Succubus Diaries 03 - My Fair Succubi

by Jill Myles

  Someone had a major crush.

  And someone was bound to get his heart broken, I thought as I watched her smile up at him. Remy wasn’t the monogamous type, and Ethan was the virginiest virgin that had ever lived. No good could come of this.

  My thoughts were distracted as someone came to the door. We heard creaking footsteps long before the chains on the door began to clank as they were undone, then the front door opened.

  A tiny old man with sloped shoulders stood on the other side. He held a blowtorch in his free hand and wore a welding mask atop his head. “Where’s the angel boy?”

  “He’s not around.” Remy gestured at the torch. “You wanna put that away? We need a favor.”

  “Oh, oh, of course,” said the man, and just like that, shut down the torch. “Won’t you ladies come in?”

  Ethan stepped inside the house first, brandishing his bo staff at his side. James didn’t look too thrilled to see him enter, but his expression perked up when Remy and I followed. The house was something out of a pack rat’s wet dreams—wall-to-wall clutter lined the rooms. Every piece of furniture was stacked high with old newspapers, magazines, boxes of miscellaneous parts, old computers, and God only knew what else.

  “So nice to see you, ladies,” he said to my boobs, and wiped a bit of drool from his mouth.

  Greaaat. Just what we needed. I leaned over to whisper to Remy, “I’m starting to see why Delilah wouldn’t come with us.”

  She nodded. “Plus, it’d violate the restraining order if she came within one hundred feet of him.”

  Oh boy. This just got better and better. “How do they know each other?”

  “Delilah was his girlfriend about sixty years ago. She dumped him and he refused to let her go no matter what sort of voodoo she cast on him. Noah kind of watches over him to make sure he doesn’t head back to New Orleans and harass her again, but mostly we just try to avoid the old perv.”

  The elderly man moved to my side, stroking his wrinkly hand down my arm. “You’re a pretty, pretty one, aren’t you?”

  “That’s me,” I said in a flat voice. “Nice and pretty. And I need your help.”

  It left a sour taste in my mouth to say that, especially when his eyes lit up.

  “You need my help?”

  “That’s right,” I said, forcing myself to be cheerful. “An angel sent me.”

  “I’ll say he did,” said the old man, brushing his hand over the front of his pants.

  Ew. I resisted the urge to cross my arms over my breasts. “I mean a real angel. Like, Gabriel. He told me that you could help me stop a vampire that’s been possessed by a crazy archangel.”

  He smiled. “Well then, young lady, you’ve come to the right place.”

  Relief passed through me. “I have?”

  “Yes. Come down into my laboratory with me.” He took my hand in his.

  I glanced backward at Remy, who made a shooing motion with her hands. “We’re right behind you.”

  Yippee. I allowed the old man to drag me through the cluttered house. The place reeked of loser bachelor pad and crazy old inventor. Opened bags of ramen noodle littered the kitchen countertop, and the walls were bare of everything except for magazine centerfolds and some Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders posters. He led me to the basement, going down a long flight of rickety steps into inventor wonderland.

  The basement was huge and littered with junk, garbage, and antiques. James continued to lead me back to a desk where several full bookshelves lined the walls, and the desk itself was covered in all kinds of schematics and drawings.

  “Nice place,” I said, prying my hand free as he sat in the single chair in the room. A calico cat appeared and began to rub against my legs, purring. I reached down to pet it. “You’ve got a great mad scientist vibe here.”

  “Not a mad scientist in the slightest,” he said, shooing the cat away from my legs. He placed his cane against the desk, then patted his knee. “Now come and sit and tell me what you need.”

  I didn’t like that gleam in his eyes. I grabbed Remy and pulled her forward. “Remy’ll sit with you.”

  “Succubus,” Ethan began in a warning tone but was silenced when James raised his hand.

  “I’ve seen her titties on tape,” he said. “Ain’t got nothing new under that shirt. It’s you I want to see.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  Ethan’s breath choked out of his throat, and Remy gave me a smirk.

  “I don’t want to sit on your lap, Mr. Cooper,” I explained patiently. “If I need to sit, I can sit on the floor.”

  He screwed up his face and scowled at me. “Did you want my help or not?”

  “I do.”

  “Well?”

  I waited.

  He waited.

  With a loud sigh, I moved forward and sat on his bony knee. “If you touch my boobs, I am out of here.”

  “Understood,” he said, his eyes level with my rack. A smile creased his wrinkled face. “Now, tell me what my sweet red firecracker needs from her Poppy.” His hand slid to my ass.

  “For starters, you can call me Jackie. And for double starters, don’t ever call yourself Poppy again.” I pushed his hand off my ass.

  Remy sat on the floor at my feet, followed by Ethan. She petted the friendly cat, her expression serious as she stared up at James. “It’s so good of you to help us, Poppy.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Remy. She was so dead when we got home. So. Very. Dead.

  “There’s this evil archangel who is possessing people,” I began. “He was possessing Remy for a long time. When we moved him out of her, he got transferred into a vampire who used an enchanted collar that was supposed to trap the power but transferred to him instead. And now the archangel’s super-powerful and is probably going to kill everyone, so we need something to get him out of the vampire.”

  James rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Can’t kill him or destroy him, I suppose.”

  “Right.” I clasped my hands in my lap. “We need some sort of vessel to contain him. He can’t be destroyed, just transferred.”

  “Well, the obvious solution would be to move him back to a different object, or a less dangerous person.”

  Gosh, why didn’t I think of that? I thought sarcastically.

  “Now get up, because you’re killing the circulation on my knee.”

  I gladly got up and watched as he began to sort through some of the papers on his desk. “How did you say he was transferred out of Remiza?” he asked.

  “A collar,” she offered.

  “A shenu,” I corrected. “Everything I’ve read says it was a protective amulet, but the vampire used it to boomerang the power into himself.” Evil bastard.

  “He is a vampire,” the old man said, his voice dry and raspy with age. “Were you expecting puppies and kittens?”

  “I kind of like you, James,” Remy said.

  “Ancient Egyptian magic?” The old man shuffled to a nearby shelf covered with old, dusty books. “I think I know just the thing to solve your problem.” He pulled down a book, flipping through the pages. “Djed … djed … djed,” he muttered to himself. “It’s in here somewhere.”

  “What’s a djed?” Archaeology was one of my passions, but I didn’t recall every single symbol in ancient Egypt’s long, symbol-filled history. “An ankh? The crook and flail? A sistrum?”

  The old man crowed, his finger stabbing at one of the pages. “Here it is! I remembered it because it has to do with semen.”

  I stared at him. “Beg your pardon?”

  James, ran his fingernail under a paragraph of text in the book. “The djed was a fertility totem and a symbol of intense power. It represented the base of the spine. The ancient Egyptians believed that semen sprang forth from there.” He flipped a page, reading further. “The djed ensured that the carrier would bring stability with him wherever he went.”

  “So we need that?” I said, leaning in to look at the book. Stability sounded like just the thing.

  He nodded.
“It’s like a power magnet. Whoever carries it pulls in power from his or her surroundings. It calls power to the bearer and stabilizes it. I think it should be able to give you the edge over this vampire that stole your halo.”

  My hands clasped in relief. “So we can use this djed thing on Caleb and get the archangel’s spirit out of him?”

  “If we have a spine,” he agreed in a mild voice. “A spine from a sacrificial animal is required. That, and some magic spells.” He flipped the page. “A few incantations, make the staff magic, and you’re good to go. You just need the spine.”

  “Where are we going to get a spine to smack a vampire with, old man?” Remy asked.

  “I have one.” He peered at the shelves full of clutter. “Somewhere around here.”

  I took a step backward, eyeing him. “You just happen to have a spine laying around?”

  He shrugged his rounded shoulders. “You never know when an emergency is going to call for ancient magic. I was trying to make one for myself because I loaned my last djed out to a very nice warlock. Handy things, those djed.”

  “So you’ll give it to us?”

  “For a price. It’ll take a few hours for me to do the proper incantations, but I think I can squeeze it in this afternoon.”

  Here it comes. I crossed my arms over my chest. “And what sort of price are we talking?”

  He stared at my breasts again. “I want to touch those.”

  “Ew! No.”

  “Fine,” he said angrily, throwing his hands up. “No djed for you!” He began to stomp away.

  Ethan and Remy sprang to their feet. Remy pinched my arm hard, and Ethan looked as if he wanted to attack James for even suggesting such a thing.

  “What’s the big deal, Jackie?” Remy hissed at me. “It’s not like you haven’t shown them to anyone else. Hell, you’ve shown them to Luc and to Noah and to Zane—and I bet even Ethan has seen them.”

  A flush of shame crossed my face. Ethan had seen them. I kept my arms crossed over my chest protectively. “So what? That doesn’t make it any less gross.”

  “You will not touch her breasts,” Ethan said in a low, angry voice, looming over James’s much smaller form. “The succubus said no, and that is the final answer.”

  Remy rolled her eyes and stepped forward. “Look, I’m sure we can figure things out if we’re all reasonable,” she said in a soothing voice. “What about a quick grab? Over the clothing, no nipple. I think that’s perfectly acceptable, don’t you, Jackie?”

  I gave her a horrified look. “No!”

  “I want under the clothing,” James bargained. “No nipple.” He gestured with his hand. “Unless she wants to throw a little something special my way.”

  “I sat in your lap, but that is it,” I ground out.

  “Fine,” he said, turning away from us again. “Let the vampire keep the halo. See if I care. I’ll be down here in my basement with my djed and my books.”

  Remy gave an irritated sigh, then moved back to James’s side, putting her arm around his shoulders. “James, dear. Let’s compromise. We need that staff, which means we need your djed. Jackie doesn’t have time to go out and sacrifice an animal on her own.” She gave me a warning look.

  “That’s right,” I echoed. “No time. Very busy.”

  “How about,” she said in a low coo, “you make us that nice djed thing with whatever you have laying around, and I let you touch my breasts instead.”

  “Remiza!” Ethan sounded scandalized.

  I kicked him. “Let her show them if she wants to!”

  James still looked unconvinced. “I like the redhead. I’ve seen your boobs on the television before—”

  “I’ll throw in a motorboat,” she coaxed.

  Frowning, Ethan leaned down to me. “What is a motorboat, Jackie Brighton?”

  “It’s where he sticks his face between her boobs and rubs it all around,” I replied. That was not going to go over well with the Boy Scout. “Ethan, maybe you should leave—”

  “A motorboat for a djed,” James declared triumphantly. He rubbed his arthritic, wrinkled hands together. “You have yourself a deal!”

  “Super!” Remy reached for the hem of her shirt and began to tug it upward.

  “I’m leaving,” said Ethan in a disgusted voice.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  By the time we hit the highway on the way back to Remy’s house, my eyes were a brilliant blue. Judging by the looks Remy was giving Ethan, she had a plan to fix her Itch.

  I, on the other hand, did not have any plans for my Itch, and it would be returning all too soon. After all, I’d been used and abused by both of my boyfriends and was now flying solo.

  Maybe I’d starve for a few days. Punish myself as well as my body. Served me right for being gullible enough to fall for their stupid lies.

  The car hit a speed bump, causing a surge of pleasure to course through my lower body. Damn. I must have been thinking about the Itch too much—thinking about it made it show up. I clamped my legs tightly together and bit my lip, determined to ignore the sensation. Maybe it was back so fast because I was still healing.

  “Oooh, that felt good,” Remy said, glancing over at me with a grin. “Want me to turn around and go over it again?”

  “No,” I gritted. “Let’s just go home.”

  “You’re in a cranky mood.”

  “I’m still pissed at Noah and Zane. So get used to the cranky, because it’s probably going to be around for a few days.”

  She said, “You need to do what I do, my friend. Hakuna matata.”

  “I can’t believe you’re spouting advice from The Lion King.” Actually, I could. That was even worse.

  “What I’m saying is, don’t let the bad crap bother you. Put it in storage to think about some other time. Like, three weeks from never.”

  “I can’t just shut it off, Remy,” I said in a tired voice. “And I can’t stop thinking about the Itch, either.”

  She glanced in the rearview mirror at Ethan. “I hear you,” she said in a purring voice. “Neither can I.”

  “Remy,” I warned in a whisper, “he’s innocent. Don’t mess with him. That wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Oh pooh,” she said, swerving around a car at a stop sign. “He’s a good guy, and he’s big and handsome. Best of all, he can’t command you like the last two men you were with. So his drawbacks? Very small in comparison to the very, very large parts of him, if you know what I mean.”

  I flushed. “Don’t be sick.”

  “I’m just saying.” She cut around another car and nearly hit a parked one with her swerve. “You know why I love humans? Because they can’t control me. And you know why I love the average human man? Because when he gets an amazing roll in the sack, he is grateful for it. He adores me for it. An immortal thinks he has rights to my body, or that he owns me. And I’m a little tired of being owned by people. That’s why I like human dick instead of immortal dick.”

  I could see her point. “But we’re not talking about my love life, Remy. We’re talking about you and Ethan.”

  “I know. And he’s a perfect blend of both worlds—he’s hot, young, fierce, and has no power over either one of us, so he’s safe.” She pulled into the driveway with a screech. “I’m just saying … if we asked, I’d bet he’d be happy to be the meat in a succubus sandwich.”

  Oh God, that sounded really hot. “Passing on all sandwiches!”

  Ethan leaned forward. “Do you require a sandwich? Would you like for me to prepare one for you?”

  “No!” I blurted. “Not hungry!”

  Remy gave him a sly smile. “I think she likes being the meat, not the bun.”

  He shook his head. “I do not understand you.”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to know, Ethan,” I retorted.

  “Maybe he does,” Remy purred.

  I jerked my seat belt off, escaping out the door. I didn’t really want to hear any more innuendo from Remy—it was making my blood pound in my veins
. And poor Ethan—he was free to do what he wanted, but I wondered if Remy would come on a bit too strong for him. I supposed he had to learn about women at some point. And it’d be a favor to her, which he’d get off on, as well.

  Win-win situation for them. Too bad I wasn’t as casual about jumping into bed with another man. I wanted Zane. And Noah. Preferably together. But that was just the Itch talking; I was still mad at both of them.

  And I was even more hurt than mad.

  I sighed as I walked up the driveway to Remy’s house. Still jittery with the Itch and distracted by thoughts of Zane and Noah, it was difficult to compose my thoughts. Focus. Focus. Remy’s giggles floated through the air, and I winced, picturing her seducing Ethan over the hood of the car. Didn’t want to think about that. Ugh. Pushing the door open, I stepped over the threshold and stripped off my extra turtleneck.

  Noah was waiting inside the house.

  He stood up from the couch at the sight of me. He wore a suit like he normally did on weekdays, with the collar open and loose, displaying a tanned chest, and his golden blond hair brushed against his collar. His beautiful forehead was creased with worry lines that smoothed as his gaze roamed over me, making sure that I was well.

  I stopped at the sight of him. Blood coursed through me, hot and thick with need. I licked my suddenly dry lips. “How did you get in?”

  He gestured at the door. “Remy’s wards are broken. Feels like they have been for some time. I let myself in. The door was unlocked.” He looked at me with eyes the pale silver of a satisfied immortal.

  That irritated me—he didn’t need sex for another three and a half weeks. I needed it in the next day or so. I hated him for that, too. “I don’t want to see you. I’m still mad at you.”

  “Jackie,” he began, moving toward me.

  I put a hand up to block him. “No. I told you I don’t want to see you. Why can’t you respect that?”

  “Because you’re not giving me a chance,” he said, anger edging his voice. “I didn’t choose to turn you. Zane did. Why are you blaming me?”