Expired Regrets

by Megan C. Smith

  “Got it!” I announced, hopeful I would be returned to the ground, but loving every second in his arms.

  “Good. Now how will you get back down? I don’t give up easily, and while you might have out maneuvered me before, I’m determined to ultimately win. Say please, Rose.” Bryant practically sang to me, giddy with the position I was stuck in.

  I inhaled in a deep cleansing breath, gritting my teeth. “Bryant. Put. Me. Down.”

  “Say. Please. Rose,” Bryant chided as he rubbed me seductively against his defined chest, making my body temperature rise. “I will happily hold you against me all day.”

  Since he was showing no signs of relenting, I gave in for the sake of my sanity and the throbbing pain in my arm muscles from holding my saddle. “Please.”

  Bryant chuckled in victory and slowly brought me down, raking our bodies against one another, forcing every inch of my backside to come into contact with him as I slid down his body, back to my feet.

  A moan escaped my lips as my body hummed in appreciation of the close contact.

  He brought his hands up over my shirt as he traced my stomach and ribs, until he was skimming just below my bust line with his thumb, stroking the bottom of my breast.

  I gulped as I tried to control the butterflies in my stomach taking flight. I’d dated before, but with Bryant, it was as if my body was screaming from deprivation of being touched. Every nerve stood on end as his body pressed against mine. Soaking in every second of this moment, the atmosphere was electrified as he leaned in closer to me. My brain shut off, and I swayed on my feet, and my knees got wobbly. “Rose…” his husky voice whispered in my ear from behind.

  The click of the door opening was like a splash of ice-cold water on the lust-filled moment. He threw himself backward to put space between us. Once the door opening granted a few inches of clearance, Bryant pushed past Steve and rushed off.

  Steve, the stable manager was a thin, lanky man, who always let his blond hair get unruly and seemed to radiate the smell of leather cleaner from constantly keeping the tack in pristine condition. He took pride in his work, caring unconditionally for the horses. Steve strutted in looking at Bryant’s saddle on the floor. Grumbling to himself, he complained about people being raised in a barn and not picking up as he walked through to the office area, completely ignoring me.

  Probably a blessing, since I was in the process of hyperventilating over the interaction with Bryant just moments ago.

  After pulling myself together, I quickly tacked CZ, looking around for Bryant, but he was nowhere to be found. I had never seen someone vanish so quickly. At the end of the day, Steve would give the horses everything he had, but didn’t give two cents about the people drama. He couldn’t care less what we’d been up to in the tack room, which made Bryant’s reaction so odd. CZ got in his exercise and cool down with no sign of Bryant, and my mood dampened with each passing second. I took my time untacking, drawing it out in hopes he’d reappear. Turning CZ back out, the last flicker of my hope at seeing Bryant again extinguished.

  I skipped my ride the next day, deciding that the awkward rollercoaster was exhausting. I liked Bryant a lot, but things with him were so incredibly confusing I couldn’t keep up. One minute the attraction was undeniable, the next he was closed off and distant. Worst of all, I had not spoken to Leslie in weeks. I desperately needed to talk this all through with my best friend. Nevertheless, just for today I preferred to enjoy some downtime at home, reading a romance novel where the male knows what the hell he wants and goes for it.

  Leslie called my cell, as if her ears had been ringing. I had been so distant I was afraid to answer, so I ignored it, deciding I would talk to her tomorrow face to face. The phone rang again; this girl must have gotten tips from my mom with continuous dialing. I figured resistance was futile. Since she lived nearby, I knew she wouldn’t even give a second thought to showing up after putting her off for so long.

  “Hey, Les— what’s up?”

  She was quiet for long enough that I looked at my phone to confirm I had, in fact, answered it. I heard her pull in a deep breath of air.

  “Are you finally speaking to me? What the fuck? You haven’t said a word to me since that day you left me at the barn, and you were my ride home! Shouldn’t I be the one who is pissed off and ignoring you here?”

  Oh shit — totally forgot I was her ride that day.

  “Shit. Leslie — I’m so sorry. It’s the new guy — he has me all out of whack.”

  Silence took over the line again, really making me wonder about the phone connection.

  “Rose, do you… like him?” Leslie was already giggling.

  “Like him! Are you kidding me? He is a total asshole. We’re like oil and water. If he was on fire…”

  “Yeah, yeah. So you do like him. Rose, that day you left me… you were a total bitch by the way, but I forgive you… I was coming to talk to you about him.”

  “Yeah, I saw you two in the tack room, you working all your charm. I’m sure he was putty in your hands within seconds.”

  “Rose, we were talking about you! He was interested in you. I’ve been trying to get a rise out of you since I was pretty sure you liked him, hoping to stir up some jealousy so you’d realize your feelings. I know that Daren hurt you, but Rose, you are strong. You’re ready to move on, and when you talked about Bryant, I could see the light in your eyes again. I wanted you to follow your heart, not let your fears hold you back, and I figured the best way to get a rise from you was to get you riled up.”

  “Les… damn. I don’t know what to say. You always get the guy. I just assumed…” I held back the tears as the memories of that horrible night replayed in my mind.

  “And you know what they say about assuming, Rose!” She giggled.

  Just like that, our petty ridiculous fight was over, and I was feeling like an idiot. Leslie gave me the rundown of their conversation, how she had tried to flirt with him, but he’d kept redirecting it back to getting details on me. She assured me she hadn’t given out much, not knowing what I would have wanted said, and knowing I valued my privacy. After an hour more of our normal chitchat, we hung up, and I got the first restful night of sleep since Bryant had captured my attention.

  The next morning I woke up with a renewed energy and love of life. I got ready for school in record time, even with straightening my hair and applying a little mascara and lip-gloss. Leslie met me at homeroom, and we picked up with the past forgotten. It was nice to have her back, although I still felt like a horrible friend. Leslie understood my reaction and was over it. At lunch, we talked about Bryant some more, and she came up with a million scenarios to have him and me hot and heavy by nightfall.

  “Rose, I’m serious. Walk in there with attitude. He likes you. Don’t let him ignore his feelings. If he tries to, show him what he is missing out on! If Bryant has half a brain, he’ll be dropping you to the stable’s conference room floor and claiming you as his!” Leslie explained a plan of attack I’d never have the courage to carry out.

  The entire thought had me blushing ten shades brighter as I took a sip of water to cure my cottonmouth and tightening throat. Flirting was Leslie’s forte’, not mine! By the time we got out of school, she had me a bit more confident about deploying some of my new tactics in hopes of getting Bryant’s attention and getting that kiss Steve had interrupted from the other day.

  Work at the arcade was hell in a hand basket. All the kids in our little town must have gotten their allowance, because it was like a madhouse with squealing kids running amok. The pace of work kept me from dwelling and getting nervous. I was so busy chasing kids and handling issues with the games, I couldn’t watch the clock as I put in a grueling four hours. As soon as my time was up, I was out of there and on my way to the barn, hoping Bryant was there at his usual time. Literally bouncing in my seat to get there, I turned on the radio and cranked up the Top Hits station. I belted out songs as my feelings of excitement bombarded me.

  I pulled int
o a parking space beside Bryant’s blue truck, thrilled he was there. My anxiety shot up tenfold. I was overcome with excitement and nervousness, so I clung to the excitement to pump myself up. Seeing Bryant leading his horse in to tack her up, I felt the smile spread across my face until it reached my eyes. I flipped my visor down so that I could check myself in the mirror, giving myself one more motivational speech. I touched up my lip-gloss so my lips glistened, begging to be kissed. I sashayed into the barn, smiling.

  Bryant didn’t even turn to acknowledge me.

  I huffed in disappointment but wasn’t quitting yet. I came up behind him and grazed my hand on his lower back, seeing him flinch in response.

  A lump formed in my throat, and I found the nerve to start talking to him. “Hey, Bryant. Where did you disappear to the other day?”

  He sneered and turned his cold eyes my direction.

  I felt a knot the size of Texas form in my stomach.

  “I had stuff to do. It’s not like I can stand around here playing silly games with you.”

  I stepped back instinctually, trying to escape his wrath. What was up? Even in the worst moments of Bryant’s teasing and torture, he had never been so mean. I quickly fled to tack CZ, completely deflated, cursing Leslie for getting my hopes up. While riding, I even fed myself a bullcrap story that the guy in there wasn’t Bryant; it was his twin, and he was a jerk. I felt taken advantage of and misled, and I choked back the tears I refused to let fall. Ultimately, though, I knew it was Bryant, and that whatever he’d felt the other day had been a fleeting moment, a thing of the past.

  I got back to the barn and began to remove my saddle from CZ. When I turned to lug it to the tack room, Bryant, in all his mouth-watering glory, was barricading my way. “Look, Rose, you’re cute and adorable. But…”

  I braced myself for the verbal slap I knew was coming with the compliment cookie he was feeding me.

  “You’re too young. I’m in college — you’re in high school. Hell, I saw your phone blow up the other night with your mom calling when it was past your bedtime. My night is just kicking off. We live in two different worlds outside the barn.”

  “But… but,” I defensively stammered out. “Leslie said you asked about me. The other day, in the tack room, you had your hands all over me. What am I? A toy to be played with when you want and then stuck back on a shelf?” My voice cracked, and I paused, trying to calm myself as my tone neared a hysteric pitch.

  “I did, but she didn’t give up much. Then the other day, Steve came to me and pointed out you are in high school. High school! You haven’t even lived yet. You’re still stuck in the fairytale story of love. That isn’t reality. People fall in and out of love, and in the end, you might as well just learn to enjoy the moment.” Bryant lifted his head and squared his jaw in defiance.

  Damn you, Bryant, and damn you, Steve!

  “Whatever, Bryant!” I screamed out in exasperation. That was all I could come up with in retort, because all I saw were those lips moving, telling me everything I didn’t want to hear, instead of kissing me senseless. That was it — I was done. My shoulders slumped down in defeat.

  Bryant reached up and ran his fingertips across my lips.

  I turned my head to avoid the pain seizing my heart and crushing it with each caress.

  With a sigh, Bryant walked away, taking the pieces of my broken heart with him.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The next day as I pulled up at the stables, my stomach twisted in knots. I flipped my visor down to look in the mirror, remembering the excitement that had reflected at me just yesterday. Today, though, the eyes looking at me were red and puffy from my pity party last night, and no amount of concealer was covering it up. I just didn’t get how he’d gone from fishing for information from Leslie and that moment in the tack room, to completely dismissing me like a young annoying sibling. Too young. Seriously. We had maybe a four-year age difference. I was a senior in high school, and Bryant, I’d heard, was a senior in college. His blue Ford pickup was in the parking space beside me, so ready or not, it was time to face the music and get through it.

  I climbed out of my truck and slammed the door, a bit harder than I had planned, in dreaded anticipation of the day from hell ahead. I tacked CZ with no sight of Bryant. I thought that maybe he was avoiding me. As depressing as it was not to see him, it would certainly make this day and all future ones easier to bear. I hopped atop CZ and made my way to the arena, hoping to just be done with the day. These last few weeks, since Bryant’s arrival, had been emotionally draining.

  Midway through my ride, I decided to head over to the jump ring to practice, since we had a horse show coming up. CZ and I easily went over a few warm-up fences, so I hopped down to raise the jumps to our normal, higher height. I created a course in my head and set off to it.

  I always found peace while creating difficult courses and jumping them. CZ and I were considered the team to beat at shows, thanks to how I challenged myself here in our home arena. This was my therapy. Clearing the first few fences, I made a sharp left to make my way to the next when I caught sight of Bryant on his horse coming off a trail by the ring. Before I knew it, I was sailing through the air, sans CZ. In slow motion, I looked at the next fence that I was supposed to be jumping with my horse. I’d abandoned him with my distraction in the sharp turn, and he’d refused the fence to prevent an inevitable catastrophic crash.

  Apparently, seeing my attempt to fly, Bryant jumped off his horse, running toward me as I hit the ground with a thud, my wrist slapping against the top wooden pole of the fence.

  Damn, I rarely fell. Unfortunately for me, since I’d been in a Bryant-induced la-la land, I would now pay the consequences of having a wrist screaming in pain. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes, and my stomach attempted to dump its contents as the pain in my wrist tore through my gut. I felt Bryant’s warm soothing touch on my wrist as he delicately braced it to evaluate the injury.

  “I don’t think it’s broken. Just… just sprained. Hard to be sure, but we need to wrap it so your wrist is stabilized.” He prodded a bit more, causing me to wince in pain, before he began lecturing me. “What the hell were you doing? You can’t do a turn like that!”

  “Thanks, Doctor Bryant,” I snarled and snatched my wrist back carefully. “But I’m fine. I do turns like that all the time. I was just distracted.” I fought back my tears. Who did he think he was?

  Bryant took his other hand and used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the few stray tears on my cheek.

  My traitorous body leaned into his hand, letting a sigh escape.

  He came in closer, until he was inches from my face, his eyes giving away in their brown depths the concern he was feeling. Hesitation replaced the concern as Bryant’s gaze locked on my own. His tongue slipped out to wet his lips.

  I quickly turned my head to avoid the tension-filled moment, and my heart shattered. I couldn’t allow him to torture me, even if he had no idea of the effect he was having on my body. I would be better off if Bryant simply reached into my chest and just ripped my heart out now, instead of continuing to play with it.

  Releasing my wrist and placing his hands on both sides of my face, Bryant attempted to force me to look at him.

  I closed my eyes, knowing my restraint would only last so long with the proximity and intimacy of the moment. “Bryant, what do you want? Are you intentionally trying to hurt me?” I asked, exasperated with this push and pull.

  He winced and swallowed before replying, “I want everything I shouldn’t, as always. You don’t get it, Rose. We’d never work. I keep telling myself we’d never work, yet at every turn I see you, and this connection is just becoming irresistible.”

  I opened my eyes to look at his. Those beautiful eyes looked like honey as they shone with emotion pouring out of them, as if he was trying to tell me more than what he was actually saying. What it was I couldn’t decipher. Go Away? Come Closer? My tongue darted out to moisten my lips and in seconds, Bryant’s were crushin
g them. Startled, I paused, and his hand came sweeping up to my hair while the other gripped the back of my neck, anchoring me to him. Bryant’s lips moved against my own, sending a tingling sensation coursing through my spine all the way to my toes.

  I gasped for air when he turned to angle his head a different way. Bryant took that as an invitation to slip his tongue into my mouth, beginning a tangle of the two. I molded my lips to his, bringing my uninjured hand up to caress his face as I poured every emotion from the last month into this kiss. I could feel his stubble prickling my chin as he kissed me senseless. All the rage I’d felt for him these last weeks, all the passion combusted in these few moments of pleasure poured out of me. The butterflies in my stomach took flight at the spectrum of emotions that flowed through me. I had been kissed before, but never before had a kiss stopped the earth from spinning. Bryant tasted of maple syrup that made me starve for breakfast in bed with him the next day.

  We ended the passionate moment with a few quick chaste kisses, and he scooped me up into his arms before placing me gingerly back onto my feet. He held me a minute as I regained my balance. I inhaled a deep breath, trying to pull air back into my lungs, breathing in the smell of Bryant’s aftershave and cologne. It reminded me of fresh rain in the woods. He reached out to caress my face once more before he walked back toward his horse grazing on the grass, waiting for us to get through killing one another and making up in the same breath.

  I calmed my breathing and walked back toward CZ to get back on. I reached for the reins and felt a twinge of pain in my wrist. I looked at it, confused, before remembering that moments earlier I’d fallen, and, thanks to that fall, I’d just had the most amazing kiss of my life. I decided against getting back on and walked CZ back to the stables. I relived every moment as I still felt the burn on my face from his stubble and the swelling of my lips from Bryant’s rough and passionate kiss.