What About Charlie?

by Haley Michelle Howard

  Normal things, things that she’d always taken for granted, were now out of reach. She couldn’t do anything that would cause her hip to bend greater than ninety degrees. That meant no baths (only showers). No squatting, bending, lifting, reaching. Simple things a person would do without even thinking, like shaving legs or tying shoes, were now off limits. It was mentally demoralizing to be so helpless and dependant on others.

  To Evan’s credit, he purchased every kind of assistive device he could find to help her. He’d gotten her a reacher to pick up items she was unable to reach. He’d gotten her a special shower chair, though she still wouldn’t be able to shave her legs since she wasn’t supposed to stoop over. Thank goodness Amy had volunteered to help her with that until she could do it herself! And Mrs. Turner, Evan’s part-time housekeeper, was now full-time. She cooked, cleaned, and, most of all, helped Charlie. She was wonderful and did a great deal to help her.

  Evan was doing his best to make sure she was settled and secure. For that she was grateful and indebted. He had sacrificed a great deal for her, more than anyone should have, and she was determined that he not regret it.

  When he first brought her home from the hospital, she was surprised to see everything she needed in his townhouse. He’d moved out of his ground floor bedroom and let her have it so she wouldn’t have to climb the stairs. He now slept on the couch. To her it was kind of silly to do that since there was a perfectly good bed upstairs to sleep in. But he insisted saying he wanted to be near her in case she needed anything. So, she let it drop. It was his choice.

  Though she was safe and secure in Evan’s home, she still felt very uneasy about the whole situation. Marriage to Evan was such a huge step. The small wedding they’d planned was only three days away. Three days away from being tied to each other forever.

  Initially, they’d planned to have only Alan, his wife and Amy present, but then Evan’s parents had insisted upon coming too, saying they had to see their oldest child marry. They were due to arrive this afternoon.

  Since being out of the hospital, she’d talked to Evan’s mother several times over the telephone. It was evident Mrs. Collier was ecstatic about their marriage. Though Evan never said, Charlie had the distinct feeling that he did not tell his parents the real reason why they were marrying. His mother believed they were in love. She was expecting grandchildren (mentioning it no less than twice a conversation). Charlie didn’t know if she liked the idea of his mother being under such a false impression. But what was the alternative? Having them know the truth and actually see how pathetic and dependant she was? How Evan was sacrificing his life for her? It wasn’t a pleasant thought, and it saddened her that her wish for Evan’s love might never be realized.

  But she was determined to make the best of the situation and be a good wife to him. Perhaps he would grow to love her. She could only hope.

  ****

  Charlie was a nervous wreck by the time Evan’s parents arrived. She had hoped that Evan would pick them up from the airport and act as a buffer of sorts when they arrived at his home, but he had gotten tied up at work so his parents had decided to get a rental car and stop by the house before they went on to their hotel. She hoped Evan would somehow make it back before they arrived.

  Honestly, she had no earthly idea what she was going to say to them. The whole situation was far from ideal. She didn’t want to talk about her accident or her recovery. She lived with it every day and didn’t want to waste any more time than necessary dwelling on it.

  Nor did she want to talk about their wedding. She had very real concerns about this marriage and its viability. How could it survive whey they were marrying for all the wrong reasons? And how could she act all happy and excited about it when she knew in her heart it was all wrong?

  Charlie wore a light brown sweater and black pleated pants, and her golden curls were swept up on either side of her face with combs. Hoping to give a good first impression, she had dressed carefully and conservatively, deliberately dressing early and situating herself into a chair in the living room well before they arrived. She was reluctant about letting them see her using her walker. She wanted them to see her as a whole woman, a woman who had a lot to offer their son, not someone who couldn’t even walk without an assistive device.

  Charlie pasted a smile on her face as Mrs. Turner showed Evan’s parents into the living room. Holding on to her walker beside her chair, Charlie stood, pasting a smile on her face.

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Collier, Mrs. Collier.”

  Evan’s mother came up to her and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “It’s so good to see you again, Charlie.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Mrs. Collier.” She looked at Evan’s father, including him. “I want to thank you for the lovely flowers you sent me while I was in the hospital. They brightened my spirits as well as my room.”

  “That was the least we could do. I wanted to fly straight out here when I heard of your accident, but Evan assured me there was nothing I could do. I’m so glad you weren’t injured any worse than you were.”

  Charlie felt her smile start to slip and forced it back in place. She did not want to be talking about this. “Me too.”

  “Would either of you like anything to drink? Eat?”

  “We’re fine,” Evan’s father replied, smiling, his rather austere face instantly turning warm. “We had refreshments during the flight.”

  Charlie motioned toward the sofa. “Please have a seat them.”

  Charlie made small talk with them, carefully guiding the conversation away from her injury and upcoming marriage. They talked about Evan’s work, the weather, even sports. After several minutes, Charlie was greatly relieved to see Evan walk in the door.

  They had a quiet but subdued dinner. Charlie felt uncomfortable, like there was some underlying tension between Evan and his father. Several times she caught his father’s keen eyes on her, watching her, assessing her, making her feel slightly uncomfortable.

  ****

  Not soon enough for Charlie, the meal was over. When Evan and his father retired to the study, Charlie longingly watched them go. She wished Evan had stayed with her. She needed him with her right now.

  “Would you like some brandy, father?”

  His father nodded. “I was hoping you’d have some.”

  Evan poured a glass for his father as well as himself. “I occasionally have a drink.”

  Handing a glass of the amber liquid to his father, Evan sat across from him in one of the wingback chairs situated in front of the warm stone fireplace.

  They sat in silence for several minutes. Evan nursed his brandy, studying the liquid, glancing at his father, studying the red and blue flames in the fireplace, glancing at his father again. He was getting impatient. He knew his father; he had something on his mind. He was a very contemplative man, rarely rushing to judgment before he spoke, always observing before saying what was on his mind. Not unlike himself, Evan thought wryly.

  “Your mother is excited about the wedding.”

  Ah, here it comes. Evan nodded. “She’s been wanting to see me married for a long time.”

  His father’s eyes caught his. “Yes. She wants you to be happy and produce some grandchildren.” Taking a sip of his brandy, he continued, “You don’t have to marry her, Evan. Just help her financially.”

  Despite his sudden anger, he kept his features even, unreadable. “I want to marry her.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “I’m marrying her, aren’t I?”

  His father studied him. “You didn’t answer my question, which can mean one of two things. Either you’re angry with my questioning and won’t dignify my question with an answer or you honestly don’t know if you love her. But I suspect you do love her. If you didn’t you’d tell me.”

  “Would I?”

  “You’re telling me how you feel right now without saying a word. You forget or perhaps don’t realize that we are very much alike, Evan. I see myself in you,
the same facial expressions, the same habits. When I look at you, I see myself when I was your age.

  “I was a lot like you when I met your mother – wealthy from family money, a successful doctor. I was miserable. I didn’t trust women. They’re a cunning lot. Then I met your mother and everything changed. Though even after I married her, I couldn’t say I loved her. All I knew was that your mother was a bright light in my otherwise dark world. She made me happy, still does. Though it took me some time, I finally realized and admitted to myself that I was wholeheartedly in love with her. It scared me half to death, entrusting someone with my heart.”

  His father’s words faded away. Evan gazed silently into the fire, surprised and touched by the very personal experience his father had shared with him.

  “Charlie makes me happy. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s lively and vivacious, warm and caring. She doesn’t look at me and see a gravy train. She truly cares for me as I care for her.”

  “Does she love you?”

  “At one time she told me she did, but I don’t know about now. At one point, she was convinced I was ashamed of her, though nothing could be farthest from the truth. How she feels now, I don’t know.”

  “She still cares for you deeply. I can see it in her eyes.”

  Evan nodded, hoping to God his father was right. “We’re good friends. We’ll make this work.”

  “Friendship is a good foundation, but you have to have much more than that. Love. Trust. Respect. It all has to be there. We want you to be happy, Evan.”

  “I will. We will.” He then smiled, feeling closer to his father than he ever had before.

  Chapter 17

  Their wedding ceremony was small, simple, and lovely.

  It would have been perfect if only for one thing. If they had been in love.

  Initially, a simple ceremony to take place on Alan’s sun porch had been planned. However, Evan’s mother had different ideas.

  “Evan,” she told him over the phone from her hotel room the morning after they arrived from Boston, “you have to have something special. I’m sure Alan’s home is lovely, but having your wedding there just won’t do. This is a once in a lifetime event, an event that will tie you and Charlie together forever. Besides,” she added, “a bride needs flowers, a dress, music in the background. Charlie’s needs to have that. Let me plan something for you. It will be my gift to both of you.”

  Evan, at first, was miffed, resenting his mother’s meddling. But, with the mention of Charlie, his anger had turned into concern. He hadn’t thought that perhaps she needed something more than they had planned. Did she need a proper ceremony? A white dress? Flowers?

  Putting his mother off, telling he’d call her back, he went in search of Charlie, going into his bedroom – her bedroom now.

  Charlie eyes widened with surprised when he opened the door. She sat on the edge of the bed, a bra in one hand, her arm hastily covering her creamy breasts.

  Evan stopped in mid stride. “I’m sorry. I should have knocked.”

  “Yes, you should have.”

  He moved to turn to leave the room. “I’ll wait in the living room until you’re finished dressing.”

  She sighed dejectedly. “It might take me all day before I’m dressed.”

  Evan frowned. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have given Mrs. Turner the morning off.”

  Charlie shook her head. “She needed the time off, Evan.” Her eyes saddened. “The simplest things, things that I once did without thinking, are now such a huge chore. It’s so frustrating.”

  In three steps, he was kneeling down beside her. Gently tilting her chin up with his fingers, he said, “It will take time before you can get back to normal. It will take hard work, but you will, Charlie. Don’t forget that.”

  She looked unconvinced.

  He squeezed her hand, taking in her bare shoulders, the swell of her creamy breasts hidden behind her arm. Would he be able to handle it? He loved her breasts. “Let me help you dress,” he said gently, moving his eyes from her chest to her face.

  Her eyes widened with shock or was it fear? He couldn’t be certain. Did she know she was driving him crazy?

  She looked away from him, seemingly unaware of his reaction to her. “You’ve done enough already, too much. You don’t need to trouble yourself with this.”

  “I want to, Charlie. I want to help you. Please let me do so.” And it was true. He wanted so badly to help her do this. And it wasn’t because he was lusting after her. Being able to do this meant a great deal to him.

  “Evan, I feel so weak and helpless.” Despair filled her words.

  All the lustful thoughts left his mind, instantly replaced with concern for Charlie. “That’s a common emotion. You just have to remember it will get better. It will take time.”

  When she still looked unconvinced, he cupped her cheek and smiled, feeling a jolt of awareness as his fingertips rested against her soft skin. “You know what I’d love to see right now?”

  She shook her head.

  He tilted his head to the side. “One of your lovely smiles. They always brighten my day.”

  Charlie couldn’t help but smile at his kind words. But she had to remember they were words of a friend, not from someone who loved her. Words to make her feel better, words that weren’t necessarily true. She had to remember that.

  “Thank you, Evan.”

  Glancing away from her face, her bare shoulders caught his eye. “Uh, Charlie,” he said uncomfortably, “would you like me to get you a shirt?”

  Charlie’s cheeks turned red as if just realizing only her arm covered her breasts.

  “I can put on this shirt.” She picked up a yellow t-shirt lying beside her on the bed.

  Without waiting for her to ask, Evan obligingly stood and turned around. It was crazy, he thought. He’s had sex with her he would be marrying her in only a few days and he was turning around to allow her to dress. Asinine.

  “My shirt’s on.”

  He turned back around, relieved that his anatomy was no longer hard.

  “Charlie, what I wanted to talk to you about is the wedding. My mother wants to give us our wedding as a gift to us.”

  She was at a loss of words for a few moments. “But what about our plans? Besides, there isn’t enough time.”

  He sat down beside her. “This is something that’s important to both of us, Charlie. Something that will bind us together before God and man and to each other. She wants to give us something nice, give us some nice memories. Mother can get a lot accomplished in a few day’s time. It’s up to you.”

  “What do you think?” Charlie asked uncertainly.

  “Let her do it.” But, seeing the pensive look on her face he added, “We don’t have to change any of our plans, if you’re satisfied with how they are. This is your day. The decision is entirely yours.”

  “Your mother really wants to do it?”

  “Yes. She’s so excited about this.”

  Charlie nodded, feeling as if another portion of her life was slipping beyond her control.

  Evan searched her eyes, wondering if he should have ever brought up the subject. Perhaps he should have told his mother no in the first place.

  His eyes slipped down to her lips, a sudden longing surging through him to taste them. It had been so long since he’d done so. He felt his body tightening, his mouth becoming dry.

  “Charlie,” he whispered, his eyes once again searching hers. “I need to kiss you.”

  Without waiting for her reply, he lightly touched her warm lips with his. Charlie stiffened, then relaxed as Evan’s lips expertly moved across hers, gently tasting her sweetness and feeling the warmth of her mouth.

  Charlie brought up her hand and rested it on his shoulder, reveling in his warmth, his strength, the clean, bold smell of his aftershave.

  Evan felt as if he were teetering on the edge. Oh how he wanted her! How he needed her in the most physical of ways! As the kiss progressed, he felt his co
ntrol slip millimeter by millimeter. They were going down a path that, before too long, they wouldn’t be able to turn back. He had to stop. It was too soon.

  Regretfully, he lifted his lips from hers and moved away from her, standing to put some much needed distanced between them.

  Charlie’s passion glazed eyes filled with confusion. “What…? Why…?”

  “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean for it to go so far,” he apologized, disgusted with himself. He ran his hand through his hair. Why did he even kiss her? He knew full well she wouldn’t be able to have sex for at least another six weeks. The desires that he’d thought he’d put on ice had now come roaring back hitting him like a freight train.

  Seeing the look of disgust cross his face, she looked away from him and called herself a fool. She felt cheap and dirty. She once again felt beneath him.

  “Please go, Evan.”

  ****

  Now Charlie stood beside Evan, her shaking hand resting in the crook of his arm. Apprehension, doubt, fear raced through her mind. Was she doing the right thing? Would they be happy? Did they have a chance?

  Glancing to her left, Amy stood, a tentative smile on her lips. To her right Evan stood stiff as a board, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. Just beyond him, his brother Michael stood fidgeting with his hand in his left pocket. Probably fingering the ring.

  Sitting behind them were Evan’s parents and Alan and his wife.