Blinded by Grace

by Becky Lower

  Her eyes pierced him. She laid aside her needlework and brushed a hand over her hair. “Yes, it was my idea for Grace to be responsible for your care while you were mending. She needed to get away from Simon, you needed a nurse; it seemed only logical. I was only thinking of what was best for both of you. As any mother would. And you, being the proper young man that I raised, would think the situation highly improper unless you believed her to be your betrothed, hand-picked by you. So, if it will make you feel better to blame someone, blame me, not that poor girl. She’s been carrying around enough problems as it is.”

  Halwyn’s dinner arrived on a tray, and was set up in front of him. He left the cover on the food for the moment. He needed to finish the conversation.

  “So what am I to do now? The servants all have had a great laugh at our expense, and Grace is embarrassed beyond belief.”

  “You were behaving as a couple. A couple in love with each other. Where’s the harm? Or the need for embarrassment?”

  Halwyn ground his teeth together and raked his fingers through his hair. “Because we are not a couple. It’s that simple. We’re not supposed to be a couple; we’re not supposed to be in love.”

  Charlotte stood, and moved in front of him, staring at him intently. She reached down, and straightened out his glasses. “Are you so certain, Halwyn? Sometimes, plans change. And even a pair of spectacles isn’t enough to see what’s directly in front of your face. Goodnight, son.”

  He lifted the lid on the meal and stared at it. His appetite had left him completely.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  As June drew to a close, Grace stood still in the dress shop as Jasmine and her assistants fluttered about her, pinning the gown. She kept telling herself this wasn’t a real wedding gown, this wasn’t a real wedding, she wasn’t a real bride. Perhaps if she kept telling herself so, she would accept it as fact. She closed her eyes to keep tears from spilling over.

  Finally, the pinning was done and Jasmine took a step back to survey the completed dress.

  “Just as I thought. The hint of pink in the cream fabric brings some color to your face. You will be a lovely bride, Grace. Want to take a peek?”

  Grace opened her eyes. She really didn’t want to stare at herself in the mirror, but she also didn’t want to hurt Jasmine’s feelings. After all, she’d been working hard on this dress for weeks. “Well, of course.” She tried for a smile, but could feel her lips wobble.

  Jasmine wrapped her arms around Grace. “Oh, you poor thing. You must be so nervous. But you’ll make a beautiful bride. Halwyn won’t be able to take his eyes off you. Here.” She turned Grace to face the mirror. “See for yourself.”

  Unable to resist, Grace raised her eyes and stared at herself. Her breath caught in her throat. She ran her hands lightly down the front of the dress. The bodice of the silk fabric had been embellished with a layer of lace, on which were sewn many little beads which caught the light as she turned. The full, flowing skirt rustled with her movements. She turned to the side in order to catch a glimpse of the slight bustle at the back of the dress, which had been adorned with hand-made roses in a darker shade of pink. Despite herself, Grace began to get excited. She caught Jasmine’s hands with her own.

  “The dress is gorgeous, and you’re a genius,” she whispered.

  “Halwyn’s a lucky man. And just think, we’ll finally be sisters.”

  Grace and Jasmine stared at each other in the mirror for a long moment before Grace turned away. “I always wished we could be sisters when we were younger. You had so much fun with your siblings, and I am an only child. I longed for a large family such as yours. But let’s not fool each other a moment longer. I’m sure your mother has told you by now the true reason for my marriage to Halwyn. I don’t want you to think of me as your sister. It will only make things harder when we divorce.”

  “Grace Wagner, you listen to me.” Jasmine stomped her foot to emphasize her point. “My brother’s a nice man, but even he has his limits. He would not have agreed to marry you if he didn’t care for you. When he came here nightly to work on my accounting records, you were all he could talk about. He loves you, even if he hasn’t yet admitted it to you. He probably hasn’t admitted it to himself. But he will. All he needs to do is see you in this gown, and he’ll be itching to get you alone so he can rip it off of you.”

  The blush rose to Grace’s cheeks as she visualized the scene Jasmine had put into her head. If only she was able to arouse such passion from her intended. But, except for a few brief occasions, he’d kept his passion in check. And she had no illusions that her life would be any different after the ceremony.

  “Yes, well … ” Grace stammered. “The gown is lovely, Jasmine. You’ll certainly have ladies clamoring for you to create their wedding gowns, after seeing this one.” Grace began to undo the pearl buttons of the dress.

  Jasmine helped her remove the gown. “I’ll make the final alterations and get the dress hemmed. Then we’ll take the gown out to the Hamptons this weekend for the ceremony.”

  Grace swallowed hard as she thought about the upcoming weekend. She’d be a married woman by this time next week. She would have successfully wrestled her inheritance away from the evil Simon. She’d be able to buy a place for her mother to live out her days quietly without being browbeaten daily. Her plan would be complete. So why did it seem a hollow victory?

  • • •

  The road out of the city to Long Island and the Hamptons was clogged with carriages, as city folks took to the country for the holiday weekend. Halwyn chose to ride out on horseback, since the cast was now off his leg, but Grace was in a hot, cloistered carriage along with Charlotte and George Fitzpatrick and their youngest children, Rosemary, Valerian, and Saffron. Their eldest daughter, and Halwyn’s twin, Pepper, was to join the party at the Hamptons estate along with her husband and their children. Jasmine and Parr would also be along, with Grace’s beautiful wedding gown.

  The lovely creamy pink satin certainly made Grace resemble a blushing bride. But since the day they toured Halwyn’s new home, and their intimate behavior afterwards up in his room was interrupted by the upstairs maid, Grace and Halwyn had maintained a careful distance from each other, as was appropriate. In another life, possibly in another few years, she would marry again, to a man who truly did care for her. She blinked back the tears, which threatened to roll down her cheeks.

  She wanted the trip to be over. She wanted the weekend to be over. She wanted her sham of a marriage to be over. Her stomach quivered at the thought of facing Simon and her mother for the first time since the weekend Halwyn broke his leg. She hoped Simon didn’t have any other mayhem planned, and the weekend would go off seamlessly. Just let me get through the wedding unscathed. Me and everyone else. She’d never be able to live with herself if some innocent person was again made a victim because of her.

  “Can’t we open a window?” Saffron, the youngest Fitzpatrick, mirrored Grace’s thoughts. “If I’d gotten a pony for my birthday as I’d wanted, I could have ridden out with Halwyn instead of being hot here in the carriage.”

  Grace smiled. Saffron wanted to be near Halwyn, too.

  “I’ll open a window for you, kitten, but I doubt it will do much good. You’ll probably just get a face full of dust,” George replied as he cracked open the small window. “Come, sit on my lap, and you can catch a bit of a breeze.”

  Saffron’s blonde hair and blue eyes were much the same as Halwyn’s, Grace couldn’t help but think of him again. Although she didn’t need any prompts to think about him. Halwyn had been uppermost in her mind for weeks now. She sighed softly. Even though the carriage was moving slowly and she desperately wanted the journey to be over, her life was moving much too fast for her.

  • • •

  Halwyn rejoiced at the idea of riding out to the Hamptons on horseback. There was nothing worse on a hot July day than being stuck inside an enclosed carriage. His leg was still a bit tender, though, and after the first couple of m
iles, he wondered if being cooped up in a carriage would be such a bad idea after all. Even though he kept his horse as far off the crude road as possible, he could taste the dust billowing up from all the carriages wending their way out of town.

  He was glad to be free from the unwieldy cast, though, and able to move about without any encumbrance. The doctor wanted him to leave the cast on one additional week, for good measure, but it was important to Halwyn to get through his wedding ceremony without it. He would prefer to believe there would be memorable festivities after the ceremony, too, between himself and Grace. But he had the real reason for this marriage uppermost in his mind, and doubted if his fantasies would come to life this weekend. Whether he approved of their circumstances or not, the marriage bed would undoubtedly be a lonely, cold one. On their wedding night, and every night for the next year until Grace would move out. However, he preferred not to have everyone in attendance made aware of the true facts behind his wedding day. Or of the fact that it annoyed him.

  Parr caught up to him, riding his famous horse, the Grey Ghost. He brought his horse alongside Halwyn and glanced over.

  “For a man about to get married, you dinna look too happy.” Parr grinned at him.

  “The ceremony’s just for Mother, really. I’d prefer to run off and get it done quickly. I see no reason why we need to make a big fuss about it.”

  “Aye, what we suffer for the ladies, eh? How’s the leg?”

  Halwyn ran his hand down his leg, stopping for a moment at the site of the break. “It’s still a bit sore, and riding this horse might have been a mistake. But I couldn’t bear the thought of being confined to a crowded carriage for all these miles.”

  “Especially with little Saffron talking your ear off. She’s a regular chatterbox.”

  Halwyn grinned, despite his dour mood. “Soon enough, you’ll have a chatterbox of your own. Do you have a preference on whether it’s a boy or a girl?”

  “Jasmine wants a boy, and she usually gets her way, so that’s what ’twill be. But the thought of a tiny replica of my Jasmine, ah. How can I not want a little girl?” Parr put his hand to his heart for emphasis.

  The two rode on in companionable silence for a few minutes. Then Parr glanced over at Halwyn. “We must all be on our guard this weekend, since Simon Huffman will be in attendance.”

  Halwyn nodded. “He’s only one of the reasons why a quick and simple ceremony would have sufficed. I put nothing past him, true enough. You would think even Simon has to admit defeat now. His trick with the horse in May only injured me, but it could have been much worse. If, for instance, Father had been the one riding instead. We almost switched horses at the last minute, but Mother talked some sense into him. If Father had been the one to take the tumble, I fear what might have happened.”

  “Aye, indeed. But you dinna need to be afraid this weekend. Your father asked for my help in arranging for extra help in the stables, to keep an eye out for Simon. I brought over all the hands from the racing stables, except for two.”

  “I appreciate your efforts, but this is his last opportunity to stop Grace from getting married, and we must be diligent. I don’t think he’ll try anything with the horses this time, since we’re on to him there, and he’s aware he’s going to be watched. No, it will be something more sinister than simply tampering with a horse, if he does have something planned. And I’m sure he does. I have a bad feeling about this weekend.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Halwyn and Grace, along with both sets of parents, rode in an open carriage from the Fitzpatrick estate to the Episcopal church in Hempstead, where the ceremony would be performed the following day. This afternoon, the participants were to run through the order of the ceremony so nothing would come as a surprise to anyone. It only took a few minutes to figure out who was to stand where, and when, but even in the small amount of time he had, Halwyn studied Grace. He hadn’t been able to spend any time alone with her since the family had left the brownstone in New York.

  And even before then, when he began to master getting around with a cast, and no longer had to lean on her, she was putting distance between them. After the disastrous interruption by the maid, they both seemed to realize they had been treading on very thin ice, and tried to impose some decorum back into their relationship. She was pale, even more so than normal, and her lips were drawn into a tight line. She was nervous. As any bride should be. He took hold of her bare hand as they stood in front of the altar and she glanced up at him in surprise.

  “Relax, Grace. All will be fine.”

  She rewarded him with a small smile, but her hand was limp in his. He squeezed her fingers gently. She pulled away.

  Could she be having second thoughts?

  He quickly shook off the notion. The greedy, predatory Simon was here, his hot breath on the back of her neck. If she’d forgotten in the past six weeks what was at stake, she was reminded now. She’d go through with this ceremony, even if she weren’t in love with him. This was the only way to protect herself and her mother. Maybe she wasn’t having second thoughts about the marriage. Perhaps her paleness came from her fear of Simon.

  She had been more reserved of late, though, even more so than Halwyn thought was necessary. While he was laid up with his broken leg and his amnesia, Grace had been more than willing to spend every waking moment by his side, taking care of his needs and entertaining him with her ideas on how to furnish his townhouse, or reading to him. She’d even welcomed his modest advances on her. Judging from her reaction to his advances then, he’d had no doubt their wedding night would be one to remember, since she seemed as eager as he to explore their sensuality.

  But as soon as his memory returned, and they were caught in their compromising position by the maid, she began backing away from him. When the cast was removed, and he didn’t have to rely on her so much, she put even more distance between them. His love was blossoming at the same time hers seemed to be fading. His nights became tormented once again. This time pain wasn’t what was rousing him from his sleep, but rather an urgent need to hold Grace in his arms and to kiss her beautiful mouth. And to lose himself in her lilac scent. She was only steps away from him, having taken up residence in Jasmine and Heather’s old room. Mere steps, but it was as if an ocean divided them.

  Well, their distance from each other would soon end. They were to be married tomorrow, and would head back into town and to their new home. Although he didn’t care for some of the arrangements of the home—separate bedrooms for instance, the game room in place of a nursery—he hoped to rectify those two mistakes once they were truly alone for the first time. Yes, their betrothal may have begun as a business proposition, a marriage of convenience. But it wasn’t convenient anymore. He intended to make this a marriage in every sense of the word, if he could. Somewhere along the way, he had lost his heart to her.

  • • •

  Grace entered the parlor with a great deal of trepidation. Her mother and stepfather had greeted her rather frostily, and she was on her guard. Jasmine had designed her dress for the evening, a lovely confection of moss green silk and silk satin embellished with hand-tatted lace at the sleeves and intricate black beading on the bodice. The dress was understated, since it wasn’t full of ruching, ruffles, and bows, but rather it was the epitome of elegance and refinement. Her clothing, even when her father was alive, had never been this grand, this beautiful. If any of the ladies in attendance had not yet been to Jasmine’s shop, they would be there next week. Grace’s wedding gown, which she would wear tomorrow, was one of perfection. But she would take no pleasure in wearing the dress, despite its beauty.

  Even tonight’s gown, to celebrate their successful rehearsal of tomorrow’s ceremony, would never be worn again. Such a terrible waste of fabric and energy, but it was associated with her mockery of a marriage, and she wanted no additional reminders. Having to move in with Halwyn was going to be enough of a reminder, every day for the next year. Maybe if she broke it down into weeks, it wouldn’t
sound so horrendous. Only fifty-two weeks to get through. 365 days where she could only see him but not touch. If she faltered, and touched him, she would be lost. She loved him fiercely enough to have to endure what she had proposed to him. They both deserved to be married to people who loved in return, and she wouldn’t ever let herself forget, in this situation, the love was one-sided.

  She had been wrong to allow him to think they were a couple in every sense of the word while he had his temporary amnesia, but his kisses had been so wonderful. Those wicked kisses should never have happened, because now she had a constant reminder of what could never be hers. She’d have to endure, one day at a time. And then get up the next morning from her lonely bed and endure it again. And then, after their year of marriage was over, she would have to endure him courting and marrying the woman who was his true partner. Her teeth gritted together as she placed her hand on his arm so he could lead her into the dining hall.

  Halwyn noticed her set jaw, and misinterpreted her actions. “I’m not so bad to be with, am I, Grace?”

  If he only were aware of the true cause of her discomfort.

  “Of course not. I merely am reacting to being the center of attention.”

  “Mother did get carried away with her plans, didn’t she?”

  “Your mother is a wonderful woman. To have gone to all this trouble for someone who’s not even a member of the family.”

  “Ah, but we’ll take care of the situation tomorrow, won’t we? You’ll be family soon enough.”

  “In name, at least.” She gazed up at him. “Nothing more, Halwyn. I’m well aware of our agreement.”

  He plucked her hand from his arm and kissed her fingers. “I hope, in a year’s time, to make you forget our agreement.”

  Her heart leapt at his words. She longed to lean into him and share a more passionate kiss, but if she did, she would never be able to get through the year. She was well aware he hadn’t even known she and he were even on the same planet until a few short weeks ago. She blinked, and turned her head away.