Lemon Truffles - Love Instantly

by Cece Monét

  Angela found herself sighing, though she made sure she did it quietly. Her best friend Bev wouldn’t be in this situation, she mused. Beverly would be off jet-setting to some fabulous location with a gorgeous guy who couldn’t possibly keep his hands off of her. Brian’s hands were most assuredly on his steering wheel. Cool, calm, collected, in control and self-composed as always. Was this man a reflection of who she was now? How motherhood had turned her into a woman who was afraid to take any risks at all? Yet she couldn’t deny that the potential fallout to her and her son could be astronomical if she took a critical misstep now.

  On the other hand, could Angela afford to live the rest of her life like this? In quiet desperation? Also mostly in solitude as Brian was almost always at work and living on someone else’s schedule, seeing him only in the rare moments that he was available to her? She’d told herself that she’d chosen Brian because he was suitable and wouldn’t create waves in her or Jayden’s lives. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder how this upcoming marriage would be any different for Jayden than having an absentee father had been before she’d met her fiancé.

  Though she’d had a discussion with her young son about how Brian would become his new stepfather, which Jayden seemed to be okay with, she wasn’t sure he knew what it meant. Hell, Angela wasn’t sure she really knew what it meant. She’d explained that they would need to live with Brian, but that Jayden would still have his own room and be allowed to continue watching his favorite shows and he could bring all his toys, books and other stuff from their current home. However, she hadn’t really discussed with Brian if there were any rules that would change for her son once they were consolidated into a new family unit with this man.

  Angela and Brian were scheduled to start a ten-week “marriage expectations” series of guided couples’ pre-marriage counseling sessions next month. Maybe they both assumed they could discuss such matters there? Perhaps Brian hadn’t thought about those things because he didn’t have any children yet, so he didn’t know how to prepare for gaining a stepson? Now at a stop light, Brian had stopped talking about having to use a scalpel to cut someone’s thumb open a bit before using tweezers to remove a piece of embedded glass that had broken off and stuck into the appendage. He looked over and smiled at her now. For some reason, this rare, unexpected action startled Angela and she smiled back clumsily as more of an automatic response. Brian continued driving when the light changed.

  Now at one of Brian’s favorite restaurants, they were seated and had just ordered lunch. Brian had just said something to her that Angela was too lost in thought to really hear. “Oh yeah, fine,” she murmured as a general response. It was then too that Angela noticed and fully paid attention to the fact that they co-existed with each other in a way that was peaceful, a cordial politeness with which to interact with one another.

  It was respectful, but did they really know each other? It was kind of like having an acquaintance with a co-worker she didn’t know very well, more so than a passionate, intimate relationship with a man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. They were definitely going to have a marriage based on convenience, not love and mutual understanding. Maybe that’s how things had been all along though. How had she not really observed any of this before?

  “Good. I’m glad wedding planning is going so well. Have you found the dress you want yet?” she barely heard Brian ask.

  “Oh no, not yet. Bev’s gonna help me with that some more either this weekend or next.” Angela had tried on a few dresses so far, but she was having a hard time picturing in her mind what she wanted. She couldn’t see in her mind’s eye how Brian was going to react when he saw her in any of those dresses, so she thought none of them had been the right one and she decided to keep looking, continuing her search for “the dress.”

  Their food came then and they were mostly silent throughout the rest of lunch. However, towards the end of their meal, Brian asked, “Is everything okay Angela? You don’t seem like you’re usual self. Like you’re distracted and I don’t know, maybe a bit out of sorts today?” He looked concerned, but she couldn’t help but wonder if this was the same expression most of his patients saw when he had to ask them the hard questions about how they were really taking care of their health.

  Angela took a deep breath. Maybe now was the perfect time to get some of her concerns out on the table. “Actually something has come up. Jayden’s father is in town and has tracked us down and wants to start seeing Jayden. I’ve had our son entirely to myself for all this time and I’m just not sure how this is all going to work out.” Okay, so maybe she omitted a detail or two from that description, but what she’d said was still true nonetheless. She could open up and say more depending upon how Brian reacted to the news she’d just given him.

  Brian nodded slowly. “Well if the two of you can’t agree and work something amiable out for everybody involved, then I know a really good family law lawyer that can take care of the whole situation for you.” Angela smiled weakly, topically, but couldn’t help feeling a little put off, especially when he quickly added, “Good, I’m glad that’s all settled now. So what do you want for dessert?”

  Clearly this was Brian signaling that he thought the whole matter was now at a close. He had solved her problem for her and he wanted to continue as before, as though none of this situation would affect her any more than a slightly bothersome splinter that he could simply pluck out. Then he could throw a band-aid on her boo-boo and everything was good as new. What had Angela really expected though?

  For Brian to allow her to open up and pour out her real feelings to him about everything? He’d never done that before, but then again, she’d never needed him to before. They were engaged and he didn’t know anything about her history with Cheng. Besides, Brian was a doctor, he “fixed” things for a living by definitively giving people medical advice, prescribing pills, doing quick medical procedures, or handing patients off via referrals if there was something too complicated he couldn’t immediately fix himself.

  Then those matters were definitely at an end for him. That was exactly how he’d just handled this situation with her too, except for Angela this matter was definitely not case closed. So she remained silent and ended up picking at a lemon bar Brian had suggested that she didn’t really want to eat a few minutes later.

  Chapter Eight

  Cheng’s new resolve to give Angela space and find a way to not let the whole situation kill him, or drive him insane in the process was challenging, to say the least. He’d never experienced trying to let go of something he wanted so badly and that seemed to finally be within his reach. He meditated and exercised a lot, doing tai chi every weekday morning, hitting the gym to lift weights and do his workout routine three times per week, and training under a new ju-jitsu instructor twice a week. He even fit in either an hour of yoga or deep stretching once per week. Then at work every day, Cheng was cordial with Angela if he happened to see her in the hall, but he treated her as any other subordinate. Well, at least in terms of outer appearances.

  The main difference was that he went out of his way to avoid her as much as possible and asked her things only out of necessity and then only via e-mail or on their office communicator instant messaging. Cheng only had regular face time with Angela in staff meetings, in which he deliberately did not sit anywhere near her and if he could, he would even sit where he couldn’t see her. He trusted her operations decisions and did not sit in on any of her meetings either.

  After the first two weeks, he still burned for her, probably now more so than ever before, but he didn’t give in to any of his impulses. He just increased his rigid, grueling calisthenics routine instead. He wondered how many mantras about separating himself from all earthly desires he would need to endure before any of it actually kicked in and started working…

  ~

  About a month had passed since Cheng’s initial arrival at their office and with each passing day, Angela was increasingly having a difficult time staying focused
at work. Cheng consumed her almost every thought now, though she had to give herself credit for pretending to be unaffected. He mostly stayed away from her, which made life somewhat easier, though he avoided her so much now that she honestly began wondering if he had changed his mind about her altogether. Maybe the nostalgia factor had worn off for him and he was starting to think she was just a plain, ordinary mom, the way she often felt herself to be these days.

  Today, however, they’d had to make a business deal which required his VP level sign off, so he had to attend the meeting, unlike the rest of her meetings that he usually declined. The two of them sat on one side of the large rectangular conference room table, while a team from their partner company sat across from them. The meeting, which included some last minute negotiations, had lasted two hours. It felt like an eternity of bittersweet torture.

  Angela thought she would pass out her awareness of Cheng was so strong from the moment he’d sat down beside her. Though she was pretty sure she kept her facial expression neutral and she eventually got her breathing steady, she couldn’t control her rapid heart rate and she felt flushed. Hopefully that glow on her face just looked like makeup. She did her best to ignore the way Cheng affected her and went on to keep her cool and do her best work under pressure.

  Cheng gave his feedback too, though it was minimal. From what she’d heard about him and his usual business dealings, she had to wonder if he was behaving uncharacteristically right now. Had he diverted from his usual management style here lately being so hands off with her? Probably. She had to admit that his trust in her ability to handle things was refreshing too; she liked and appreciated it.

  When Angela slid a sideway glance over at him out of her periphery, she could tell from the rigid set of his body that he could feel the pull too. The animal magnetism charged up between the two of them was making it hard for her to concentrate. She silently mused about what would happen if she just jumped on Cheng right now. The two of them could go at it on the floor, the table, up against one of the room’s walls…

  Cheng must have caught the general direction in which her mind was moving because he cleared his throat then, seemingly in warning for her to knock it off. Damn his intuition was always so on point and he was definitely in sync with her. Angela found that Cheng being so in tuned with everything around him was both annoying as well as arousing…

  Angela couldn’t help it. She wasn’t trying to inflame the two of them. Just like the sun rose in the morning and set at night, their attraction for each other simply was and couldn’t be ignored forever. The meeting finally ended and two of the three men from their partner company had left the room already, leaving the last man alone with Angela and Cheng.

  The man pulled Cheng to the side of the conference room and proceeded to tell Cheng in Mandarin that if he were smart, he would go ahead and marry his Director of Operations over there. The man laughed heartily as Cheng’s expression quickly changed into a mix of anxious, stricken longing and his gaze automatically shifted over to Angela, then back to their business partner. However, Cheng swiftly schooled his facial expression and once again, masked himself, returning to the stoic, unshakable businessman.

  Angela pretended to be oblivious as she continued picking up the contract with her scribbled change notes that their Legal team would need to amend and get implemented. Then she gathered up her other belongings. She’d heard what their partner had said and while she hadn’t understood every single word, she’d understood most of the man’s comments and certainly his overall meaning.

  Angela had also observed Cheng’s fleetingly altered facial expression as covertly as she could. Well, at least now she knew for sure that she wasn’t suffering in silence alone. That was little consolation for her; however, as their colleague looked from her face to Cheng’s and shook his head. Then the man finally made his way out of the conference room still bellowing out laughter along his way.

  Cheng was holding the door open for her now, standing in the doorframe stiffly as she exited the conference room. Unintentionally, Angela’s shoulder brushed against his chest as she made her hasty departure. She swore she heard him groan and she apologized for her clumsiness hastily, without ever looking at him. Angela knew better than to linger in that ticking time bomb situation, so she’d gotten out and hadn’t looked back.

  She hurriedly made her way down the hallway, fleeing to the supposed safety of her own desk as soon as possible. Otherwise, she would’ve dumped everything in her arms on the floor, grabbed Cheng and dragged him back into that conference room before pushing him back onto the table. That large, heavy, solid mahogany table was sturdy enough to support both of their weight…

  Oh my God! Stop it already – that meeting was enough torment as it was she chastised herself inside of her head as her shaky legs with wobbly, weak knees finally got her back to her cubicle. Then, as if on cue, her telephone rang. She pulled herself together and answered it on the third ring after putting down all of her items on her desk. “This is Angela Hawkins,” she said into her phone’s receiver.

  “Hi Angela, it’s Zoe,” a young woman said in response. Zoe, Jayden’s nanny, almost never called her at work. Angela was just about to panic when Zoe added, “Jayden’s been drawing a picture that he insisted I scan and send to your e-mail right away and he wants to talk to you. I hope you’re not too busy right now?”

  Angela exhaled a breath she didn’t even know she’d been holding in relief. “Of course, you know I always have time for my baby.”

  She opened her personal email then, since Zoe knew not to send anything to her work account unless it was an absolute emergency, and was downloading the paint file Zoe had sent her when she heard Jayden’s excited voice on the line. “Hi mommy! I drew a picture for you. Did you see it yet?”

  “Hi Jayden. Actually I’m opening it now.”

  “Where are you? Are you at work?”

  “Yes baby. You know this is where I am every day when you stay with Miss Zoe.”

  “Oh good. Then can you bring that nice man so he can watch Yo Gabba Gabba with me tonight?”

  Angela wasn’t sure what had prompted all of this coming from Jayden suddenly, but then again who really knew or understood the intricate inner workings of preschoolers? She also wasn’t sure how to answer him, but as she was about to say something, anything in response to Jayden, she became aware of someone else’s presence beside her. With the way her body responded to that proximity, she knew it could only be one person.

  Of course her son’s picture chose that exact second to finally finish downloading and pop open. Jayden had drawn a picture of himself, her and a stick figure man she had a feeling was supposed to be Cheng. They were all smiling and standing next to a square shape with a red blob on it. She was pretty sure they were all happy in the drawing as they watched one of Jayden’s favorite TV shows.

  Slowly she turned to look over her shoulder. Cheng was staring at her intently as though he was awaiting her answer as eagerly as Jayden was. She knew intuitively that he’d heard their son’s excited, high pitched voice, especially with the high volume on her phone. Damn broken volume button. She slowly turned back around and closed her eyes, willing her pulse and breathing to both slow down so she could think. Knowing she couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer, she finally replied as her son prompted her with “mommy?” Almost as if he’d had to remind her so she didn’t forgot he was still there. That was laughable. As if that could or ever would happen.

  “Yes baby. I’ll bring him so we can all watch Yo Gabba Gabba.”

  “Yay! Okay, I’ll see you later. Bye mommy.”

  As she turned back to look at her son’s father, who still maintained a bit of a tight posture, Angela knew for sure. Heaven help her, but she was in trouble.

  ~

  Cheng should have felt happy about this situation. Ironically, his son had made the first move when indecisiveness seemed to have plagued both Cheng and Angela, causing them both to have tied hands, thereby gua
ranteeing their inaction. Cheng had been allowing Angela to have space in order to figure out what she wanted to do. He had also been preparing himself mentally for if she ultimately rejected him.

  His hormones and thoughts were in disarray right now though as he drove to her house. Sitting next to her during what felt like a marathon meeting earlier had been sheer agony. She smelled so feminine, so soft and sweet like night blooming jasmine. He’d wanted to slowly run his fingers up and down her stocking covered leg until his hand could disappear under her skirt and between her thighs... He’d actually spent most of that meeting being quite uncomfortable and trying to hide his hard on.

  Now at his own child’s behest, he would continue to be forced to spend time in the presence of the very source of his hellish anguish. Cheng sighed in frustration and ran his fingers through his hair as he was now stopped at a traffic light. He wanted to convince himself when he agreed to this meeting that he was simply doing what would be in Jayden’s best interest.

  He didn’t want the nagging thoughts that felt an awful lot like an ulterior motive to detract from the time he would spend with his son. If he were being honest with himself, he could admit that he was not a damn monk though and his attempts at feigning such were failing miserably. He still hadn’t been able to divorce himself from desire at all, much less keep himself from the one woman he really wanted.

  In preparation for eventually spending time with Jayden, Cheng had spent time looking at his son’s photos and videos at least a few times every week. Truthfully, he’d found that one of the reasons keeping his distance from Angela was so hard was because it also meant spending even more time away from his only child. He hadn’t been actively focused on it, but his desire to have a family had grown exponentially, especially since he’d found out how much time he’d already missed being a part of Jayden’s life.