Meanwhile, Back in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 6)

by Ann Charles

  A chill crawled up my spine. While I was playing hopscotch and kickball, and later making out with boys under the bleachers and scraping by with a C average in algebra, I’d had an executioner growing inside of me. Too bad there hadn’t been a Most Likely to Kill category in the school yearbook.

  “What about Dad? Does he know anything about all of this teacher and executioner stuff?”

  “He knows enough to watch over you and search for signs. Since I didn’t live with you, he acted as my eyes.”

  That was why my father always had a way of seeing through my subterfuge. He was on the lookout.

  “What about Mom?”

  “She’s in the dark.”

  It was more like she was in a field of flowers. Now I understood why I’d never been able to feel as carefree about life’s problems as she did. I didn’t imagine that executioners danced through life much.

  Aunt Zoe returned to the table, sitting down next to me again. “The job of a magistra is to train the next executioner on how to seek and remove troublemakers while blending in with and protecting the rest of the population. I have been preparing for this role since I was a girl, and now the time has come to teach you what I know.”

  “You mean like how to fight and kill?” I’d never seen Aunt Zoe harm anything bigger than a horsefly.

  “No, that strength is innate in you, the executioner. My job is to provide you with the weapons, to teach you danger signs to watch for when on the hunt, and educate you on how to detect a threat before it’s upon you.”

  This was all too much. My brain wanted to shut down while my body lounged in a tub full of hot water and bubbles. “I don’t know if I’m up to this, Aunt Zoe.”

  She kissed me on the forehead. “An executioner is only as good as her magistra. I will not let you down.”

  “It’s not you I’m worried about. I’m just me. I don’t feel like a killer in here.” I covered my heart.

  “Violet Lynn, you are an executioner. You will fight to protect and rid this world of malicious vermin. And if you die, you will die fighting.” She left no room for “buts.”

  I heard the sound of the front door opening. “I’m home,” Layne called.

  Aunt Zoe handed me the book, and then closed the lid on the box. “Take that to your room and hide it there. Read it when the kids are not around. I’ve tried to transcribe most of it into English, but if you can’t read my writing, I’ll decipher it for you.”

  “You want me to read this whole book?” I barely had time to shave my legs most days, let alone read something that long.

  “Yes, Violet Lynn, the whole book. You need to know from whence you came.” She nudged me toward the dining room, the book clutched to my chest. “Go put it away for now. Your son is waiting for you to talk to him about what he did.”

  I ran into Doc on his way in the front door. “How was the library?”

  “Quiet.” He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss. “Is that Reid’s pickup out there?”

  “Yeah, he’s fixing the roof on Aunt Zoe’s workshop.”

  “Really?” His eyebrows lifted. “How’s that working for your aunt?”

  “Her molars are grinding.”

  He chuckled. “How was work?”

  I grimaced. “Troubling, but let’s eat supper before I tell you about it.” I glanced up the stairs, lowering my voice. “How’s Layne? Was he rude to you this morning?”

  “Not rude.” Doc shrugged off his coat. “A little distant, though, which I expected.”

  “Did he tell you what’s up with school?”

  “Yes, after a little prodding, and then he made me swear to secrecy.”

  “But not from me, right?”

  “Especially from you.”

  I grimaced. At what point had my son grown up enough to stop confiding in me about his biggest secrets? “You’re not going to tell me if my kid is heading down the road to being a gang banger or serial killer?”

  He wrapped his arms around me, staring down at me with a straight face. “Layne’s a good kid. He’s smart and funny, but he’s also got some problems at the moment. You need to go up and talk to him. He’s ready to tell you about it now.”

  I went up on my toes and kissed the shallow cleft in his chin. “Okay. Will you set the table for me? I think Aunt Zoe’s planning on ham sandwiches for supper.”

  “Sounds delicious. What’s with the big old book you keep poking into my chest?”

  I hesitated, not ready to go into the whole executioner extravaganza at the moment. “It’s an old family album.” That was basically true. “I’m taking it up to my closet and then I’m going to pay a visit to my son.”

  “Be gentle on the kid, Tiger. He’s nuts about you.”

  “The poor boy.”

  “Yeah, that makes two of us suckers.” He ran his hands down over my hips and groaned in appreciation, and then he left me to join Aunt Zoe in the kitchen.

  After I hid the book high up on my closet shelf, I headed down the hall and knocked on Layne’s door before entering.

  He looked up from where he sat on the edge of his bed. There was a stack of books next to him, while one lay open on his lap. “Hi, Mom.”

  I moved the stack aside and sat down next to him. “Hey, sweetie. I think it’s time for you to tell me what’s going on at school.”

  “And then I can still go trick-or-treating?”

  “That was the deal, but I want the truth, and since we both know I can read your mind,” I placed my palm on his head for a moment and pretended I was pulling his thoughts from it, “I would advise against any fibbing.”

  “Okay.” He looked down at his hands. “I punched Kyle because he was being mean.”

  “Being mean how?”

  “He was making fun of you.”

  “Me?” I sat back in surprise. “What was he saying?”

  “He kept calling you Spooky Parker and saying that you like to kiss dead people.”

  That little shit. I’d never kissed a dead person in my life. Although I had kissed Doc when Prudence was sort of possessing him, so technically, I guess one could say … no, Doc wasn’t dead. I was sticking with my original story. That stinking little shit!

  “Layne, you know kids like to make up hurtful names.”

  He nodded, his focus still locked on his hands.

  “And you know they will sometimes lie in order to get attention because they’re not getting what they need at home.” When he nodded again, I put my arm around him, hugging him against me. “You can’t let these boys get to you, sweetie. You’re going to run into bullies throughout your life.” Ray, the dickhead, was the perfect example. “You need to figure out a way to handle them with your mind; use your fists when there is no other solution. You’re a very bright kid, way smarter than me, so I know you can do this.”

  He sniffed. “Okay.”

  I kissed him on the head, breathing in his wonderful scent of shampoo, books, and Layne. “If you need help fighting them with your brain, come to me, and we’ll come up with some brilliant plan on how to disarm them and send them away scratching their heads in confusion at what just happened.”

  He wrapped his arms around my waist, snuggling into me. “I will, Mom. I’m sorry I got us in trouble with Principal Walker.”

  “Just try not to do it again, and don’t you dare hide anything else from me that you’re supposed to show me.”

  “I won’t.”

  “If I catch you forging my signature on any other documents, you’ll be in trouble like you’ve never experienced before. On top of that, I’ll tell your grandfather all about it.”

  “Don’t tell Grandpa. I don’t want him mad at me.”

  “You keep your nose clean and I won’t.” I pushed him back and stared him in the eyes. “You know I love you with all of my old, fat wrinkly heart?”

  He smiled a tiny bit. “Yeah.”

  “Good. How did things go with Doc this morning?” Inquiring minds were dying to know.

  “I can
’t tell you.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “He made me swear to secrecy.”

  What?!! Doc had said it was the other way around. Hmmmm. “Fine.” I stood up. “It’s time to wash up and come down to supper.”

  “Mom?” He stopped me when I’d reached the doorway.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can I go trick-or-treating?”

  “Sure. Doc and I will take you and your sister out after we get home from work.”

  “Doc’s coming, too?”

  I nodded, waiting to see how that went over.

  “Okay,” was all he said, and then rose from his bed.

  “One more thing, Layne.” He joined me and we headed toward the bathroom to wash up. “Did your sister know anything about you getting into fights at school?”

  He winced. “Sort of.”

  I washed my hands first. “And how is it she managed to keep quiet about it?” Normally Addy would be racing home to tell on her brother.

  Shutting off the water, he took the towel I held out. “I gave her my allowance for the past two weeks.”

  Ohhhhh, I should’ve known she wasn’t entirely innocent. The little brat was extorting hush money from her troubled brother. My smile felt like plastic. “Thanks for telling me the truth, honey. Let’s go help Aunt Zoe.”

  Supper went well in spite of my inviting Reid to join us and Aunt Zoe’s periodic glares in his direction as we ate. After the dishes were cleared, and Reid had left in one piece and free of shotgun blast holes, Doc and I sat down on the back porch steps alone in the dark.

  I filled him in on what I’d experienced in Ms. Wolff’s apartment, and then how Cooper had brought me the box of teeth.

  “So,” I shivered as a cold breeze whispered over me. “What do you think is the deal with that cuckoo clock in the mirror?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that.” He tugged me toward him, settling me on the step below him and then wrapping me up in his arms. “I’m more concerned about who or what was banging on the mirror, trying to get out.”

  I rested my head back against his shoulder. “It’s gotta be the juggernaut, don’t you think?”

  “Probably, but maybe we left something else stuck in there, too.”

  “Like Big Jake Tender?”

  “Or the greaser who got thrown against the wall.”

  I sat there in the quiet night, lost in the past for a few moments. “I wonder if Cornelius might have a different theory about the mirror.”

  “We could ask.”

  I needed to find out if he was partying at the Purple Door tomorrow night for Freesia, anyway, so I might as well ask about both. That brought me to another situation I’d thought about during my long afternoon of filming. “You know how Cooper wants us to go out to the ranch and see what sights and sounds you can pick up?”

  “Using my ghost radar, as he calls it?”

  “Yeah, that. I think we need to take Cornelius along.”

  Doc thought on that one without comment.

  “My reasoning,” I continued, “is that if your theory about him being the Pied Piper of ghosts is true, then he might draw in many more ghosts than just Harvey’s grandpa. We might get more answers than with you alone.”

  “His presence and all that follow him might also muddy the stream,” Doc said from over my head. “Might make it hard for me to figure out the details coming from individuals.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. “True. Maybe it’s not such a good idea.”

  “I wouldn’t say that.” He ran his hands up my arms, stopping to massage my shoulders. “Let me think about it. In the meantime, you can see if he’ll be hanging around town for the next few days in case we decide to pull him in and ask him for his thoughts on Ms. Wolff’s mirror.”

  I let my head droop forward as he worked the tension out of my muscles. “Hey, Doc?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you have some kind of secret pact with my son?”

  “Yes. We each shared a truth and agreed not to tell anyone else.”

  “Is there anything I can do to make you tell me the secrets?”

  “Probably not.”

  “What if I ask you to tell me just one of the secrets while I’m wearing only my cherry-flavored lip gloss and purple boots?”

  “Nothing else?”

  “Not a stitch.”

  “Wow, you play a tough game.”

  “No, I play dirty, and I am willing to play even dirtier with you, but only if you cough up a secret.”

  He turned me part way around so I could look at him, and then tipped my chin up. “I love it when you play dirty, Boots, but I promised your son, and I won’t crack, not even for a night of debauchery with his incredibly sexy mother.”

  “Fine, then I’ll just have to beat it out of you.” I held up my fists, Rocky Balboa style.

  “You know I love it when you get rough with me.” He captured my wrists and tugged me toward him, his mouth closing in on mine. “But please, Tiger, whatever you do, don’t go all windmill on me. I might laugh myself to death.”

  “Mom?” Addy’s voice was like a flyswatter smack to the face. “Where are you?”

  “Over here on the steps.”

  She turned on the porch light, blinding me. “Hi, Doc. Mom, can Kelly go trick-or-treating with us tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know. I need to think about it.”

  “What? Why do you need to think about it?”

  “Because, Adelynn Renee, you are grounded along with your brother.”

  “Why?” she whined.

  “For extorting hush money from him.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that you need to pay him back two weeks of allowance that he gave you not to tell on him.”

  “That’s not fair!” She stomped inside, screaming Layne’s name at the top of her lungs. “You’re dead meat!”

  “Crap, I’d better deal with that before it ends in blows.”

  Doc stood and pulled me up. “I need to head home anyway. I have some homework to do.”

  “Oh yeah, is it math, reading, or science?”

  “It’s history. Harvey is coming over to fill me in on his family history at the ranch.”

  “You want to get to know his granddad before he climbs inside of your head?”

  “Something like that.” He frowned down at me. “I also need to be prepared for whatever else is waiting for us out there.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Wednesday, October 31st (Halloween)

  Meanwhile, back at the haunted house …

  I woke up in bed with the Harlem Globetrotters whistling sweet nothings in my ear.

  It took several seconds of their theme song playing to realize that Jerry was trying to get ahold of me on my cellphone. I knocked over a glass of water on the nightstand reaching for my phone, which pretty much set the tone for my morning.

  “Hello?” I said while reaching toward the floor for my pajama pants to sop up the watery mess.

  “Sorry to wake you, Violet, but we have a team member down, and I need you to sub in for him.”

  Overbalancing, I ended up falling out of bed and landing in the puddle of water. “Damn it!”

  “I agree. It’s unfortunate, but Ben can’t go on camera today. He’s a sick mess.”

  I lay on my stomach with my camisole top soaking up water, my mind trying to make sense of Jerry’s sports references through the sleep fog swirling in my head. “You want me to fill in for Ben this morning?”

  “I want you to go straight to the Carhart house. Ray will meet you there with Dickie and his camera crew.”

  “The Carhart house?” I rolled over onto my back, the floor cool against my bare shoulders. I wasn’t prepared to deal with Prudence today. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “You cleared a whole week of filming with both Ms. Carhart and the new owners, right?”

  Unfortunately, yes. “I’m referring to me. I’d planne
d to spend today going over my cue cards so I’d be ready by tomorrow. If I go to the Carhart house this morning, I might be a mess.” Meaning I might totally freak out if Prudence messed with me, like she so loved to do.

  “You’ll be fine once you get into the game,” Jerry spoke with authority. “You’ll be slam dunking your lines before you know it. I have faith in you.”

  Darn it, why did he have to end with that? Now I felt like I had to do it so I wouldn’t let Coach Jerry down.

  “All right.” I pushed myself upright, rubbing a tight muscle in my lower back. “What time do I need to be at the Carhart house and what do you want me to wear?”

  An hour and a half later, I pulled into the driveway at the Carhart house with a takeout tray of coffees sitting on the seat next to me. I brushed yet another dog hair off the new, dark rose pantsuit Jerry had bought for me. Between Elvis’s feathers and Red’s fur, I needed to start carrying a portable vacuum with me wherever I went.

  Old man Harvey pulled in behind me, catching up to me as I reached the porch steps. “Yer gonna owe me big for this, girlie! I had company this mornin’, and she had some big ideas for breakfast.”

  “I’ll take you out to breakfast another day to make up for it.”

  “I wasn’t talkin’ about food, if ya get my drift.” He wiggled his bushy eyebrows at me.

  “Come on! I can’t handle thinking about you and sex this early in the morning.”

  “Well, if yer gonna insist I hold yer hand in a haunted house at the ass-crack of dawn, yer gonna have to deal with whatever I throw at ya.”

  When push had come to shove, I’d chickened out on coming to visit Prudence without backup. Harvey hadn’t exactly cooed like a mourning dove when I’d woken him up shortly after hanging up with Jerry, but since he was my self-appointed bodyguard, I didn’t give him much choice about joining me.

  Ray met us on the front porch, or rather, blocked us from entering. “What in the hell is he doing here?”