For Your Love

by Vanessa Miller

  Two days later, while in her pajamas, Toya lounged in her living room, with her feet propped on her ottoman while she searched the internet for a job she could work from home. She had enough savings to get her through the next few months as she figured out her next move. But she definitely would have to figure out something because she was not some trust fund baby who could just live off the wealth others left behind.

  Her mother and stepfather were well off, but that was their money. She was a big girl and had been taking care of herself since the day she left law school. As she tapped her fingers on the keyboard of her laptop, Toya wondered for the hundredth time if she needed to see someone about this fear that she had allowed to rule and reign in her life to the point of not even wanting to leave the house.

  She clicked off the job site and opened a Google search. Just as Toya started typing in her search for a psychologist, she felt thirsty, so she went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. While there she noticed crumbs on the counter, that began her hour-long procrastination project. Because she didn’t just wipe the crumbs off the counter, but then the stove needed to be cleaned, the floor had to be swept, and the microwave and fridge had to been wiped down.

  Just when Toya was starting to feel guilty about procrastinating on finding a job and a psychologist to speak to, her phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, she saw that it was Jarrod.

  “Hey Bubba,” Toya answered with the affectionate name she had given Jarrod when they were kids.

  “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”

  “I don’t say it in public. I think that’s a good compromise, don’t you?”

  “Whatever. Where are you?”

  “I’m at home. Why what’s up?”

  “We’ve got a problem. Deacon Brown just went live on Facebook.”

  “I don’t see why that’s our problem. I hope he provided his address while he was doing that live video so the police can finally arrest him.”

  “Do me a favor, Toya?”

  “As long as I can do it in my PJs, you’ve got it.”

  “Get dressed. I’m on my way to get you... and don’t go to Facebook until I’ve told you everything. Promise?”

  Toya had no idea what Jarrod was all up in arms about. But she parted ways with her cleaning rag and closed the fridge. After jumping in the shower, she put on a pair of stonewashed jeans, a white tank top with a soft pink button-down knit sweater and a pair of clogs that were made of blue jean material. Just as she thought that she looked comfortable but cute, another thought struck.

  Could she break out and run if need be in these clogs. Cute was one thing, but surviving an attack was another matter. The doorbell rang as she was searching for her Nikes. She let Jarrod in. “Just give me a minute. I’m searching for another pair of shoes.”

  “Oh no you don’t. The shoes you have on are fine. We need to get going.” Jarrod grabbed Toya’s arm and pulled her toward the front door.

  Toya snatched away. “I’m serious, Jarrod. What if something happens and we need to get away quickly. I’d never make it.” She turned and headed back to her bedroom as if what she said made perfect sense.

  Jarrod had been smiling as he playfully tried to pull Toya toward the door, but after seeing the look of fear on her face and her explanation for changing her shoes, he wasn’t smiling anymore. As he walked into her bedroom and entered her walk-in closet, he told her. “Don’t worry about the shoes, Toya. I’ll go to the hospital myself.”

  Her closet was a mess. Dirty clothes piled high on one side and stacks of flies and paper on the other side. Her shoes were somewhere in the middle, she just needed to find them. “Hospital? Who’s in the hospital?” Toya turned and fell back on the mound of dirty clothes.

  Jarrod offered a hand. “Let me get you out of here before we won’t be able to find you.”

  “Yeah, okay, very funny.” Toya grabbed hold of Jarrod’s hand and let him lift her up. As they walked back into the living room, she said, “My closet isn’t normally like that. You just caught me on a bad day.”

  “Don’t even start lying like that Toya. It looks like something exploded in your closet. That took more than a day.”

  “I’m not a slob, Jarrod. So, stop acting like I need to be on Hoarders.”

  “I know you’re not a slob. You’re usually very organized, with a place for everything, and everything in its place.”

  “Yes, but this townhouse is too small. I don’t have any storage space, so it’s hard to get everything organized.”

  “Why did you sell your condo anyway. I really liked that place.”

  Averting her eyes, she answered, “I didn’t want to stay there anymore. And besides, this townhouse has a connected garage, and it’s in a gated community with security. I like it. But you still haven’t answered my question. Who is in the hospital? And why didn’t you want me to go on Facebook?”

  He sat down and pointed at the chair across from him, inviting her to do the same. “Deacon Brown is in the hospital. He shot himself on a Facebook Live video.”

  “What?” It felt like the air swooshed out of her body and forced her to sit down.

  “I reported the video, so Facebook took it down, thank God. But the man is desperate.”

  “Desperate enough to kill himself?” Toya didn’t know what to think or feel about this. Deacon Brown had reached out to her for help, and she had just ignored the man.

  “Not only that. He shot himself in front of the police station. That was his way of turning himself in, I guess.”

  “Did he say anything before shooting himself?”

  “Honestly Toya, I don’t know whether to feel sorry for the man or continue to be angry with him for pulling us into his drama.” Shaking his head, Jarrod continued. “He tagged you and me to his live video. He said that we left him no choice. That he was right in front of the police station to turn himself in. All he asked was that we help his wife... do what we promised. Then he shot himself.”

  “Oh, my God.” Toya clamped her hand over her mouth and just shook her head. “What was he thinking?”

  Standing back up, Jarrod told her, “I have no idea. But I plan to find out. I’m going to see if dad will ride out to the hospital with me. I’ll call you later to let you know what’s going on.”

  A buzzer rang, Jarrod looked around as Toya got up and pressed a button on the wall next to her garage. “Hello.”

  “Your groceries are here.”

  “Let them in, Larry. Thank you.”

  “Right away, Ms. Toya.”

  “I thought grocery delivery was for old ladies and people who broke a limb or something.” Jarrod gave her a puzzled look.

  “It’s just convenient for me. I’m not working right now, so why should I go out for groceries when they have a service to bring it to me?” The doorbell rang.

  Toya made a big production about asking for identification and for the person to give her the total amount of her order before she opened the door and took the groceries from them.

  Jarrod stood up and took the bags from the delivery driver. As Toya closed the door, he put her bags on the kitchen counter. “I’m going to get going. I’ll call you later and let you know what I find out.”

  “Thanks for doing this Jarrod. I really don’t think I could deal with seeing Deacon Brown like that right now.”

  “Yeah, I’m beginning to understand that.” He kissed her on the forehead and left.

  ~~~

  By the time they arrived at the hospital, Deacon Brown was just waking from surgery. Thomas pressed the intercom button to be buzzed into the ICU.

  “May I help you?” the voice on the other side of the intercom asked.

  “I’m here to see Clarence Brown.”

  “Are you immediate family?”

  “I’m his pastor,” Thomas replied. They hadn’t seen so much as the back of Brown’s head in the last six months. But his name was still on the roll books, so technically, Thomas and Yvonne Reed wer
e still his pastors.

  She gave them the room number, then unlocked the door. Thomas and Jarrod began walking down the corridor in search of room number eleven. “We will pray for him, get his wife’s information, and then get out of here.”

  Jarrod agreed. “I know I should have more compassion for a man who just tried to kill himself. But I’m still so angry about him tagging Toya to that video that I just want to shake him.”

  “I feel the same way, son. I’m boiling inside about you seeing such a thing. But I’m also thankful you were able to spare Toya. She’s gone through enough.” Thomas shook his head at the whole maddening mess. “But God says different, and I’ve got to go with what my spirit man wants rather than what my flesh wants to do right now.”

  Jarrod took a deep breath and patted his father on the shoulder as they arrived in front of Deacon Brown’s room. Jarrod walked behind his father as they entered the room. Deacon Brown’s eyes had been closed, but like a man on the run, those eyes popped open the moment he heard the squeak of the door.

  “I knew you’d come,” he said, then his eyes fell to the pressure of the meds and drooped. He went back to sleep.

  Jarrod and Thomas sat down. After a minute, Jarrod whispered, “Should we wake him?”

  Thomas shook his head. “He looked like he’s been through the wringer these last few months. He probably needs to rest.”

  “He does look a lot older. I was a little shocked when we walked through the door.”

  “I’m a cautionary tale in the flesh, young man,” Deacon Brown’s voice was groggy as he tried to open his eyes again. “You don’t ever want to be like me.”

  “You seemed like a good man when I hung out with you as a teenager. I just don’t know what happened to you?” As soon as Jarrod said those words, he remembered that his father didn’t want to get into all that with Deacon Brown. He lifted a hand, like waving the white flag. “But we’re not here to talk about that.”

  Thomas stood and walked over to the bed. “We wanted to pray with you and then see how we can help Mildred.”

  Brown’s face contorted as if he was in pain and a tear rolled down the side of his face. “After all I’ve done to your family. I don’t have a right to receive prayer from you, pastor. It’s over for me. Just help my Mildred.”

  “None of us have a right to expect anything from God. We have all sinned and done so much wrong in the sight of a Holy God. But He still wants to forgive us, heal us, and make us whole. If you can believe with me for a moment.” Thomas took Brown’s hand. “Then we can go before God and ask him to help you and Mildred.”

  “Okay Pastor, let’s do that.”

  Jarrod stood on the opposite side of the bed from his father. He put Brown’s free hand in his then offered his right hand to his father. As his dad took his hand, Jarrod noticed that the patch on Brown’s head did not extend to the back of his head but just went from the front to the left, just above the ear.

  Jarrod had assumed that the bullet would have come out the back of his head, but it must have just grazed the front, and exited out of the side of his head by the left ear. That’s probably what saved Brown’s life.

  Thomas prayed, “Lord God, we humbly come to You now, realizing that our fate is in Your hands and that You know the number of our days. How great You are... how wise You are. Lord, we trust You, and we ask that You do something miraculous in Clarence and Mildred’s lives. Change them from the inside out. We ask that You heal our sister Mildred...

  Jarrod’s eyes were closed as he listened to his father bring heaven right in the room with them. That was how he felt each and every time Thomas Reed opened his mouth to pray. Jarrod wondered why it never felt as if the earth was about to shake when he prayed. He sometimes questioned if God really heard his prayers because he didn’t get that special feeling he always had when his dad prayed.

  “Thank You, Father, for Your goodness, thank You for Your grace,” Thomas continued. “We will always give You praise. We stand in awe of Your greatness. Do those great and marvelous things that You do. Again, we thank You, in Jesus name we pray, and we count it done. Amen.”

  That was the other thing about his father’s prayers. He always ended them with such authority... Jarrod would never be so presumptuous to ‘count it done.’ To Jarrod, that was like telling God He had better do it or else. Jarrod thought it was better to ask, and just hope that God felt like helping him out. But maybe that was the reason he didn’t feel the earth move when he prayed. Maybe his father just believed more than he did.

  3

  “Dad, let me ask you something,” Jarrod said as he drove Thomas back to his house.

  “Ask away, my number one son.”

  Jarrod smiled at the term ‘number one son.’ When in fact he was Thomas Reed’s only son. That fact didn’t change even after marrying Yvonne, because Yvonne only had two daughters. And one of them was in some kind of trouble. “Have you noticed anything different about Toya?”

  “Toya?” Thomas' eyebrows scrunched. “Can’t say that I’ve noticed anything, but she hasn’t been around that much lately.”

  “That’s because she doesn’t leave her house that much. She quit her job at the law firm, sits at home in her PJs all day, and she is even having her groceries delivered.”

  “That’s not like Toya. She’s always been so outgoing and ready to take on the world. This thing with Marvel must be affecting her even more than we thought.” Thomas shook his head. “We’ve all been so busy these last few months with mine and Yvonne’s wedding, then Tia and Robbie, I don’t think any of us noticed that Toya was having problems.”

  “Didn’t you think something was wrong when she moved into this high-security place and then quit her job?”

  Thomas shook his head. “I’m the one who told her about that condo. I think it’s the best place for a young, single woman.”

  They came to a red light. Jarrod pulled up to the light and stopped the car then glanced over at his father. “Okay, Dad, the condo makes sense. But having her groceries delivered and quitting her job, without having another job lined up?”

  “I’m glad you brought this to my attention, son. Yvonne and I will pray and figure out the best way to help Toya through this situation. But you’ve got to understand her fear because it’s been six months since Marvel attacked her and the police still haven’t found him.”

  Jarrod rounded the corner and pulled into his father’s driveway. He put the car in park and then turned to his father. “One last question, Dad.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Why do your prayers seemed to shake the earth, but when I pray, it’s like nothing is happening. I don’t feel anything at all. Don’t even know if God is listening to me.”

  Thomas smiled; his eyes drifted a bit as if he was thinking of a long-ago memory. “I used to think the same thing about my father’s prayers. You know what he told me about it.”

  “Gramps used to talk my ear off, so I can only imagine what he had to say.”

  “Most preachers are big talkers. But his answer was really short and sweet. When I asked how come his prayers seemed to touch heaven when mine sputtered out before I got off my knees, he just looked at me and said, ‘keep living.’”

  Jarrod didn’t understand. “You for real, that’s all he said?”

  “Son, it was more than a mouthful. Because I came to understand that in my early years, I hadn’t experienced all the things in life that could break your heart and knock you down. I didn’t know what it was like to pray to God whenever things were on the line, and if God didn’t come through, I would be lost... but I kept on living, and I found out.

  “Now, do I wish pain and heartache on you?” Thomas shook his head as he opened the door and got out of the car. He then lowered his head so that he was looking directly at Jarrod. “Life won’t always be easy for you. And I can’t promise to be here when you run into trouble. But if you find that secret place in God, I can promise that your prayers will shake the foundation
of heaven and God’s angels will move on your behave.”

  ~~~

  Jarrod figured that while his dad was praying for Toya, he would do something that would motivate her to get out of the house. There was no surprising her since he had to be buzzed in at the gate, but at least she would be surprised by what he had in his possession.

  “Come on, girl. I want to introduce you to the most beautiful woman I know. And that’s inside and out. You’ll see.” Jarrod kept talking to the dog as if he understood and was going to give feedback.

  He rang the doorbell and tried to wait quietly at Toya’s front door, but one of Toya’s neighbors was jogging down the street with her dog, and his three-month-old puppy started barking her head off and trying desperately to get off her leash. Jarrod scooped her into his arms. “Calm down, they aren’t the enemy.”

  “What is all this noise out here?” Toya asked as she swung the door wide open.

  "Sorry about that. She’s a protector by nature.”

  Toya reached out and rubbed the dog's ears. “Where’d you get a dog from?”

  They walked inside the apartment. Toya closed the door and locked the deadbolt. Jarrod sat the puppy down. “I got her at a shelter. Unfortunately, her owner passed away a couple of weeks ago. I felt so bad that I had to take her. But now I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.”

  The dog slow walked over to Toya. Sniffed her leg, then circled around her. “What’s the dilemma?”

  “My rental doesn’t allow pets. My lease is up in two months. I can move to another spot after that. But until then, I need to find someone to keep her.”

  Toya and Jarrod took a seat in the living room. The dog sat down at Toya’s feet, and without noticing what she was doing, Toya started rubbing the dog's fur. “What’s her name?”

  “Princess... I’ve got all her paperwork. She’s been well taken care of.”

  “Now, why do I feel like I’m being set up for something?”

  With a crooked smile, Jarrod said, “I’m not trying to set you up. But Princess does seem to like you... and you like her.” He pointed toward Toya’s left hand. “You haven’t stopped rubbing her since we sat down. And you are the only full-grown person I know who doesn’t have a job.”