Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows

by Balli Kaur Jaswal

  ‘I’m sure she doesn’t feel that way.’

  ‘She does. She said so. She went, “Nikki left, now you’re in a haste to leave as well. What am I supposed to do?”’

  ‘She’ll have her freedom,’ Nikki said. But then she thought about it. Mum would be completely alone, with nobody to talk with, nobody to fill the long evening silences.

  Mindi hiccupped.

  ‘Maybe we should chat when you’re sober,’ Nikki said.

  ‘That’s the kind of thing I would say to you.’

  ‘Not any more, you drunkard.’

  Mindi giggled and hung up.

  In the early evening, Nikki left her flat for the pub, her satchel slung around her waist, noticeably lighter without the women’s stories. She was still smiling from her conversation with Mindi in the afternoon. When Nikki turned the corner, her smile vanished. Jason was standing in the pub’s entrance.

  ‘Nikki,’ Jason said. ‘I am so sorry.’

  Without a word, Nikki breezed past him. He followed her to the door. ‘Please, Nikki.’

  ‘Go away, Jason. I’m busy.’

  ‘I want to talk to you.’

  ‘That’s nice. Do I get any say in when we get to talk?’

  ‘I couldn’t come in that day. I should have called, but … look, my mind is completely muddled and—’

  ‘And you’ve forgotten basic manners?’ Nikki snapped. ‘You could have texted. It takes ten seconds.’

  ‘I wanted to speak to you in person. I’m so sorry, Nikki. I came here to talk to you, to apologize.’

  Nikki entered the pub but sneaked a glance at Jason’s face. He looked more tired than sorry. Nikki felt herself relenting but she didn’t want to. ‘What did you want to talk about?’ she asked crossly.

  ‘It’s really a sit-down sort of conversation,’ Jason began.

  ‘I’m busy right now. Sheena told my class to be here at seven.’

  ‘The writing-class women? They’re meeting here?’

  Nikki nodded.

  ‘What happened to the community centre?’ Jason asked.

  ‘Kulwinder discovered what was really going on and she cancelled the classes. I was effectively fired.’

  ‘How did she find out?’

  ‘She walked into class and heard everything. We had lots of new members and we weren’t being careful enough. Anyway it’s a long story, and I don’t want to get into it right now. Sheena’s driving them over, and they’re due any minute.’

  ‘Can we meet after your class is finished? I’ll come over.’

  ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment and clearly, you do as well.’

  ‘I’d like a chance to explain myself to you,’ Jason said. ‘If you’ll just hear me out. Just tell me when and where to meet you and I’ll be there.’

  ‘Just one chance,’ Nikki said. ‘Nine thirty, my place.’

  ‘I’ll be there.’

  Nikki raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I’ll be there,’ Jason repeated firmly.

  The first few women appeared nearly forty-five minutes after the start time. They stood tentatively in the doorway and peered in, their faces scrunched up with distaste. Sheena pushed through.

  ‘That was hard bloody work,’ she muttered to Nikki. ‘Once they figured out I was taking them out of Southall, they started asking all these questions. Where exactly are we going? Which part of London? I don’t recognize that sign – where are we? I finally pulled over and said, “We’re going to Nikki’s pub, all right? If you don’t want to go, you can get out here and take the bus home.”’

  ‘And?’

  ‘They all stayed,’ Sheena said. ‘They were too scared. Preetam started praying loudly.’

  Nikki approached the doorway. ‘It’s me, ladies.’ She smiled. ‘It’s so lovely that you made it.’

  Arvinder, Preetam, Bibi and Tanveer huddled together and stared. ‘Is this everyone?’ Nikki whispered to Sheena.

  ‘There was another car of women following me but they may have got lost,’ Sheena said, checking her phone. ‘Or maybe they decided to turn around.’

  ‘Come in,’ Nikki said. ‘The weather’s taken another turn for the worst, hasn’t it? It’s warm and cosy inside.’ The widows’ silence rattled Nikki’s confidence. This was going to be harder than she thought. ‘We serve soft drinks and juice,’ she said. The women did not budge. ‘And chai,’ she said. This was an exaggeration – they had Earl Grey but she could throw in some milk and cinnamon. Bibi’s expression brightened slightly. Nikki noticed that she was rubbing her hands together. ‘It’s cold out here,’ Nikki said. She gave an exaggerated shudder. ‘Why don’t you come in and have a warm drink?’

  ‘No,’ Preetam said just as Bibi took a tentative step forward. ‘This is not a place for Punjabi women. We don’t belong here.’

  ‘I live here,’ Nikki said. ‘In the flat upstairs.’ She felt a fierce and sudden pride in this decrepit pub. ‘I’ve worked here for over two years.’

  ‘If we go inside, people will stare at us,’ Tanveer said. ‘That’s what Preetam means. It’ll be like when we first arrived in London. They’ll see us in our salwaar kameez and they’ll be thinking, “go back to where you came from.”’

  ‘They used to say it,’ Bibi said. ‘Now it’s not so common but we can still see it in their eyes.’

  Arvinder shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Nikki took her pinched expression as agreement. ‘You’re all afraid, I know,’ Nikki said. ‘I’m very sorry that people have been unkind to you. But I chose this pub especially because it’s the kind of place where everybody is welcome.’

  Bibi continued rubbing her hands. ‘What if they make us drink beer?’

  ‘Nobody can force you to drink beer,’ Nikki said.

  ‘What if they pour the alcohol into our tea while we’re not looking? Hmm?’ Bibi asked.

  ‘I’ll watch very closely to make sure it does not happen,’ Nikki assured her.

  Suddenly, Arvinder pushed past the women and entered the pub. Nikki was just about to feel proud of her persuasive skills when she heard Arvinder’s loud broken English: ‘Excuse me please toilet where?’

  ‘I told her not to drink all of that water before we left,’ Preetam grumbled. ‘She kept complaining about how dry her throat was.’

  Tanveer coughed. ‘I think she’s catching my bug,’ she said. ‘Nikki, did you say there was tea?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I would like some, please,’ Tanveer said. She wrapped her arms around Bibi’s frail shoulders and rubbed them vigorously. ‘Come, Bibi. You can warm up inside.’ Both women shot apologetic glances at Preetam as they ducked into the pub.

  It was just Preetam left. ‘Hai hai,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve been betrayed.’ It wasn’t clear if Preetam was addressing Nikki or some invisible audience.

  ‘There’s a television inside,’ Nikki said.

  ‘So?’

  ‘There are some good English soap operas on.’

  Preetam turned up her nose at this idea. ‘I won’t understand them.’

  ‘You’re very good at making up stories based on what’s happening on the screen though,’ Nikki reminded her. ‘Why don’t you come in and do that? The other women love your tales.’

  It probably signified nothing, but Preetam hesitated for a moment before she said ‘no’. Nikki sighed. ‘You’re all right with waiting for us out here then? We might be a while.’

  Preetam adjusted her dupatta. ‘That’s fine,’ she said stiffly.

  ‘Suit yourself,’ Nikki said. Inside the pub, the widows had gathered by the table closest to the entrance. They were right about being stared at. The few customers and bar staff looked at them with mixed expressions of amusement and curiosity.

  ‘Why don’t we find a quiet corner,’ Nikki suggested, leading the way to the back room, which was actually just a less popular part of the main area. Arvinder, Bibi and Tanveer shuffled along silently, clutching their bags tightly.

  They settled
around a long table far from the other customers. Above them, there was a window facing the pavement. Preetam’s feet shifted into view and then disappeared. Nikki noticed Arvinder watching her. ‘Shall I try to get her inside?’ Nikki asked.

  ‘Nah,’ Arvinder said. ‘Let her get to know your neighbourhood.’

  Bibi looked around. ‘Does it have to be so dark? Why do these goreh all like to come into these dark caves to do their drinking?’

  ‘It’s not just white people who come in to this place,’ Nikki said. ‘I’ve served drinks to Indians here as well.’

  ‘I had a bit of whisky once. Just the bottom of my husband’s class. I was having a very bad cold and he said it would soothe my sinuses but it was terrible. It burned my throat,’ Tanveer said.

  ‘I used to drink wine with my husband,’ said Sheena. ‘The doctor told my husband it was a healthy alternative to drinking beer all the time, and that he could have one or two glasses a night. I started drinking it with him.’

  ‘The doctor recommended this?’ Bibi asked. ‘An English doctor, I’m sure.’

  Sheena shrugged. ‘Yeah. It wasn’t my first time drinking alcohol. I used to go to after work drinks with my colleagues when I worked in Central London.’

  Nikki’s phone pinged in her pocket. She opened a message from an unknown number.

  Hey Nikki. Once again I’m so sorry. I’ll explain everything tonight xx Jason.

  Nikki looked up. The women were now bickering over whether Sheena’s doctor should be jailed for recommending wine instead of medicine. Nikki glanced out the window. Who was that talking to Preetam? A man in a familiar pair of slacks whose face was blocked by the bus stop sign. Preetam shooed him away with a wave of her dupatta. ‘Get away from me, you idiot!’ she shrieked suddenly. Nikki shot up from her seat and ran outside. It was Steve with the Racist Grandfather.

  ‘Namaste,’ he said with a grin and a wave. ‘I was just trying to direct this lady back to the Tandoor Express.’

  ‘Go home, Steve. You’re banned from the pub.’

  ‘I can still hang around outside,’ Steve said. He turned to Preetam and dipped forward in a deep bow. ‘Chicken tikka masala,’ he said solemnly.

  Preetam turned on her heels and marched right into the pub. When Nikki caught up with her, she said, ‘Hai, anything is better than standing outside in the cold with that lunatic.’ Nikki laughed and gave her a hug. ‘I’m so glad you’ve decided to join us,’ she said, steering Preetam towards the group. The widows cheered when they saw her and she blushed and waved.

  ‘Who has a story to share?’ Nikki asked.

  A moment passed, and then one tentative hand appeared. Bibi. ‘I thought of mine on the way here,’ she said.

  ‘Go on,’ Nikki said. She relaxed into her chair.

  ‘The Woman Who Loved To Ride Horses,’ Bibi said. The women broke into giggles.

  ‘Did she also like to ride rickshaws on particularly bumpy roads?’

  ‘And lean against the washing machine while it was on the vigorous spin cycle?’

  ‘Quiet,’ Bibi commanded. ‘I’m trying to tell my story.’ She cleared her throat and started again. ‘The Woman Who Loved To Ride Horses. Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived on a large plot of land. Her late father had passed it down to her and had given her instructions: don’t marry anybody who is money-minded, because he will try to transfer ownership of the land … ’

  All of the women were attentive except Sheena, who slumped in her seat next to Nikki. ‘Do you want to help me with the tea?’ Nikki asked quietly. Sheena nodded. They excused themselves and headed to the bar. Nikki prepared a tray of cups and put the kettle on. ‘Would you like something to drink?’ Nikki asked.

  ‘Some wine would be nice,’ Sheena said. She threw a look over her shoulder. The widows were too engrossed in Bibi’s story to notice their absence, much less the wine that Nikki poured for Sheena.

  ‘You look tired. Is everything okay?’

  ‘Just a hectic day at work without enough sleep last night. I was up till late talking to Rahul,’ Sheena said. ‘I told him that things were moving too quickly.’

  ‘How did he take it?’ Nikki asked.

  ‘Eventually, he was all right. We had a long conversation. But his initial reaction surprised me. He became defensive. He said, “But you’re enjoying it!”’

  ‘So he thought you were accusing him of disrespecting you?’

  ‘Yeah. I said, “Just because I like it, doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind and decide to take things slow, all right?” And this look crossed his face – it was like he was taken aback but also impressed.’

  ‘You gave him something to think about.’

  ‘The funny thing is, I was surprised as well. I didn’t realize what I wanted to say until I said it. That’s why I avoided talking to him in the first place.’ Sheena took a few sips of her wine and sneaked another quick look at the widows. ‘These storytelling sessions are good fun but I think I’ve also learned to speak up for what I want. Exactly what I want.’

  Nikki remembered the unexpected rush of confidence she felt when she stood up to Garry and Viktor. ‘Me too,’ she said. ‘And I didn’t think I needed any help in that department.’ They exchanged a smile. At that moment, Nikki felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Sheena’s friendship.

  They returned to the widows after Sheena finished her drink and Nikki handed out cups of tea. Bibi’s gaze had gone dreamy as she built her story. ‘Straddled on the back of this magnificent stallion, she commanded his every move. His muscles moved steadily beneath her, grinding against her most intimate places—’

  Bibi’s narration was interrupted by the arrival of another pair of Punjabi women. They looked out of breath and were so relieved to have a seat that they didn’t seem to mind being inside the pub.

  ‘I’m Rupinder,’ one woman said.

  ‘I’m Jhoti,’ said the other. ‘Manjinder is coming too. She’s just finding a place to park.’

  ‘We were right behind the rest of you,’ Rupinder Kaur said. ‘But Jhoti here spotted someone she recognized and we had to pull over a little side street and duck down while she tried to figure out if it was him.’

  ‘Ooh, who was? A secret lover?’ Tanveer teased.

  ‘Rubbish,’ Jhoti said. ‘It was Ajmal Kaur’s nephew.’

  Of course the women had a radar for detecting members of the community, even when they were outside Southall. Arvinder caught Nikki’s smile. ‘You know him?’ she asked.

  ‘No,’ Nikki said.

  ‘Better that you don’t. He was smoking a cigarette,’ Jhoti said.

  The women tsk-tsked. ‘Oh, here we go again,’ Sheena said in English, rolling her eyes at Nikki.

  ‘Smoking?’ Arvinder Kaur said. ‘He doesn’t strike me as the type. I’ve seen him at the temple a few times.’

  ‘He’s got respectable parents as well. Remember his wedding? There wasn’t anything like it.’

  ‘A very lavish wedding,’ Tanveer said. ‘Both bride and groom were firstborns. The celebrations were a week long.’

  ‘I’ve heard there are problems in that marriage, by the way. My daughter works closely with the wife’s family’s neighbours. They say she’s moved back in with her parents. That’s why I was surprised to see him. I thought he would have gone home as well, but I guess he’s stayed to work things out.’ Jhoti said.

  ‘Where is he from, again?’ Arvinder said. ‘His family is from Canada, no?’

  ‘California,’ Tanveer said. ‘There was a misunderstanding, remember? The girl’s father said, “My daughter is marrying an American” and everybody thought he was a gorah.’

  ‘They thought so because his name didn’t sound Punjabi,’ Preetam said. ‘It was Jason.’

  Something seized Nikki. ‘Jason?’ she repeated. The women nodded.

  ‘Such a pretty bride, no? And the mehendi was so dark on her light skin. Everybody was teasing her, saying, “This means your husband will be wealthy, this mean
s that your mother-in-law will be kind.”’ Preetam said.

  Nikki excused herself to the ladies and pulled out her phone once she was out of the widows’ view. She felt as if her insides had been scooped out. Jason is married. He was married all along. Two forces of temptation pulled her in opposing directions: to call him and tell him what a bastard he was; to block his number and let him spend the rest of his life wondering how she figured it out. A silent reel of recent memories played on a loop in Nikki’s mind. She saw herself kissing him, in bed with him while his wife wrung her hands in another corner of London. She had never felt so foolish before.

  Finally she sent a response to his message.

  Don’t bother coming over. We’re done.

  Without hesitating, she pressed Send.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kulwinder’s phone was buzzing on the countertop where she had left it. When she noticed the unfamiliar number, she felt a flash of anxiety. She picked up just before it rang out, but did not say anything.

  ‘Hello?’ It was Gurtaj Singh.

  ‘Sat sri akal,’ she said with relief. He greeted her back hastily and then said, ‘I take it that your writing classes went over time today.’

  She glanced at the clock. It was quarter past nine, not that the women would be in the classroom anyway. She had locked the door. ‘The classes aren’t running.’ She stopped herself from saying ‘any more’. ‘Today,’ she said instead.

  ‘Are you telling me that the lights have been on since the last lesson?’ Gurtaj asked.

  ‘The lights?’

  ‘I was driving past the temple after dinner out tonight and I noticed the light in the windows. You do realize, don’t you, that money will have to come out of the budget to pay those electricity bills?’

  Kulwinder pulled the phone away from her ear so Gurtaj’s complaints became distant. She recalled shutting the room doors and locking them, and before that, as always, turning off the lights. Or had she forgotten? It was possible that she had been so enraged that she had left the lights on. Doubt rollicked in her stomach like a wave; something was not right. ‘I’ll go back in and turn off the lights,’ she said.