.”

  I grin as I start for the door. I glance back to find Ferris starting to fold up the chairs. His gaze lifts and connects with mine once again. A small shy smile creeps across his full mouth and it has my blood traveling south. I blink rapidly as I try to get control over my body. I give Ferris a quick wave and walk out the door before he can do anything in return. Fucking hell, I’m losing my damn mind. I stare at the ground as I walk back to my car. Climbing into the driver’s seat, I frown hard as I place my hands on the steering wheel. It really sounded like I asked him out on a date. Damn it. What am I doing?

  “Dad? Are you okay?” Spencer asks, his voice cutting through my thoughts.

  I glance at Spencer. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve been sitting there for a couple of minutes just staring at the steering wheel.”

  I shake my head, trying to get rid of my odd thoughts. “Yeah, no, I just was thinking about something. I’m okay.”

  Spencer already has the car started, so I put it in drive and take off toward our house. Once home, I tell Spencer that I’m going to my room to read for a little bit, when in reality, I need time alone to think. All of the feelings I was having with Ferris earlier all point toward me being seriously attracted to a man for the first time in years. I tried really hard to get rid of those feelings for good a long time ago, but it never seemed to work. I struggled with it often when Justine was alive; to hide that side of me from her. I sigh heavily and scrub my hands over my face. I grab my book from the nightstand and open it up, deciding to just forget about everything for a while.

  +

  FERRIS

  I was shocked when Ezra asked me out for drinks. I knew that he didn’t mean like on a date, but still, it was a surprise...annnnd I'm going to pretend like it is a date because Ezra is hot. I can’t wait to know more about him. He seems somewhat quiet and reserved, but I can tell there is more deep down inside of him that is just waiting to come out.

  I arrive before Ezra and sit on the bench outside the bar/restaurant to wait. I glance down the block and actually have to do a double take when I see him come around the corner. Good God, the man is absolutely stunning. His long legs are encased in perfectly fitted dark jeans and he’s wearing a nice maroon and navy blue, striped, V-neck T-shirt that stretches snuggly across his broad shoulders and chest. The hem of the T-shirt rests atop his belt buckle, helping to draw my gaze to the front of the man’s jeans, where they are cupping his package, leaving little to the imagination.

  Damn, I’m a goner. This guy is doing stupid things to my heart and I barely know him. I stand when he gets closer and rub my hands on the front of my jeans to make sure they’re not sweaty. Ezra smiles, making my heart skip a beat. He has a dazzling smile, so straight and white.

  “Hey, Man,” I greet.

  We clasp hands and bump shoulders.

  “Hey,” Ezra replies.

  “You hungry?”

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  “Good, me, too. Let’s go in and get some food.”

  Ezra nods his agreement and follows me in. We get seated in the restaurant section where all of the tables are. We sit across from each other, both grabbing a menu to look at. The waitress comes by and gets our drink orders while we are looking over the menu.

  “How is Spencer liking the group therapy?”

  “He really likes it a lot. I definitely think it will be good for him,” Ezra replies.

  “Good.”

  Ezra shifts uncomfortably in his chair as he looks over the menu. “What are you getting?”

  “I think I’m gonna get a burger, you?”

  “Yeah, same.”

  We both put down our menus as the waitress comes back with our drinks. She takes our food order then leaves. He fidgets nervously, picking at the label of his beer bottle.

  I find it odd that the guy is so nervous. We’re here as friends, it’s not like he has to impress me. I really want to get to know him better, though, so I decide to ask about his deceased wife, hoping that it will give me some insight into his personality.

  “So, what was your wife’s name?”

  He glances at me quickly before looking down at his beer bottle, finding the label fascinating again.

  “We don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to.” I add quickly, cursing myself for even bringing the subject up. Dumbass.

  He gives me a shrug as if to say, “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Justine.”

  “How did you two meet?”

  Ezra tells me how they met in college and fell madly in love. He tells me about how Spencer wasn’t planned and was actually born before they got married. He also told me that they were even talking about possibly having one more kid right before she died.

  “We had plans. Plans to do things, go places, and grow old together. Now she’s gone and there are no plans anymore. My life stalled when she died,” Ezra says, shaking his head. “Everything I once enjoyed has been ruined because nothing is the same without her.”

  I nod sadly, feeling bad for the guy with everything he’s been through. “Your whole life as you knew it was ripped away from you in an instant, so it’s understandable that you feel that way,” I say, falling into counselor mode.

  Ezra sighs, sounding aggravated. “But I don’t want to feel this way anymore. She’s gone and there is nothing I can do about it, so why can’t I get on with my life?”

  “There’s no set time for grieving, Ezra. It takes some people longer than others.”

  He rakes a hand through his dark hair. “It’s fucking aggravating.”

  I hum in agreement. "Yeah, it can be. But you'll get there. I mean, when was the last time yo
u hung out with a friend like this?"

  Ezra's full lips lift slightly. "It's been too long."

  "See? Moving forward already." I smile, sending him a wink.

  Ezra blushes slightly and nods.

  +

  EZRA

  Justine's death still haunts me sometimes when I close my eyes. Being able to share a little bit of my feelings with Ferris has lifted some of the weight of her death that I still carry, off of my shoulders. I went through extensive counseling in the months following her passing. I remember it like it happened this morning. I remember what I was wearing, what she was wearing, and what Spencer was wearing. I can tell you word for word what we said to each other. I can remember the exact moment the light in her eyes died and she fell forward, hitting her face on the table before falling off of her chair onto the floor. I know what time it was when it happened and what the weather was like outside. All of it; forever burned into my brain.

  “It’s okay to be mad, Ezra. It’s okay to hurt and to let your feelings out,” Ferris’ calming voice says from across the table.

  My eyes meet his compassionate ones and I find comfort in the fact that he doesn’t seem to mind talking about such a morbid subject. It's funny how easy it is to open up to him. Must be the counselor in him that makes me feel so comfortable.

  “It’s not easy losing someone you love.”

  I swallow hard and shake my head. “No, no it’s not.”

  Ferris reaches across the table and gives my forearm a squeeze. I give him a soft grateful smile. "Everything will work itself out, I promise."

  “Thanks, Ferris. I appreciate that.”

  As I look across the table at a smiling Ferris, I think again about how there is just something about the guy that makes me feel safe and comfortable. I never once felt judged or pitied. It's such a relief to finally find a friend who will listen without trying to sympathize by telling me about themselves and their own experiences. Not that I don't care about things that happen in other peoples’ lives, but sometimes that's not what you need.

  “How about we go play some darts while we wait for our food?” he suggests.

  I agree, so we both get up and head over to the unoccupied dartboard. Ferris grabs the blue darts and hands me the red. We both go to stand behind the line of tape on the floor.

  “Just a heads up, I suck at darts.” I tell him.

  He snickers. “So do I.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “So why are we playing?”

  “Because it’ll be hilarious.”

  I let Ferris go first. The first dart just makes it onto the board, the second lands almost directly next to the first, and the third gets stuck in the wall next to the board. Both of us are smiling when I step up to the line. My first dart hits the wall by the top of the board, the next one gets stuck in the wall by the bottom of the board, and the third lands in the wall off to the right of the board.

  I shake my head in disgust. “That’s pitiful.”

  Ferris chuckles as he goes and plucks all the darts out of the board and wall. He turns and locks eyes with me as he walks back. I can feel my face flush. Am I seriously blushing? And what for? Ferris’ lips curl into a devious smile as he hands me my darts, and our fingers brush together, sending a jolt of electricity right up my arm. I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what that smile was about and if he felt the jolt, too.

  “You go first this time,” he says.

  I grumble as I step up to the line and throw my darts. Two make it onto the board this time. It’s Ferris’ turn. He lets his darts fly in rapid succession. By the time I register that the first one hit the bullseye, the second and third land in the tiny red circle. I whip around to glare at him, now understanding the devious smile.

  He lets out a hearty laugh, holding his stomach. “You should see your face right now, Ez.”

  “You liar!”

  Ferris shrugs, still laughing. “It was worth it. Your face is priceless.”

  My lip curls into a sneer, making him laugh some more. The waitress walks by us with our food. “Come on boys, food’s ready.”

  Leaving the darts, we follow the waitress over to the table where she places our food down. We both sit and I glare across the table at Ferris, who snickers and hooks his foot around the back of my calf under the table, giving it a tug that makes my stomach flip flop.

  “Come on, admit it, that was funny.” He chortles before stuffing a French fry in his mouth.

  I just shake my head and grab my burger, fighting off the smile that threatens to take over my face. I am really enjoying being here with him. It’s easy and laid back; I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I can just relax and be myself, now that I'm over my initial nerves.

  Ferris convinces me to play darts again once we finish our food. I begrudgingly agree. I don’t know what I’m thinking, agreeing to play darts with a pro. After the first couple rounds of me getting slaughtered, Ferris takes pity on me.

  “Let me show you how to throw the dart.” He laughs and comes to stand on my right.

  He fixes my grip on the dart and then moves around to my back, where he puts a hand on my shoulder, while the other one helps my throwing hand. I am acutely aware of Ferris’ chest brushing against my back and how he has to push up on his toes to see over my shoulder. I can barely hear what he’s saying because the sound of the blood pounding through my body is so loud in my ears. Warmth spreads through me and my dick starts to take notice of Ferris’ innocent touches.

  “…And throw,” Ferris says.

  I launch the dart, hitting the bullseye.

  “Ha! There you go! Good job!” he proclaims happily, shaking me by the grip he has on my shoulders.

  I beam and turn my head to peer at him over my shoulder. Our gazes clash and something passes between us that has both of our smiles fading. I can’t put my finger on what it is, though.

  Reality sinks in and I can't help but swiftly glance around to see if anyone is watching our exchange. This is a small town, and I really don't want people thinking we're more than just friends. I tense when I spot a couple of guys at the bar sending curious stares in our direction.

  Ferris quickly notices my tension and steps away, and damn if I don't immediately miss the warmth of his hands on my shoulders. “Oh, sorry. I didn't realize how close I was," he murmurs, taking a glance around, too.

  I shake my head dismissively. "It's okay."

  "Uh, it’s getting late. I should probably get home; gotta be on the beach at 8:00 am.” He shifts uncomfortably on his feet and averts his eyes, looking anywhere but at me.

  I nod in agreement. “Yeah, I should get home to Spencer.”

  “Okay. We’ll do this again soon?” he asks, his gray gaze hopeful when he looks at me.

  “Yes, definitely.”

  “Great, I’ll see you later then.” He gives me a playful punch on the shoulder, and with our bill already paid, he strides right for the door.

  I watch him go, wondering what the hell is going on between us. I know that Ferris is gay, but he didn’t seem like he was flirting or coming onto me; but somehow, when he touched me, it seemed sensual and turned me on. But why am I letting it affect me so much? I used to be able to brush off these kinds of feelings. It took much effort, but I did it. It’s probably because I’m lonely, and Ferris is paying attention to me, and we are becoming fast friends. It’s been a while since I’ve made a new friend, and I really do like Ferris…as a friend.

  CHAPTER

  THREE+

  FERRIS

  “Great session today everyone!” I smile and clap a few times. “See you all next week!”

  I say goodbye to a couple of kids who come up to me, before hearing my name said quietly from behind me. I turn to see Spencer Whitmore standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets, his face flushed. I frown.

  “Hey, Spencer, everything okay?” I ask.

  “I…uh…I was hoping I could talk to you for a few minutes after everyone leaves?”
<
br />   “Sure, absolutely,” I agree without hesitation.

  Whatever Spencer wants to talk about must be important if his body language is any indication. As soon as the last kid leaves, I pull two chairs closer together, positioning them so we are across from each other. I motion for Spencer to have a seat.

  "Is your dad going to wait while we talk?"

  "I rode my bike here today. My dad had a last minute emergency at the office," Spencer explains, "Figured it would be a good idea to talk now since he won't have to wait."

  “Okay. What’s going on?” I ask.

  “There’s this kid I like…” he starts hesitantly. He rakes a hand through his dark shaggy hair, trying to build up the courage to say whatever he wants to say. “I’m not sure if he’s gay or not. I sometimes think he’s flirting with me, but it’s hard to tell. He flirts with girls, too, so I just don’t know what to think. Plus, I haven’t told any of my friends that I’m gay. I’m afraid of what they’ll say.”

  “First off, let me start by saying that if you come out to your friends and they don’t stick by you then screw them; they weren’t real friends anyway. You can always make new friends, who will accept you for who you are,” I say with a pointed look.

  He nods. “Yeah, true.”

  “Good, I’m glad you agree.” I grin, making Spencer crack a smile. “Second, it’s not always easy to know who is interested in you and who isn’t. He might just be a flirt, who flirts with everyone, or he is actually interested in you but not sure if you are gay or not. Or, he’s interested in you but not willing to come out. I think what you need to do is get him alone and just talk to him. Ask him if you are misinterpreting his signals or if he likes you, too.”

  Spencer takes a deep breath and nods. “Yeah…that sounds like a good idea.”

  “Good. Is there anything else you want to talk about?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. I can tell that there is something else.

  “I…uh…I want to…uh…know more about sex…” he stutters, looking down at his hands, his face turning bright red.

  “Okaaay," I drawl. “Did you have the 'sex talk’ with your dad?”