Into the Flames (Out of the Ashes Book 2)

by S. M. Lynn

  “I feel like a crazy woman. But I’m trying to control everything here in addition to getting everything at work sorted. I just don’t see how I will have time for all of it.”

  “Lauren,” he says as he pulls me into his arms and gently kisses my lips. “If people walked in right now for dinner the apartment would be lovely. I hate seeing you worry so much and having you run around after Gavin and I because we left our shoes next to the door or the tooth paste on the bathroom counter. These are small things that we can handle Thanksgiving morning if necessary.”

  “I know but I need to have everything perfect before this weekend so that I can have time for deep cleaning. All the floors need to be steamed and the carpets need cleaning. And don’t even get me started on the light fixtures. Have you seen how dirty those are? I don’t know how Gavin and I didn’t notice before.” I feel my chest heave as I start to break. What is wrong with me? Why am I stressing so much about this?

  “Whoa, sweetheart, calm down. It’ll be fine. It’s not as if we live like slobs; I tell you what from here on out you just focus on the dinner and the decorating and I will handle everything else.”

  “Ian…” I begin but he cuts me off, raising a single finger to my lips to silence me.

  “None of that. I said I would handle it and I will. Now I have a couple phone calls to make. Why don’t you make a grocery list so that tomorrow we can go pick up all the ingredients we will need.” Reluctantly I leave the security of his arms and make my way to the table to get started on the list while he makes his phone call.

  His cologne drifts into my consciousness as he walks up behind me. “The cleaning is all taken care of. I have a crew coming this weekend to do all the floors and the deep cleaning. Then Mrs. Parks will come over Monday and Wednesday to do the tidying up and help you with anything you need. So sweetheart, what are we cooking?”

  I jump from my chair and wrap him in my arms. “God I love you. I can’t even begin to deserve how good you are to me.” I kiss him passionately, weaving my fingers in his hair. Screw the menu; all I want right now is the man in my arms. His arms move around my waist and grip my backside. As I deepen the kiss, I feel his hands digging into my ass as he hoists me up to wrap my legs around his waist.

  “Fuck Lauren,” he says breathlessly as we break the kiss. “If I had known hiring help would get this kind of reaction I would have done it two weeks ago.” I laugh and rest my forehead against his. The sound of a clearing throat filters through our moment.

  “Sorry to interrupt.” Slowly I peel my legs from around Ian’s waist and turn in his arms to face Gavin. “You guys really need to put a sign on the door when you are going to do that shit in the public spaces of the apartment. We all have to live here you know.” He grins and I feel my body flush from head to toe.

  “Knock it off Gavin. You know you’re embarrassing her.”

  “Embarrassing her? Walking into my apartment is like walking onto the set of a porn shoot lately. Not that I’m complaining. But I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to…”

  “I’m going to stop you right there.” Ian interrupts what I am sure would have been a completely inappropriate comment.

  “Not my fault that our girl has a delectable piece of ass living in her room.” Gavin continues. I hide my face in my hands not sure if I should laugh or run screaming. Yep, I knew the inappropriate comment was coming.

  “On that note,” Ian rakes his hands through his hair, “I’m going to go change so we can get some take away and watch a movie.” He drops a kiss into my hair and turns for the hallway.

  “Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, man.” Gavin calls after him.

  “Leave it alone, Gav. You have quite the knack for making awkward situations even more awkward. Now did you need something when you interrupted us?”

  “Oh yeah. And umm, about that I’m sorry. I actually just wanted to see if you and Ian were free tomorrow night. Some of us are getting together at the club; Brett has the night off finally and we were going to meet up there with some of the other models from the agency. I thought it might be fun. You two haven’t been out in a while.”

  “Well, I think we can make that work. Ian got me some help getting ready for Thanksgiving so my stress level just went down about 110%. We were supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow after work but that can probably wait until Saturday. Let me talk with him and I will let you know.”

  “Laur, I didn’t mean to leave all this on you for Thanksgiving. You know I’ll help in anyway I can. “

  “No, no, Gav, it’s not like that. I think this is just some remnant of my mother coming through. Needing to make sure that everything not only looks perfect but is perfect. I don’t know. I really haven’t felt like myself lately. Normally all the planning and having company would be a happy thing for me but right now… I just can’t explain it; it’s just been so stressful.”

  “Maybe you should talk with Dr. Reeves about this. Could be some sort of trigger or something. I just want to make sure you’re okay and that you stay that way.”

  “You’re probably right. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it. I will definitely talk with him about it at the next appointment.” That part of my routine hasn’t changed since Ian came back. I still spend an hour every Tuesday and Thursday spilling my guts to Dr. Reeves. It has helped a lot though and Ian has even come along with me a couple times, which gave us some time to work through a few things.

  With a smile and kiss to my cheek, he walks into the kitchen. “Oh,” he calls over his shoulder as he opens the fridge to grab a water, “and be sure to talk with that man of yours tonight about tomorrow. If you don’t mind I’m going pass on the take out and movie. Brett has some time off like I said vacation, so I’m going over there tonight. I’ll probably stay all night just so you don’t worry about how loud you get.” He winks at me mischievously.

  “Hey Gav,” I say as I come up to him from behind, “I love you.” I wrap him in a hug.

  “What’s all this?” I hear Ian come around from the living room.

  “I’m not sure myself, man. One minute we were just talking and the next she got all sappy on me.” His arms tighten around me and I refuse to let him go.

  “I just wanted Gavin to know how much I love him and appreciate his friendship.”

  “Well, darling, I love you too. Now don’t make me late for my hot date.” He drops a quick kiss into my hair and leaves to change.

  “Is everything all right?” Ian asks tentatively.

  “Oh sorry, babe. Yes, Gavin and I were just talking about how stressed out I have been lately. And I don’t know… My emotions are on overdrive. He thinks I should talk to Dr. Reeves about it. I would also like to stop using the anxiety medicine all the time. Before I was able to use it just when I needed to but it has helped with the nightmares. I need to talk with Dr. Reeves about that as well.”

  “If that’s what you want I think it would be good to talk with him about it. I’m afraid that your nightmares will return and I don’t want you to have to go through that anymore but see what Dr. Reeves thinks.” He brushes his lip softly against mine. Perfection, there is no other way to describe this man. My brain suddenly comes back to life.

  “Oh I almost forgot, Gavin wants to know if we want to go to a club with him and some friends tomorrow night. I was thinking of seeing if Claire was free and could come too. What do you think?”

  “I haven’t taken my girl out in a while and I know I would enjoy showing you off.” He winks at me and pulls me into his embrace. “And thank you for thinking of Claire. I appreciate how much you include her.”

  “Ian, I love your sister like she was my own. Though we both always seem to be busy and don’t get a lot of time together she is one of my best friends. After you and Gavin of course.”

  “Of course.” He smirks. “If I didn’t beat out my sister for your favorite we were going to have problems. Now pick your poison.” He holds out a few take away menus for me to
choose from.

  “Oh no, you pick the food. I get to pick the movie this time.”

  “Ugh, not another chick flick.” His eyes practically roll into the back of his head.

  “I was thinking of somewhat of a compromise. Man of Steel? Eye candy for me and action for you.”

  “Hmm, not sure I want you to have any eye candy besides me.”

  “You cannot deny me Henry Cavill, all sweaty and glistening. Now order me some food. I’m starving. I’ll get the movie ordered.”

  “Alright I’ll feed you woman. But this Henry Cavill conversation is far from over. I’ll have to see how many times I can make you scream my name later so that I know you remember you’re mine.” I reach out and run my fingers across his lips before leaning up to kiss him passionately. “Don’t worry, love. Henry can’t even begin to compare to you.” That seems to satisfy him as he has a smile on his face when he walks into the kitchen to order the food. Always one to keep his promises, after the food is gone and the movie long forgotten, Ian proves just how many times he can make me scream his name.

  Chapter 11

  Walking into his office Friday morning, I see he’s in deep thought over a piece of paper on his desk top. His hands are fisted in his hair and his look is agitated. “You’re going to bald in a year if you keep yanking at it that way.” I say playfully trying to lighten his mood. “Then I won’t have anything to hang on to while you are buried inside me.” I add as a whisper in his ear and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He pulls me into his lap and buries his face in my hair.

  “God, Lauren you know you are my everything right. Tell me you know how much I love you sweetheart.”

  “Ian, you love me but not as much as I love you.” His face is pale and worry creases his brow. “What’s wrong?” He picks up the paper and hands it to me. My face pales as I read the words.

  How can you possibly think you are good enough for him? You are nothing but a gold digging whore and he will see you for what you are before I am finished with you. We belong together and you will not stand in our way. I suggest you pack your things and leave immediately. I would hate for you to have another accident because I can guarantee that you will not recover from the next one. I guess maybe I have not been clear so let me spell it out for you. LEAVE IAN ALONE BITCH!

  The letter flutters to the floor as the sob escapes my chest. I can’t read any more. Toward the end of my time in the hospital, she left a letter for me very similar to this one but I hadn’t heard anything from her since. I almost forgot about it, things have been so quiet. I thought since she hadn’t contacted me, she was going to leave us alone. But here it is in black and white; Rebecca is still out there and still sees me as the only obstacle to her relationship with Ian.

  “Shh sweetheart. I debated even showing it to you but knew I couldn’t keep it from you.” Double shit. This day is just getting better. Composing myself as much as possible, I look into Ian’s blue pools.

  “Ian, please don’t be mad but this is not the first letter she has sent. I received one in the hospital. With everything that happened it slipped my mind. I wasn’t purposefully keeping it from you. Please you have to believe me.” With the last words, I break again. I don’t want him to feel like I would ever keep anything from him again but now I have gone and made a stupid mistake. He’ll never be able to trust me and at this rate, I’m not sure I can trust myself.

  “Fuck Lauren.” He yells and my body jumps at the anger in his voice. He must feel my reaction because his arms grow tighter around me. “Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m not angry with you; it’s her. I’m just hate that on top of everything else you had to deal with while I was gone, you had to deal with her too. Yes, I wish you told me sooner but I can understand. You have been dealing with a lot.”

  “The worst part of the other letter is she delivered it herself. She said right in it that she had come to the hospital but then after Dean was there they locked down security and she couldn’t get back in to finish what he started. God, Ian what is it with these people? What the hell have I done?”

  “Lauren, you are not responsible for their actions. You have to know that. They are the ones doing this and there is nothing you could do to prevent it.”

  “I could leave like she says. I could disappear again and then she would stop. It wouldn’t stop Dean but he would have to start looking for me all over again. Maybe it would be best if that’s what I did. Look at what this is doing to you, to all of you. You’re live are turned upside down. You’re going to have a heart attack from all the stress and I know your work is starting to suffer because you are too wrapped up in trying to protect me. And who’s protecting you, Ian?”

  “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that. I won’t give you up. I’ll fight for you until my dying breathe.”

  I cut him off. “That’s the problem. I don’t want you to die for me or because of me. You deserve better than this, better than what I have to offer you. I come with too much baggage, too much misery and sorrow.” Ian kisses me, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth. He is very persistent. Eventually I give in and grant him what he seeks. He still doesn’t break the kiss as his tongue caresses mine and runs along my lips. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth eliciting a moan from me before he breaks the kiss.

  “There is nothing better than this, better than you. You are the only one I want, the only one I will ever want. You think Dean is crazy in his tracking and pursuit of you. You haven’t seen anything, beautiful. If you think running from me will protect me, you’re wrong. Because I will never give you up. I will never stop searching. I love you and would do anything and everything for you. I will protect you and that means doing whatever I need to do. You need to trust me on that. I know what I’m doing and I have a top notch security team working on this. Connor knows his shit forward and backward. Please Lauren, no more talk of leaving. I need you with me, always.”

  He wipes my tears and kisses me again. “Now Connor is coming up to collect this. If you receive anything that seems suspicious I want you to call me or Connor immediately. He is dealing with this but somehow a few things are still slipping through.” He holds me for a moment on his lap then I head to the en suite to clean up a little. Ian is on the other side of the door when I open it; he pulls me in close, his hands resting on my lower back. “I won’t have any more talk of you leaving me. I can deal with a thousand Rebeccas and Deans but not that. Being without you is the one thing I cannot fathom. Please sweetheart, promise me.”

  “I promise, Ian.” The words drip off my lips like the lie that they are. I know in my heart that if giving him up is the only thing that will save him, it’s what I will do. It will break me, no question about it, but I will not have him give up his life for me. I would never ask that of anyone let alone the person I love the most in this world.

  “Good, now that’s settled. We can get some work done.”

  “Don’t forget Tuesday night I have my appointment with Dr. Reeves. I won’t have one on Thursday because of the holiday though. So I was hoping maybe you would want to go with me? Dr. Reeves said it would be good for you and me both to be in the sessions as we start to wrap up my treatment.”

  He kisses my neck. “I would like nothing more. I’m glad you are making such good progress. It nearly broke me to think of what you were going through.”

  “I’m just glad I have the support I do. I couldn’t do this without you, Gavin, your mother and Claire. You have all weathered this storm with me and there’s no way I will ever be able to repay you all.”

  “Lauren, we love you. There is nothing else we need as repayment besides you in our lives. Now scoot,” he gives my ass a light smack, “before I take you right here on the rug. We’ll never get any work done at this rate.”

  “Yes, Mr. Jacobs. As your assistant, you know I am here to fulfill all your needs.” I run my tongue over my lips just to drive him crazy.

  “Woman, you are killing me. Go now. Move. I can’t have you near m
y desk any more. I have proposals to look over before our afternoon meeting. I can’t be distracted any longer if we are going to get out of here in time to meet Gavin, so go.” I pretend to pout as I walk to my desk. I do feel better after our conversation but the promise I made earlier isn’t sitting well with me, mostly because I know it’s a lie. I will never jeopardize Ian’s life or safety to save myself. I will walk away first even if it destroys me.

  A little before noon, I make my way around the corner to the deli that Ian likes so much. Walking through the door, I can’t help but smile. Coming here always reminds me of our first lunch together in New York, the day of my second interview. If I never do anything right again, I know that day I made the right decision. I wait patiently in line, I probably should have called in our order but even that wouldn’t make the line move any faster. I look over the menu board above the counter when a voice behind me sends chills through my body. “Hmm, didn’t think I would be running into you here. But I must admit, it is a pleasant surprise.” With one hand possessively on my lower back, he uses the other to spin me to face him. I stare in to the face I once thought I loved; into the eyes that have become hollow shells of their once vibrant selves.

  “Get your hands off me.” I seethe through gritted teeth. I hope that he won’t cause a scene here. How did he even know I was here? Where is Connor or my security detail? They knew I was stepping out to get lunch for Ian and I, they are never far behind me. I look to the exit and Dean catches me.

  “No, no Lauren. No more running. You have no idea how tricky it’s been getting near you. That asshole keeps everything and everyone around you locked up tight. But apparently not tight enough because here we are.” His arm around my waist tightens as does his grip on my arm. To the outsider, it would probably look lovers in an embrace but I knew it was anything but.