Nailed It!

by Mel Campbell

  ‘Dave,’ Rose said, so close they were almost touching. ‘Are you married?’

  ‘Oh shit,’ he said, sagging in defeat. ‘No. It’s all a sham. We pretended we were to get on the show.’

  ‘Okay,’ Rose said. ‘Are you engaged, or planning to get married, or dating?’

  Dave shook his head. ‘No. God no, I’d never touch her. It’s all just for the cameras.’

  ‘You’re single, then?’

  ‘Um, yes.’ He looked at his feet. ‘I uh, was actually going to ask you out after the show was over, that is if you weren’t seeing any –’

  Rose grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her. He looked up.

  They kissed hungrily, exhilarated, as if possessed by a force they couldn’t control. The world shrank away; only their heightened senses remained. Her fingers could feel every thread in the fabric of Dave’s shirt as she moved her hand up to cup his face, alive to the prickle of stubble along his chiselled jawline, and the throb of his racing pulse. His hands were stroking her back – gently at first, but then moving upwards with more confidence – and she shivered in delight as his fingers brushed her neck and reached up into her hair, pulling off the elastic band anchoring her ponytail. Rose’s hair fell to her shoulders around his hands, and Dave plunged his hands through it.

  Their lips together had found a rhythm; Rose’s mouth moved gently, teasingly, and Dave’s lips pressed back insistently, claiming her as his own with each kiss. His hands were sliding down her back now, pulling her against his hardness, and Rose pressed her hips into Dave, eager to feel all of him. He clung to her like a shipwrecked sailor caught in a raging storm.

  They broke apart at last, breathing hard. Rose’s head was spinning, and her stomach was fluttering deliciously. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a precipice, and she couldn’t wait to take the jump, even though it meant nothing would ever be the same again. She locked eyes with Dave, and saw her desire reflected back at her. Irresistibly, their lips met again.

  That was only the beginning.

  ‘Holy shit,’ Dave said.

  He was naked in the back of Truck Three, lying on one of the movers’ blankets with another thrown over him in such a way that it concealed absolutely none of the important parts. Which was exactly how Rose – who was equally naked and lying half on top of him – liked it.

  ‘Holy shit,’ Dave said.

  ‘You already said that,’ Rose giggled.

  ‘I don’t think I’m ever going to stop saying it.’

  ‘Oh no, I broke you,’ Rose said, leaning over to kiss him, gentle but demanding. ‘And on the first go, too.’

  ‘I’m definitely broken,’ he said, pulling her back for another kiss when she moved away. ‘In the way that a wild animal is broken by its master.’ He frowned. ‘That seemed sexier in my head.’

  ‘I understood every word,’ Rose said, snuggling into him. ‘And I definitely don’t want to tame you.’

  ‘You’re still going to teach me, though, right?’

  ‘Typical man, always thinking about his tool.’

  ‘You’re the one who’s good with tools.’

  ‘Cheeky boy,’ she said. Her gesture started out as a slap, but his upper arm felt too good to let go of anytime soon. ‘I can’t believe you thought I’d wait eight weeks for this.’

  He looked down at her stroking his arm, and smiled. ‘I’m a little surprised this happened at all,’ he said. ‘I thought you might be into me, but you seemed to be holding back.’

  ‘Well, for one thing, I thought you were married. And for another, I don’t rush into things.’

  He smirked. ‘Really?’

  ‘Don’t joke, Dave. I’ve been thinking about you a lot over this last week.’

  ‘So have I.’

  Rose nodded. ‘I could tell. I’m not going to waste my time on something that isn’t real.’

  ‘I want this to be real.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, pillowing her head on his broad chest. ‘It is.’

  ‘See, that’s what I like about you,’ Dave said. ‘You’re straight ahead, no nonsense. You were – you are – very professional around the workplace.’

  ‘Sexy professional?’

  ‘Um … I want to say yes, but is that bad?’

  ‘Can’t I be sexy and professional?’ she said. ‘I mean, I want you to think I’m sexy …’

  ‘Which I do.’

  ‘But I want everyone else to think I’m professional. Maybe we can work out some signals for when I want to be objectified in the workplace.’ She made a ring of her left thumb and forefinger, and slid her right forefinger in and out of it. ‘Maybe something like that.’

  ‘I’ll just watch each episode and keep an eye out for the scenes where they pixelate your hands. Got it.’ She giggled again, and then they were kissing and touching, and then they weren’t really thinking about anything else but each other.

  Rose had been expecting the kind of sex she’d had before. The kind when she liked the other person, so she’d told herself they had promise, even though the two of them hadn’t quite clicked yet. The other person might know some of the right things to do, but teaching them what they didn’t know could be fun, too. Except sometimes the other person didn’t want to learn. And then it was only a matter of time before they got tired of her, or before she just gave up and wrote the whole thing off.

  This was nothing like that. Everything Dave did was exactly right, even when he surprised her with things she didn’t know she liked. And judging by the sounds he made – Dave was very vocal, which was another thing she hadn’t known she’d liked, but she definitely liked it a lot – he was definitely into everything she was doing, too. And they were currently doing it (for the second time, though maybe more like second and a half) in the back of a dirty truck full of construction equipment, gasping the hot, stale air, on a pile of movers’ blankets that had never been washed. She couldn’t even imagine how good it was going to be to have sex with Dave in a real bed.

  This time when they were done, Rose was sprawled on the top of the stack of blankets while Dave had fallen to the floor of the truck. ‘I think I missed dinner,’ he said from down below, still panting.

  ‘Really?’ Rose laughed, ‘because I thought –’

  ‘Ha ha. But no, I mean I think I have to get back.’

  ‘Oh well. It was fun while it lasted,’ Rose sighed, reaching for her shorts.

  ‘Teaching a dummy like me must be pretty boring, huh,’ he said. ‘I had to figure out some way to spice it up.’ He pulled his T-shirt on over his head. Rose stopped to admire his torso before it vanished beneath the fabric; he may not have been good with tools, but he was definitely working hard with something to get those muscles.

  ‘Oh well, I was just looking for a brush with fame,’ she teased. ‘Just wait till I tell all the gals on the fan forums.’

  Dave looked at her, panic in his eyes. ‘Oh shit no, you can’t tell anyone.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, hitting him playfully on the arm. Her hand lingered once again; it was going to be really, really difficult to be around him if every time they touched she couldn’t let go. ‘It’s your secret, so it’s my secret too.’ She pulled him closer; this time the kissing only went on for a few minutes before they broke apart.

  ‘Do you mean that?’ he said, pulling on his pants.

  ‘Mean what?’ she said, her bra and T-shirt back on now, only her hi-vis and her socks and boots left.

  ‘My secret is your secret.’

  ‘Dave, of course.’ She looked at him steadily. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

  He paused, scrunching the hem of his T-shirt in his hands, a little frown starting to crinkle his brow. ‘So, will I see you … around?’

  ‘Well, you’ll definitely be seeing me. Do you mean seeing me?’

  His face
was wide open and vulnerable. ‘You know … more than just,’ he waved his hand helplessly around at their pile of discarded sex blankets, ‘this.’

  ‘I should probably be asking you how serious you are,’ she said. ‘I mean, you’re the one pretending to be married. You’re the one with an impressively large number of condoms in his wallet …’

  ‘I want this to be serious,’ he said firmly, then looked away. ‘God, that sounds stupid.’

  ‘No it doesn’t,’ Rose said, standing up. ‘Not at all.’

  This time when she kissed him, it wasn’t as hungrily as before. It was a kiss between two people who could have each other any time they wanted; and the very certainty of it was intoxicating. They kissed like two people who knew they belonged together, and that was all Rose needed to know.

  ‘So,’ she said as the now fully dressed couple walked back toward the truck’s open doors, ‘why exactly are you pretending to be married on a reality show?’

  ‘Shit,’ Dave said, seemingly not hearing her. ‘Were those doors open the whole time? Anyone could have looked in.’

  ‘We probably should keep things like that in mind next time,’ she kissed him, ‘and the time after that.’

  ‘Seriously,’ he said, jumping down to the ground. ‘I don’t mind people seeing me having sex with you, because you’re amazingly hot and it would make me a legend. But I am still meant to be married for at least the next eight weeks or so.’

  ‘Yeah, about that,’ Rose said, dropping to the ground beside him. ‘I still don’t get why you’re fake-married to someone who doesn’t seem to be all that nice to you.’

  ‘Michelle is a dear friend,’ Dave said. ‘She asked me for help and I couldn’t say no.’

  ‘But still, it’s a very strange kind of help, and –’

  ‘I really have to get back,’ Dave said. ‘They’re definitely going to be looking for me. I don’t even have my mic on.’

  ‘That’s probably for the best,’ she said, kissing him. ‘You’re pretty loud, you know.’

  ‘It’s your fault,’ he said, kissing her back. ‘You make me make those sounds.’

  ‘So, when can we make them again? After work tomorrow?’

  ‘I can’t. We’re pulling an all-nighter to get the rooms ready for the “after” judging.’

  ‘Can we maybe sneak in a quickie on set? I’m really going to need more of you very soon.’

  ‘Rose,’ Dave said, ‘you do realise they film us pretty much all day, every day, don’t you?’

  ‘They do? I’ve hardly seen a camera crew the last few days.’

  ‘That’s because you’ve been doing the kind of things they don’t show on television,’ he said. ‘All those shopping trips I’ve been on? Those have been filmed. Michelle’s been filmed all day, and all she’s been doing is wandering around holding paint swatches up against the walls. In the car my phone’s always on speaker, and there’s a dashcam trained on me so they can get my reactions when Michelle calls to yell at me.’

  Dave ran a hand through his already rumpled hair, looking upset. ‘Literally the only times we’re not on camera are when we eat and when we go to the toilet.’

  ‘Ah.’

  He gave her a long, beseeching look. ‘That’s why I was going to wait eight weeks until the show was over before I asked you out. Not because I could wait eight weeks – clearly I couldn’t, because you’re amazing …’

  Rose smiled.

  ‘… but because there’s pretty much no way we’ll be able to touch each other without it appearing on camera somewhere. I’m on reality television; the whole point of being on the show is to record my every move.’

  ‘Fuck.’

  ‘No. No fuck,’ Dave said. ‘No fuck for eight weeks. Not without ruining my sham marriage and getting me thrown off the show, which would probably get Michelle thrown off the show too.’

  ‘Look,’ Rose said, taking his hand, ‘I know it’s going to be hard. But when it gets hard, I’m definitely going to find a way to take advantage of that hardness.’

  ‘It’s not a joke,’ he said sadly.

  ‘I’m not joking, either,’ she said. ‘For the past two days I’ve done nothing but crawl around your house sticking my head in every corner. And I’m pretty sure we can find somewhere we can be alone for long enough. Even if I have to build it in.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘I still think it’s going to be at least eight weeks without you.’

  ‘You’ll be lucky if I can keep my hands off you for eight minutes.’ She went to kiss him, then stopped. ‘You’d better get back. And make sure you wash your face before anyone sees you.’

  This time he kissed her, and she couldn’t stop herself from melting into it, closing her eyes and letting her hands run down his back to the hem of his T-shirt, lifting it up so she could feel the warmth of his back, still slick from the sweat they’d worked up minutes earlier. Even eight minutes was going to be a stretch. And then he was pulling away.

  ‘See you tomorrow,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll be here,’ she said.

  He turned left, back towards the set; she went right, towards the depot. They both looked back, more than once, but they didn’t stop walking, and soon he’d vanished behind another truck.

  In the truck, in their own little world, it had seemed as if nothing could go wrong. But that feeling was fading with every step apart they took. The more Rose thought about what Dave had said – and not about how he’d felt, and what he’d did, both of which kept forcing their way to the front of her mind over and over – the more worried she felt.

  Dave was right. These last few days had hardly even felt like she was on a television show; she’d barely even seen a camera crew once she’d left the Muellers’, and with the work she’d been doing, it’d been easy to let herself think she was just back on another building site, fitting in a bunch of cabinets and shelving.

  Dave, though, was one of the stars of Mansions in the Sky; the producers were never going to let him do anything without using it on the show. And she definitely didn’t want what they’d just been doing to appear in one of the promos, or as a photo spread online, or in one of those trashy supermarket magazines. Even being caught in a kiss would bring it all down, or just inspire some kind of horrible subplot where she was tearing a loving couple apart. She could live her whole life without appearing in a photo captioned LOVE RAT, thank you very much.

  She turned the corner around the last of the trucks and almost walked right into Leary. The Mansions producer had been walking out of the depot talking on his phone; he didn’t look up until Rose was almost on top of him.

  ‘So he just turned up then,’ Leary said into the phone. Rose went to walk around him; he held up a hand for her to stay. ‘Time to give him the talk about not wandering off when there’s filming to be done.’ He dropped his phone into his jacket pocket and looked at Rose. ‘Looks like I’ve got to give you the talk, too.’

  ‘What, about the birds and the bees?’

  ‘About you getting thrown off the show if you fraternise with any of the contestants.’

  ‘What?’ Rose said, genuinely startled by his bluntness. ‘I wasn’t –’

  ‘I know you weren’t, because I know you were giving him secret handyman lessons so he wouldn’t be such a klutz.’ He gave her a smirk. ‘Moss the Boss told me yesterday. And I thought, sure, why not? We haven’t been able to use half the footage we’ve been getting of him working, because he keeps trying things he hasn’t got the skills for. But Dave’s had his last lesson; after this weekend’s judging the show moves onto the next level, and he won’t have time for you to teach him how to handle his tools.’

  ‘Okay,’ Rose said, trying not to look half as relieved as she felt.

  ‘This isn’t a show about backstage shenanigans,’ Leary said, looking pointedly at Rose, ‘or love triangles.
This is a serious show about home renovations, and people tune in because they want to see regular, average people repairing regular, average aspirational homes.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘This is a show about home repair, not homewreckers.’

  This kind of thing must happen a lot, if he had this speech prepared. ‘I think someone already made that joke,’ she said.

  ‘And that’s what this show is about – making the same things again and again and again. The only thing worse than fraternising with the contestants is letting fans onto the set.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Hell yeah.’ He turned and started to walk away, then stopped. ‘If two people started getting it on, they’d be fucked. But once fans get out here and start taking photos of what people weren’t up to out here, we’re all fucked.’

  ‘Good to know,’ she said. ‘Definitely won’t be doing that.’

  ‘Luckily we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere, so they can’t even find the set.’

  Rose suddenly had a very, very bad feeling about those two ‘friends of Len’ she’d given a lift to that morning.

  ‘And don’t go into the depot,’ Leary said over his shoulder. ‘Those fucksticks at Bad Bart’s have decided that now they’ve totally fucked up their branding, they want to go back to being called Bartletts, and so we’ve got the crew in there changing the signs on fucking everything. It’s bullshit. It’s going to make us look like a joke.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s not that bad,’ Rose said.

  ‘I’d dump them if I could, I fucking swear. I’m this close to dumping them anyway. If we hadn’t already lost – ah, fuck it,’ he said, and walked off.

  Rose let out a long breath. Thank god his mind had clearly been on the show’s sponsorship problems. She knew that if he’d been paying any real attention to her at all, he would have noticed her messed-up hair and messed-up lipstick, and realised she’d messed up with Dave and that would have been the end of her and Mansions in the Sky.