Guarded

by Sabrina Kade

  I shake my head. “Sorry.”

  He sits up in bed and stretches his arms above his head, pushing out his amazing rock hard chest before he lowers his arms and turns back to me. And his eyes widen, immediately touching his face. “I didn’t put the mask back on.”

  “You didn’t.”

  He dips his head and brushes his lips against mine, and it’s not to smile at his attempt to kiss me. He’s learning quickly, and I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before I’m begging him day and night to kiss me, hold me tight, and dip his fingers into my folds. There’s so much of him to want, and I’m excited because I’ll never have enough.

  Curling his fingers through my hair, he continues to press his lips against mine, and I moan, enjoying every gentle moment of his attention.

  “You are not frightened?” he asks, pulling away.

  “Of what?” My eyes grow hooded, and instinctively, Azan reaches for his mask. I don’t stop him, though I am saddened his beautiful lips will be hidden.

  “Of me.”

  I frown. “Azan, you’re still the same person you were last night with the mask on.”

  “I am poison.”

  Oh no. Has the honeymoon period already come to an end? Is Azan returning back to his normal, paranoid self? No. I won’t allow it. I take his face in my hands and kiss the fabric his mouth is. I brush the tip of my tongue around his fangs and trace the outline of his full lips.

  “I asked you to show me, Azan. And remember? You wanted to show me. You wanted me to see. And I have. I am not going to change my mind.”

  He swallows hard. “Change your mind? About what?”

  “About you.”

  His eyes crinkle in the corner with a careful smile. I can’t help but feel as though I am bringing this handsome man to life. He’s alive, but I fear this is the first time he’s truly understood what it means to truly live. He should be able to feel my passion for him, not only in my eyes but in-between my thighs as well. He can’t lie to himself anymore. He can’t punish himself for things that cannot be changed. If he wants me to kiss him while wearing the mask, I have no problem doing that because I know what secret lies beneath.

  Nothing can change the way I feel. He may have only started watching me because of my reputation, but he wants me because of it too.

  “York. I have Chosen you,” Azan says in a low rumble. “You must also know, I will never be upset with you if you should leave me for another male.”

  My hands jerk, holding his face, and I tilt my head to the side.

  “I would never leave you, idiot.” I can’t help snarling a bit. “Didn’t you hear what Korben said? If we want to stay—”

  “That is not what I mean, though I will certainly talk to Prince Korben today and let him know I may have a Chosen.”

  “You do have one!” I lower my hands, placing them on my lap. “Azan, I know about your fangs. I know about the poison. What else do you need from me before you believe how much I want you?”

  He arches an eyebrow, challenging. “You know I will never be able to pleasure you with my mouth.”

  Does he think I’m so shallow? He kissed me last night. That’s all I wanted. Does he really think I care that he can’t go down on me?

  “I know things like this are important to humans—”

  “Don’t talk to me about what’s important.” I’m starting to lose my temper again. “We kissed. You wear the caps. It’s fine. I’m not worried.”

  “There will always be a chance I could hurt you. I could slip up. I could make a mistake.”

  “We’ll deal with it.”

  His frown deepens. “If by some amazing fortune you were to stay with me and I could give you a sprog, I could pass my problem on to him. Or her. Are you still alright?”

  This catches me off guard.

  “Huh?” We’re talking about kids already?

  He stands from the bed and stalks over to the corner, crossing his arms. I can’t tell if he’s trying to intimidate me or if he simply needs space to think, but his words resonate more deeply than I want them to. I’m not stupid. I know what sprogs are, and there’s a possibility for me to carry a Sidyth child. But honestly, I hadn’t considered Azan passing his ‘problem’ to a baby. I don’t know why, but this gives me pause.

  “I am sure human and Sidyth women are similar in that they use the breast to feed the sprog,” Azan continues. He doesn’t meet my gaze. “I also know it’s probably too soon to talk about such things – as it would be such an honor I could not even imagine it – but I have to say it. I wouldn’t feel right unless I told you everything you should be worried about before you decide to choose me as your mate.”

  I lick my lips, still thinking this over. I’m a thinker. It’s what I do. “And what? I carry your child. It has what you have. What…” I swallow hard, “… what happens then?”

  “It could bite you while in the womb.”

  “Babies don’t have teeth.”

  “There’s no guarantee poison couldn’t be passed in other ways.”

  “Your mom handled it. I can too.”

  “You’re human. There’s no guarantee. If the sprog were to pass poison while inside of you, it may kill you. Even if it were to make it to birth, you would not be able to feed it properly. It would be shameful. Mama had to deal with the shame after I was born. A child who is not fed by breast is a child that should not be left to live in this world.”

  I storm over to Azan. “I thought humans were supposed to be the primitive ones! That’s fucking backwoods shit right there.”

  “Though I do not understand backwoods, I believe I understand the sentiment. You must understand, York. I heard it all my life. It is true, after all. I do not want you to resent me if I were to one day have the privilege of giving you a sprog only to pass my disease.”

  I take in his words, still shocked by the terrible things Azan’s said. A kid who isn’t breastfed shouldn’t be allowed to live? Damn, and I thought humans were assholes about breastfeeding. This reaches a whole new level. No wonder Azan’s so sensitive. Despite being seven feet tall, he’s been broken down by a loved one. Despite looking so strong, his heart is weak.

  Now that I have him, I won’t let him feel anything less than invincible.

  Still, I’m not sure I’m ready to die carrying a kid.

  “Hey.” I keep my voice low, so he doesn’t retreat any further into his worries. “I’m right here, right now, and I’m not going anywhere. We just hooked up. We don’t have to plan our retirement yet.”

  “I Chose you.”

  “That still doesn’t mean we have to start thinking about having kids tomorrow.” I narrow my eyes. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

  “Bridge?”

  “Another human saying.”

  Azan’s eyebrows pinched together. “Do you not want children?”

  I rub the back of my neck. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with ever having kids. When I signed up for this line of work, I assumed being a mom was off the table. Plus, I’m only twenty-one. I never imagined being one of those hot young moms, dropping kids off at a daycare in tight yoga pants, and rocking a flat stomach. Another thought crosses my mind, though. One where Azan holds a child up to his fanged face and nuzzles his or her nose. He smiles at me, grateful for giving him the family he’s only dreamed about for so long.

  I want to see that. Maybe not today but one day.

  “We’ll tackle that road when we get there, Azan.”

  “I do not plan to spar pavement, but I don’t ever want you to think you are trapped with me, York.” He lowers his head. “Mama did not know she would carry a poisonous child. You are lucky enough to know what you are getting yourself into.”

  “I don’t want to leave.” I think about punching him in the face again, but my hand still stings from my first attempt. “Stop asking me that.” Doesn’t he understand? Despite my worries, he’s the one I want. There’s nothing to debate. I’m not going t
o change my mind, but I’m not going to keep screaming over and over that I want to be with him. Azan needs to know I’ll love him and be with him no matter what else he tries to throw at me.

  Ugh, did I say love? It should be too soon, but it’s not.

  I love him.

  And as annoying as it is, I’m going to have to spend most of my time convincing Azan I’m not going to leave. I don’t mind. Confidence is brewing in him, despite his worries. He’s starting to change. Removing his mask and kissing me has shown that much. I still remember how hard I came last night from his scaled fingers alone. I’m already getting hot and bothered thinking about it, and Azan must notice because his arms uncross, and he stares down hard at my skirt.

  Whoops.

  “You are aroused again.” There’s a hint of a smile in his voice.

  “Sorry, I was uh… thinking about last night.”

  There it is again. Confidence. “I did not know human women could experience pleasure so easily.”

  “They can’t,” I say with a smirk. “It’s something only you can do for me.”

  He cocks his head to the side, and it’s one of the most adorable sights I’ve ever seen.

  “Is this an invitation for me to pleasure you again?”

  I moan at the thought, but I also don’t like the idea of convincing myself that I love someone I haven’t spoken that much to. I need to know more about him. I want to know everything about him, even if I have to dig up the cruelties hidden in his past. I already don’t like hearing about his mama, but if I’m going to one day (and that’s still a very big ‘if’) carry his offspring, I think I should know a little more than how quickly he can make me come.

  I move away and can’t help but smile knowing Azan’s watching my ass move in my tiny skirt. I’m a white girl with small tits, but no one’s ever complained about my ass. For some reason, I’ve been naturally endowed with a curvy, tight little thing, and I’m sure Azan’s noticed this, and not for the first time. It only takes a moment before he’s back on the bed, ready to fuck me with those incredible scaled fingers.

  It’s tempting as hell.

  “First,” I mutter, not wanting to lose focus. “Tell me about you.”

  “About me?” He frowns. “What do you want to know?”

  I shrug. “Anything. Everything. Your choice.”

  Azan’s frown deepens, and he pulls away slightly on the bed, and whatever hard-on is spiking in his pants, surely is going back down.

  “I’m one of the only ones here who doesn’t mind the rain, so that makes me very important for deliveries. If the ship arrives and it’s pouring, I’m one of the only ones who can go out to retrieve items Korben’s had shipped. His Highness is everything—”

  “So why didn’t anyone come when we were delivered?” I remember how the Todas guided us here, and how nervous we were when no one picked us up.

  “You arrived early. We were not prepared.”

  I hum thoughtfully. “Deliveries, you said?” He nods. “Even though you’re in exile, you can still have items brought here?” Another nod. “That’s not too bad of a sentence. You know, other than having to buy humans for mates.”

  Azan’s eyes slip towards mine. “There are worse things.”

  I can’t help but blush. “So how often does it rain here? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  “You can ask me anything. I am yours now.” My blush deepens. “It rains many days; this is one of the rainiest planets in our system.” He shrugs. “It is one of the reasons Korben’s father wanted us sent to Hethdiss. He knew most of us would be miserable and burrow into the earth.” He shakes his head. “When we first arrived, it took many months of digging to create the lairs. Most of us were miserable. I did not speak to Hujun for weeks when there was a collapse due to his laziness.”

  “Wait. You guys built all of these? They weren’t here to start?” I’m stunned, barely able to process so much work in such a short amount of time. The idea that so many Sidyths were dumped on a rainy planet with nowhere to live… and I remember Blythe saying the males were wealthy or well-to-do back home. All that manual labor must have been terrible, monsters or not.

  “As I said, it took many months, and it rained almost every day.” He shudders. “I did not mind so much, but many of my brothers were angry. Some—” he stops himself short, deciding not to continue.

  Plus, my mind’s still reeling. It’s hard to imagine being sent away from home and told we’ll have to find a way to survive. Azan said it took months to create the lairs, and I can’t fathom digging into the ground for a day, let alone for months. It’s so hard to imagine doing so much work in rainy weather. I love the rain, but I wouldn’t want to build a home for the nineteen other girls.

  “Geezus,” I mutter. “I’m surprised most of you aren’t dead after so much work.”

  “Some of us did die.” Azan doesn’t say anything else about that. “Luckily, it did not take too long for Korben to establish some connections, so deliveries could be made. Korben’s father – for all his cruelty towards women – truly does not want his eldest son to die out here. Prince Korben still has access to all his funding, and I’m sure if his father did not want deliveries coming to this planet then they would not.”

  “So, all the stuff in the food preparation area,” I mutter. “All the beds and pillows. Curtains, and the sun rayers—”

  “All from Prince Korben’s Galactal account. He has been very kind to us. The rest of our assets have been frozen. I do not have a percentage of the money Prince Korben has, but I also do not have access to it. I suppose Prince Korben’s father wants him to deplete all his assets. Or he simply hopes the rest of us will die, and he can bring him home with a clear conscience.”

  “That’s complete and utter bull.”

  Azan smirks.

  It’s the most I’ve ever heard him say, and it’s downright helpful to have some information. Fucking Blythe. She was with Korben for over a week, and she knew next to nothing about what the hell was going on here. I beam to myself, excited to tell some of the others about why we’re not exactly living in our own shit here. Although I am angrier than ever with Sidyths. Particularly, Korben’s daddy.

  “So, can I ask about you?”

  Azan shifts, turning to look at me. “What do you want to know?” His voice turns colder.

  “Uh, about your family?”

  “Korben and Hujun? His Highness saved me—”

  “No… I… uh… your family back home.” I’m sure I’m not imagining it, but Azan’s shutting down a bit.

  “They do not view me as family anymore.” He shrugs, but I can tell it bothers him. “Mama and Papa have said Dolan will be welcome back, but if I were able to return home, I have already been told I am not welcome.”

  “What? Why?” I can’t hide the disgust in my voice.

  His expression contorts.

  Fuck. Not again. The mask? The fangs? The poison?

  Really?

  I can’t help but snort.

  “Your people are worse than I ever imagined.” He flinches, and I quickly amend my statement. “Present company excluded, of course.”

  “Of course.”

  I frown, allowing this bit of information to ruminate. It’s no wonder Azan wants a family so badly. He probably looked at others and wanted what they had growing up. I have horrible images of Azan being shunned by his parents simply for being alive and not able to get a mate. I imagine him being exiled, and his parents hugging Dolan but sneering at Azan, happy to be rid of him. His parents sound so awful, it wouldn’t surprise me if they wanted him exiled, so they wouldn’t have to deal with him.

  More than ever, I want to give him everything he’s ever wanted.

  I want to give him children. As many as it takes until he feels he has no more love left inside of him.

  I want his children to be in love with him, just like I am because he deserves nothing less.

  “Can I ask another question?” I ask softly, hoping no
t to offend him, but there is something bothering me.

  “I told you. You can ask me anything you’d like.”

  “Is it a coincidence there are only men here? Were you the only ones exiled?”

  “No. Women were sent to another planet.”

  “With no men?” I reason.

  “Exactly,” Azan says before shuddering. “And no prince. No connections. No money. No nothing.”

  “They were there sent to die?” I blanch at the thought of it.

  “One of Prince Korben’s deliverers said they all died out within the first year.”

  Sidyth women are cruel, but no one deserves to die like that; dropped on a deserted planet with no food or water or the chance to have it delivered.

  “Damn,” I mutter. “How can someone do something so cruel?”

  Azan shrugs. “It’s not as though Sidyth women are kind. They murdered fifteen of my brothers before they were boarded onto the autopiloting vessel for their exile.”

  “Damn. Your women are strong, aren’t they?”

  “They are physically strong, yes.” Another shrug. “But they are not kind.” He turns his attention towards me. “I prefer a combination of the two.”

  “Physically strong and not kind?”

  “I misspoke. I prefer a woman who is both strong and kind. Like you.”

  I blush. How is this man real? If he lived on Earth, with humanoid features, of course, he would probably be one of the most desired men there. He’s tall and muscular. Strong and kind. Silent and sexy. He can cook. He wants to cook. He can make me come with a soft voice, and a hard thrust of his fingers. Plus, he wants a family. He wants a family because he didn’t get enough love from his family.

  My heart flutters. There’s no mistaking it. My feelings haven’t come too fast.

  If anything, loving him came too slowly.

  “I hope my words have not caused you pain,” Azan says, making sure I’m okay. “My story is not flowery or beautiful, but I do not want to lie to you.”

  “I wouldn’t want you to ever lie to me.”

  His eyes crinkle in the corner. “I had a feeling you would say something like that. Do you… do you have any regrets yet?”