Forever and Always

by E. L. Todd

  I covered my face with my hands, embarrassed for my brother. “He normally isn’t like this,” I whispered to her. “He’s just nervous around you for some reason.”

  “I think it’s cute,” she said loudly.

  Ryan’s cheeks turned red and he continued to look down, avoiding her look.

  “Anyway,” I said, more embarrassed by my brother with every passing second. “So how are things with you? Other than the nightmare at work?”

  Janice laughed. “It’s okay,” she said. “I’ve missed you a lot, Scarlet. The truth is I’ve been pretty miserable without you.”

  “I missed you, too.” I smiled.

  “Promise me you won’t ignore me like that again,” she said. “Even if I really piss you off.”

  “Okay.” I laughed. “I’ll yell at you next time.”

  “What did you do?” Cortland asked.

  I spoke before Janice could answer. “She borrowed one of my outfits and never returned it.” Since Ryan was interested in Janice, I didn’t want him to know she’d slept with Sean. It wasn’t a fair first impression.

  Cortland raised his eyebrow for a moment, confused that I would cut out a friend over something so petty, but then he nodded and didn’t comment.

  After we finished our dinner, Cortland tried to pay for the whole check, but Ryan convinced him to split it with him. Normally, I would just pay for our meal, but since Janice was there, I let Ryan do the check dance.

  When we got back to the apartment, Ryan went into his room then came out a few moments later. “I changed the sheets and got the bed ready,” he said. “You are welcome to sleep in my room.”

  Janice smiled. “I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

  “I insist.” He smiled.

  “Okay,” she said after a moment. Her cheeks were turning red as she looked at him. Janice and I went into my room, and I gave her a change of clothes to wear.

  “Can I ask you something?” Janice said.

  “Sure,” I said. “What is it?”

  “Would it bother you if I asked out Ryan? I know he’s your brother, so I don’t want to make you upset or uncomfortable. If I am crossing a line, just say so.”

  I smiled. “He’s all yours,” I said. “It doesn’t bother me in the least.”

  “Really?” she asked happily.

  “Really. I can’t imagine him dating anyone better.”

  She smiled. “That’s sweet.” Janice left the bedroom and closed the door behind her. I wondered if she would go into the living room and start talking to Ryan. Hopefully, he wouldn’t make such an idiot of himself when no one was around. I loved the idea of Janice and Ryan together. I was worried that he would never find anyone. If things worked out, Ryan would be happy with a partner and I would still be single. I would die alone.

  12

  The next morning, we grabbed all our gear and headed to the airport. We traveled light since we knew we would only be there for a quick trip. I brought one bag with me, with just two outfits. Janice and Ryan were more talkative than they were the night before, and I suspected something had happened between them after I went to bed. Janice didn’t say anything and I didn’t press her on the subject.

  When we got on the plane, I sat next to Cortland on purpose so Janice and Ryan would have to sit together in a different row.

  “We are so sneaky,” Cortland said.

  “I know.” I smiled. “Has he said anything to you?”

  “Just that he likes Janice—that’s about it.”

  “Did he say why? He just met her.”

  Cortland shook his head. “He said sometimes you just know. It’s like an instant chemistry. He’s totally smitten with her.”

  “I’ve never seen him act this way,” I said. “He sounded so stupid yesterday.”

  Cortland laughed. “I know,” he said. “That was hilarious.”

  “Well, Janice must think he’s cute because she said she wanted to go out with him.”

  “Poor girl,” Cortland said as he shook his head. “She doesn’t know what she’s getting into.”

  “I hope it works out,” I said. “I want Ryan to be happy with someone.”

  “We’ll keep our fingers crossed,” he said. He leaned back in his chair as the plane took off. Soon we were gliding at a higher altitude. “Are you worried about seeing Sean?” he asked.

  “Why would I see him?”

  “He lives in New York, right?”

  “Have you been to Manhattan?”

  “No.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Seven million people live in the city alone—I’m not going to bump into him.”

  Cortland nodded his head. “Well, I hope I run into him.”

  I smiled. “I’m fine, Cortland. He isn’t worth it.”

  “Has he tried contacting you?”

  “No,” I said. “And I doubt he ever will. He has what he’s always wanted.”

  “He’ll realize he made the wrong choice—I promise you.”

  “Even though Sean betrayed me again, I don’t want him to regret his choice. I want him to be happy—even if it isn’t with me.”

  “You sound like you’re over him.”

  I put down the magazine I was reading and looked at him. “If I tell you something, you promise you won’t tell Ryan?”

  “As long as it doesn’t jeopardize your safety,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not over Sean and I never will be. His betrayal almost killed me, and I’ve spent every night crying myself to sleep. He was the one, Cortland—the one. I don’t expect that I’ll ever date again, let alone love somebody.”

  “So you were lying before?”

  I nodded. “I wanted to protect Ryan. It hurts him to see me in pain.”

  “It hurts me too,” he said.

  “But not in the same way,” I said. “I’m never going to be fine, but this is the closest I’ve been to it in a while. I’m glad we are taking down my boss—he deserves it.”

  “I am too,” he said. “It looks like you tied up all your threads. You are standing up to your boss, you are back to normal with Janice, and you gave Sean a second chance even though that went to waste. Now you are a stronger person.”

  “I suppose.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I just wish that I had Sean.” I sighed. “I’ve never been so happy in my whole life.”

  “You’ll find it again someday,” he said as he held my hand. He lifted it to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “I hope so.” I looked away and watched my brother. He was smiling while talking to Janice, and I knew it was going well. It was a six-hour flight to New York—that was plenty of time to connect.

  When we arrived in New York, we took a taxi to Janice’s apartment up town. The place was small with limited space, but we managed to squeeze in. Cortland and Ryan would sleep on the floor in the living room while I slept on the couch. Cortland prepared all his equipment and set the camera to transmit the live feed to his computer, just in case Carl caught us and broke the camera.

  “What should we do tonight?” Cortland asked while we all sat in the living room. Janice walked into her bedroom and disappeared “We should go out since we are in the city.”

  I nodded. “Janice and I can show you guys around,” I said. “Do you want to go out for drinks?”

  “Sure,” Janice said.

  “It can be a double date,” Cortland said.

  I looked at him. “What do you mean?”

  “Since I have a girlfriend back at home, I’m not available, and I’m assuming that you aren’t interested in mingling either.”

  “Yes.”

  “Then we can be a couple for the night—it makes sense.”

  Ryan stared at us, but didn’t seem bothered by Cortland’s suggestion. “Okay,” I agreed.

  “Good,” he said. “It’s hard to keep the ladies away.”

  “Great.” I sighed. “My dat
e is conceited.”

  He laughed. “I’m just saying,” he said. “I know Monnique would prefer this arrangement.”

  “I’m assuming you haven’t told her that we slept together?” I asked.

  Cortland shook his head. “No,” he said. “I don’t think it matters.”

  “And you were giving me grief about Sean?” I laughed.

  “I realized you were right. Sean would have been uncomfortable around me and I don’t want Monnique to feel threatened by you.”

  Janice emerged from her room and checked her hair in the mirror. Ryan blatantly watched her as she appraised herself in the mirror.

  “Well, let’s go,” she said.

  The four of us left the apartment and walked towards a bar a few blocks away. Cortland and Ryan stared at the lights of the city, admiring the tall skyscrapers and the people walking by. The sidewalk was crowded with tourists, so it took us a while to finally get inside the bar.

  We sat in the corner where there were two wide sofas facing each other. Cortland and I sat together and Ryan and Janice sat on the opposite couch facing us. Ryan placed his hands on his thigh in an awkward position, and Janice left her hand resting on her lap, close to his. They still seemed self-conscious around each other, but Ryan was a lot more talkative than before. It was obvious that he felt more comfortable with Janice.

  Cortland placed his arm around my shoulders but the closeness didn’t bother me. The nature of our relationship was platonic, and since we’d already slept together, I didn’t feel uncomfortable when he touched me. Ryan glared at Cortland, but Cortland didn’t pull his arm away. He made it clear that this was a relationship of convenience.

  “Is that really necessary?” Ryan asked.

  Cortland nodded. “Scarlet is a gorgeous woman,” he said. “There are three men staring at her right now, and another woman is staring at me. I’m just making it clear that I’m not available.”

  Ryan continued to stare at Cortland. “Don’t push me.”

  “You’re overreacting, Ryan,” I said.

  “What’s going on?” Janice asked.

  “Cortland and I slept together and now we are just friends,” I explained. “Ryan is still mad about it even though nothing will happen between us again.”

  “It better not,” Ryan said.

  “It won’t,” Cortland said.

  Janice turned to Ryan. “I think it’s cute that you are so protective of your sister.”

  Ryan smiled. “She is everything to me—when she isn’t being a brat, at least.”

  Janice laughed. “Yes, Scarlet can be a pain in the ass at times.”

  “Not you too.” I sighed.

  The waitress brought our drinks and we sipped our beverages. Janice and I both had wine while the men ordered brandy and scotch. We conversed for a few hours until I started to feel my eyes sag from exhaustion. The plane ride was six hours long and it made me lethargic and lifeless. Cortland noticed how tired I was.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked. “I’m tired too.”

  I nodded. “Are you guys staying out?” I asked Ryan.

  Ryan turned to Janice. “Can I take you to dinner?”

  “That sounds great.” Janice smiled.

  We all stood up and Ryan pulled Cortland aside. It was obvious by the way he grabbed Cortland’s arm that he was threatening him. I knew it had something to do with me.

  I turned to Janice. “Do you like him?”

  Janice smiled and averted her gaze. “Since he’s your brother, this is kind of awkward.”

  I rolled my eyes. “My brother and I are really open about our personal life. What you don’t tell me, he will later. I really don’t mind—it doesn’t bother me.”

  “Well, Ryan is—hot—I mean, really handsome.” She smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me your brother was such a catch?”

  I laughed. “I guess because I don’t see him like that.”

  “You never even mentioned that you had a brother.”

  The comment made me feel guilty. Ryan and I hardly spoke for an entire year. “I know.” I sighed. “But we are very close now.”

  “He’s such a sweet guy,” she said. “Last night we started talking about his artwork and his dreams—he’s amazing.” I smiled as I listened to her. Ryan deserved to be with someone who thought he was nothing less than perfect. I wanted Ryan to have the love I had with Sean—but with a better person. “And—we kissed—for a while. Scarlet, he is an amazing kisser. I can tell he knows what he’s doing—in other ways.”

  I decided not to comment on that last part. Ryan was open about his personal life and I knew he had a lot of sexual partners—a lot. Even though Janice wasn’t exactly a prude, I was afraid his scandalous lifestyle would chase her away. I decided it was best if he told her, not me. “Ryan is a great guy—one of the best I know.”

  Janice smiled. “I really like him, Scarlet.”

  “I’m glad.”

  Ryan came back over to us and he stared at me. I took that as my cue to leave him alone with Janice. Cortland was waiting for me on the other side of the room, so I headed over to him and we left the bar, walking back to the apartment. When we got to Janice’s door, I took out her spare key and opened the lock.

  “What did Ryan say?” I asked.

  “That if we fuck, he’s going to kill me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Talk about being psycho,” I said. “It’s really none of his business if we did.”

  Cortland pulled out the inflatable mattress that Janice had taken out of the closet. “It bothers me that he doesn’t trust me. I thought he forgave me for that whole thing—apparently not.”

  “Don’t worry about him,” I said as I took out a change of clothes from my pack. “He’s just upset about what Sean did to me. I know he has been waiting for me to snap and spiral out of control. He’s just concerned for me—that’s all. We are away from home and in a romantic city. If we decided to sleep together, no one would ever know.”

  Cortland sighed. “I’m not that type of guy—not anymore, at least.”

  I walked over to Cortland and kissed him on the cheek. “I know,” I said. “Don’t let Ryan get under your skin. He is just worried—that’s all.” I walked into the bathroom and changed my clothes, slipping into some pink pajamas. Cortland was already changed by the time I came out of the room.

  Cortland moved the mattress next to the couch, so we would be close together while we slept. I turned off all the lights and settled on the couch with the blankets over my body. Cortland was lying below me, close enough that I could hear him breathe.

  “Are you scared?” he asked.

  “About what?”

  “To take down your old boss?”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I’m ready for this. I should have done this a long time ago. If I wasn’t such a coward and took off from New York, I could have done something and Janice wouldn’t be dealing with this at all.”

  Cortland reached up and grabbed my hand. “You are here now—that’s all that matters.”

  I smiled at him even though he couldn’t see me. “Thanks.”

  We lay in silence for a long time and said nothing. I couldn’t fall asleep and I knew Cortland couldn’t either by the sound of his breathing. Hours went by and I never closed my eyes. Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard the front door open and Ryan and Janice crept into the room, silently maneuvering around the furniture. Ryan had a bed made for him next to Cortland, but they both walked into Janice’s room. The door closed behind them and I heard the lock click.

  “Ryan is going to score,” Cortland whispered. I could hear the smile in his voice. “Is Janice easy?”

  “She has slept around before,” I said. “But I know she really likes Ryan. I don’t think this is a one-night stand.”

  “Hopefully, we don’t have to listen to it,” he said.

  “Ryan is really loud—at least at home.”

  “That’s awkward.” Cortland laughed.

  “Y
ou’re telling me,” I said sarcastically.

  A few minutes later, I could hear Janice moaning. The muffled sound of her cries made me realize she was trying to be quiet, but was having a difficult time.

  “Is she faking it?” Cortland asked.

  “I don’t know what her normal sex noises are.” I laughed.

  “Well, I know girls are pros at that.”

  Janice’s moans became louder and it was too distracting not to notice. Cortland and I just lay there together and listened, awkwardly.

  “Well, it sounds like Ryan is doing a good job,” Cortland said.

  “That is so awkward.” I laughed.

  “We were both thinking it.” He laughed. “I don’t get why he can fuck around with your friend, but it’s just horrifying if I date you.”

  “You misunderstood him,” I said. “Ryan would be ecstatic if you and I got together.”

  “He told you that?”

  “No,” I said. “But I can tell. It just bothers him if you are using me.”

  “Well, he is using Janice,” he said. “He lives on the other side of the country. This obviously isn’t going to go anywhere.”

  “I don’t think he’s using her. I can tell he really likes her.”

  Cortland sighed. “Then he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. They just met—she’s not going to move for him. And Ryan can’t leave Seattle—he’s got you and the shop.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “Why does Ryan finally like someone that he can’t have?”

  “It always works out that way.”

  I turned on my side and closed my eyes. The sound of their love making stopped and I finally felt relaxed enough to fall asleep. Cortland said something, but I wasn’t listening. I was already asleep.

  13

  The next morning, Ryan and Janice walked out of her bedroom, dressed and ready for the day. Janice was wearing a tight dress that made her look slim and beautiful. The earrings she wore highlighted her eyes and made her look glamorous.

  “You look hot,” I said.

  She smiled. “Got to make sure Carl can’t resist.”

  “Well, that definitely won’t be a problem.”