Forever and Always

by E. L. Todd

  I couldn’t help it; I started laughing at their jokes. My ridiculous habits were amusing, even to me. “You made your point,” I said as I stopped laughing. I turned to Sean. “Does this change the way you feel about me?”

  Sean kissed my lips then pulled away. “I think I love you more.”

  Ryan shook his head. “Poor guy,” he said. “Has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”

  Sean laughed. “No, but I’m excited to find out.” He kissed my forehead then finished his shake. “Well, it was pretty good. You were right about that.” Sean grabbed my milkshake and drank out of it before I could stop him. “I guess this one is mine, too.”

  I stared at the straw for a moment before I brought it to my lips. I pulled it away again and couldn’t hide the disdain on my face. All the guys were laughing at me, including Sean, so I closed my eyes and drank out of the straw and put it down. “There,” I said triumphantly. “I did it.”

  “Congratulations,” Ryan said sarcastically. “Now you’re a normal person.”

  Sean leaned towards me. “I love that you’re weird—if that makes it any better. You aren’t some unrealistic fantasy—you are real.”

  I smiled at him, remembering when I said those words to him. “You got that right.”

  “Don’t let him go, Scar,” Cortland said. “Otherwise you’ll end up alone.”

  “Thanks.” I laughed.

  Sean turned towards my brother. “When is this comedy show?”

  “Around seven,” he said. “What are your plans for the night?”

  I wanted to stay in the apartment, particularly in the bedroom, but I knew Sean wouldn’t go for it. Sean turned to me. “How about dinner and then we’ll rent a movie—something that couples do.”

  “Are we going to make out while the movie is on?”

  “We are an adult couple—not a high school couple,” Sean teased.

  I sighed. “Fine,” I said. “That sounds good.”

  “Okay,” he said. “That sounds like a date.”

  3

  I took Sean to see the Space Needle then to Pike’s Market across town. Sean seemed to be intrigued with everything, but I felt like he was paying more attention to me than anything else.

  “So, are all people in Seattle obsessed with golf?” he asked when we were in the Space Needle Gift Shop.

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “Or I don’t think so, at least.”

  “Let’s go to the music museum,” he said excitedly.

  I looked at my watch and saw that it was almost six. We had been out all day, and I wanted to lie on the couch with him and cuddle like boring couples do. As long as I was with Sean, I was happy, but I wanted to be alone with him.

  “Maybe we should head back and change before dinner,” I said.

  He looked at me for a moment. “Do you even want to go out?” He smiled.

  “No, not really,” I admitted.

  “We can order in,” he said.

  “That sounds wonderful.” I sighed.

  “This doesn’t change anything,” he said. I knew what he was referring to, that he wouldn’t sleep with me.

  I rolled my eyes. “I just want to be alone with you,” I said. “I want to hold you and cuddle with you. We can’t do that in a public place.”

  “You’re right about that,” he said. “And we can make out while we watch a movie—if you really want to.”

  “Yes, please.” I smiled.

  “I feel like a horny teenager anyway,” he said sarcastically.

  “We can change that,” I said as I kissed his lips.

  “You are the devil, Scarlet,” he said as he pulled away. “You are practically trying to rape me while I’m trying to respect you.”

  “I never said I wanted to be respected.”

  “Well, get over it because I love you, Scar. You are just going to have to deal with it.”

  “How long are you going to make me wait?” I asked.

  Sean sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “Until I think you are ready.”

  “And how will you know if I am?”

  I followed Sean out of a store. He opened a cab door and let me inside first. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just will.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed.

  “Don’t be mad at me, Scar.”

  “Too late,” I said. “I don’t get it, Sean. I love you and you love me. We are together and we are happy. You are a part of my family now and we are perfect together. What are you waiting for? I want to make love, Sean.”

  Sean glanced at the driver then back at me. “We’ll continue this conversation later,” he whispered.

  I rolled my eyes then stared straight ahead. He grabbed my hand and held it within his own, but I didn’t pull it away. Sean started kissing my neck and I felt my anger ebb away as his lips grazed over my skin. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I whispered. I was still mad at him, but I loved hearing him tell me that.

  When we got back to the apartment, Ryan could tell that I was mad just by looking at me.

  “You guys are fighting already?” he asked incredulously.

  “No,” I said as I sat on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest.

  “I’ve known you your whole life, Scar. I know when you are pissed about something. I suggest you let it go and cut Sean some slack.”

  “Shut up, Ryan,” I snapped.

  “I knew I was right.” He smiled.

  “She’s mad that I won’t have sex with her,” Sean said.

  I slapped Sean on the arm. “I can’t believe you told him that.”

  “Well, now you know how ridiculous you sound.” He laughed. “I know you tell your brother everything, so what’s the big deal?”

  “Yes,” I snapped. “I tell him everything because he’s my brother. You had no right to tell him that.”

  “Too late,” Sean said.

  Ryan laughed. “You are getting mad at your boyfriend for respecting you? Wow, what an asshole,” he said sarcastically.

  “This doesn’t concern you, Ryan,” I said.

  “Whatever,” he said. “You’re just going to tell me about it anyway.”

  I sighed and looked away from the two men. I didn’t have any reason to be mad at Ryan, but I was. And I was furious with Sean. Ryan walked down the hall and went into his room to get ready for his evening out. Sean placed his hand on my thigh.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You are just making this really difficult for me. You are absolutely gorgeous and sexy, and you have no idea how much I want to be with you, but more importantly, I love you and I want to make sure that I’m not hurting you.”

  His words softened my anger. I turned towards him and met his gaze. “I’ve moved on from what happened, Sean. I forgive you, so let’s forget about it and be happy together. I trust you and know you will never hurt me again. It was a huge misunderstanding anyway. And I won’t let you hurt me again. Last time I thought I couldn’t go on, but I’ll never allow myself to feel that way again. So please, stop babying me.”

  Sean sighed. “I’ll think about it,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes. I was done talking about it. “What do you want for dinner?”

  Sean thought for a moment. “Chinese food sounds good. Or even pizza.”

  “Let’s do pizza,” I said. “We have to find a movie to watch.”

  “There’s probably something on television,” he said. “That way we don’t have to go out again.”

  “Okay.”

  Ryan came back into the living room and grabbed his keys. “I’m leaving,” he said as he walked to the door. “It’s nice having Sean here so I can go out.”

  “I never asked you to stay and babysit me,” I snapped.

  Ryan shrugged. “I’ll see you later.” He shut the door behind him and was gone.

  I rose from the couch and opened up the phone book, looking for a pizza parlor close by. Sean came up behind me and ran his fingers down my back
. “Have you called Janice?”

  “No.” I sighed. “I’ll call her when you leave.”

  “Okay,” he said. “I know she’ll appreciate it.”

  “I know.”

  He kissed me on the cheek then stepped away. “What kind are you going to order?” he asked.

  “Combination.”

  “Are you going to ask them to drop it on the ground before they bring it over?” He smiled.

  I picked up the phone and dialed. “You’re lucky that I love you.”

  “The luckiest guy in the world.”

  The phone started to ring and they finally answered. I placed our order and hung up. Sean pulled out twenty dollars and left it on the table. “They can keep the change.”

  “I got it,” I said. “You paid for drinks the other night.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said quickly. “You can get the next one.”

  His quick refusal made me suspicious. I knew he had been conversing with Ryan, and I wondered if my brother had told him about my situation. I wanted to ask him without giving the information away just in case Ryan hadn’t told him.

  “I’m making good money from my editing company,” I said. “A woman just paid me two thousand dollars to edit her manuscript.”

  Sean nodded. “I’m going to quit my job and start editing too, then.”

  “You don’t need to pay for everything, Sean. I have money.”

  “I know,” he said. “But you are my girlfriend and I like to treat you. Is it that big of a deal?”

  I realized that he didn’t know. After all, if he had, he would have said something already. He probably would have yelled at me for not telling him about it to begin with, and berate me for giving all my money to my brother. “No.”

  “Good,” he said. “This feminism movement is annoying. A guy can’t even take out a girl anymore.”

  I smiled. “I didn’t mean to offend you, babe.”

  Sean wrapped me in his arms and nuzzled my neck. “I like it when you call me that.”

  “You do?”

  “Definitely.”

  “I like that it isn’t weird that we’re a couple.”

  “Me too,” he said. “It makes me wonder why we didn’t do this sooner.”

  “That’s because you were busy being oblivious to my charms,” I teased him.

  He pulled away from me. “No,” he said. “I know you’ve always been a hot piece of ass.”

  I smiled. “And you haven’t always been bad to look at.”

  Sean laughed. “I prefer the other compliment.”

  “Too bad,” I said. There was a knock on the door and I answered it. I handed the man Sean’s money and brought the pizza into the living room. Sean and I ate it out of the box like always, and we watched television for a while.

  “There are no games on.” Sean sighed.

  I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder, cuddling with him like I’ve wanted to since he arrived. The scent of his body was evident in my nostrils, and he smelled like home. It reminded me of his apartment. Sean turned off the television and lay down beside me on the couch. His fingers ran through my hair and we stared at each other for a while, just treasuring the fact that we were really together.

  “I’m sorry about everything, Scarlet,” he whispered. “I hope you believe that.”

  “I do.” I smiled. “And I’m sorry, too.”

  Sean leaned in and kissed me gently. My senses ignited when we touched. The chemistry between us was powerful and amazing. All the times when Janice accused me of loving Sean, I rejected the idea, refusing to think I could ever love him, but I did, and now it seemed so obvious. If only we hadn’t been established as friends first, perhaps we would have been together. Maybe we’d even be married. I cupped his cheek and pulled his lips closer to mine. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, making his body shake. Sean ran his hands down my body and slid one inside my shirt, feeling the skin of my stomach and ribs. My hands reached under his shirt to caress the muscles of his stomach and chest. Just the touch alone sent me over the edge and I knew I wanted him. Why did we have to wait? I climbed on top of Sean and kissed him with more passion. He responded immediately, and I grabbed his hand and placed it over my breast. Sean squeezed it gently then unclasped my bra, letting it fall loose. Sean rolled on top of me then rubbed his nose against mine, making me weak as he looked at me.

  “Are you sure?” he whispered. “I want this to be right.”

  “I love you, Sean,” I said. “I want to be with you. And I know that you love me. We are meant for each other.” My hands combed through his hair as his eyes drifted shut.

  “I love you, Scar,” he said as he kissed me.

  “I love you.”

  Sean gathered me in his arms then carried me into my bedroom, laying me gently on the bed. His shirt felt soft in my fingertips as it slid from his body and dropped to the floor. His strong chest made me feel safe and protected, like he could always defend me. That fueled my arousal even more, knowing that he would never hurt me again. With steady hands, I unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down with his undershorts. He was completely naked on top of me. I kissed his body everywhere, praising his beautiful physique with my mouth. Sean moaned as he watched me for a moment then pulled my shirt from my body and dropped it on the bed. He kissed my chest gently then moved to my neck, trailing kisses down to my stomach. His fingers unbuttoned my pants and he pulled them free, leaving me only in my thong. Sean crawled on top of me and pressed his forehead against mine.

  “We can stop,” he said.

  “Sean, you are being annoying,” I said as I grabbed his cock and squeezed it gently.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you too, Sean.”

  “I want this to be perfect for you.” He breathed deeply, inhaling my scent.

  “It is,” I said. “As long as it’s with you.” His lips were on mine and I kissed him gently. Sean pulled down my underwear and freed me from the material.

  “You are gorgeous,” he said as he separated my legs with his own.

  “I want you, ” I said as he leaned over me. “I love you so much, Sean. It’s been hell being apart from you.”

  “I know,” he said from above me. “I know exactly what you mean.” Sean kissed me gently and ran his hands through my hair; touching me like I was a goddess. I realized that he was making love to me in a different way than before. It was obvious that he was madly in love with me. He felt the same way that I did, and my heart began to throb at the realization.

  He broke our kiss and pressed his forehead against mine while holding himself above my body with my legs around his waist. I felt him move inside me slowly, and I moaned as he stretched my insides. I grabbed his arms as he moved further inside and I whispered his name.

  “You feel amazing, Scar,” he whispered when we was entirely within me.

  “Sean.” I gasped as he moved inside of me. It felt amazing and right, completely different than the last time. I knew I could do that for the rest of my life. “Oh god,” I whispered to him.

  “I know,” he said as he moved inside of me.

  I grabbed his back and ran my hands down his flank then back through his hair. “You feel perfect,” I said.

  “Only for you,” he whispered. Sean quickened his pace slightly and his lips were on mine again. He made love to me until I felt my body give into the all-consuming pleasure and I climaxed, whispering his name as he moved deeper into me.

  “Sean, don’t stop,” I whispered through my tears. No one had ever made love to me like that before. I was so happy that Sean was the first. Sean understood my tears were from happiness, not sadness or pain, and he kissed them away while still moving inside of me.

  “I’ll never stop,” he said as he reached his own euphoria and released inside of me. “For the rest of my life, Scar.”

  Sean didn’t move away or pull out. He stayed on top of me and kissed me tenderly, showing his love for me in his embrace
alone. I ran my hands through his hair while I stared into his eyes, understanding that he was mine forever. Sean finally pulled away and lay down beside me. I moved closer and wrapped my body around his. He kissed me on the head.

  “Why didn’t we do that before?” I asked.

  “I have no idea.” He smiled. “We shouldn’t have waited so long.” Sean grabbed my hand and held it within his own. “You are everything to me, Scarlet. I’m just a walking shadow without you.”

  “I am too.”

  “I wish I didn’t have to leave tomorrow.”

  I sighed. “I know.”

  “It’s going to be a shitty five days.”

  “We can still talk every day,” I said.

  “It’s not the same as seeing you every day,” he said. I immediately thought of Ryan and knew our relationship would change if I did leave—it couldn’t stay the same. But now I couldn’t live without Sean. “You need to make a decision soon, Scar. I don’t think I can put up with this for a long time. I may just drag you back to New York.”

  “I’ll figure it out, babe.” I hugged him tighter.

  “We should go back in the living room,” he said.

  “I want to do it again,” I said quickly.

  Sean smiled at me. “I’m not a machine,” he said. “I need a break before we go another round.”

  “But we’ll do it again?” I asked earnestly.

  “We can do it for the rest of our lives.”

  I smiled at him. “Let’s lay in here for a while.”

  He laughed. “Okay, Scar. I’ll make love to you again as soon as I’m ready.”

  “I don’t want to make love.”

  His eyes shined a brighter shade. “Then what do you want to do?”

  “I want you to fuck me.”

  Sean’s breathing increased. “I love making love to you.”

  “I know,” I said. “But I also know you enjoy fucking me. And I enjoy it, too.” I trailed my hand up his chest then tickled the skin.

  “I can’t say that I’m displeased by the idea.”