Bryant spun me around and swept me up into his arms. He held me tightly as we both grieved for the first time together for the loss of our daughter.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I woke up the next morning with Bryant’s arm over top of me and felt like I’d died and gone to heaven. Probably shouldn’t joke about dying, Rose. I looked up to Bryant’s face to see his pink lips pouted and his lashes skimming over his cheeks. His tan skin, complemented his dark brown hair perfectly. His hair just hit his ear, like he was due for a haircut. My eyes roamed down his neck to his muscular torso, until meeting the tattoo I’d seen yesterday.
It was such a beautiful piece and warmed my heart to know he had carried Angelica with him all this time, too. I’d always felt so alone in my grief and love for her. I reached my hand up to trace the soft feather details of the wing. The design was intricate with the angel wing creating a bassinet to cradle the sleeping infant with the tips of the feathers wrapping around to hold the baby close. Beneath the wing, in a beautiful script font, was the name I had given our daughter. It completed the tattoo perfectly.
Angelica
I followed each letter with my finger, as the tears flooded my eyes. I felt Bryant’s hand trail up me, and he rolled off his stomach to face me.
“I want to show you something,” he softly said to me, as he kissed the tip of my nose.
I looked to his eyes, raising my eyebrow out of sheer curiosity at where this was leading.
“You’ve got to get dressed, and then we’ll go. I think you’ll like it.”
He pulled his lip in and chewed on it nervously before getting up and grabbing a pair of jeans and cotton t-shirt. After getting his socks and shoes on, he saw me sitting there waiting on him to help me. Looking in his closet, he put on his war face and headed in.
“How about a sundress?” he called from the depths of his walk-in closet, where he had hung my clothes.
He came walking out with one of my favorite melon-orange sundress that had spaghetti straps.
“It’ll be easy to put on over the casts — and take off,” he added winking at me.
“Well, look at you, mister fashion guru. Do you have the perfect shoes picked out, too?” I laughed, as I lifted my arms, trying to help him tug off his shirt I’d worn to bed. He’d been right. Putting the dress on had been much simpler than threading casts through shirtsleeves and leg holes.
Dressed and in the truck, we swung by a florist shop. I looked at him suspiciously, but he’d put that emotional wall up, blocking me out. I crossed my arms in frustration and stared out the window as he hopped out.
Coming back out shortly after, he had a bouquet of sunflowers tied with a pink ribbon around the stems. He set them on the center console, avoiding my eye contact and backed out carefully before heading down the road.
We pulled into the cemetery next to the church I’d attended as a child. The building was a bit rundown, but it was still a beautiful site with the brick stairs leading to the dark wood door, stained glass windows that would let colorful light rays into the church, creating a mosaic on the floor, and the old bell in the steeple. Bryant came around and took my hand, and with the flowers in the other, led me around to the side where the cemetery was located.
I looked to him, confused and then upset, thinking he’d brought Angelica’s ashes here without me. It was a perfect place to lay her to rest, but I hadn’t been able to let go at the time, and I hadn’t come back since. We followed an old brick pathway that had grass peeking up through the crevices, walking slowly as I wobbled on my foot-and-cast combination. I was tired of the crutches, had left them at the apartment, and was now regretting that decision. Bryant kept a slow pace, holding my hand firmly in case I tripped or needed support.
We turned a corner to an area that was new. I gasped as I realized what we were heading toward; in front of us stood a statue of a small girl with angel wings spread out behind her, looking toward the heaven with a smile and a tear. Bryant squeezed my hand to gain my attention, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. I let go of his hand to step closer and could see she had round cheeks and a beautiful smile, but also had a tear on her cheek, carved in the stone. I reached out to touch it, hoping to save her from her sadness. Short soft curls framed her face, and she actually looked like a cross between Bryant and me.
Bryant stepped up beside me, reaching up to hold the statue’s hand a moment before setting the bouquet down by an aged bronze plaque that read:
~Angelica Marie Matthews~
In Memory of Our Angel
Always in our hearts
Love, Daddy & Mommy
My body shook as the tears took over my body, and Bryant looked to me cautiously. I turned to him, unable to speak, and he opened up his arms to hold me as I wept uncontrollably. Finally, a bit composed, I leaned back to look at him as he stared at Angelica’s face.
“When did you have this made?” I asked. Looking at the statue and plaque, it had to be at least a year old.
“I commissioned the piece two years ago. I had it planned out shortly after you left, but needed it to be drawn to look just right, and then I saved up for it.”
I stretched up to him for a kiss, and he tilted down to me, giving me access to his warm lips.
“Do you like it? I know I didn’t ask you or talk to you about it, but your mom said this was the church you guys attended, and I wanted us to have a place to be with her.”
“I think it’s perfect, Bryant. I couldn’t have imagined it better and think we should spread Angelica’s ashes here. Together.”
We headed over to my mom’s, and she opened the door before we’d even climbed out of the truck. Granted, with the casted leg I was a bit slower than normal.
“Rose!” My mom let out a yelp and ran to me, hugging me tightly to her as she wept softly on my neck.
I held my arm out so I didn’t knock her out with the cast and wrapped the other around her to hold her.
“I swear, I’m just going to lock you in a padded room! That’s the third time I honestly thought I’d lost you.”
I coughed at the revelation she’d almost spilled — another demon in my past that Bryant was unaware of, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever tell him. Our plate could only handle so much.
“I know, Mom. I’m sorry for scaring you but I’m... good,” I conceded, letting go of her and reaching for Bryant’s hand. She looked toward him, beaming with joy that life had worked out. “So, you just by for a visit?”
She paused, apparently unsure why I was there for the first time in four years, willingly walking toward the house that suffocated me with memories. I looked at Bryant as I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and my throat closed up.
“I took her to see our angel,” Bryant explained softly.
My mom nodded in understanding, smiling bigger as her own eyes shined with more tears.
“I think it’s past time to let Angelica rest. She’ll always be with us, but she deserves better than sitting in my room alone.”
Bryant brought my hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles at my words. Bryant went to my room for the urn, and I stayed with my mom, talking to her more than I had in a long while, enjoying her company.
We said our goodbyes as we walked out the door and made plans to have my mom over for dinner soon. Before the door closed, her voice whispered a goodbye to Angelica.
Back at the angel statue, I leaned into Bryant, who was holding me with one arm and the urn with the other. I could feel the tension in his body as he tried to keep himself together for me. I stepped away from him a moment, thanking Angelica for blessing me with being her mommy, even if it was only a short while, for watching over me the last four years, for watching over her Daddy, and helping us find our way back together. I told her how I wished I could have watched her grow up. Most importantly, though, I told her how much I loved her and missed her every day.
Bryant stepped up beside me and kissed my temple then handed me the urn. He traced
the letters on the plaque that held Angelica’s name. I was glad he spoke to her out loud so I could hear him.
“Hey, princess. I hope you’re doing well up there in heaven, not giving the angel in charge of you too hard of a time. Good job watching out for your mommy the other night. She scared me. No more driving for her, Grandma and I are thinking. I love you so much and am sorry I wasn’t there the day you made your grand appearance. Your daddy is pretty stubborn. I’m especially sorry I wasn’t brave enough to see you all bundled up in the bassinet at the hospital, but I just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you. You be good. Mommy and Daddy will be with you one day.”
He kissed his fingers and placed them on the plaque before wiping a tear from his cheek. Together we opened the urn to the wind, letting Angelica be carried away from us. I felt the pain go with her and the void fill with all the love and feelings I had repressed for the last four years.
“She’s gone,” I said, as everything settled and sank in.
“Never,” Bryant gently argued. “She is right here with us, Rose. Always.”
After a while, Bryant pulled me with him.
“Come on, let’s go home,” he said, pulling me in the direction of the truck.
When we got back, I lay on the couch, resting my head in his lap as he watched the sports recaps.
Can’t win them all.
I woke a short time later to being lifted in the air and cradled in Bryant’s strong muscular arms as he carried me up the stairs to bed. Once under the covers, I was pulled closer to him, and he kissed my lips softly and carefully. I attempted to wrap my body around him, urging him on, but he pulled away, placing a quick peck on my lips and nipping my plan in the bud.
“You’re still a little too beat up for physical activities,” he teased, and I could feel his body move with his restrained laughter.
I rolled over, wiggling my butt against his crotch, creating a rise from him despite his verbal protest earlier.
“You will be the death of me woman,” he growled in my ear, nibbling on my lobe, before forcibly holding me to him tightly.
I closed my eyes to drift back to sleep when I felt his warm breath on my cheek, as he whispered a threat in my ear. “Next time you better be careful teasing. I might not be so restrained.” He smacked me on the butt with his palm, before going back to holding my hip.
My body turned to molten lava on the spot, aching for him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I was finally free of my cast and loved having normal-sized appendages but was still very weak in the muscles and had to go to physical therapy to help regain some muscle tone. Bryant was filling up the truck for our trip to Tallahassee. The other day I’d mentioned that my lease was almost up, and he’d said that was perfect, because he’d hope I’d move back home and into ‘our house’. It had been an awkward conversation. He’d back-pedaled, realizing he was repeating the path that had led to our four-year hiatus.
I put him out of his misery quickly, saying I agreed. I’d move back and apply for teaching jobs here closer to our friends and family. I laughed aloud at the memory as Bryant was climbing back in the truck.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, making me laugh a bit harder.
I reached over and took his hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Just thinking about the conversation about moving back,” I teased.
We got to my apartment building, and I stopped at the leasing office to settle everything with them. When I walked into my apartment, Bryant had already begun packing up the kitchen, and I joined him to pick up the pace of our efforts. In no time at all, everything except my bedroom was packed up and loaded in the trailer we’d rented.
“I’m starving!” Bryant hollered from the trailer as he climbed out after putting a box in.
“I could order a pizza,” I suggested. “Or we could go to the sports bar we lived at during college,” I tried again, seeing the look of disgust on his face.
“No, I was thinking something nice. Sit down. I even brought a change of clothes so you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me.”
He led me back inside, and I gave him a few suggestions of places I’d heard girls in our sorority discussing as they’d gushed about amazing dates they’d gone on, but Bryant kept shaking his head no at me.
All dressed up with ballet flats, since I was still in physical therapy for my leg, I smoothed my dress, looking myself over again in the mirror. I had rifled through my closet three times before settling on this dress. I felt like this night was special with our decision to be in a relationship and move in together. Things were a bit out of order, but I had faith that, with Bryant, everything would work out how it should.
I walked out to the living area, and Bryant was sitting on a stool we hadn’t loaded up yet. I tried desperately to slow my breathing before I fainted from nerves. Good thing I knew a paramedic who’d be happy to do CPR. Bryant’s back was toward me as he checked his phone, giving my eyes the chance to greedily drink up his black slacks and baby-blue button-down shirt with his sleeves rolled to his elbow.
When my shoes sounded my transition to the hardwood floors, he quickly pocketed his phone and turned toward me with a smile that reached his eyes. His gaze raked over my body, his eyes filled with lust and desire as his jaw fell open.
I had hoped he’d like the short red, lace dress that screamed take me back to bed, knowing it could be lethal to his health. I did a twirl to seal the deal, showing how the dress dipped in the back, leaving it entirely open for his roving eyes. I heard him try to suck air into his lungs as I completed my turn.
“Hungry?” I teased, leaving the innuendo open to interpretation and hoping we’d cancel dinner altogether and just order delivery.
Bryant made a gulping noise, and he closed his mouth and then reached down to openly adjust his discomfort I had brought on.
“Starving!” he replied to my question from moments ago.
I took a step to him in preparation for the feast, when he surprised me by opening the door to usher me out the door.
“Two can tease, and paybacks are owed from you teasing me without mercy the last month.” I pouted my lips, walking to the truck, making sure to sashay my ass the entire way.
We walked into the Melting Pot, and my stomach growled as the delicious aroma reached my nose, tantalizing my taste buds.
“Hi, I made a reservation yesterday for two. It’s under Matthews,” Bryant said to the hostess, as she blinded us with her pearly white smile.
Yesterday?
“Right this way,” she said in her singsong voice, leading us to a very secluded and romantic booth with a vase of white roses on it.
I looked to Bryant, and he just smiled at me mischievously, making my stomach drop. I sat down, attempting to gracefully slide into the booth, with Bryant following closely behind. We took our time flipping through the menu, overwhelmed by the five pages of wine before we’d even hit the abundant food choices.
The waitress came over and explained the process while taking our order then headed off to get our drinks from the bar.
Bryant and I went through the courses and devoured each one. With each course, I’d noticed him getting more and more tense, and he nervously twisted the napkin in his lap. When the third beer came, I reached out to stop his hand’s movement, and his eyes met mine, soul barred.
The waitress brought the chocolate fondue pot and plate with an assortment of dippers, but my eyes stayed glued on Bryant. I could see him working up to something.
He closed his eyes, taking in a few deep breaths, and each passing second making me more nervous. Unable to sit still, I shifted my weight. Feeling fear creeping up about what he needed to say, I spoke first.
“Bryant, is this all too much too fast?”
His eyes quickly flashed open, determined and resolved as he reached for my hand.
“No!” he said a bit forcefully. “You silly woman, how many time do I have to tell you?” He smiled at me as his thumb caressed the in
side of my wrist, sending tingles all the way through me. He slid out of the booth and pulled me to the edge of the seat.
I looked at him, completely confused and wondering why we were leaving with chocolate untouched. Only a man would leave behind chocolate! I looked back to the pot as the chocolate shined in its silky perfection. Turning to look back at Bryant, I realized he had dropped down onto one knee. He pulled from his pocket a small black ring box. Oh. My. God!
“Rose, you are the most confusing, exasperating, stubborn, compassionate, loving, supportive, beautiful woman I have ever met. You drive me completely crazy. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you, and each moment spent with you, I fall even more. You have always been The One. I actually bought this ring four years ago but did a few upgrades to include Angelica’s birthstone last week. I want to spend every day waking up next to you, sharing my life with you, and falling more in love with you. Will you marry me?”
Then the box clicked as he opened it with shaking fingers. My eyes fell to a delicate white gold engagement ring with a perfectly sized round diamond flanked by petite rubies on each side.
“Yes! Of course! Yes Yes Yes!”
I smiled at Bryant, bursting with joy as he slid the ring on my finger. He stood up and pulled me with him, looking at me with a humongous smile that reached his eyes. He scooped me up and held me tight then twirled me around before setting me down carefully. He brought his hands up to hold my face and planted his lips on mine, kissing me passionately.
I pulled back for air, rocking on my heels, and I felt a bit light-headed.
“Dessert, then dessert,” Bryant said with a wink, ushering me back into the booth to quickly eat our dessert that was waiting for us.
I felt guilty eating it so quickly and not savoring it, but all I wanted to do was get back to my apartment and into bed. Bryant seemed in-sync with my thoughts because as quickly as possible we were pushing our way into the apartment, hands all over one another, as if our lives depended on it. Each place his lips touched burned with desire and heat that had been left simmering for four long years.
Expired Regrets Page 20